[Realbor]

I was really planning to write a long ass thread about this but I figured I make a rather short one instead and update it continously.


Short story is Im 28, I was in a relationship between 17 and 22 - my first and only girlfriend so far - at 22, getting dumped I probably got into some kind of semi-depression, isolated myself and played world of warcraft for 6 years straight.

Worked with a shitty minimum wage job just to get by and be able to afford a roof over my head and food. Lost all of my IRL friends I had since high-school and I havent touched a girl since I got dumped.

"Woke up" now at 28, deleted my account and all the characters, I had all of my social life/friends online cause of the game so yeah, I lost that too.

Ive been so damn tired and without no real motivation for so long so I recently went and checked my blood testosterone, came back 250ng/dl, 260ng/dl and 150ng/dl, also did a MRI-scan to check for some tumor on my HPTA to rule that one out and at the moment Im waiting for the results and hopefully after that I will be put on testosterone replacement therapy.

I live in Norway, a small place with just a couple thousands people. I need to get out of here and get some kind of education and hopefully get a life worth living again.

Basicly in a rut. Not sure what Im looking for with this, maybe some inspiration, motivation or "tough love", ass-kicking over the internet.

Pretty lost and without any purpose really, every day is just the same.

Im thankful for all input.

[TheMaleBrain]

Dude

You made some bad choices in the past, and in hell right now.
"If you are going through hell - keep going"

Before everything - I wish you well, and hope you'll be healthy.
Following that -
Suggest you start with the following:
1. Figure out "who you are" - what are the things you love to do, what is your character.
2. Based on that look for jobs which suit you.
3. Start working out, and eat well - less carbs, more proteins, fruits and vegetables.
4. Look up either new friends, or RVF members near by - you need a support group.
5. Look inside to find out what gives you strength. Once you find out, use it.

Good luck

[K Galt]

This post hit me in the sympathy bone...I just recently had a similar conversation with a relative who has similar issues.

Here's my two cents for you:

Deleting your WoW account and signing up for the RVF is a good start.

Basicly in a rut. Not sure what Im looking for with this, maybe some inspiration, motivation or "tough love", ass-kicking over the internet.

Pretty lost and without any purpose really, every day is just the same.

First things first, find a high quality source of liquid gelcap Vitamin D3. You probably need to take at least 20,000 I.U. a day for a few weeks to get your Vitamin D blood levels up. That will help you tremendously with your depression issues. Being in Northern Europe means you certainly don't get enough natural sunlight exposure to have a healthy Vitamin D levels, and spending 6 years basically living indoors online obsessing with WoW makes that much worse.

"Woke up" now at 28, deleted my account and all the characters, I had all of my social life/friends online cause of the game so yeah, I lost that too.

You had virtual friends in a virtual world. You didn't lose anything other than an enabling support network keeping you plugging into a false reality. Go find some real friends in real life.

The best way to do that is by DOING something (anything) with other people. The harder the THING you attempt to do with people, the more you bond and form meaningful relationships with each other.

So join a gym, or a martial arts club, or a skiing club...or take music classes or art classes or even something like cooking classes. Point is, find some activity/hobby that involves working with other people (especially if you find someone to mentor you) to accomplish something or develop some skillset. As people help you and you help people to achieve some sort of goal or develop a skill, friendships form, and achieving something/anything will also give you a sense of confidence and self worth.

Main thing is get off your ass and go find something you can do that will inspire you to be passionate about something and give you something to work towards and overcome some form of difficulty.

[brick tamland]

You'll also have to change your environment and no longer be exposed to the same stimuli (people, places, your fixed roles, people's expectations of you etc.). If possible, just move away from where you live now in order to face a new rewarding challenge. Other things will thereafter fall into place.

[Delta]

Your two priorities for now should be:

1. Learn a marketable skill, and get a decent job. Go back to school if need be, or self-teach something, which is easier than ever in the modern information age. The benefits of this are self-evident.

2. Lift weights. I can't name a single endeavor that benefits a man's life in more ways than lifting weights. Getting in shape will:
-make women more attracted to you
-make men respect you more
-make you healthier
-make you more confident
-increase your testosterone levels

Before trying to bring other people into your life, whether girls or male friends, you need to get your own shit taken care of. Quality people want to be associated with other quality people. Your life will be more "all work, no play" than you'd like at first, but you'll have reason to believe your future will hold better things. This is fundamental to happiness.

