This thing keeps popping up every time I look at this subforum, so even though OP needs a grammar book a thousand times more than he needs high-level writing advice, I guess I can throw in some general tips that might be useful to other people.
I do slush pile reading as a side hobby to help out a publisher I know, so I wade through a lot of crap stories. (For what it's worth, OP, what you've written above is lower in quality than any story I've ever rejected.) I reject something like 95%, possibly more, of what I read. And everybody gets flunked out for the same damn reason: They want to be a writer, but they have no idea why anyone would want to be their reader. I can read their thought processes in the synopsis and first chapters they send me, and they're always, always the same:
"I want to be an author."
"An author has to write books."
"I have to write a book."
"I like fantasy/mystery/science fiction/slice of life books."
"I guess I'll write a fantasy/mystery/science fiction/slice of life book."
And what I get is a book written by someone who wants to make themselves happy, but not make me, the reader, happy. And it shows. It's boring, tiresome, and lifeless. Most of it doesn't have the decency to be a retread of something cool, like Conan, or interesting like Tolkein. It's all just bad retreads of 80s sword and sorcery movies. And it all goes straight into the trash, sometimes before I even finish the summary.
There's one question that needs to be foremost in your mind when you're writing, and it has nothing to do with what you want, or your career aspirations What the fuck do I have to say, that I should ask people to take time out of their busy days to read what I write?
Here's how a couple members of the forum might answer that question:
Roosh: I will teach the reader how to fuck beautiful women. Every guy on the planet wants what I can offer them, and every single one of them can take what I read and use it to make their lives better.
Quintus: I will offer the reader the wisdom of the ages. I will share with them a millennia of learning that they have no idea even exists.
Lizard Of Oz: I will make them laugh with my stories about corn-fed sluts.
Me: I can analyze a situation and see things other people don't. I can bring together ideas that everyone vaguely understands but can't express, and connect them in a way that's easy to understand. I live in two completely different cultures, and came to one of them only after reaching adulthood, so I have a broader perspective than many people, and can show them things that they can't see on their own.
Leonard: I will tell the reader about Australia, the most horrifying place on planet Earth. People will read stories of the time I went on a walk and saw 23 deadly, poisonous snakes on the trail, and say to themselves, "No matter how bad my life is, at least I'm not THERE."
What is your answer to this question? If you don't have a damn good one, you will never, EVER succeed as a writer.
I do slush pile reading as a side hobby to help out a publisher I know, so I wade through a lot of crap stories. (For what it's worth, OP, what you've written above is lower in quality than any story I've ever rejected.) I reject something like 95%, possibly more, of what I read. And everybody gets flunked out for the same damn reason: They want to be a writer, but they have no idea why anyone would want to be their reader. I can read their thought processes in the synopsis and first chapters they send me, and they're always, always the same:
"I want to be an author."
"An author has to write books."
"I have to write a book."
"I like fantasy/mystery/science fiction/slice of life books."
"I guess I'll write a fantasy/mystery/science fiction/slice of life book."
And what I get is a book written by someone who wants to make themselves happy, but not make me, the reader, happy. And it shows. It's boring, tiresome, and lifeless. Most of it doesn't have the decency to be a retread of something cool, like Conan, or interesting like Tolkein. It's all just bad retreads of 80s sword and sorcery movies. And it all goes straight into the trash, sometimes before I even finish the summary.
There's one question that needs to be foremost in your mind when you're writing, and it has nothing to do with what you want, or your career aspirations What the fuck do I have to say, that I should ask people to take time out of their busy days to read what I write?
Here's how a couple members of the forum might answer that question:
Roosh: I will teach the reader how to fuck beautiful women. Every guy on the planet wants what I can offer them, and every single one of them can take what I read and use it to make their lives better.
Quintus: I will offer the reader the wisdom of the ages. I will share with them a millennia of learning that they have no idea even exists.
Lizard Of Oz: I will make them laugh with my stories about corn-fed sluts.
Me: I can analyze a situation and see things other people don't. I can bring together ideas that everyone vaguely understands but can't express, and connect them in a way that's easy to understand. I live in two completely different cultures, and came to one of them only after reaching adulthood, so I have a broader perspective than many people, and can show them things that they can't see on their own.
Leonard: I will tell the reader about Australia, the most horrifying place on planet Earth. People will read stories of the time I went on a walk and saw 23 deadly, poisonous snakes on the trail, and say to themselves, "No matter how bad my life is, at least I'm not THERE."
What is your answer to this question? If you don't have a damn good one, you will never, EVER succeed as a writer.