I'd like to preface the question at the end by telling my personal experience. Some of it may seem braggadocious, it's not meant to be, I just want to share as much as possible to give my perspective and reason for posting.
While my particular situation may be unique, I'm curious what the consensus is on the overall idea and topic of this thread.
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I'm mid 40's. About 20+ years ago, I became friends with a female co-worker, I'll call her Shiva. At the time she was at 7, possibly an 8 on an evening out. The way Shiva was dressed at one work function I would have rated her a 9.
Eventually we ended up banging regularly.. and on the DL, as Shiva was dating another co-worker whom she eventually married and divorced. At one point during one of our meetings, I expressed my disappointment (for lack of a better word) regarding her impending nuptials, which (I assumed) meant that our meetups would come to an end. While I can't remember the exact verbiage I used, I remember leaving it as an open-ended question. Shiva's verbal response and facial expression was something along the lines of, "So ?", as in 'Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean this will stop'. And it didn't.. it even continued while I was dating another woman before I met my wife. Once I got married, I cut Shiva off. And Shiva divorced a few years after I got married.
Fast forward 11 years.. I'm going through my divorce. By that time I was beta/blue pill/whatever you want to call it. Sex with the ex (when it happened) was garden variety, 95% of the time it was two or three positions, with an occasional 69/oral thrown in. Sex on average was 3-4 times a year. If I got a blow job twice a year, that was a lot. And at that point I'm overweight, not working, and rubbing one out to porn at a minimum of three times a week. I was swiping on the dating sites, and in retrospect I now see that I was coming across as too strong.. too desperate.. too thirsty..
So I decided to look Shiva up (we were friends on social media). Part of my wanting to meet up with her was to get an idea of the thought process of my (now) ex-wife on signs of cheating (as Shiva had done to her husband with me), part of it was wanting to get the bang from her again. She could get to the bar, but would need a ride home. So we met up for a couple of drinks and a light dinner.
The years had not been kind to Shiva. What was once a 7 or 8 was now at 4, possibly a 5 at best on a real good day if she wore a lot of makeup and fasted for the week prior to being rated. I'm disappointed that she dropped so far on the scale.
We talked about all sorts of stuff.. my kids, how I was doing, how she was doing (divorced and re-engaged), my suspicions regarding my wife, etc, etc,.. Shiva basically gave me a 'how to' on how to cheat on your spouse, and what I could expect from the divorce proceedings.
At that point in my marriage, I hadn't had sex in over nine months. So while I'm looking at this former 7-8 that's now at least half that, she was helpful in giving me some sort of insight in the upcoming divorce.. I'm also thinking in the back of my mind that I can get the bang if I push the right buttons. We talked a bit about the old days, but subtle hints or glances didn't seem to be working.
On the drive home, I said something along the lines that one of us always seems to be in some sort of relationship when the other isn't, and left it open ended. She agreed, and I dropped her off and went home.
A couple of days later, she called to see how I was doing, and she brought up what I had said in the car.. and asked if I was interested in hanging out like we did back in the old days.
Game on.
I also knew that Shiva could keep things quiet. She was engaged and didn't want to mess that up, but also understood my position as far as any potential backlash in regards to the divorce.
Shiva came over a couple days later. She came in the door, we went to the couch, talked for a bit, and started making out. Took her to the bedroom, and proceeded to do some of the craziest stuff I'd ever done with a woman. I had her in all sorts of positions, straddled her while she sucked me off, blasted inside her multiple times.. Shiva later said to me that she not only missed this, but that I was better than before (20+ years ago).
I can't put into words how much of an ego boost that was for a man in his early 40's, especially following a sexless marriage and belittlement by the (now) ex.
I continued to meet up with Shiva over the course of my divorce proceedings and after it was finalized. Between bangs we'd talk about the 'good old days', how we used to meet up at the 'no tell motel' with the hourly rate, a couple of car bangs, etc.. at one point she asked what I thought would have happened if, say, I had divorced after she did, and where we might be if we were both single. I responded with something along the lines that, because we both knew how the other was (she cheated on her husband with me, I cheated on my girlfriend with her), that I didn't think we could ever trust each other completely. She kind of nodded in agreement.