[Turnus]

How is your weight? I'm guessing sitting inside playing video games for 6 years straight your not the leanest of guys. That may be an area of your life you want to address as well.

[2Wycked]

Here are a couple quick points:

1. You need to do something different. I think you are already aware of this, but you simply need to switch things up. Even if it is something simple like going to bed at midnight instead of 4 AM, that's a good start. You should worry less about T-levels and identity-based stuff on focus more on what you do.

2. In this same vein, I recommend training yourself to substitute reading for electronic media. Not only is it better for your raw intelligence, but it allows you to unplug for sleep easier and is better for your psyche. Video games give one the false sense of accomplishment that is fine when you have direction in life, but becomes a drain when you lean on them for a sense of self or purpose. I recommend any major works by Stephen King, John Grisham, maybe Ray Bradbury. You can PM me and I can send you a list with links to some fiction you might like (I don't really have a good gauge on your personality, so there's that).

3. There is no shame in going back to a minimum wage job if need be. Get one you can tolerate and bust your ass. Given the high turnover at these jobs, you can distinguish yourself pretty quick. I know they can be soul-crushing, but there is no shame in a minimum wage job.

4. We don't have much to go on at this point, so I just want to emphasize checking T-levels and all that is fine, but you simply need to make new, more productive habits. The obvious question being: Where to you want to go? What's your education level? A man needs purpose and I don't mean that vaguely oppressive feeling most millenials feel about needing purpose at work, I mean you need to have real faith about where you are taking your life.

[Realbor]

Thankyou for the responses so far.

I will definately order the vitamine d3 right away.

It feels kinda weird at the moment, Its like I know on an intellectual level that I should "do something", yet its extremely difficult to find the motivation or even figure out exactly what it is I want. I have a feeling the low testosterone might have to do something with it, I really hope to get help with that one soon enough.

Oh did I mention my libido is basicly non-existant, too?

About my weight: Its pretty good, despite my gaming life Ive actually managed to run like 3 times a week, so the weight is healthy at 78kg, 180cm height.

I do believe I would gain alot by maybe take up studies on an university level, that will give me a "new start" aswell with student life and all that comes with it. Given its basicly free here in scandinavia, I have nothing to loose really. I would also try to get a job on the side of studies.

Ive been interested in BJJ and Judo for a long time, maybe I should sign up for it.


Is there anyone in here who is/have been suffering from low testosterone? Its like you legitimaly feel like a 75 year old man despite being in your 20s. Mind is pretty slow, foggy, energy is down, libido is very low and motivation is crazy low.

[Realbor]

(01-07-2017 04:58 PM)2Wycked Wrote:  

The obvious question being: Where to you want to go? What's your education level? A man needs purpose and I don't mean that vaguely oppressive feeling most millenials feel about needing purpose at work, I mean you need to have real faith about where you are taking your life.

As of right now, I really want to get more girls for sure, I want alot of experience with them before I decide to "settle down" with one and start a family, and I dont wanna do that before Im like 36-38.

I also want to have alot of social connections and friends as I really miss that, I had it in high-school and life felt so much better when you had it.

As for career/work, Im really not sure, what so ever. Feel kinda lost in that endevour, not sure why.

Oh, and another thing for me: Im not sure how the girls are in your countries, but to be perfectly honest ... the women in norway, or scandinavia is a whole .. I mean, they are very feminist, kinda ego and extremely promiscous it seems. They dont value the core family at all and the divorce rate is rather extreme here.

When I finally decide to start a family, I want something very stable and Im not sure I can get that with a girl from the part of the world, just some random thoughts that popped up right now.

[Realbor]

Adding to the thread:

I would also like to point out I feel somewhat like a man-child. I mean, Im 28, but I feel 20 tops.

Unfortunately my father past away when I was a little child, so I never really had any form of father figure growing up. My mom is nice and loving and all, but she is not a man, probably spoiling me alot and I had very little restrictions growing up. If I just whined enough, I got it, so to speak.

I feel like I have very little experience of the real world. I cannot do any "manly stuff", I dont fish, I dont hunt, and I know nothing about basic plumbing and stuff like that which men "should know".

As I said, adding to the thread whenever new thoughts come up.

[RatInTheWoods]

Mate, I feel for you. I see this malaise in so many of your generation.

