[kimura89]

I know I'm fairly new here, but hoping I can share this and get some feedback from you guys, apologies if this turns into a lengthy post. For background I'm a 28 year old Australian currently travelling through Southeast Asia (in Bangkok currently). I would rate my gaming skills fairly sound once I get past the initial approach and I'm in the right frame of mind (which is what this post is about) , looks wise I've been called anything from cute, handsome to above average, maybe a 6 or 7/10. However inner game issues are completely hindering my success both at home and abroad which is what this post is about.

It stems from being ugly as fuck in high school which resulted in little to no female attention. Glasses, braces and acne all at the same time, called ugly constantly. Then I got contacts, braces off and skin cleared up to the point I still get complimented on how nice it is over 10 years later. However what I can only describe as "ugly duckling syndrome" is completely messing with my self esteem levels where I write my chances off with women before I even think about approaching, and I have this paralysing fear of being rejected due to being "ugly". It's been this way for as long as I can remember, and I always tell myself i need to address it but it rarely happens. However I've managed to sleep with about 20 women most of which did the chasing, and I could confidently say there was at least another 20 that if I had the balls to game would've been pretty much guaranteed lays.

As an example, even though I'm taking in all that SE Asia has to offer I constantly find myself comparing my experience to other people. Looking up old threads here on Bangkok to see how successful other guys were, and if I'm not in line with that then I must be ugly. Yet I'm successfully securing dates through online game, but I have a paralysing fear of rejection due to my looks that I will generally flake out on the girl at the last minute, I've done a grand total of 0 approaches yet I tell myself that the girls here must think I'm unattractive. Of the 8 girls I've met through online game I've gotten at the very least a BJ through to fucking from 7 out of the 8. But again in my head it's a constant struggle. I feel crazy even typing this out, but I feel at 28 if I don't address this now I probably am too far gone. It's a good example of how high school bullying can have long lasting effects on the psyche.

Appreciate any help/advice..

[YoungBlade]

Stop comparing yourself to others. If you have to compare yourself to anything, compare yourself to your former self.

You used to be unable to get dates, now you're getting SEA bitches in a pipeline. Now go and fuck them.

[Kieran]

If you can't be confident then you need to stop giving a fuck which is the next best thing. Life is short so you need to make the most of it. You're lucky compared to a lot of the world - imagine what some people would do with what you have if they could change places with you? You have to stop being soft in this game because it's ruthless out there.

[Cheetah]

OP,

when was the last time your self esteem/inner game problems messed with your gaming? What happened in that situation?

[Samseau]

You've banged 20 girls and you have no hope? Get a grip bro, you're doing fine, you aren't an incel. Who cares if other guys have better game than you. You still can keep your appetite sated, stop caring if others are better than you. You're doing better than you were before, that's all that matters.

[Cobra]

^Agree with Samseau.

Dude, game and progress in game take a LONG time. It's a path not a point in time where you now have game. Every single player on the forum that bangs quality women can still do better and at one point they may have been worse off than you.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The negativity is not going to help.

[Poker]

Dont compare yourself to others, otherwise the goals that you wish to achieve will seem unattainable. Taking a few boxing lessons, comparing yourself to Foreman in his prime, then giving up would be idiotic, wouldn't it. The only person to compare yourself to is yourself, one step at a time and you will improve at anything you put your mind to. Many people want instant results and if they don't receive instant gratification, they give up. Think long term. A grain of sand put into a jar daily will eventually fill the jar.
You've fucked 20 women? The average figure according to many is 7, so congratulations.
Most guys talk bullshit when it comes to women, don't compare yourself to a probable illusion.

[jabberbabewocky]

(10-07-2017 07:07 AM)kimura89 Wrote:  

I know I'm fairly new here, but hoping I can share this and get some feedback from you guys, apologies if this turns into a lengthy post. For background I'm a 28 year old Australian currently travelling through Southeast Asia (in Bangkok currently). I would rate my gaming skills fairly sound once I get past the initial approach and I'm in the right frame of mind (which is what this post is about) , looks wise I've been called anything from cute, handsome to above average, maybe a 6 or 7/10. However inner game issues are completely hindering my success both at home and abroad which is what this post is about.

