[XPQ22]

If you recognize a problem, that means that you can change it. It's frankly a lot better position to be in than the many dudes out there who are probably just as socially awkward, but don't seem to notice.

Another thing to keep in mind is that people who come from "difficult" childhoods and had trouble with bullies or being picked on in school is that sometimes you get this mentality that everyone is focused on you - watching, staring, thinking about you, silently judging you. But you're an adult now and what's pretty great is the truth: nobody fucking cares. Most people wander around very much wrapped-up in their own lives, thoughts, and problems. Imagine the most embarrassing thing that could happen to you in a social situation with a girl. Yeah, you might not get the girl, but everyone else will probably have forgotten about it literally five minutes later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6FXdloCUOM

WE'VE GOT DODGSON HERE

[Nascimento]

Some great posts in here no doubt. Don't overlook this one because it's short.

Get Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, the original version. That book changed my life.

[rainy]

I suggest, since you're essentially starting from zero, to start approaching shy girls who also appear to have confidence issues. If you're on campus there's no shortage of them compared to elsewhere. In the library, sitting on a bench, studying at a picnic table, eating alone in the cafeteria or look for the quiet girl at a party, then approach.

You need to get the dialogue rolling. More you do it, easier it is. More you do it, less you care about the bitch who blows you off. And on campuses it's incredibly easy to open. What you you studying? What do you want to be? Where you from? Where's this building? Where's a good place to grab some food? Whatever. Just get the conversation rolling.

Biggest thing is girls pick up on insecurity as if they have a built in insecurity detector. Stop being the awkward guy standing alone at parties looking afraid to talk to anyone. Just being social and going around talking to girls gives off a secure vibe which others pick up on. Confident posture, eye contact and a smile will do you wonders.

There's also TED talks and various videos on youtube with pick up artists in action. Watch if you need to literally see how guys do it.

[Sonoma]

Make small friends.

Friends in class, low key friends from social events.

You can't expect to get to home base if you're sitting on the bleachers

[Captain Gh]

(01-25-2017 08:48 AM)Nascimento Wrote:  

Some great posts in here no doubt. Don't overlook this one because it's short.

Get Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, the original version. That book changed my life.

I truly second this advice! Even though I never read that book... I read something similar from Michael Hall called Winning the Inner Game that`s related to the same field of NLP. I'm a big believer of healing & educating alongside Banging Bad Bitches

A good way for you to start... is to understand why you are the way you are... and get over it! An absolute must is from Guy Corneau called Absent Father, Lost Sons. This will help you heal the Masculine Issue that is creating this awkwardness around other men Definitely Game at the same time... to help you fuel this quest of Self Understanding.

Even though your goal is to get laid (been there believe me) most importantly is establishing your masculinity. I know this shit sounds like a Dr Phil infomercial, but believe me...that if you don't go through this... you'll stay "that guy"! And be patient. Change is a slow process!

[BortimusPrime]

I used to have the same problem when I was your age. Frankly the mass approaching technique is bad for social anxiety because you'll start out with low tolerance for negative responses. (Girls aren't going to throw drinks at you, but clear disinterest still saps your morale.) What you want to do is start out with girls in the service industry that have to be polite to you otherwise they'll get canned. Baristas at Starbucks and Subway "sandwich artisans" are good targets for this. Now, part of their job description is to ask questions like "How's your day going?" in order to make the customer feel welcome, so you can take advantage of this as a conversation starter. Instead of just saying "Fine", you talk about your day a bit for free conversation practice.

Now, plenty of these girls are going to unsubtly try to get you to move along, but you're safe from all those silly scenarios you've made up in your head where all the women in the room start pointing and laughing and then the bully comes up and kicks sand on you. However, a fair number of them are bored at work and will happily chat with you for a bit. Pretty soon you'll be making eye contact, engaging in smalltalk, and even letting people touch your ears without responding with an extended period of high pitched wailing and flapping your arms.

[Westcoast99]

Finally “diagnosed” this for myself about 5 years ago, and have been on medication but now feel no more improvement than when I initially started. I have always had a few close friends and everything is fine one on one but I freeze up in bigger groups. I am currently exploring the options of altering medication, reading books, etc on how to rid myself of this constant self criticism and doubt in social situations. I am worried a woman will see right through this social insecurity and shyness in a relationship and I will lose all frame. For those reading who have overcame social anxiety, what has helped the most?

[Savonarola]

(03-06-2019 10:46 PM)Westcoast99 Wrote:  

Finally “diagnosed” this for myself about 5 years ago, and have been on medication but now feel no more improvement than when I initially started. I have always had a few close friends and everything is fine one on one but I freeze up in bigger groups. I am currently exploring the options of altering medication, reading books, etc on how to rid myself of this constant self criticism and doubt in social situations. I am worried a woman will see right through this social insecurity and shyness in a relationship and I will lose all frame. For those reading who have overcame social anxiety, what has helped the most?

You sound like an introvert. I'm one too.
People who are good at one-on-one (introverts) are often weaker in larger groups.
People who are good at larger groups (extroverts) are often weaker in one-on-one.
What are you taking medication for?

[Westcoast99]

^ Zoloft for the anxiety, 100mg been on it for 4.5 yrs, do not think it is doing anything for me at this point. It did seem helpful for the first 3 years. Alcohol is the only substance that consistently calms me down, I am drinking scotch and disaronno in the daytime which I know isn’t good.

[Mage]

At 20 years your personality is still very malleable, I myself underwent a huge personality change at 22-25 while discovering red pill truths and integrating them into my core personality.