Being an old bastard who has lived a full and passion filled life makes it hard for me to relate to a lack of purpose, and having no "fire in the belly"

You have come to the right place, the men on here will give you tough love and fatherly advice.

You need to shake up your life and escape the virtual world, and find something that ignites your passion.

Its your journey, you will have to do the hard work. We will help, and you have taken your first steps.

Good luck.

[Realbor]

(01-07-2017 05:46 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Mate, I feel for you. I see this malaise in so many of your generation.

Being an old bastard who has lived a full and passion filled life makes it hard for me to relate to a lack of purpose, and having no "fire in the belly"

You have come to the right place, the men on here will give you tough love and fatherly advice.

You need to shake up your life and escape the virtual world, and find something that ignites your passion.

Its your journey, you will have to do the hard work. We will help, and you have taken your first steps.

Good luck.

Thankyou for your support.

Yes, I see this phenomena everywhere. In myself, ofcourse, but also in many many other young guys (18-35), they are just lost.

I remember growing up, and I dont think I ever saw this in my uncles for example, or my grandfather for that matter. They seemed so much more at peace with life and fulfilled, they all had alot of friends the same age too.

Today, I see so many guys (and posts on the internet) having no friends, no support group .. and well yeah, Im there myself now.

I know I can be passionate about things and excel in them, as I was in world of warcraft, I was very skilled and obsessed with that game.

Now, having deleted it .. Its all emptiness, 6 years gone, and almost all my twenties "wasted" online.

Feels kinda numb lol

[Delta]

(01-07-2017 05:06 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

Oh, and another thing for me: Im not sure how the girls are in your countries, but to be perfectly honest ... the women in norway, or scandinavia is a whole .. I mean, they are very feminist, kinda ego and extremely promiscous it seems. They dont value the core family at all and the divorce rate is rather extreme here.

Sounds like you've been lurking awhile. Keep in mind that people often post here at the peak of their frustration, and things tend to get exaggerated. The situation with western women certainly isn't ideal, but don't let yourself get talked into the notion that it's impossible to find a quality relationship in the west. Once you have what it takes to get laid regularly, you'll also be able to lock down a girl who's wife material if that's what you desire.

[SegaSaturn1994]

Interesting thread. I've been through similar and am still vulnerable to all the ailments you mentioned. I live right behind the border and study norwegian in community college so PM me if you like.

In addition to your T levels I would get your thyroid checked. I used to have a very serious thyroid issue that went undiagnosed until my dad brought it up with an actual physician. As a consequence I received radioidione treatment, which might have been the bad choice and now I no longer have a functional thyroid and am on medication for the rest of my life but whatever your case, you should get it checked just in case because it affects every cell of your body.

I would perhaps consult the employment agency to arrange for a meeting with an occupational psychologist that might get you on the right track regarding your future education plans and what not. It is not magic but it's one thing to scratch off your bucket list. Not sure how it works in Norway but I'm sure you have plenty of distance study options in open uni and colleges as well so even if you're stuck in a small backwards town, you could still start working towards a degree online very quickly once you have a rough idea of where you want to be.

[Realbor]

Thanks for your response SegaSaturn, I actually checked my thyroid too when I looked up my testosterone levels, my endo said that the thyroid was fine, so I guess its fine, I never saw any numbers tho, maybe I should check that one.

I think the ideal for me is to move and change town, live with other students and participate in teh student life culture, that would probably help alot in regards of getting new friends.


Also a question for everybody: My brain keeps telling me Im "too old" for younger girls (18-20) now, any input on that?

[TheMaleBrain]

(01-07-2017 07:25 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

Thanks for your response SegaSaturn, I actually checked my thyroid too when I looked up my testosterone levels, my endo said that the thyroid was fine, so I guess its fine, I never saw any numbers tho, maybe I should check that one.

I think the ideal for me is to move and change town, live with other students and participate in teh student life culture, that would probably help alot in regards of getting new friends.


Also a question for everybody: My brain keeps telling me Im "too old" for younger girls (18-20) now, any input on that?

This is your "Super-Ego" telling you what society "wants" you to do.
My way of fighting it, is doing the 100 approach challenge - approach a "hot enough" girl every day for 100 days. Approach younger girls as well.
You will be blown out of the water repeatedly. But in the end you will be skilled and will overcome your "programming".

