[Hoser]

^^^ Yup. Twas fun while it lasted, tho.

[Uhondo]

Sometimes its important to realize when a situation is either unsalvagable, or when working to correct it will lead to nothing more than a phyrric victory. And what most of the sage posters have said on here is meant to bring the OP to such a realization. He, sadly, is just picking the few bits that serve to confirm his bias, and to his own detriment he continues to bury his head in the sand.

I had a somewhat similar situation with a girl that i was seeing casually from time to time. It went from apparent initial attraction, with her initiating texts and hang outs, dropping obvious hints and all the other shit women do when they are dtf. And we did hang out on a couple of occasions where all the stuff happened. But with time (I'm talking months here) i began to note a change in her demeanor; less than enthusiastic phone conversation; delayed responses to texts; no longer pushing for hookups, and generally that vibe that something is different. After our last outing, her birthday, it all came to a head when through a text she implied that she didn't wanna hang out anymore. She said a lot had changed, and in particular her feelings had changed.

Granted, i may have made a couple of slip ups here and there; or maybe some other thing outside of my control happened. But it is what it is.

THIS IS THE POINT AT WHICH A DUDE NEEDS TO CUT HIS LOSSES AND MOVE ON

At this point no amount of begging, pleading, or trying to unravel what you did 'wrong' that made her 'feelings' change will undo the damage. There are simply too many variables, and billions of reasons under the sun that can make her feelings towards you different. There is hardly a magical response you can give that will instantaneously turn the tables. There simply isn't much benefit from trying to be rational with a woman. Don't travel down that road.

Simply put an amicable end to it, and move on.

OP needs to realize that what he reads on here may not be what he wants to hear, but many times medicine may be unpalatable, but it will treat your illness.

[BetaNoMore]

(02-25-2017 05:47 PM)Ringo Wrote:  



You wanna know where you really fucked up?

If you felt something was off, you should have called rather than texted, specially after her first reply.

People spend too much time analyzing shit. That's 1% of game.

The other 99% is covering basics. Like:

If you have bad logistics, chances of bringing a girl home go down.

If you want a girl who is not a gold digger, don't pop bottles and make it rain in the VIP.

If you're interested in a girl, don't smother her - make her want you.

If you sense something is wrong, CALL rather than text.

It's so fucking simple but we sometimes need to be reminded of it.

I've made this mistake in the past and am still making this mistake.

Game and girls are counter-intuitive when it comes to effort. We're taught that effort and hard work are necessities for success but it's much more nuanced in game. Yes, you need effort but the threshold is really low before you ruin things. I've learned from experience that you can't put in extra effort with a chick to make her like you or to fix a situation. In fact, the more you try, the more desperate you come across and the more disgust she'll have for you.

Too bad OP's ego is so fragile that he can't accept the great advice given in this thread.

[Splord]

(02-25-2017 02:23 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(02-25-2017 02:00 PM)Splord Wrote:  

I'm guessing she is young and young girls act like this all the time. They don't tell you a reason and leave it to you to find out why, they just feed on the drama it creates.

There were a few girls I dated in my early 20s who came to tell me directly that we were done and her interpretations of the reasons for it, instead of leaving me to wonder and find out second-hand (girls did that even in the days before text messaging.)

Because I had little game in those days, I would still get upset, and I feel bad about it now because I realize that those were some of the ones with a bit of honor and courage, or at least as much as any woman has.

Time and game do have that effect, they dampen passions but also help one see things more clearly.
I too have come to appreciate such behaviour in women, even if this appreciation comes a little late (long after the break up, that is ).

[Splord]

(02-25-2017 03:27 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(02-25-2017 02:59 PM)nidall Wrote:  

(02-25-2017 02:00 PM)Splord Wrote:  

As for frame:I think your frame was solid enough, you didn't use words like "honey", "please" etc., you saw a discrepancy in her behavior and asked about it directly.
In fact she texted you back after your "ok no prob".

Appreciate it Splord. Good knowing there are some smart guys on this forum who have the intelligence to discern this.

Once again passive aggressive, and dissing other valued members trying to give you advice.

I'm not sure how ones frame in a text is solid enough when you say

"Did I do something wrong?" - weak frame/questioning

"ur not the only one" - passive aggressive

"if you don't want to see me whatever...bye" - passive aggressive


Splord is right, you did directly ask her about it, which is good....in a sense.

But look how it ended.....


If you keep prodding her, she'll get more pissed, at this point all you should do now is leave it alone.

Even if nidall did things perfectly gamewise, she still might act like this. Game is not an exact science, what works on one girl might fail on another. Only results matter and in this sense there is no particular reason to overanalyse all factors behind a girl's reaction ("she may be on her period, I'd better check her garbage for signs of blood to make sure").

As for the passive-aggresive thing, when you resolve things by text, it's almost unavoidable to not look like that.
In fact nidall seems a lot more aggressive than passive , questioning her instead of trying to figure by himself what is wrong (if she really is on her period why should he know) and showing he doesn't care in the end (the "whatever...bye" part).

