[amfl226]

Went to a thai restaurant with my parents last weekend and had a Thai American waitress who was probably in the 19-22 range. I'm 23. Cute girl who seemed genuinly nice. Since i was with my parents, i couldnt really game her at the time, but we had simple small talk (i.e. how long have you been working here, do you go to school nearby, etc.). I go to this restaurant somewhat regularly, maybe twice a month, sometimes solo and just sit at the bar.

My question is how long should i wait to go back and get her # / ask her out? Does it really matter? IMO im confident enough in myself to be able to go back in there solo and do my thing..but have been a believer in "timing is everything"

Maybe im overthinking. Its been 1 week since i went there last. Should i do it tonight? or wait another week?

[Satoshi]

As soon as possible.

[subterfuge]

'' i couldn't really game her at the time, but we had simple small talk (i.e. how long have you been working here, do you go to school nearby, etc.)''

What would you have done different in terms of 'gaming her' if your parents weren't there out of interest?

[John_Galt]

This is just my 2 cents, and MANY MANY people will disagree with me, so please take it with a grain of salt.

As a general rule, I never hit on women while they're working. There are two reasons for this: The first is they are PAID to be nice to customers. The second is that they get hit on all day long.

Let's discuss the first: Whether she thinks you're a creep or whether she wants to have your children, she's going to be nice and flirt back with you if she values her job and/or wants to make decent money. This goes especially for women in tipped jobs, such as waitresses or bartenders. Now, of course, skilled men can tell the difference between a girl who's pretending and who genuinely feels attraction 90% of the time, but there are always those women who are just professional about keeping you in the dark.

Another issue with this is the fact that if you enjoy going to this establishment for the service and food, hitting on her and her rejecting you can result in an unpleasant future for both of you. Now, every time you come in, she has to deal with the awkwardness of a guy who hit on her. In short, don't shit where you eat.

As for the second point, that they get hit on all the time, when you hit on the staff, you get lumped into a category with every other guy who walks through their doors. You start out in a ditch and have to dig your way out, and who wants to do that?

The exception to the above is if you're in a restaurant that you know you'll likely never or seldom visit again. Then it doesn't matter if you make an ass of yourself because you won't be coming back.

But don't hit on the staff at a place of business you frequent. There's way more to lose than their is to gain.

[monster]

I've dated a few waitresses. I never met them at the restaurant. However, with most of them, the guys they dated before me and the guys they dated after me they met while they were working. The guys chatted them up, some were regulars some were not. Didn't go too much more into detail than that, but I think a lot of waitresses meet the guys they date at work.

Big thing is though, and this is absolutely mandatory, if you do end up exchanging #s make sure you leave a generous tip. If you leave a shit tip you can forget about every hanging out with her.

[the_christian_grey]

I've dated waitresses I've picked up at restaurants. First thing I'd say is that making small talk about her work or school is NOT building attraction. You're just being a typical boring nice guy. I would recommend going in there for lunch again sometime soon by yourself, if she's there tease and challenge her a little bit to build attraction, then then ask for her number.

[booshala]

I've seen this dynamic at all the restaurants I've worked at. Waitresses - especially the young and good looking ones - tend to be very unforgiving about guys trying to pick them up while they're on the clock. Can count at least half a dozen occasions where a girl is jabbering in the back with another waitress talking about how creepy some customer is and then I see them on the floor flirting with the same guys they were talking shit about 30 seconds ago.

It's not impossible but the odds are stacked against you. You'll likely have more success if you're in the service industry or at least know a thing or two about the job that can ingratiate yourself with her and set yourself apart from the other schmoes that are constantly hitting on her. Same goes for if you're very good looking or charming, but then that's good for any situation. Good luck...

[Rhyme or Reason]

Booshala has it right. I've worked in several restaurants and can attest. They even talk shit about good looking customers hitting on them. They also interpret everything as flirting. It was actually an early red pill lesson for me; seeing how chicks relish in the opportunity to throw some guy under the bus for the validation of the bragplaint, and also they just love taking up the chance to shame guys for expressing interest.

[Rawmeo]

Don't. Unless it's a place that you will only go once, you don't want to get this ankward feeling everytime you go to your favorite restaurant. Don't shit where you eat.

They are paid to be nice to you. It's their job. They are evaluated on their friendliness, smile, and service.

[Unchained]

(12-04-2016 04:26 PM)John_Galt Wrote:  

As a general rule, I never hit on women while they're working. There are two reasons for this: The first is they are PAID to be nice to customers. The second is that they get hit on all day long.

I live by this rule as well and I'm a pretty shameless motherfucker but unless you're simply extremely good looking don't hit on girls while they work. In fact never hit on girls who are working unless they're clearly giving you choosing signals.

Not only is it lame for the reasons John_Galt laid out, but it's just really ineffective and inefficient. I NEVER hit on girls that are working. Most of the times guys do this they come off as desperate simps.

