Quote: (01-21-2017 02:33 AM)calidude Wrote:
Pretty much what the title says. I'm a 20 years old currently attending a Big 10, but its my first year since I transferred. Either I'm studying, at rugby practice, or stuck in my room browsing the internet. The rugby team has parties about every other week or so, but like every other party I've ever been to I just end standing around awkwardly. Then when I leave I'm pissed because everyone else around me is either hooking up with someone or actually having fun. I try to hop in conversations but like always I never to know what to say, or they ignore me; this happened tonight during rugby practice and it's just so frustrating.
I've been shy and awkward my whole life, and I've made some effort to improve since highschool where my self esteem was pretty much zero, but I feel like despite this I have barely improved.
Not trying to be all woe is me but it's just frustrating how I've never had any proper friends my whole life, at most it's been acquaintances from work or school. However, I did meet a guy off the forum who I'd consider my only genuine friend so I'm grateful for that.
I can barley hold a conversation with a guy, so obviously when it comes to girls it's no better.
Anyways, I don't just want to wallow in my self pity for the rest of my life, but I don't know where to begin so any advice is appreciated.
I can totally relate to what you describe. It sounds like my college experience, and even some workplace experiences I've had. I'm glad to hear you made a friend from RVF; the same happened with me, and I consider it one of the greatest advantages of being here, because now I have someone to help me with lifting and other masculine pursuits.
There's a good chance that what you're experiencing now, you'll continue experiencing in various ways for the rest of your life. You'll have a few close friends, but you'll continue being socially awkward, because some people just don't have a talent at socializing. People at places like RVF talk about self-improvement; about taking the talent you already have, that's currently latent (huh, I just noticed that "talent" is an anagram of "latent"), and honing it into a sharp skill. Yes, this is good advice for the vast majority of men, and we should shun premature defeatism, and encourage those demoralized soldiers who can get back on their feet to do so.
But some people just lack talent in an area. (Ever been at a workplace where there was a chick who just could not understand computers, or math, at all, no matter how many times you explained it and showed her?) Maybe you have some talents that don't involve socializing. Maybe that's where a lot of your effort is focused, because you can more easily be successful at those endeavors and feel a sense of accomplishment. That's basically what Asperger's is all about -- these guys are like little professors when it comes to their area of expertise, and can carry on a conversation just fine with someone as long as they stick to that area, and maybe be best buds with someone with the same passion. But outside of that area, they have trouble, because they just don't care about other topics, and they suck at the "meta" aspects of social interaction. Then can learn a few principles of socializing, but it takes them longer, and there is such a variety of social situations that it's hard to figure out what to do in all of them, because new situations with unfamiliar dynamics are cropping up all the time.
The ideal position to be in, is to be the guy whose main talent is understanding and socializing with other people, because then you can become socially dominant, and have the privileges that come with rank. That's what it means to be alpha. But even alphas describe a sense of aloneness. As Hunterdrew
writes:
Quote:Hunterdrew Wrote:
As a masculine male you are a rare creature (at least in the United States). Your demeanor leads to people either flocking towards you, attracted to your aura of power and confidence or it repels them as you are a mirror that forces them to look at their own mediocre existence. This life is incredibly easy, yet filled with more challenges than women or weaksauce men will ever be able to comprehend.
So even if you win, in a way, you lose. It's like if you're playing a one-on-eleven soccer match against a team of five-year-olds. They won't be able to keep up with you; you can just run past all of them and kick the ball into the goal as many times as you want without trouble, but even though you score a shutout victory, it's somewhat empty because they never had a chance, and you feel alone in your superiority.
Donald Trump defeated all of his opponents to become President of the United States. He has the admiration and attention of millions; he's always been able to bang hot young women (who continued to love him even years after the divorce papers were signed, because of those peak experiences he gave them); he's been able to use his skill at dealing with people to amass a fortune. Yet I'm sure, in some ways, he still feels alone, because when you're at the top, you may have assistants, admirers, and so on, but you don't have any peers. Even Vladimir Putin and Rodrigo Duterte are not true peers of his, because they have not achieved anything on the same level as becoming commander-in-chief in the country that is by far the greatest superpower in the world.
That kind of aloneness may seem like a minor disadvantage, in comparison to the benefits of superiority. After all, the unsuccessful are lonely too, because generally, no one but other losers want to hang out with losers. So if you're going to be alone no matter what, may as well get some mileage out of it.
I think the key is to distract oneself from the loneliness by accomplishing something useful that will produce a sense of pride, and also maybe attract some admiration from supporters who matter to you. Form a few close friendships, as you're already doing. If you're up to the challenge, try to make a relationship with a chick work, and start a family. (The challenge there is that in order to keep a nubile chick around and avoid dead bedrooms, you have to actually be able to continually find ways to game her, rather than just try to negotiate desire; and some men are really weak in the area of game.)
I'm not saying that all men who have trouble socializing should just give up. I'm saying that there's a spectrum of talent at socializing, with some men at one end of the spectrum being natural alphas; and some men at the other end of the spectrum being chronically weak at socializing (to the point that even with effort, they won't be able to improve much); and then most men falling in the middle, where they have some latent talent available that they can sharpen into a stronger skill.
As much as we may admire Donald Trump and say that we should all try to learn from him and cultivate some of his characteristics, hardly anyone will be able to reach Donald Trump's level even if they try their hardest, and some people not only don't have it in them to reach the top, they don't even have it in them to reach the middle. But given specialization and the division of labor, we can look at this as a team effort where none of us are really defeated unless the whole team loses.
For example, when we look at what goes into banging a chick, there are many organs involved. The brain has to figure out a way to game her, the hands have to escalate kino, the penis has to actually enter her, etc. So one can't really say, "It's because of my mind that I was able to bang her," because the brain only played a coordinating role; there were many supporting roles.
In the same way, consider that, for example, the software on which RVF runs, MyBB, is an open-source program that probably many incels sitting in basements have contributed code for. Yet, because men were able to use that software to exchange ideas on how to game chicks, much pussy was obtained by those men. I'm sure there are many cases in which opportunities to bang chicks would've slipped by, had men not been able to use the advice on this board to their advantage.
So banging those chicks was a team effort. While it wasn't a true gang-bang in the sense that not everyone's penis went into her, some satisfaction was still obtained just from being able to contribute to others' success and happiness. In being part of the team that ultimately produced the bang, everyone who participated was able to share in the glory.
And so my message is, look for opportunities to be a useful part of the winning team that our society can be, even if you have to do so as the less prestigious halfback or fullback, rather than the captain of the team who gets to bang all the hot cheerleaders and be the life of the party. As long as you're hanging out on that end of the field, you can at least fit in with the other fullbacks, maybe, and find some camaraderie with them, even if you don't fit in with the captain of the team and his crowd of alphas.
It's not so bad sometimes to toil in obscurity with only a few friends. The less you have, the less you have to lose, and the more freedom you have. This may seem counterintuitive since people are always talking about success as giving you more freedom, because you end up with more resources at your disposal; but success can also cause you to tie yourself down with golden handcuffs to whatever you are successful at, or censor yourself because you're worried about your reputation. If people already don't like you, though, then you're freer to say and do as you please.
This is why dissidents tend to be weirdos, and third party candidates are the ones speaking their minds and putting forth the most original ideas. It's because they already know that no matter what they do, they're going to be outcasts rather than fitting in and being accepted. If that's the hand you've been dealt, then I say, make the most of it. Be the one who stands out rather than fits in. Be an agent for the kind of change that everyone else is too socially savvy to try to pursue, because they have better things to do (chicks to bang, parties to attend, etc.) or because they want to avoid being ostracized.
