^You didn't describe your reactions when the dude bullies you.
So, what do you do when it happens?
Also, do you lift and / or practice a martial art?
So, what do you do when it happens?
Also, do you lift and / or practice a martial art?
How is the best way to deal with a bully?
Realizing that most bullies are insecure and finding what they are insecure about is key. They also are not the most intelligent, or the most calculated generally. If you can't beat their ass, embarrass the fuck out of them. Even if you don't let them know you were behind it, it will give you some solid ammo to fire back with next time they talk shit. I remember a big beefcake bully in high school who used to pick on little kids; he was a good wrestler and tough fighter, but he shit himself by taking ex lax to drop weight and all it took was one quick witted victim of his to expose him in front of everyone and he never bullied anyone again.
When we moved to a new state in high school my little bro was getting picked on by a 'popular surfer kid' and my bro was a 'band nerd' who didn't have a lot of friends. He tried to ignore the bully and not let it get to him like our mom said to do, but it got worse. More verbal abuse and it even got physical. He threw pebbles, then rocks, and followed him after class taunting him with a group of onlookers laughing. My bro saw a big friend of mine and felt at least he wouldn't be jumped too bad, then he turned and socked the guy in the jaw and proceeded to choke him while he slammed his head into the concrete. That kid never made eye contact with my bro again other than when he apologized to him.
I would just say that you should relax. He clearly is under your skin so if you blurt out fat jokes every time he says something it will probably come out sounding insecure and reinforce his point. You must do it short, sweet, and subtlety then end the interaction on your terms. Violence does work but it's better to outsmart him or just let him make a fool of himself.
Long term- a book called the four agreement- can give different perspective to how the actions of others only reflect on themselves, not you. 48 laws of power is another good one you may like that is popular on this forum. "You do you" as others have suggested- set SMART goals, work to achieve them, and let this clown waste time talking shit about you while he drinks diet coke and cheap whiskey. When you make it big, offer him a job as a janitor in your company.
When we moved to a new state in high school my little bro was getting picked on by a 'popular surfer kid' and my bro was a 'band nerd' who didn't have a lot of friends. He tried to ignore the bully and not let it get to him like our mom said to do, but it got worse. More verbal abuse and it even got physical. He threw pebbles, then rocks, and followed him after class taunting him with a group of onlookers laughing. My bro saw a big friend of mine and felt at least he wouldn't be jumped too bad, then he turned and socked the guy in the jaw and proceeded to choke him while he slammed his head into the concrete. That kid never made eye contact with my bro again other than when he apologized to him.
I would just say that you should relax. He clearly is under your skin so if you blurt out fat jokes every time he says something it will probably come out sounding insecure and reinforce his point. You must do it short, sweet, and subtlety then end the interaction on your terms. Violence does work but it's better to outsmart him or just let him make a fool of himself.
Long term- a book called the four agreement- can give different perspective to how the actions of others only reflect on themselves, not you. 48 laws of power is another good one you may like that is popular on this forum. "You do you" as others have suggested- set SMART goals, work to achieve them, and let this clown waste time talking shit about you while he drinks diet coke and cheap whiskey. When you make it big, offer him a job as a janitor in your company.
The bully in my case is insecure about his career, he's 37 and his job is equivalent to a junior job and I'm sure he doesn't like his career(he said before a job is just a job). I'm 27 going into a junior programmer job and I'm sure I'll get into a programmer job by the end of February, March since I've had interview offers.
Next time when I see him, I'm going to say "how's work" with a big fat smile on my face.
Next time when I see him, I'm going to say "how's work" with a big fat smile on my face.
Reply to Latan: I must not have read the original posters full story. You are right. In this scenario I would not have to do any stepping up to the dude.
Really it sounds like the guy is not even a bully. Hes just toying with you and yeah possibly insecure about something.
However -- in other situations where bullying can cause real problems, I have no reservations about being overly direct and physical and getting up in their face multiple times without any hesitation and verbally set boundries and provoke a fight. After that I then proceed to spread the word around being very open and genuine and honest about what I did and said and how I am willing to physically hurt the person if they do not lay the eff off.
I do not take much crap from anybody.
Really it sounds like the guy is not even a bully. Hes just toying with you and yeah possibly insecure about something.