[Khan]

OP, I can completely relate to your situation, as I also grew up without a father and discovered the red pill in my late 20s.

You're probably resentful of the fact that you've lost so much valuable time. I sometimes feel the same way. It's important to remember that while you can't turn the clock back, you can make the most of your life from now on. So no regrets!

And be grateful for discovering and swallowing the red pill, there are a lot of men in our generation who never do, and probably never will. It's commendable that you've decided to throw your ego away and ask others for help, that's always a good first step.

That being said, I think that when you get your job/finances in order, you should consider relocating to a bigger city. Even a smaller city (let's say, with a population of 50-100k) will provide you with much more possibilities in life.

Others have mentioned lifting weights, that's a must. You cannot have a healthy mind in a weak body. As Arnold would say, it's time to turn this mush into muscle!

Also, consider signing up for dance classes. Just like weightlifting, dancing is a natural anti-depressant, and it has an additional benefit of exposing you to chicks.

And one more thing, do this test:

https://www.16personalities.com

It's the most accurate personality test there is, based on Jungian psychology. It's not some cheap psych gibberish, it's for real, trust me. Your results will tell you a lot about yourself - your strengths, weaknesses and so on.

[stugatz]

OP, I'm 29 and would like to share my own relatively similar story, as I feel like I've wasted time too. (I'm more sexually experienced than you are, which I'm only bringing up to show you how the raw amount of bangs doesn't much matter, in my opinion. Whether you can consistently achieve them and get girls interested in you is what matters.)

Grew up in a home with both parents, but they were relatively hands-off and didn't have a clue how to raise me. We moved constantly and I never learned social skills. When puberty hit, I started skipping school when I realized girls and peers didn't like me much - and I ended up spending an extra year and a half in high school. Started college about a year after that, drifted aimlessly, partied. Never really had a "girlfriend", just bangs that happened out of luck, some stuck around for a few months. Have only recently begun to find a direction, but it isn't a strong one - the only real thing keeping me going right now is the gym, my job, friends, and hobbies as I hang out and figure out what to do with myself.

You're turning the ship around and seem sincere. Keep doing it. That's all that matters.

[SegaSaturn1994]

(01-07-2017 07:25 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

Thanks for your response SegaSaturn, I actually checked my thyroid too when I looked up my testosterone levels, my endo said that the thyroid was fine, so I guess its fine, I never saw any numbers tho, maybe I should check that one.

I think the ideal for me is to move and change town, live with other students and participate in teh student life culture, that would probably help alot in regards of getting new friends.


Also a question for everybody: My brain keeps telling me Im "too old" for younger girls (18-20) now, any input on that?

I don't want to confuse you with what might be a trivial issue in your particular case but it would be good to check if your thyroid reading included your T3 values as well as opposed to merely T4 values. T4 is the hormone that's supposed to be converted to T3, which is the truly important hormone for your health and sometimes the T4 reading is misleading; where I live the tests usually do not include T3 unless requested. Your TSH level is also an indicator of whether things are under control or not but should never be used as the stand-alone indicator.

BTW I'm in my early 30's despite what my username might indicate just in case that might affect your perception.

[Thomas Jackson]

If college is basically free it's a no brainer. Study something practical like engineering/computer science/accounting. Get a part time job and start lifting regularly. This should help with you malaise/lack of energy and give you some purpose. Scandinavian woman are smoking hot - take advantage of the natural bounty. The worst thing you can do is feel sorry for yourself. Take charge of your life and do the best you can.

[subterfuge]

Do you approach girls now out of interest? If you are good looking, I don't think you need to have an amazing job and stuff to do well with girls/get laid

[oss_117]

@Realbor Hei og takk for det spennende temat (sorry for the bad bokmål).
I'd like also to chime in as some who can related to a *lot* of what you are describing. Aged 33, with constrain 'brain fog', zero libido, energy of an 80 year old, zero motivation to achieve anything, addicted to zero-risk and minimum effort, constantly afraid of everything. I let my academic career go to the dogs, never fulfilled my dream of becoming a 'real scientist' and it took me SO god-damned long to finish my BSc and Masters degrees, that they are now almost worthless.
Consequently, it took me more than a year of begging to find a half-way decent job which unfortunately bores me out of my mind - after all, the cool and interesting jobs are a tiny fraction of the whole and only the best of the best get to do them, deservedly.
Needless to say, my love life is an unmitigated disaster, and although every once in five years or so, some decent-looking girl shows direct interest in me, nothing ever happens because of paranoia and trust issues. I've turned down direct offers for sex on a few occasions which isn't that hard to do when libido is close to zero and paranoia and fear is close to infinity.
TLDR, you get the picture.