During that time I was also swiping on Tinder, Bumble, POF, and Craigslist. Met a few off of each (only one off CL), and got the first night bang on all of them. I became more brazen in my online approaches, but a bit more refined. I felt like I was sending out more of a "let's hang out" or "I'll try to make time for you" kind of vibe. I had the mentality that I didn't 'need' to bang any of the matches online, because I had Shiva to satisfy my urges on average of twice a week.
I've kind of drifted away from Shiva since the beginning of this year. While she can sometimes be cool to hang with and is a good lay, I was getting tired of listening to her complain about nothing ever going her way because she was a minority (it was constantly her go-to excuse). And she got all her political information from the TV. She would say things like, "Trump wants to get rid of all immigrants", and when I would clarify that he wants to get rid of illegal immigrants, her response was that CNN/MSNBC/HuffPo et al said it was ALL immigrants. It got to be too much, and for the most part I've soft-nexted her.
Today, 4/20, marks Day 85 of No Fap for me. Since the beginning of the year, I've banged two women from the previous year, AND I've gotten 3.5 new notches, two of which are in my regular rotation. The .5 was a blow job, her kid in the other room woke up shortly after I nutted on her tits, so I had to bail. But getting that full notch is a scheduling conflict.
I will never know for certain if she was the difference or the catalyst if you will, but I honestly believe that having Shiva at my sexual disposal allowed me to be more bold in my approaches, both online and in person. The flip side to that is that her looks were considerably less than they were over 20 years ago. Add in that Shiva was engaged/married, so any sort of 'going out' was off the table. So I wasn't required to take her out anywhere, which didn't impact my SMV.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So here's the question..
While it's beneficial to have an abundance (and by default an abundance mentality), is it wise to have a 5 or less in your rotation (at least until she can be phased out) ?
While my particular situation may be unique, I'm curious what the consensus is on the overall idea and topic of this thread.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm mid 40's. About 20+ years ago, I became friends with a female co-worker, I'll call her Shiva. At the time she was at 7, possibly an 8 on an evening out. The way Shiva was dressed at one work function I would have rated her a 9.
Eventually we ended up banging regularly.. and on the DL, as Shiva was dating another co-worker whom she eventually married and divorced. At one point during one of our meetings, I expressed my disappointment (for lack of a better word) regarding her impending nuptials, which (I assumed) meant that our meetups would come to an end. While I can't remember the exact verbiage I used, I remember leaving it as an open-ended question. Shiva's verbal response and facial expression was something along the lines of, "So ?", as in 'Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean this will stop'. And it didn't.. it even continued while I was dating another woman before I met my wife. Once I got married, I cut Shiva off. And Shiva divorced a few years after I got married.
Fast forward 11 years.. I'm going through my divorce. By that time I was beta/blue pill/whatever you want to call it. Sex with the ex (when it happened) was garden variety, 95% of the time it was two or three positions, with an occasional 69/oral thrown in. Sex on average was 3-4 times a year. If I got a blow job twice a year, that was a lot. And at that point I'm overweight, not working, and rubbing one out to porn at a minimum of three times a week. I was swiping on the dating sites, and in retrospect I now see that I was coming across as too strong.. too desperate.. too thirsty..
So I decided to look Shiva up (we were friends on social media). Part of my wanting to meet up with her was to get an idea of the thought process of my (now) ex-wife on signs of cheating (as Shiva had done to her husband with me), part of it was wanting to get the bang from her again. She could get to the bar, but would need a ride home. So we met up for a couple of drinks and a light dinner.
The years had not been kind to Shiva. What was once a 7 or 8 was now at 4, possibly a 5 at best on a real good day if she wore a lot of makeup and fasted for the week prior to being rated. I'm disappointed that she dropped so far on the scale.