However -- in other situations where bullying can cause real problems, I have no reservations about being overly direct and physical and getting up in their face multiple times without any hesitation and verbally set boundries and provoke a fight. After that I then proceed to spread the word around being very open and genuine and honest about what I did and said and how I am willing to physically hurt the person if they do not lay the eff off.
I do not take much crap from anybody.
Remember success is always the best revenge... Live your life on your terms and phuck what the rest of the world thinks.
Failing that go to a firing range get good at marksmanship and ask some friends to join you... Inevitably some will remark about your skllz and the jackals will think twice about effing with you... Something about being lethal scares the shite out of jackals ... Is it better to be loved or feared?
Failing that go to a firing range get good at marksmanship and ask some friends to join you... Inevitably some will remark about your skllz and the jackals will think twice about effing with you... Something about being lethal scares the shite out of jackals ... Is it better to be loved or feared?
Quote: (12-31-2016 12:14 AM)Deepdiver Wrote:
Remember success is always the best revenge... Live your life on your terms and phuck what the rest of the world thinks.
Failing that go to a firing range get good at marksmanship and ask some friends to join you... Inevitably some will remark about your skllz and the jackals will think twice about effing with you... Something about being lethal scares the shite out of jackals ... Is it better to be loved or feared?
^ I agree. Truly, the best revenge is living well. Also, love your reference to "The Prince." It should be required reading for every red pill man. Here's the quote in its original context (for those who are interested):
Quote:Quote:
"Upon this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with. Because this is to be asserted in general of men, that they are ungrateful, fickle, false, cowardly, covetous, and as long as you succeed they are yours entirely; they will offer you their blood, property, life and children, as is said above, when the need is far distant; but when it approaches they turn against you. And that prince who, relying entirely on their promises, has neglected other precautions, is ruined; because friendships that are obtained by payments, and not by greatness or nobility of mind, may indeed be earned, but they are not secured, and in time of need cannot be relied upon; and men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails."
- Niccolo Machiavelli, "The Prince"
Well, short note...
When I was a kid, I was able to get rid of some bullies with physical confrontation. And I suceeded, however I realize later that you can rid of these kind of clowns by treat them like women. Just imagine a girl giving you "shit tests". I am not sure If you have gone through this part of game before, there are some threats here. Basically, the moron insults you, instead of trying to reply with another one, you set up a frame demonstrating that you couldn't care less what he thinks, because you are the alpha. If I am not explaining myself well, maybe other members who know the topic better can help.
For example, the fat guy say: Hey you have girl titties! The old times reply would be: What? Say it again Motha fuka ... I dare you!!
The new reply would be big smile and "Yeah,,, it enhaces my female side... you want some?"
When I was a kid, I was able to get rid of some bullies with physical confrontation. And I suceeded, however I realize later that you can rid of these kind of clowns by treat them like women. Just imagine a girl giving you "shit tests". I am not sure If you have gone through this part of game before, there are some threats here. Basically, the moron insults you, instead of trying to reply with another one, you set up a frame demonstrating that you couldn't care less what he thinks, because you are the alpha. If I am not explaining myself well, maybe other members who know the topic better can help.
For example, the fat guy say: Hey you have girl titties! The old times reply would be: What? Say it again Motha fuka ... I dare you!!
The new reply would be big smile and "Yeah,,, it enhaces my female side... you want some?"
Agree and amplify, same as you do when a chick shit tests you. If you can, after that just make a mental note in your head as "fucked-up person, antagonistic, to avoid in future" and avoid them as much as possible.
Sometimes even if you're older, like in a work situation, you can't get away from these people, and sadly there are people out there who get their kicks out of making life a hassle for other people. In those situations I usually go by a "three strikes" policy. First time, brush it off as random circumstance. Your co-worker says to you "Hey, you're looking a little fat there, chubster! Ever considered hitting the gym?"
Brush it off the first time with an agree and amplify. "Yeah! I just started. I'm doing four hours a day at the moment on the treadmill, you mean you can't tell?" Then go back to whatever you're doing and pretty much ignore any follow-up.
Second time, that's bad. Seems like they didn't get the message you weren't interested in their commentary. Be direct. "Hey pal, I thought it was pretty clear the first time I wasn't interested in your opinions. Do you have anything more to add? Please, let me know all about your feelings, right now."
Third time, it's hammer of an angry god time. I'd use all available methods to get the perpetual bully shitcanned out of their job, including a report to HR, whatever it takes. Guess they just couldn't get the message. If it were a superior or manager I'd be thinking about giving my notice ASAP.