As for the members' tone, well, nidall, it's a hard situation you 're in and tough advice (and it looks tougher because the break up is recent) cannot be given in a soft manner. You didn't come here for commiseration, did you?
What counts is her behaviour, not her (or yours or anyone's) rationalization about it. If she made a mistake, she should apologize and make up to you, if she doesn't, forget her and game on.

[ksbms]

(02-26-2017 04:20 AM)Uhondo Wrote:  

Sometimes its important to realize when a situation is either unsalvagable, or when working to correct it will lead to nothing more than a phyrric victory. And what most of the sage posters have said on here is meant to bring the OP to such a realization. He, sadly, is just picking the few bits that serve to confirm his bias, and to his own detriment he continues to bury his head in the sand.

I had a somewhat similar situation with a girl that i was seeing casually from time to time. It went from apparent initial attraction, with her initiating texts and hang outs, dropping obvious hints and all the other shit women do when they are dtf. And we did hang out on a couple of occasions where all the stuff happened. But with time (I'm talking months here) i began to note a change in her demeanor; less than enthusiastic phone conversation; delayed responses to texts; no longer pushing for hookups, and generally that vibe that something is different. After our last outing, her birthday, it all came to a head when through a text she implied that she didn't wanna hang out anymore. She said a lot had changed, and in particular her feelings had changed.

Granted, i may have made a couple of slip ups here and there; or maybe some other thing outside of my control happened. But it is what it is.

THIS IS THE POINT AT WHICH A DUDE NEEDS TO CUT HIS LOSSES AND MOVE ON

At this point no amount of begging, pleading, or trying to unravel what you did 'wrong' that made her 'feelings' change will undo the damage. There are simply too many variables, and billions of reasons under the sun that can make her feelings towards you different. There is hardly a magical response you can give that will instantaneously turn the tables. There simply isn't much benefit from trying to be rational with a woman. Don't travel down that road.

Simply put an amicable end to it, and move on.

OP needs to realize that what he reads on here may not be what he wants to hear, but many times medicine may be unpalatable, but it will treat your illness.

Uhondo, I like your reply an it resonates with my experience as well. Girls are affectionate, and if she stops feeling the 'butterflies' in her stomach (that is, released levels of certain, relevant neurotransmitters begin to diminish - e.g., dopamine, oxytocin), then she interprets, as 'it's not there anymore'.

An expert player could probably push her emotional buttons for some months longer (or even 1-2 years) but the feeling of emotional 'high' will fade anyway as the sex chemistry lasts, according to researchers, two years at most. Statistically, it will be less, probably 3-6 months on average. Individual differences in neurochemical and hormonal make up affect to a great extent girl's brain in respect to how long good sex and relationship-like chemistry will last - that is, before she becomes less responsive and the dynamics will become to turn for the worse.

I think that one of the factors are how shiny are you in comparison to how shiny the competition is. The girls feed on the emotions and illusion that a new guy is always better than the last one. Very excitable girls fall for a guy quickly and just as quickly fall out of him. Analogically, it seems, that much less temperamental girls fall in for a guy with much less drama and the dynamics are stable. However, it's a double edged sword for (especially easily excitable) girls, because the roller-coster never stops for them. They never can't stop feeding on new, shiny guy (because the grass is always greener on the otherside?) believing that the next guy is "the one" (oh, how many times all of us heard by a girl proclaiming eternal love to us). And he never is the "one", and the search continues. And then they hit the wall and have to settle for not-so-shiny guys, for the shiny guys want to bang the young, sexy ones. Paradoxically, these girls become victims of their own frequent, though short-term successes, in the long term.

Overall this whole dynamic is a function of underlying neurobiological system of a particular individual, somewhat mitigated by other factors, e.g., deep understanding of neuroscience, female psychology, autobiographical history of her past relations with parents (especially her father), brother(s), past boyfriends. That is, once the neurochemical cocktail has been drunk up by her brain, not much can be done. Yes, game will help, but who wants to deploy an increasing spectrum of game gambits over time to extend the good dynamics for a few months (or a year, or two?) with any particular girl. It will become exhausting, time consuming and, in the long run, unfulfilling experience.

It is there, for better or worse, a requisite to keep abundance mentality and juggle a reasonable number of leads, so a man can keep focused on his mission and stay indifferent to any particular girl.

Ultimately, it's the only game in town.

[questor70]

(02-26-2017 11:25 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

They never can't stop feeding on new, shiny guy (because the grass is always greener on the otherside?) believing that the next guy is "the one" (oh, how many times all of us heard by a girl proclaiming eternal love to us). And he never is the "one", and the search continues. And then they hit the wall and have to settle for not-so-shiny guys, for the shiny guys want to bang the young, sexy ones. Paradoxically, these girls become victims of their own frequent, though short-term successes, in the long term.

So elegantly stated.



I wish I knew this a long time ago as it would have helped me understand the contradiction of women making statements that sounded like a dream come true, only for the dream to collapse in relatively short order.

Men are taught from a young age that women are the protectors of true love and life-long commitment. So when we hear those words, we're inclined to trust them. We WANT to believe them. But what you're describing is not that different from the sort of pump-and-dump behavior that women despise so much from men. It just takes longer to play out.