We talked about all sorts of stuff.. my kids, how I was doing, how she was doing (divorced and re-engaged), my suspicions regarding my wife, etc, etc,.. Shiva basically gave me a 'how to' on how to cheat on your spouse, and what I could expect from the divorce proceedings.
At that point in my marriage, I hadn't had sex in over nine months. So while I'm looking at this former 7-8 that's now at least half that, she was helpful in giving me some sort of insight in the upcoming divorce.. I'm also thinking in the back of my mind that I can get the bang if I push the right buttons. We talked a bit about the old days, but subtle hints or glances didn't seem to be working.
On the drive home, I said something along the lines that one of us always seems to be in some sort of relationship when the other isn't, and left it open ended. She agreed, and I dropped her off and went home.
A couple of days later, she called to see how I was doing, and she brought up what I had said in the car.. and asked if I was interested in hanging out like we did back in the old days.
Game on.
I also knew that Shiva could keep things quiet. She was engaged and didn't want to mess that up, but also understood my position as far as any potential backlash in regards to the divorce.
Shiva came over a couple days later. She came in the door, we went to the couch, talked for a bit, and started making out. Took her to the bedroom, and proceeded to do some of the craziest stuff I'd ever done with a woman. I had her in all sorts of positions, straddled her while she sucked me off, blasted inside her multiple times.. Shiva later said to me that she not only missed this, but that I was better than before (20+ years ago).
I can't put into words how much of an ego boost that was for a man in his early 40's, especially following a sexless marriage and belittlement by the (now) ex.
I continued to meet up with Shiva over the course of my divorce proceedings and after it was finalized. Between bangs we'd talk about the 'good old days', how we used to meet up at the 'no tell motel' with the hourly rate, a couple of car bangs, etc.. at one point she asked what I thought would have happened if, say, I had divorced after she did, and where we might be if we were both single. I responded with something along the lines that, because we both knew how the other was (she cheated on her husband with me, I cheated on my girlfriend with her), that I didn't think we could ever trust each other completely. She kind of nodded in agreement.
During that time I was also swiping on Tinder, Bumble, POF, and Craigslist. Met a few off of each (only one off CL), and got the first night bang on all of them. I became more brazen in my online approaches, but a bit more refined. I felt like I was sending out more of a "let's hang out" or "I'll try to make time for you" kind of vibe. I had the mentality that I didn't 'need' to bang any of the matches online, because I had Shiva to satisfy my urges on average of twice a week.
I've kind of drifted away from Shiva since the beginning of this year. While she can sometimes be cool to hang with and is a good lay, I was getting tired of listening to her complain about nothing ever going her way because she was a minority (it was constantly her go-to excuse). And she got all her political information from the TV. She would say things like, "Trump wants to get rid of all immigrants", and when I would clarify that he wants to get rid of illegal immigrants, her response was that CNN/MSNBC/HuffPo et al said it was ALL immigrants. It got to be too much, and for the most part I've soft-nexted her.
Today, 4/20, marks Day 85 of No Fap for me. Since the beginning of the year, I've banged two women from the previous year, AND I've gotten 3.5 new notches, two of which are in my regular rotation. The .5 was a blow job, her kid in the other room woke up shortly after I nutted on her tits, so I had to bail. But getting that full notch is a scheduling conflict.
I will never know for certain if she was the difference or the catalyst if you will, but I honestly believe that having Shiva at my sexual disposal allowed me to be more bold in my approaches, both online and in person. The flip side to that is that her looks were considerably less than they were over 20 years ago. Add in that Shiva was engaged/married, so any sort of 'going out' was off the table. So I wasn't required to take her out anywhere, which didn't impact my SMV.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So here's the question..
While it's beneficial to have an abundance (and by default an abundance mentality), is it wise to have a 5 or less in your rotation (at least until she can be phased out) ?
![[Image: serveimage?url=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%...c2132cdbd4]](https://s15-us2.ixquick.com/cgi-bin/serveimage?url=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FvFoeuX1.jpg&sp=19b2c6135bc8cfc3b432cbc2132cdbd4)