This is what we call having "good boundaries"
Sometimes even if you're older, like in a work situation, you can't get away from these people, and sadly there are people out there who get their kicks out of making life a hassle for other people. In those situations I usually go by a "three strikes" policy. First time, brush it off as random circumstance. Your co-worker says to you "Hey, you're looking a little fat there, chubster! Ever considered hitting the gym?"
Brush it off the first time with an agree and amplify. "Yeah! I just started. I'm doing four hours a day at the moment on the treadmill, you mean you can't tell?" Then go back to whatever you're doing and pretty much ignore any follow-up.
Second time, that's bad. Seems like they didn't get the message you weren't interested in their commentary. Be direct. "Hey pal, I thought it was pretty clear the first time I wasn't interested in your opinions. Do you have anything more to add? Please, let me know all about your feelings, right now."
Third time, it's hammer of an angry god time. I'd use all available methods to get the perpetual bully shitcanned out of their job, including a report to HR, whatever it takes. Guess they just couldn't get the message. If it were a superior or manager I'd be thinking about giving my notice ASAP.
This is what we call having "good boundaries"
Quote: (01-01-2017 10:41 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:
Your co-worker says to you "Hey, you're looking a little fat there, chubster! Ever considered hitting the gym?"
Is it me, or are 100% of the people who say those things out of shape, often grossly out of shape, themselves? They don't say it to me, as although I don't look like a bodybuilder, it's obvious that I take care of myself. I guess they're just projecting themselves onto other people. A lot of that goes on in the world.
People treat you how you let them .
Stand up for yourself and speak up.
Don't take any shit from anyone.
I'd say kick his ass (you can always try) but you may have something to lose after the fact.
I struggle with that very problem myself and it's very frustrating. I was too forgiving and held back from following my gut too many times.
My older brother use to torment me when we both were young "because he was bored "(straight from the horses mouth ) ,and one of the main reasons I didn't react how I wanted to because I didn't want to hear my mothers mouth about us destroying shit in the house fighting (reasonable) or just fighting period (he was larger than me) .
He stole from me often throughout the time we lived together and didn't stop because there were no consequences for him except to hear me bitch.
I started working out again about a year and a half ago and gained some self confidence. The last few times he took things was when I went to work one day and came home to see my room cleaned out for my clothes and a good majority of valuables .the next time I saw him I was pulling into the driveway and he ran out the house and jumped into his girlfriends truck with a cowardly look on his .Next time he came home ,I confronted him about it and challenged him to shoot the fair one .He once again,ran into a car and sped off .
Last time it happened .i was coming home from work and I get a phone call from him saying he went in my room and took my shoes and is wearing them .i immediately lose my shit but me not knowing where the hell he is and me not even 10 minutes away from home there wasn't much I could do . I finally got home ,race to my room to see what else is missing and before I even open the door I see a brand new pair of shoes I just bought sprawled out on the floor .i was beyond pissed.i got on the phone and told him he had five minutes to bring my belongings back to me or he was we were fighting regardless if he wanted to or not. He shows up and hands me my shoes back (it was raining so they were wet and covered in grass). Says he's "sorry" and immediately takes off again.
I didn't see him for a few months and the next time I did he was moving outta town using the bus. He didn't have a way there,that's where I come in.my sister called me to ask if I could give him a ride and I agreed hoping that we could squash this verbally. That didn't end well I straight up asked him why does he steal from me ,he said he didn't want to talk about it . I drive silently for a few seconds getting pissed off .i suddenly pulled over and kicked him out . I drive off and he called to say I was dead to him. That's the last time I've spoken to him. Fuck him.
The next time (if I don't move out by then ) it happens I won't be so nice Some people in this world truly do need a thorough asswhooping to get the point across. I won't hesitate next time,if there is one.
Stand up for yourself and speak up.
Don't take any shit from anyone.
I'd say kick his ass (you can always try) but you may have something to lose after the fact.
I struggle with that very problem myself and it's very frustrating. I was too forgiving and held back from following my gut too many times.
My older brother use to torment me when we both were young "because he was bored "(straight from the horses mouth ) ,and one of the main reasons I didn't react how I wanted to because I didn't want to hear my mothers mouth about us destroying shit in the house fighting (reasonable) or just fighting period (he was larger than me) .