It stems from being ugly as fuck in high school which resulted in little to no female attention. Glasses, braces and acne all at the same time, called ugly constantly. Then I got contacts, braces off and skin cleared up to the point I still get complimented on how nice it is over 10 years later. However what I can only describe as "ugly duckling syndrome" is completely messing with my self esteem levels where I write my chances off with women before I even think about approaching, and I have this paralysing fear of being rejected due to being "ugly". It's been this way for as long as I can remember, and I always tell myself i need to address it but it rarely happens. However I've managed to sleep with about 20 women most of which did the chasing, and I could confidently say there was at least another 20 that if I had the balls to game would've been pretty much guaranteed lays.

As an example, even though I'm taking in all that SE Asia has to offer I constantly find myself comparing my experience to other people. Looking up old threads here on Bangkok to see how successful other guys were, and if I'm not in line with that then I must be ugly. Yet I'm successfully securing dates through online game, but I have a paralysing fear of rejection due to my looks that I will generally flake out on the girl at the last minute, I've done a grand total of 0 approaches yet I tell myself that the girls here must think I'm unattractive. Of the 8 girls I've met through online game I've gotten at the very least a BJ through to fucking from 7 out of the 8. But again in my head it's a constant struggle. I feel crazy even typing this out, but I feel at 28 if I don't address this now I probably am too far gone. It's a good example of how high school bullying can have long lasting effects on the psyche.

Appreciate any help/advice..

Revisit you high school for some bullshit reason and find out that the high school kids today have nothing on you and don't see you or treat you like the high school kids of your times there.

Get books like CBT for dummies, Anxiety for dummies, and get professional psychotherapy if the rest doesn't work.

Watch RSD Tyler talking about how he's this chubby short balding ginger and still gets laid with hot 23 year olds and says how looks almost don't matter.

[captain_shane]

OP, read this book. I think it will help you.

[kimura89]

@Cheetah

My problem in general is that the minute there is any kind of perceived negative reaction from a woman whether shit test or not, my first immediate thought is that "it's becuase she thinks I'm ugly". And then I start to go full beta male, needy and seeking validation.

[bgbusiness]

You probably doing better than like 95% of the population as far as your lay count. LOL.
And will reach 99% if you keep on going on your path...

[Incubus]

Very few alphas make it through the golden years (18 --23) without being mentally screwed by the ease of getting pussy. Not to mention the alphas have zero personalities (no need for one) ...list of things alphas let go of themselves is well covered in this forum (Example is...why did the chicks dry up in my thirties or I'm fat or drug problem or can't hold a ltr)
The BEST area to be in mentally...is HUNGRY....to always be a work in progress....to put yourself in a place of appreciation of what you earned.
You in a good place mentally that will push you for a long long time....except you don't know it

[King of Monkeys]

Hey, kimura, I'm also in a similar situation as far as self-worthiness goes in regards to other people. I would definitely look into the books and other methods of mental healing posted here. It sounds like what you need the most right now is a shift in your form of thinking more than anything else.

These things can be tricky to deal with because you could land yourself in a situation where you go out and meet girls as way to overcome your negative thinking but end up reinforcing it instead. My question for you is even though you've slept with plenty of women, what makes you think that you're still unattractive to the opposite sex?

[Cheetah]

(10-07-2017 09:15 PM)kimura89 Wrote:  

@Cheetah

My problem in general is that the minute there is any kind of perceived negative reaction from a woman whether shit test or not, my first immediate thought is that "it's becuase she thinks I'm ugly". And then I start to go full beta male, needy and seeking validation.

Do you think that you're ugly?

Do you think that the woman would show any kind of interest towards you should she think you are ugly?

[kimura89]

I think it's just the rejections I focus on and use that as an indicator. Also I think being in places like Philippines and Thailand where it is supposed to be filled with easy lays, I'm putting insane pressure on myself to do well. Becuase if I don't then there is surely something wrong with me. (this is what goes through my head).

