[JimBobsCooters]

Time to cut the umbilical cord...

60 isn't that old and it sounds like she knows she will be fine without you if she's encouraging you. Let's be honest, something bad can happen whether you're there or not, you could live with her for the next 20 years and go on one holiday and that be when something happens. When it's time, it's time and worrying about that is just wasting breath on things you can't control.

Realistically you're using your mother as an excuse to not do something you want to do because it might not work out, it's the old fear of failure and/or the unknown. Remember, if something goes wrong your mother will be there waiting and ready to welcome you back with a big hug, she's not going to stop thinking the world of you because you chase your dreams and do something you want to do (and if she would, then all the more reason to do it...).

In this age it's easier than ever to stay in touch, honestly I grew closer to my mother once I moved out of home because we spent the time we had together far better and I've grown way closer to my dad since I left the country because for whatever reason being thousands of km away brings you closer than being within meeting distance.

[tomtud]

You'll grow as a person. Learning new cultures and places will make you IMHO a less boring person. Reminds of the scene when hugh grant in about a boy was talking to Rachel weisz and she said he was blank. You're gonna have things to talk about when you visit home and even on dates.
Besides, depends which gig you find overseas they may pay for your yearly flights and housing like they do for international teachers. Not esl but regular classroom teachers. If you have a property while living free overseas you can rent your property while paying 2 mortgage payments monthly (1 from renter and 1 from you) etc.

[UnW]

With time I'm sure she'll adapt to you not being around all the time

[BaatumMania]

I did it years ago. Not missing much except awkward family reunions and relatives pressuring me into buying gifts or going to events. Still get them begging me to come back but it's not worth the high taxes or even the expensive airfare to go visit (even with discounts the typical international airfare can pay for a month's rent or 2 months of food).


Didn't really anticipate younger I would be the "western male in Asia" stereotype (whether that's Georgia or Asia Asia) but that's just how the dice rolls.

[Soy Jooce]

Contemplating this as I cannot digest American culture anymore

[BaatumMania]

(11-21-2018 09:14 AM)Soy Jooce Wrote:  

Contemplating this as I cannot digest American culture anymore

Yeah the more time I spend in Asia the more I try to avoid socializing with Westerners. I feel where a lot of Asian countries are right now is what USA culture was like pre-1980? I'm only guessing because I wasn't an adult back then so I am relying on the nostalgia of baby boomers I've talked to.

Even in Asia I hadn't met a westerner I can associate with. In Korea I tried some Facebook events and even in person meeting but the white foreigners there were almost always drug-obsessed SJWs. Why would weird western liberals choose to live in East Asia's most socially conservative country? It's just weird but I guess that's also true for white people in places like India. Think of all the weird white hippies who go to India when most Indians are extremely conservative people (even more so than bible thumpers in the states). Something about Asia which just attracts the retards or something.


I find Asian people are generally nicer and their values seem to resonate with me (I don't want a traditional Christian life but I disagree with drug use, gender fluidity, feminism and the other weird SJW disease that is currently sweeping the west).

[Soy Jooce]

(11-21-2018 09:40 AM)BaatumMania Wrote:  

(11-21-2018 09:14 AM)Soy Jooce Wrote:  

Contemplating this as I cannot digest American culture anymore

Yeah the more time I spend in Asia the more I try to avoid socializing with Westerners. I feel where a lot of Asian countries are right now is what USA culture was like pre-1980? I'm only guessing because I wasn't an adult back then so I am relying on the nostalgia of baby boomers I've talked to.

Even in Asia I hadn't met a westerner I can associate with. In Korea I tried some Facebook events and even in person meeting but the white foreigners there were almost always drug-obsessed SJWs. Why would weird western liberals choose to live in East Asia's most socially conservative country? It's just weird but I guess that's also true for white people in places like India. Think of all the weird white hippies who go to India when most Indians are extremely conservative people (even more so than bible thumpers in the states). Something about Asia which just attracts the retards or something.


I find Asian people are generally nicer and their values seem to resonate with me (I don't want a traditional Christian life but I disagree with drug use, gender fluidity, feminism and the other weird SJW disease that is currently sweeping the west).

+1

I haven't been to Asia, but I have connected better with Asian FOBs in the US than white americans for sure.

[The Grey]

I did a few years ago and it was the right choice for me, no regrets.

Back home I was surrounded by wonderful family, great friends, safety, career opportunities. I won the lottery by being born where I was. But I felt like a caged animal. Everything was WAY too certain for my preference so your mind didn't need to be 'fully on' to survive. It goes limb and it felt truly horrible, I felt strangled - like I was choking. My mind needs to be turned on. Also, I disliked how my society was evolving and lots of important stuff were trending in the wrong direction.

Moving out abroad changed everything for me.

Here I have been facing thousands of small and large challenges. Surrounded by risk forced to constantly make decisions and essentially living life to the max. Sometimes I feel I have experienced full 15 years into a handful.

People here are dealing with more fundamental and what I consider real issues. Which turns them sharper and less soft like most people back home. I rather have a conversation with a man who climbed out of the gutter and made something of himself over a shallow dude who spends all awaken time on instagram and only talks about iphone models.

I have connected with tons of fantastic people, experienced more adventures than most and my life has been an amazing journey so far and I'm incredibly excited for the future.