He stole from me often throughout the time we lived together and didn't stop because there were no consequences for him except to hear me bitch.
I started working out again about a year and a half ago and gained some self confidence. The last few times he took things was when I went to work one day and came home to see my room cleaned out for my clothes and a good majority of valuables .the next time I saw him I was pulling into the driveway and he ran out the house and jumped into his girlfriends truck with a cowardly look on his .Next time he came home ,I confronted him about it and challenged him to shoot the fair one .He once again,ran into a car and sped off .
Last time it happened .i was coming home from work and I get a phone call from him saying he went in my room and took my shoes and is wearing them .i immediately lose my shit but me not knowing where the hell he is and me not even 10 minutes away from home there wasn't much I could do . I finally got home ,race to my room to see what else is missing and before I even open the door I see a brand new pair of shoes I just bought sprawled out on the floor .i was beyond pissed.i got on the phone and told him he had five minutes to bring my belongings back to me or he was we were fighting regardless if he wanted to or not. He shows up and hands me my shoes back (it was raining so they were wet and covered in grass). Says he's "sorry" and immediately takes off again.
I didn't see him for a few months and the next time I did he was moving outta town using the bus. He didn't have a way there,that's where I come in.my sister called me to ask if I could give him a ride and I agreed hoping that we could squash this verbally. That didn't end well I straight up asked him why does he steal from me ,he said he didn't want to talk about it . I drive silently for a few seconds getting pissed off .i suddenly pulled over and kicked him out . I drive off and he called to say I was dead to him. That's the last time I've spoken to him. Fuck him.
The next time (if I don't move out by then ) it happens I won't be so nice Some people in this world truly do need a thorough asswhooping to get the point across. I won't hesitate next time,if there is one.
Do not cower, do not be afraid, be ready to fight back.
I believe that the universe will throw at you situations until you learn to deal with them. If you, for example, have a big fear of being punched, the universe will send you bullied after bullies. Until you learn to stand up for yourself.
I was afraid of dogs, big time, ever since I had a bad experience when I was a kid.
So one time I was returning from school alone, and I remember few dogs started to follow me. I panicked and you know how that goes, dogs sensed it and start chasing me. At that moment I started to cry and yell for help. I was carrying a bag with me for physical activity in school and one dog though it was a food and wanted to take it from me.
But when I was left without an option realizing no one will come to help me, I grabbed a stone and just start running towards them. I didn't even have to throw a stone to hit the dog. They understood that all of a sudden, I wasn't afraid anymore, but angry, really angry. So they run away.
The point of the story? Grab a stone. Or cry for help.
I was afraid of dogs, big time, ever since I had a bad experience when I was a kid.
So one time I was returning from school alone, and I remember few dogs started to follow me. I panicked and you know how that goes, dogs sensed it and start chasing me. At that moment I started to cry and yell for help. I was carrying a bag with me for physical activity in school and one dog though it was a food and wanted to take it from me.
But when I was left without an option realizing no one will come to help me, I grabbed a stone and just start running towards them. I didn't even have to throw a stone to hit the dog. They understood that all of a sudden, I wasn't afraid anymore, but angry, really angry. So they run away.
The point of the story? Grab a stone. Or cry for help.
Just an update.
I'm part of this community and this guy is the treasurer so he collects the fees from everyone. On Monday he what's apped saying I need to pay the fees and he will get back to and he obviously hasn't. Just today he said congratulations to my cousin for getting a job at a restaurant.
Well it's almost 5 days and he obviously hasn't bothered to get back to me, it's deliberate.
Also he's lied about my cousin getting a job, it's actually a work trial for roughly a month.
Anyway I'm starting two freelance businesses next week and for sure he knows this and hence to take the shine off me by telling a lie that my cousin got a job on the what's app page in front of his whole family and relatives where he hasn't lol.
I'm part of this community and this guy is the treasurer so he collects the fees from everyone. On Monday he what's apped saying I need to pay the fees and he will get back to and he obviously hasn't. Just today he said congratulations to my cousin for getting a job at a restaurant.
Well it's almost 5 days and he obviously hasn't bothered to get back to me, it's deliberate.
Also he's lied about my cousin getting a job, it's actually a work trial for roughly a month.
Anyway I'm starting two freelance businesses next week and for sure he knows this and hence to take the shine off me by telling a lie that my cousin got a job on the what's app page in front of his whole family and relatives where he hasn't lol.
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