[chitown72]

Hi Everyone,

I've been a lurker here since the beginning of the year. This forum has been refreshing in helping me get back into the dating scene again earlier this year after being out of it for over 15 years.

I'm not asking for any help or advice but just providing another story that could be seen as somewhat unique.

I'm 45yo and still married believe it or not with three kids and living at home. My wife is letting me relive my 20's again as part of my mid-life crisis. You can tell our situation is not very typical at all and I thank my wife for understanding and tolerating what I'm going through. Our relationship is still very much strong at this point. The more I read things here, the more fortunate I am to have her but this is something I need to do for myself and figure out where to go from here in life.

I don't want to write a book so here are the highlights:

- Luckily I married before the internet social media thing blew up. The only online dating back then was Match.com(year 2002). So you could say I lucked out.

- I've always naturally been mostly Alpha but didn't even realize it til I discovered the term here. So by that rationale, I guess I had it a bit more easy.

- I'm Asian but grew up in the states most of my life and dated mostly white girls. So I don't want to hear excuses on race although it is more difficult but not impossible.

- Not to sound cocky or anything but I might be classified in the top 25% of my looks, in my race at least. This I believe has helped me date one of the best looking girls in college and a few 9/10 gals afterwards.

- My wife is half Italian mixed with German/Polish and has held up very well. She could pass for early thirties like me. Even after 3 kids, she has been able to remain slim and is probably one of the most fit/slim girls in our suburb where I see most mom's all blown up or tired looking. I'm sure her European genes are helping in that dept.

- She is nothing of what everyone speaks of here. She lets me spend my money freely, go out any time, gets me a drink when I come home, have dinner ready by the time I get home, cooks, cleans, laundry, takes care of the kids, she lets me make the decisions and I am the boss in my household. She may not agree with everything or all of my opinions but she learns to coexist with them and not let it be the crutch of our relationship. For example, I voted for Trump. LOL. You can say I pretty much have it made.

So why am I here?
Well I always thought the mid-life crisis was a farce but I'm here to tell you it can be real for some people.

I realized at this age, I'm not getting any younger and I felt there was a huge hole left in me as I didn't get to date around very often in my 20's as much as I wanted to due to several long term relationships one after another and a career that kept me busy.

Essentially I didn't want to be 70,80yo and look back and regret not having done something. I realized that although I couldn't turn back time, I could put my self in a situation to date while I was still relatively young looking, making myself that much more marketable.

I don't tell others as I realize societal programming and such will have them scratching their heads on our unique situation. I don't know how long this will last but I'm glad to have done it with no regrets.

[chitown72]

Basically I guess I'm doing this to fill a hole which included ego boosting, validation that I can still get dates/bangs, variety, something new and fresh, to break out of my everyday routines, different perspectives, meet interesting people.

So far since Jan of 2017, I've been on close to 60 dates. I'm not sex hungry like some so some of those were merely to fulfill my social side and see/observe/learn from single gals of today.

My modest goal isn't the number of notches but to see if I can find someone I gel with but can have good sex with too. So far I'm at 1.5/month of repeatable sex with the same person without really trying.(Mainly spending 15-30min/day for online game since I'm married with kids). I don't get to go out as much since I still have father/husband/family man duties and the fact that all my other friends are in the same boat. This has only really given me opportunities to practice day game as I commute back and forth from work and during lunch when I go out. But even that seems a bit challenging at times as there are several married people where I work around.

I found that in today's dating atmoshpere it's fairly easy to get SNL or ONS but quite a bit harder to have them stick around for repeatable bangs(which I prefer). Where will all this take me? I don't know but I do know that I am filling that hole(literally, LOL).

[Exult]

You're self described happily married with three kids but at 45 you're having a mid life crisis, which you are handling by going out on multiple dates and banging other women, all with your wife's approval?

Do these women know you're married with kids?

[chitown72]

(06-23-2017 12:44 PM)Exult Wrote:  

You're self described happily married with three kids but at 45 you're having a mid life crisis, which you are handling by going out on multiple dates and banging other women, all with your wife's approval?

Do these women know you're married with kids?

Hmmm... This sounds like a legitimate curious question, or a self righteous judgemental person waiting to pounce, or a question from an actual female.

Yeah I know it can be hard to grasp or believe for some as this is FAR from traditional behaviour or dynamics.

Anywho, I'm going out with these gals with the wife's knowledge. Beta's though need to seek approval I guess. I tell her if I'm going out.