It also led to me building and running my own business. When I meet people from home I hanged with in the past, they are all surprised how well I turned around. Myself 10 years ago, hell even 5 - would have killed for this life. And in turn, I see a lot of people struggling mentally due to society is getting fucked and how I saw this happening and avoided this. Lots of positives.

But it's not all gloom.

It is another package filled with upside and downside. The biggest downside is, which you have already highlighted OP - leaving your people. One thing that made a move relatively easy for me was that all people that matters to me were healthy and could take care of themselves.

It doesn't always stay that way.

Being away from my key people for prolonged periods and simply not being there for them during daily life and especially their key events is hard to deal with. You know what you are doing is the right thing for you personally and that is what matters.

But deep inside its painful to know someone close to you miss you and both of you miss out of your important events. You feel you fail some of them. Its a deep and great sorrow you need to live with it and handle. Most of the time its ok, but sometimes its hitting me real hard.

Moving abroad worked for me, because it was rooted in my core to do something like this. I have always made sure it would be worth it. And attacked anything that could have forced me move back with great force.

If that resonates with you, you might have a better answer to your question. I wish you luck in either choice you make.

[tomtud]

I was about 32 or so when I left my family and country to live in Qatar. Now this part of the Middle East is different as I wish you luck in making friends with the locals. 99% chance it ain't happening.

I was depressed in a sense and unhappy mostly from not having my gang, dealing with taxi drivers and such. After a while I found places to hang out, made expat friends and heck I'd even go back. It takes time to find fun and friends. It could be done. I spent money to feel good when I was there as well. Go to restaurants and the cinema alone. This part didn't bother me but I ended up walking around the mall several times doing laps per se just to kill boredom in the beginning. Takes time to figure things out.

Qatar does have a lot of good things. Likewise other countries or cities that you move to. Just give it time.

When I moved to Colombia it was a different song. No need to explain but making local friends and dating locals is possible etc etc etc.

When I returned to live in Canada it was like nothing changed. My friends still go to the same places and have no new interesting stories. Living away from your home gives you more character and life experience(s).

Again, each person is different. My advice is to read a lot of expat material online and watch videos. It's one thing to visit, another to live.

[[email protected]]

My situation was similar but my mother wasn't widowed. It works out financially but it comes at the cost of sacrificing being with your mother and yes she could die if she has a disease (in your case this isn't so). I think it's good for you to do it as long as you keep in contact with her via phone/Skype. I'm sure she wants the best outcome for you and that's not going to happen if you stay in your city

[NoMoreTO]

Great thread - lots of guys dealing with this issue.

I think that if there is a 'need' you should be able to be there, and be willing to sacrifice at that time.

I don't think that parents want to hold back their children from happiness, even though at times they have this sentiment.

I am in Colombia now and really family wise I am only worried about missing time with my mother if I stay.
- She is widowed, but has a good routine and family nearby. I call her.
- If I am happy, the relationship is actually improved in many ways, Still there is no replacement for time spent.
- Consider doing things for her that are concrete but can be done remotely. The list will be short as you can't fix the front step from Asia
- Make a plan to come home for a period of time. This alleviates a lot of the abandonment feeling, knowing you will be back on a certain date for a visit.
- I have lots of nieces and nephews, I consider how much more powerful the bond would be with my own kids
- I've got some great friends, but they all have lives, work, women, and families at my age (late 30s)
- When I look at the fat ugly wives of many of my friends, boring lifestyles .. I feel better
- When I look at how much happier I am on a daily basis, there really isn't anything more to talk about.

[Lime]

For me it won’t be worth it, living in Colombia or Thailand far from my family. Maybe Spain or Portugal as those are much closer. 4-6 months of travel and then back.

[MongolianAbroad]

With facebook messenger/free video calls, it's a lot easier. Before that, you really felt the distance.

But now, it's kind of like every video call resets things to having been gone only a day.

I mean not 100%, but it really does make a big difference, because if parents and siblings can see that you're safe and happy, that really does a lot to ameliorate things.

[nomadbrah]

(07-12-2017 08:09 PM)boss13 Wrote:  

I don't really have any other family I would miss if I moved abroad. I don't even talk to my brother or cousins anymore

Fix this before you go anywhere.

Trust me on this, it's far more important to have a good relationship with your family, than waiting a bit with jetting off abroad. Not enough is made of this and it's way more important to the travelling RVF type. If you leave for abroad for years, you'll lose a lot of friends, and then you'll be alone. You won't be alone in the strict sense, maybe you have a girlfriend, maybe new friends, but you won't have anyone who have been along for the ride from the beginning and that can feel very empty. This becomes much more important when, hopefully not for many years, your parents die. Then you're on your own existentially. That's a void you can only fill with people who knew them and people who know you from child to adult.

Of course, maybe your brother and cousins are horrible people, sociopaths and narcissists, in which case, don't bother, but they probably aren't.

Also, if you do go abroad, set off a budget, to return home every 3 months or so. Invite your mother, brother, cousins to join you abroad. Do everything in your power to stay connected.

You might wake up one day and suddenly your priorities do a 180. Then there's a lot of catching up to do.

Again, with the caveat that you of course shouldn't if family members do you harm or treat you badly.

[playeronecheck]

Living with your mom is very bad for you, she can take care of herself. I think she wants you to be happy and separate yourself.