Back home, I would say in the past 3 years of being single I've probably tried to pursue 3 girls, none of which really went anywhere. When I was younger between 18 and 22 I had a decent number of girls do the chasing with me or making it so obvious I had to do minimal legwork.. the social circle I was in was very large and very party minded. Now I'm a young-ish professional with a much smaller and different social circle those opportunities very rarely come if ever.

[Cheetah]

Quote:

Of the 8 girls I've met through online game I've gotten at the very least a BJ through to fucking from 7 out of the 8.

Beware of "girls" in Thailand who only give BJs.

[kimura89]

Haven't boned anyone in Thailand yet .. this was in Indonesia and Philippines, and can confidently say to the best of my ability The one that didn't give me sex wasn't a ladyboy.. but I catch your drift, will stay safe haha

[kimura89]

Prime example of what I'm talking about (though it ended up with a lay).

Went out to Levels on Sunday, was their last day before some pretty big renovations from the sounds of things, was waiting to meet up with a girl from Tinder but she was late. I couldn't really explain what came over me but I was perched up at the bar, saw two Thai girls sitting by themselves in the smoking area so i just sat down next to them and used a "do you have a cigarette?" opener. Next thing you know I'm on the dance floor making out with the cuter one with her grinding her ass on me.

Then my date texts and says she's waiting downstairs across the road. So I bounce out of there, meet her and she is absolutely gorgeous, a school teacher and actually a really cool chick. Had a great night and ended up back and her place and had some pretty incredible sex. This is all great right?

You know what's going through my head? Rather than "fucking awesome job Kimura, you did a successful approach with one sexy Thai and then had a solid 7.5/10 riding your dick all in the span of 2 hours, how could you possibly be ugly?!".. Nope, I was feeling insecure becuase the chick kept calling me cute and for that matter a lot of girls are calling me 'cute' rather than handsome, which in my head is Cute is the code word for 'On the bottom scale of good looking'. Told you guys I'm a lost cause

[Vill@in]

Confidence > Looks

Looks matter, let's not kid ourselves. BUT you can make up the difference in confidence. From the sounds of things, you really need to work on your inner confidence and there are a ton of resources on how to do this (not to mention hundreds of threads on this board).

It may sound silly, but look at yourself in the mirror before you go out and compliment yourself. Pump yourself up. Keep a journal of every time you have success with a woman and detail it. When you're feeling down about your looks, open the journal up for a reminder of your past success.

Also not sure if you mentioned it, but are you working out? Being in shape and having a good body will do wonders for your self esteem. Every woman swoons over a strong man.

[UnW]

There's no need to compare yourself to others, everyone has a different story and a different base level. Just focus on improving yourself everyday and gradually. You already have some good experiences and aim to branch out and not put too much pressure on yourself, so you don't overthink things. Find like minded guys who are willing to motivate you also and this will give you great confidence.

[astro]

I am like 25lbs overweight. I have girls calling me handsome often. You think it's my gut?

Maybe a small portion (my experience) gravitate towards physical. My fit buddies get approached that way. It's game for another type of gal.

It's your attitude. If you're down on yourself, you are actively sabotaging. If I can get young, thin, attractive girls bouncing their ass against my flabby stomach... do you think it isn't happening to you because you're ugly?

I am a real testament to game. I had a LTR that went on for something like 13 years, until I did the male version of eat, pray, love. My version was eat (lol), fuck, next. I have lost and gained weight over the years and it's actually had no real impact on the girls I have bedded. I'm just too fucking lazy to get in my best shape. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. It's all about my happiness.

That said, I am in another LTR now because I am lazy... and she does anything I want, when I want. She fits my needs so I can focus on the things (not sex) I really care about. I do amazing fucking things in the world. That drives me more than any pussy would.

Stop getting so hung up. Find yourself and your calling. Slay that, and I promise you that the pussy will follow you... it's designed to follow men like that: acne, fat, bald, toothpick, nerdy, dumb, you name a negative thing... it won't matter.