I generally pose as single but honestly, quite a few of them don't even ask. Just like in dating, you don't even know if the other side is being truthful with anything either. It goes both ways.

[birthday cat]

Welcome to the forum.

Your situation is very interesting.

Was your wife born in the USA? What about her parents?

Do you both work? If so, do you make significantly more money than her?

What do you think is different about your wife? Why is she ok with you dating other women while most women wouldn't be?

[TheMaleBrain]

Also

I fail to see what you are asking our advice on.
If you are looking for a regular plate, here is what I suggest you do:
1. Lie about being married - don't say you are married, until after some time. Portray yourself as a very busy person.
2. Sugar bay someone.
3. Look up hot single moms - you can time slot them to a specific date night once a week.
4. Just keep looking, and screen early (after the first bang)

This is what I can give you

[Phoenix]

Most men divorce and marry a new younger wife in this situation. Not recommending it, just saying that seems to be what they do. You already have a "repeatable bang" at home.

[Off The Reservation]

Not unique.

Get Esther Vilar's book The Polygamous Sex and read and report back.

[chitown72]

(06-23-2017 09:47 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

Welcome to the forum.

Your situation is very interesting.

Was your wife born in the USA? What about her parents?

Do you both work? If so, do you make significantly more money than her?

What do you think is different about your wife? Why is she ok with you dating other women while most women wouldn't be?

She was born in the USA but raised in a working middle class.

Although she's worked at top banks before, we both decided it would be best for her to stay at home to raise the kids, at least while they are young.

If she was a career minded woman and we didn't have any kids, this situation could've taken a different path. But then again, I wouldn't have married a woman totally engulfed in her career in the first place. I don't want to give the impression that she's weak or have low self esteem in any way. She is/was very strong/independent/stubborn but she is also very open and understanding. She is looking to start her own business very soon and I fully support her on it.

The difference here is that we both think divorce is an absolute last option so we approach marital issues in a different way than most that just throw in the towel at any little thing that pops up. It's so easy for so many to make the vows but a lot harder to keep them("for better or FOR WORSE). Obviously once you add in the religious aspect, things can even get more messed up.

Just to be clear, she is NOT fully onboard with this and not saying it's ok. This is just temporary to give myself a chance to figure out if this is a phase, in which I'll go back to a married and fully commited life. Or if I find that this is a lifestyle I want to continue with, then most likely it will come to a divorce. She is willing to go down that path with me to wait and see.

(06-24-2017 02:29 PM)TheMaleBrain Wrote:  

Also

I fail to see what you are asking our advice on.

As stated in my original post, I'm not looking for advice but just sharing my story.

(06-24-2017 02:52 PM)Phoenix Wrote:  

Most men divorce and marry a new younger wife in this situation. Not recommending it, just saying that seems to be what they do. You already have a "repeatable bang" at home.

Yeah I agree but that's because generally they are unhappy in their marriage or make a bad decision.

(06-24-2017 04:11 PM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  

Not unique.

Get Esther Vilar's book The Polygamous Sex and read and report back.

Yes you're right, unique was probably not the word but rather rare or relatively rare might've fit the bill better.

Yes I'm aware of the different types of marriages/arrangements/setups and we actually talked about it, however she is firm on a traditional marriage and made it clear she doesn't want to engage in those other options.

Obviously this forum mainly deals with pickups and the short term aspect. I was thinking of writing some of my experiences and thoughts on getting a good long term prospect and various ways I've been able to go the long route if anyone is interested.

[birthday cat]

OK I thought you were transitioning to an open relationship. Now I understand this is temporary and you are dating so you can decide if you want to keep the marriage.

I still think it's an interesting situation and I like that it's different from the typical things we talk about on this forum.

I don't know much about your situation but I would be careful about the legal aspects. You've got 3 kids and your wife doesn't work so divorce could be a bad deal for you. Also, it will be easy for her to get evidence of you cheating unless you have some evidence that she is allowing you to date other women.

This might sound ridiculous coming from someone who has never married or had kids but this is what I guess I would do. This isn't advice as much as it is me thinking out loud. I would date other women while you can. Eventually I think you will find that most women are disasters. Most don't offer much other than sexual variety but sexual variety might be very important to you. I might try to convince your wife to continue the marriage with you being allowed to discreetly sleep with other women...although I doubt most women will allow this...even in other cultures they might allow it to an extent because it is expected in the culture but it will cause a lot problems which in turn causes problems for the kids. I would get the wife back to work. I would talk to an experienced divorce attorney about how to structure your finances and investments in case you get divorced. I would reassess the situation when all the kids are 18. I know that might be a long time from now but I doubt you understand how devastating divorce can be for a lot of men especially men with kids.