As to the practical stuff people suggested, yes I am taking D3 as advised by my local GP, although the dosage that some people suggest here seems dangerously high. Most docs recommend 20.000 IU per *week*, not per day. So consult a physician before proceeding.

Also, I'm wondering how you could randomly get all those fancy tests and MRIs? Do you have a friendly doctor who prescribed them? Or it's possible to contact a private healthcare services provider and pay for them out of your pocket?

Also, I see a lot of people giving the classic and very sound advice "start lifting". Unfortunately I got a 'weird case' of rhabdomyolysis 4 years ago after relatively little exertion (about 20 minutes of playing soccer) and docs said 'you should only do light exercises'. Needless to say, I used it as a perfect excuse to not ever set foot at the gym again.

In any case, I think it would be very beneficial, if you I and other people in similar situation could somehow remain in touch and build some kind of virtual support group. What does everyone think?

[Realbor]

(01-08-2017 04:47 AM)Khan Wrote:  

OP, I can completely relate to your situation, as I also grew up without a father and discovered the red pill in my late 20s.

You're probably resentful of the fact that you've lost so much valuable time. I sometimes feel the same way. It's important to remember that while you can't turn the clock back, you can make the most of your life from now on. So no regrets!

And be grateful for discovering and swallowing the red pill, there are a lot of men in our generation who never do, and probably never will. It's commendable that you've decided to throw your ego away and ask others for help, that's always a good first step.

That being said, I think that when you get your job/finances in order, you should consider relocating to a bigger city. Even a smaller city (let's say, with a population of 50-100k) will provide you with much more possibilities in life.

Others have mentioned lifting weights, that's a must. You cannot have a healthy mind in a weak body. As Arnold would say, it's time to turn this mush into muscle!

Also, consider signing up for dance classes. Just like weightlifting, dancing is a natural anti-depressant, and it has an additional benefit of exposing you to chicks.

And one more thing, do this test:

https://www.16personalities.com

It's the most accurate personality test there is, based on Jungian psychology. It's not some cheap psych gibberish, it's for real, trust me. Your results will tell you a lot about yourself - your strengths, weaknesses and so on.

Hello there.

Yes Im resentful for sure, how could I be so stupid to sit inside my apartment and play games for literally 6 years in my twenties?

Now here I am, a 28 year old with no "dating experience" what so ever. My Gf that I had was the one who approached me, so yeah, no "pick up" experience so to speak.

I will most likely move to a larger city yes, think Im gonna jump on studies when it starts 8 months from now. But I need something to do til then too.

I did the test, I got "ISTJ-T", described me pretty well.

[Realbor]

(01-08-2017 07:53 AM)SegaSaturn1994 Wrote:  

(01-07-2017 07:25 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

Thanks for your response SegaSaturn, I actually checked my thyroid too when I looked up my testosterone levels, my endo said that the thyroid was fine, so I guess its fine, I never saw any numbers tho, maybe I should check that one.

I think the ideal for me is to move and change town, live with other students and participate in teh student life culture, that would probably help alot in regards of getting new friends.


Also a question for everybody: My brain keeps telling me Im "too old" for younger girls (18-20) now, any input on that?

I don't want to confuse you with what might be a trivial issue in your particular case but it would be good to check if your thyroid reading included your T3 values as well as opposed to merely T4 values. T4 is the hormone that's supposed to be converted to T3, which is the truly important hormone for your health and sometimes the T4 reading is misleading; where I live the tests usually do not include T3 unless requested. Your TSH level is also an indicator of whether things are under control or not but should never be used as the stand-alone indicator.

BTW I'm in my early 30's despite what my username might indicate just in case that might affect your perception.

I will definately check my t3 and t4 value, thanks alot.

[Realbor]

(01-08-2017 09:03 AM)subterfuge Wrote:  

Do you approach girls now out of interest? If you are good looking, I don't think you need to have an amazing job and stuff to do well with girls/get laid

Never approached any, sent you a PM.