Quote: (10-08-2017 02:40 PM)questor70 Wrote:
Texting is a 21st century shit-test.
They are going to approach texting with a lack of understanding of these differences and falsely assume a lack of responsiveness as a lack of interest in her.
If she can't be made to understand the above then she's not a keeper, IMHO.
Bro, you f*cking nailed it right there… I like how you put that.
OP, you bring up a topic that is near and dear to my heart especially given how dependent we have all become on texting as a way to communicate in general. Like General Stalin above, I 2nd wi30’s comments in whole.
I’ll share a recent personal experience that may illustrate a few additional points that may help; Before I do, please note that: (1) I have not always been like this (these are very much learned behaviors on my part, some AFTER turning 40); (2) Delivery is everything. Learning to have a quiet and low voice can do wonders for instilling respect in your listener (woman, child, or another man).
I believe it’s important to mention those items since I regularly see new posters here on the forum receive condescending and sh*tty answers that make it seem like the responder has always been like (however they respond). I believe it is valuable to give whole and complete answers, along with a ‘bit of context.
Back to the story. So just yesterday, one of my plates got back into town from some work travel she had over the last week and a half. At one point she proceeds to lay into me about how she’s feeling very distant from me lately. We are out taking a walk (she’d been driving for 4 hours and it was a nice day). I ask her very innocently what she means, and she immediately pivots to how long it takes for me to respond to her texts, how I don’t text her every day, and how my responses are much shorter than hers.
Immediately, I am laughing inside and it was all I could do not to laugh in her face.
Mind you, for me this chick actually has LTR potential, so I’m not ‘gonna beat her up too bad, but I am dead-set on my boundaries, and I live in an area where women of the demographic I frequent (30’s to 40’s) are super easy to come by. She’s also fantastic in the sack, but of course I know she didn’t get there by reading Penthouse Letters. ?
My boundaries in this case are two-fold: (1) I despise texting women for more than logistics; (2) She’s been getting a ‘bit needy over the last few weeks and is clearly looking to lock me down faster than I am interested in.
After literally not responding to her until she prompts me with, ‘Aren’t you going to say anything,’ followed by me responding with, ‘About what?’ (I wanted to make sure she was absolutely focused on what I was going to say next). ‘Don’t play games, Justforfun, you know what I’m asking!’
I abruptly stop walking (break current state), let go of her hand (break physical contact), lower my voice (grab her attention by the proverbial throat) and say, ‘Number 1: Were you this needy with the guy you were just with for 5 years; Number 2, do you have this idea that guys are going to place you on a pedestal and chase you? I don’t do either of those.’
(Pause, 2,3,4)
(change the subject)
‘Do you want Chinese or Italian for dinner?’ (letting her know for you this is a closed topic and I have already moved on).
Admittedly, I take a ‘bit of a baseball bat approach when it comes to women’s emotions sometimes, and it sure does not work every time. She could have done one of two things in that moment: (1) walk away; (2) cry, scream, or yell at me, or slap me. In both instances, I walk and never look back.
For a variety of reasons, I find it’s super easy for me to throw that wall up. Not all guys can be as cold… I actively cultivate a cold demeanor with people in general; It’s something I should probably work on a ‘bit, but that’s a story for another time.
Fortunately for her, she selected a third route; She was quiet for a ‘bit, was clearly pissed, but within 10 minutes gently grabs my hand, gives it a squeeze, and looks up at me with one of those sweet, doe-eyed gentle smiles where you just know you own a girl.
I am sure you can guess how that story ended.
P.S. Basil II – You have some great posts and input out here… I would encourage you to reach out to a few well-repped members and go meet them in person. This forum is primarily made better through meaningful input by men who have shown not just to be true contributors on-line, but in real life.