Did I cuck myself (not literally); chose not to outgame friend for same girl
04-02-2017, 09:08 AM
Last night was out with a ex colleague who does not approach or make the first move. He has success off tinder, I haven't had any success with online dating at all.
My friend went to the bathroom, so I was left by myself. I hate being the loner guy and saw a girl by herself. I went up to her and made a comment about how her style is similar to a few places I've travelled. She was temping as a nanny here for four weeks from Germany and this was her last weekend here. She was here with the dad of the host family she was nannying for, and his friend. The 'dad' and his friend had gone off to talk to other women in the bar.
When my friend came back, I introduced them to each other and the three of us talked about travel etc. Sometimes it felt she was bored with us because she was checking her phone and my friend said to me it doesn't look like shes interested.
We were talking for about 2-3 hours and every now and then the 'dad' would rejoin us to check she was ok. I noticed there were a quite a few moments where we all ran out of things to say, but conversation continued.
As she drank more, she seemed to open up a bit and when she left for the bathroom, my friend said he thinks he'd be able to bang her. At this point, I didn't think she was attracted to me (but she didn't show signs of attraction to my friend either), so I said to him (thinking I was being the helpful wingman), "let me know when I should leave so you're both alone".
A girl who the 'dad' was gaming saw the girl and me and she said just by looking at us together, she could tell we were quite similar, but weren't right together. It was anti-game, it was the complete opposite of when you get a girl to walk by and say you both make a cute couple. I thought, well fuck that confirms it, may as well let my friend go for it. I didn't really feel I was her type either, but that is me rejecting myself before she does right?
In my mind, the guy who approaches chooses
However one thing that stuck in my mind was Tuthmosis' post about logistics, logistics, logistics. My friend's logistics were more suited for the bang - he was a 5 min walk away, whereas I was 30mins walk/10 min taxi. He lives alone, I share a house with other people who would still be up this time of night. He has a car so he'd be able to drop her off tomorrow, whereas I don't have a car.
My friend was also saying shit like when drinking came up, my friend said (to her in front of me) "he doesn't drink, he's Asian, thats all the explanation you need", or "he's a lot older than us" (she was 20, he's 23 and I'm 33). I don't think he (at least consciously) had any malicious intent, but I did feel there was a small bit of "I'm a better deal than this guy" vibe to it. I try to not to ascribe intent to other people's actions anyway since you never really know what they are thinking.
Something doesn't feel right in this situation, but I can't quite figure out why.
1. Did I cuck myself by offering to leave instead of trying to outgame my friend? In my mind, it is pathetic to watch two guys (even more so when they are friends) trying to work the same girl against each other since they both lose. Its just I felt I did the 'work' - I approached her and talked to her long enough so that when my friend rejoined us, we were still all able to talk.
2. Did I write myself off prematurely by thinking I have poorer logistics? I thought I'm less likely to get the bang since the barriers are higher, so may as well let him have it. I think if I hadn't read the Tuthmosis post, it would have never even crossed my mind.
3. Was it the right call to not try to out-game my friend? What should you do in a situation like this?
I've been overthinking this and wracking my brain over what have I learned from this and what should I have done differently.
The only thing I can come up with is to not write anything off too early since I had no idea she was going to keep drinking and open up later in the night. And to not make assumptions, since I thought the likelihood of bang was low since she's a nanny here with the host dad of the family.
Also keep gaming instead of having 'normal' conversation. Where does asking her "what are you gonna do when you finish studying, go straight into work or travel for a bit" fit on game? Boring conversation? I asked that so I could then go off on a tangent about travel etc. I didn't go into 'games' where I hold her hand and pretend to read her future or palm etc since I had already 'rejected' myself.
My friend went to the bathroom, so I was left by myself. I hate being the loner guy and saw a girl by herself. I went up to her and made a comment about how her style is similar to a few places I've travelled. She was temping as a nanny here for four weeks from Germany and this was her last weekend here. She was here with the dad of the host family she was nannying for, and his friend. The 'dad' and his friend had gone off to talk to other women in the bar.
When my friend came back, I introduced them to each other and the three of us talked about travel etc. Sometimes it felt she was bored with us because she was checking her phone and my friend said to me it doesn't look like shes interested.
We were talking for about 2-3 hours and every now and then the 'dad' would rejoin us to check she was ok. I noticed there were a quite a few moments where we all ran out of things to say, but conversation continued.
As she drank more, she seemed to open up a bit and when she left for the bathroom, my friend said he thinks he'd be able to bang her. At this point, I didn't think she was attracted to me (but she didn't show signs of attraction to my friend either), so I said to him (thinking I was being the helpful wingman), "let me know when I should leave so you're both alone".
A girl who the 'dad' was gaming saw the girl and me and she said just by looking at us together, she could tell we were quite similar, but weren't right together. It was anti-game, it was the complete opposite of when you get a girl to walk by and say you both make a cute couple. I thought, well fuck that confirms it, may as well let my friend go for it. I didn't really feel I was her type either, but that is me rejecting myself before she does right?
In my mind, the guy who approaches chooses
However one thing that stuck in my mind was Tuthmosis' post about logistics, logistics, logistics. My friend's logistics were more suited for the bang - he was a 5 min walk away, whereas I was 30mins walk/10 min taxi. He lives alone, I share a house with other people who would still be up this time of night. He has a car so he'd be able to drop her off tomorrow, whereas I don't have a car.
My friend was also saying shit like when drinking came up, my friend said (to her in front of me) "he doesn't drink, he's Asian, thats all the explanation you need", or "he's a lot older than us" (she was 20, he's 23 and I'm 33). I don't think he (at least consciously) had any malicious intent, but I did feel there was a small bit of "I'm a better deal than this guy" vibe to it. I try to not to ascribe intent to other people's actions anyway since you never really know what they are thinking.
Something doesn't feel right in this situation, but I can't quite figure out why.
1. Did I cuck myself by offering to leave instead of trying to outgame my friend? In my mind, it is pathetic to watch two guys (even more so when they are friends) trying to work the same girl against each other since they both lose. Its just I felt I did the 'work' - I approached her and talked to her long enough so that when my friend rejoined us, we were still all able to talk.
2. Did I write myself off prematurely by thinking I have poorer logistics? I thought I'm less likely to get the bang since the barriers are higher, so may as well let him have it. I think if I hadn't read the Tuthmosis post, it would have never even crossed my mind.
3. Was it the right call to not try to out-game my friend? What should you do in a situation like this?
I've been overthinking this and wracking my brain over what have I learned from this and what should I have done differently.
The only thing I can come up with is to not write anything off too early since I had no idea she was going to keep drinking and open up later in the night. And to not make assumptions, since I thought the likelihood of bang was low since she's a nanny here with the host dad of the family.
Also keep gaming instead of having 'normal' conversation. Where does asking her "what are you gonna do when you finish studying, go straight into work or travel for a bit" fit on game? Boring conversation? I asked that so I could then go off on a tangent about travel etc. I didn't go into 'games' where I hold her hand and pretend to read her future or palm etc since I had already 'rejected' myself.