It seems like the optimal length for any relationship is the same as a car lease.

[UlteriorMotive]

Keep us updated on the situation Nidall.

This thread may prove valuable to you one day.

[kaotic]

(02-26-2017 07:00 AM)Splord Wrote:  

Even if nidall did things perfectly gamewise, she still might act like this. Game is not an exact science, what works on one girl might fail on another.

Correct and I agreed with this, it could be anything.

Quote:

As for the passive-aggresive thing, when you resolve things by text, it's almost unavoidable to not look like that.

In fact nidall seems a lot more aggressive than passive , questioning her instead of trying to figure by himself what is wrong (if she really is on her period why should he know) and showing he doesn't care in the end (the "whatever...bye" part).

I disagree.

Here's why, if you showed that conversation to any guy without telling them the backstory - 9 times out of 10 they'd call the guy weak.

It's easy to not be passive aggressive - Hey what's up ? or check this out -send a photo- etc

Get her to talk, if she doesn't, DON'T go and chase her.

He literally asked "are you okay?" "did I do something wrong?"

That's something a female says. That's the wrong frame of questions.

"If you don't want to see me....whatever bye."

That doesn't show he doesn't care, it shows he cares TOO much.

There's nothing aggressive about this at all - all I see is someone being catty and frustrated to a woman whose cold via text.

[Hoser]

Agreed. That "whatever bye" part used up the last molecule of air available for this conversation. Might as well douse himself with gasoline and light himself on fire at lunchtime in the middle of the quad, wailing "You did this to meeeeeeee!"

[PapayaTapper]

Forensic analysis of this entire thread has enabled this composite rendering of OP

[Hoser]

LOL! Almost made me spit out my gin & tonic. Forensic analysis heheheh....

[Hoser]

(Deleting duplicative post)

[Mufasa]

(02-25-2017 02:59 PM)nidall Wrote:  

Appreciate it Splord. Good knowing there are some smart guys on this forum who have the intelligence to discern this.

(02-25-2017 03:27 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(02-25-2017 02:59 PM)nidall Wrote:  

(02-25-2017 02:00 PM)Splord Wrote:  

As for frame:I think your frame was solid enough, you didn't use words like "honey", "please" etc., you saw a discrepancy in her behavior and asked about it directly.
In fact she texted you back after your "ok no prob".

Appreciate it Splord. Good knowing there are some smart guys on this forum who have the intelligence to discern this.

Once again passive aggressive, and dissing other valued members trying to give you advice.

I'm not sure how ones frame in a text is solid enough when you say

"Did I do something wrong?" - weak frame/questioning

"ur not the only one" - passive aggressive

"if you don't want to see me whatever...bye" - passive aggressive


Splord is right, you did directly ask her about it, which is good....in a sense.

But look how it ended.....


If you keep prodding her, she'll get more pissed, at this point all you should do now is leave it alone.

I think frame can be summed up in one of my favorite quotes ever:
"Act like a pussy don't be surprised when you get fucked."

(02-25-2017 05:14 PM)Hoser Wrote:  

(1) slap the slut or (2) ditch the bitch.

(02-25-2017 06:59 PM)Napoleon3 Wrote:  

Take heed OP and stop being cunty

Adding that word to my vocab... Cuntyyyyyy.
Like butter right there

[Midnight Cowboy]

Any updates?

She had her period? Forget her birthday?...

My guess is that it wasn't a big deal. Also when being in a 2 year relationship, I also think that after having a 2 year relationship it is OK to ask what is going on when she's acting weird. Her reply on the other hand was not. I would not contact her from now on until she got over her feelings.If she's into you she'll change her mood and wants to apologize.

The silent treatmeant is just fucked up girls logic.

   

[Splord]

(02-26-2017 02:59 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

via text.

This is what I'm talking about, if she acted like that in front of Nidall he could just show he didn't give a fuck about her by not paying her any attention, changing the subject etc..

In a text situation you do have to write in something. You show neediness in text by stressing polite words (please. honey etc), putting smilies and all that, he didn't use them (from what he said) so he doesn't look needy to me. I can agree that he could replace "If you don't want to see me....whatever bye." with just an "OK" or something, but considering that they were supposed to be having a relationship for 2 years he couldn't just write her "fuck off".

Let's not overanalyze here, if what Nidall says is true, the big mistakes were made before this last exchange, the way he texted when broke up is a small detail.

Now to be honest, my instincts do tell me something is wrong with the way he writes, his declaration of me being "smarter" than the rest in particular. Maybe Nidall is troll, maybe he isn't. It's the internet and there is a big probability that he is.
Kaotic, I gave my opinion as I would to anyone, just like you did, and even though we disagree on some points, there are people here who have been to the same situation and are real 100%, so, hopefully, they will get something good out of this.

[PapayaTapper]

(02-25-2017 02:03 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

I never heard from her again, granted I fucked up by accidentally sending a buddies screenshot text about another girl to her lol.

Anyways, I stopped wondering what changed, I stopped trying to figure out the different things that could of went wrong.

Just caught that

[Off The Reservation]

Explain this weird behavior of this guy not giving us an update.

[Off The Reservation]

Explain this... never mind.