You can change for the better.

The most important thing is to not give up and socialize with specific goals in your mind in a lot of as many different environments as you can.

Be social, have social activities at least every second evening after work or studies. Go to some humanitarian courses, like dancing or language learning or acting, where you are communicating with people a lot. Increased skills will give you extra confidence too. Read psychology books in your off evenings, but better have more evenings meet people. Train your body and raise testosterone it helps passively too trough confidence and stabilizing your nervous system. Train all natural, no steroids that can mess you up and will give false confidence. Try to get new friends trough you activities and try to arrange activities with them on weekends. Doesn't have to be girls and dates, can be men and some sports activity or common business or a mixed gender group of people. There is no need to start with approaching girls and seducing them, it is better if you start by communicating things with lesser chance of rejection, but with larger groups of people. Perhaps try to organize some cycling event or picnic and try to get people involved. Try to make one thing where you are the one taking initiative and are not being the fallower, could be anything. Don't forget your old friends from school or neighborhood also, but meeting new people is essential.

Try meditation and freeing up your mind, but do not spend too much time in your room alone.

Try finding some limiting beliefs you might have been installed in your past from your parents or teachers, like being too polite, always deferring to women or anything. Maybe you were raised too religiously and have fear of punishment or something like that. Maybe you had some trauma like abuse by parents or bullies, you need to get over that and for that you first need to understand that.

Do not take any medication for anxiety or anything it is all bullshit. Only medication can be some general thing like supplementing vitamin D and C during winter or occasional Zinc supplement, or some basic stuff like that, that could explain some low energy levels, nothing more complicated.

Try to fap and see porn as little as possible. It is very important for your motivation. Allow this no more often then once a week and after you are successful with that try even longer periods of abstinence form that.

Find some person you, real or imaginary that you think embodies masculinity, strength and confidence the most and associate that person with yourself, let yourself get inspired by it. Look for a man you would like to be and emulate him. Could be a celebrity, could be a hero or a superhero from a movie, could be a historical figure, could be a successful man you know, could be a Pagan God.

[Savonarola]

(03-07-2019 12:09 AM)Westcoast99 Wrote:  

^ Zoloft for the anxiety, 100mg been on it for 4.5 yrs, do not think it is doing anything for me at this point. It did seem helpful for the first 3 years. Alcohol is the only substance that consistently calms me down, I am drinking scotch and disaronno in the daytime which I know isn’t good.

A Godfather! My own father's favorite drink.
But yeah, day drinking is no good. Cut that out. Limit your cocktails to 9 pm or later.
There are many other anxiety medications you can try. Do some research on your own. I have many family members taking different anxiety meds, and even my sister gets panic attacks. Fortunately that gene skipped over me.

[JakckieDanger437]

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD! What kind of question is this? Half of us here were extremely awkward around girls, but just sucked it up, learned game, and got our acts together.

Start small. Start by making small talk with bartenders, cashiers, clerks, anyone you encounter on a day-by-day basis. Just work your way up.

Start lifting weights, follow the typical red pill advice (looks, money, status). Consider getting on Prozac or something to help get out of your rut.

Start meditating. Clean your diet up. Immerse yourself in this forum, and the culture here. You'll be good in no time.

Just browse the forums and start taking action.

[luigi]

I can relate to you, i was a bit like you when i was your age.

Practice and patience. Like they said, take little steps. Dont expect to be the most extrovert, because you will never be. But you can certainly improve.

You are probably not very self-confident. I know it sounds typical but get fit, if you look better you will feel better in your mind. Also it will change the way in which others relate with you. Attractive people are generally more listened to, more trusted and treated differently in general.

Also you are still at a relatively immature age (no offense)... give it some time, as people get older they wont care that much if you are "awkward".

[Rorogue]

Make your goal for now to be socially normal.
That should include talking to all types people, but you don't necessarily need the goal of getting laid to put pressure on you now. Just seek to change your identity to socially normal person, and have the conversation/change the behaviors that will make you that.

Trying to do game when you're not socially normal is like trying to play a tennis match when you've never learned how to hit a serve or forehand. You don't yet have the basics as a foundation to build on.

[Alpone]

Hang with more women.

Women are social creatures. Plus they're darwinian af. They will stamp out and mercilessly punish awkward behavior and endlessly reward charisma. It will be trial by fire, but in the long run, it's the only thing that will permanently help your situation.

[alchemical]

I can relate man. Hell of a situation, but I'm not giving up... yet.

Improving social skills for me is a a journey of thousand miles, and I'm only moving forward with baby steps.

I don't really have a choice if I look at it, since the other option left is a virtual prison.

My approach is like that of a cornered animal: I must fight back (this awkwardness/anxiety)

As if my life depends on it---well it actually does. Because, again, either I confront this or I end up in reclusion perpetua.

(01-21-2017 03:12 PM)calidude Wrote:  

Looking back at my original post it did come off as really pathetic, but I was just feeling really shit at the time and for the most part it doesn't bother me too much; .....
Also, I think I made myself sound more socially retarded than I actually am lol.

It's a "cry for help" post... it happens during a moment like you just described, "feeling really shit."

I made a post just like yours in a different forum (also a game/self-improvement forum). I got ONE reply:

Quote:

Respect to you for sharing this and from what you've written I would highly encourage you to seek some professional help to work through these issues as proper social anxiety and other such issues are beyond the scope of this forum in terms of the expertise of people here.

That is, in my opinion going to be the best course of action for you and do you the most benefit.

It's a blessing you got many a wise men here quick to give you advice.

Long live RVF.