(06-25-2017 05:01 AM)chitown72 Wrote:  

Obviously this forum mainly deals with pickups and the short term aspect. I was thinking of writing some of my experiences and thoughts on getting a good long term prospect and various ways I've been able to go the long route if anyone is interested.

I would like to hear more about your experiences. Don't assume that we know more than you about anything, even the short term stuff. It's good for all us to be exposed to different perspectives.

[Cheetah]

Is the wifey banging other dudes?

[RatInTheWoods]

Wifey been banging the pool cleaner for a decade.

Game on.

[Cobra]

(06-25-2017 05:25 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Wifey been banging the pool cleaner for a decade.

Game on.

Tell me you're not the pool cleaner.

[chitown72]

(06-25-2017 04:26 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

I don't know much about your situation but I would be careful about the legal aspects. You've got 3 kids and your wife doesn't work so divorce could be a bad deal for you. Also, it will be easy for her to get evidence of you cheating unless you have some evidence that she is allowing you to date other women.

This might sound ridiculous coming from someone who has never married or had kids but this is what I guess I would do.

I would like to hear more about your experiences. Don't assume that we know more than you about anything, even the short term stuff. It's good for all us to be exposed to different perspectives.

This is gonna sound crazy to a lot of you but I am the one that put the marriage in potential turmoil. My wife has done nothing wrong so if it ever came to a divorce(I'm not really thinking about that now), I would want to make sure she was setup to be comfortable and with my kids being comfortable.

She has an older brother that got a divorce and pretty much lost everything(house and car) and only has custody on the weekends, so she is pretty sensitive about that and I'm sure it would be a fair and amicable split if it ever came to. I'm not really worried about it at the moment.

Also it's not "cheating" if she knows I'm going out with these women. LOL

So thinking out loud, been thinking of writing more in detail about these topics for starters:

- Initial Screen/Reverse Shit tests for potential LTR
- Lifetime gradual push/pull to condition partner long term
- Ultimate Stress tests for the Long Haul

(06-25-2017 04:56 PM)Cheetah Wrote:  

Is the wifey banging other dudes?

LOL
This is gonna sound crazy too but she's busy with the kids so I know for sure she isn't. When I started on this journey, I did give her a chance to see other people too as it's only fair but she elected not to. She would tell me if she did or want to.

(06-25-2017 05:25 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Wifey been banging the pool cleaner for a decade.

Game on.

We don't have a pool so nothing to worry about there...unless she's screwing one of the life guards at the public pool... Haha.

[heavy]

I could see a happy wife mother of 3 allowing some leeway (ie I have no problem believing everything you say). Many (most?) chicks in that situation know their values and are smart enough not to leave a decent situation.

Don't ruin your marriage

She's not as ok with it as you think

"Cheating" on your wife (or whatever you call it) will effect your children, especially if you have daughters, even if they're 15+

If you have daughters, don't underestimate how this could potentially fuck up their future. Sorry to repeat.

I can't say I'm not a little jealous...father of 3, happy marriage, wife slack to go have some fun.

[TornadoByProxy]

Listen up guys!

45 yo married guy whose wife is banging Tyrone on the side come in here to tell us how to get the girls. Don't worry he's only been 'in da game' for 6 months. He's still gonna teach us.

OP, you reap what you sew.
And I don't even want to hear it. I'm out.

[chitown72]

(06-26-2017 11:21 AM)heavy Wrote:  

I could see a happy wife mother of 3 allowing some leeway (ie I have no problem believing everything you say). Many (most?) chicks in that situation know their values and are smart enough not to leave a decent situation.

Don't ruin your marriage

She's not as ok with it as you think

"Cheating" on your wife (or whatever you call it) will effect your children, especially if you have daughters, even if they're 15+

If you have daughters, don't underestimate how this could potentially fuck up their future. Sorry to repeat.

I can't say I'm not a little jealous...father of 3, happy marriage, wife slack to go have some fun.

Thanks man and I agree with your assessment. I(we) have thought about things to a great detail in every way. If we survive this, it will only make us stronger I believe.

Luckily I have 3 sons but they probably think something is up since I shouldn't be going out with "friends" so much. But still I find room to balance family and going out time luckily.

I realize this situation is rare and there are going to be non-believers, haters, self righteous judgemental guys. I can't really do anything about that and I refuse to engage in any kind of debate as it's unproductive. I'm just hear to share my story and anything else I can shed light on.

[Hypno]

The longer you wait to get divorced, the more expensive it is going to be. The stuff you posted in this thread is going to be used against you.

[Laner]

My situation is similar in many ways, but I don't know really what to say.

Being a player father has its ups for sure, but it also comes with a lot of baggage.

I was talking with another forum member over beers last night about this actually.

Essentially I wish that I did not want to bang half the women I see, and also end up banging many of the women I do meet. I know high value men who are married to less attractive women than myself and do not even look at other women. In a way, I am envious.

I know there is a term limit on this though. I am well known in my small community and have had sex with a lot of women here over the years. I do have a reputation, a lot of it from before marriage, but not all. My son will be exposed to these stories eventually, and will connect the dots on the timeline and know I was not monogamous.

I don't have many burdens in this life, but this is certainly a large one for me to carry.

[Off The Reservation]

Btw thanks for answering back on your own thread. We have way too many people that ask then hide.

[Uruz]

(06-27-2017 11:53 AM)Laner Wrote:  

I don't have many burdens in this life, but this is certainly a large one for me to carry.

Depending on his future opinions it might not be a problem. My father was fucking around in my early teens and maybe even in other periods. It would be the last thing I would hold against him. Why would I care if he is able to hold the family together. Actually I see it as a positive as not many boys get lines from their father like "Remember son, besides your mother and sister, every women is a whore."

When it comes to reputation in small community it might get him into funny situations. I remember my high-school female classmate describing to me conversation with her mom. "Oh, you are in class with him? If he is at least as good looking as his father lock him down." :-DDD

[birthday cat]

(06-27-2017 11:12 AM)chitown72 Wrote:  

I realize this situation is rare and there are going to be non-believers, haters, self righteous judgemental guys. I can't really do anything about that and I refuse to engage in any kind of debate as it's unproductive. I'm just hear to share my story and anything else I can shed light on.

Yeah there are a lot of angry guys in the manosphere so there will be guys who argue for the sake of arguing.

If you read this forum enough I think you will recognize a pattern that somebody is going to learn something whenever guys talk through real life situations. The original poster might learn something or someone else might learn something but whenever a real life situation is discussed somebody is going to learn something no matter how ridiculous other guys may think the topic is.

(06-27-2017 11:16 AM)Hypno Wrote:  

The longer you wait to get divorced, the more expensive it is going to be. The stuff you posted in this thread is going to be used against you.

I'm not sure about this but I think it's possible that a divorce could be less expensive if you wait until the kids are adults.

I know that chitown72 isn't worried much about divorce and the financial implications since his wife seems reasonable. Obviously I hope she is reasonable but it would still be a concern for me. I don't view women as the enemy like some manosphere guys do but I know women can change very quickly and men are sometimes caught off guard.

[chitown72]

(06-27-2017 12:51 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

Yeah there are a lot of angry guys in the manosphere so there will be guys who argue for the sake of arguing.

If you read this forum enough I think you will recognize a pattern that somebody is going to learn something whenever guys talk through real life situations. The original poster might learn something or someone else might learn something but whenever a real life situation is discussed somebody is going to learn something no matter how ridiculous other guys may think the topic is.

I know that chitown72 isn't worried much about divorce and the financial implications since his wife seems reasonable. Obviously I hope she is reasonable but it would still be a concern for me. I don't view women as the enemy like some manosphere guys do but I know women can change very quickly and men are sometimes caught off guard.

Yeah I learned that arguing on the internet is like the special olympics. LOL. I could def understand some of these guys frustrations that have been dealt a wrong card but everyone is going to have their own life experience that partially determine their state of mind on various things.

There are simply no kind of official support group/discussion on things like this so I think it's nice that we all share these kinds of things and maybe someone maybe able to get some kind of value from it.

I'll be the first one to come back and admit here if things end nasty.

[Laner]

Text just an hour ago:

"Hi Laner! I don't feel comfortable continuing to meet you knowing that you have a family. I think maybe we are looking for different things. I also wanted to thank you for the other night "

Mongolian girl, 24 that was dropped on my lap from a previous Mongolian girl I was banging. I banged her the first date in the gym bathroom in her building. Now she is "uncomfortable".

I keep track of girls menstrual cycles so I know when to push/pull, and she is on her period at the moment. So I will give her some space and hit her back up during ovulation because she loves my dick