[The Lord Humungus]

(12-04-2016 04:26 PM)John_Galt Wrote:  

This is just my 2 cents, and MANY MANY people will disagree with me, so please take it with a grain of salt.

As a general rule, I never hit on women while they're working. There are two reasons for this: The first is they are PAID to be nice to customers. The second is that they get hit on all day long.


Let's discuss the first: Whether she thinks you're a creep or whether she wants to have your children, she's going to be nice and flirt back with you if she values her job and/or wants to make decent money. This goes especially for women in tipped jobs, such as waitresses or bartenders. Now, of course, skilled men can tell the difference between a girl who's pretending and who genuinely feels attraction 90% of the time, but there are always those women who are just professional about keeping you in the dark.

Like you said, You should be able to tell if there is some genuine chemistry happening. Even at a place like hooters where they ham it up for tips its not THAT hard to tell if the girl might actually be into you or not. And if they are, why pass up the opportunity? It's not like you only get a certain number of attempts in your life and you'll run out.

(12-04-2016 04:26 PM)John_Galt Wrote:  

Another issue with this is the fact that if you enjoy going to this establishment for the service and food, hitting on her and her rejecting you can result in an unpleasant future for both of you. Now, every time you come in, she has to deal with the awkwardness of a guy who hit on her. In short, don't shit where you eat.

It will only be awkward if you are. If you ask for a chicks number and she says no, who cares? If you are too awkward to face a girl that politely turned you down you have some mindset work to do. And if you're worried about HER feeling awkward....why?

(12-04-2016 04:26 PM)John_Galt Wrote:  

As for the second point, that they get hit on all the time, when you hit on the staff, you get lumped into a category with every other guy who walks through their doors. You start out in a ditch and have to dig your way out, and who wants to do that?

what? Why would you care what mental category the fucking waitress at Tiajuana Flats puts you in? And why is the opinion of a girl who isn't interested in you a "ditch" that you should put ANY effort into getting out of?

(12-04-2016 04:26 PM)John_Galt Wrote:  

But don't hit on the staff at a place of business you frequent. There's way more to lose than their is to gain.

I disagree. there is literally nothing to lose.

[torridon747]

I'm one of those assholes that never tip, especially female waitresses. I'll tip the busboy sooner than i tip the waitress, and do. Any woman that's nice to men for money and doesn't even try to hide it turns me off. That's my problem however so Moving forward:

If you're trying to game a waitress and I don't recommend it. It's pretty much big baller game or go home. These girls are waitresses because they can't do any better. They are paid to be nice to you but they have enough dignity not to be strippers. Do you know how often waitresses get hit on? It's a lot. Take your average girl of the same looks and multiply it by how busy the diner/resturaunt is. They're pretty good at milking it for tips too. That's how they make their living.

A waitress is there to cator to your needs. They mostly deal with light conversation focused on the customer. All day every day that is their lives. Make sure it's not slammed and ask genuinely and intently about her as a person. An easy way to do this is reflect their surface small talk with depth and intensity. If you're good and can work it in ask her why she's a waitress and let her tell you her dreams, express your interest in whatever banal shit it is and if you can show you have expertise or meaningful input do it. If you can somehow fake that you have connections or ability that would allow someone like her to acheive her goals/dreams, express it. Leave a big tip, dress well, drive something fancy. If you can stick around until after she receives the tip, maybe share a smoke (they almost always smoke), do it. Should get the number.

This isn't my style at all and I'm sure there's better ways to go about it. That's the only one i know of though. Good luck.

[JWLZG]

You've raised a few good points, but would your advice be different assuming the following statement wasn't the case?

(12-06-2016 02:19 AM)Eugenics Wrote:  

If you're trying to game a waitress and I don't recommend it. It's pretty much big baller game or go home. These girls are waitresses because they can't do any better. They are paid to be nice to you but they have enough dignity not to be strippers. Do you know how often waitresses get hit on? It's a lot. Take your average girl of the same looks and multiply it by how busy the diner/resturaunt is. They're pretty good at milking it for tips too. That's how they make their living.

I'm not sure where you are, but when we think of a waitress, it's not necessarily "poor uneducated chick who didn't pay attention in school and doesn't have any other options".
Most of them are students, recent graduates, employed in transient professions such as acting and art, or travellers on working holiday visas. Very few are in it for life.

The rest of your post is well thought out. I've worked in cafés and restaurants though, so it should give me a bit more materiél to work with when gaming them.

[torridon747]

Quote:

Most of them are students, recent graduates, employed in transient professions such as acting and art, or travellers on working holiday visas.

With the exception of the last thing that's what strippers say too. It's a false equivalency and a logical error to say they are in the same profession, but they do share some similar things - rely on tips - nicer to you for money.

Waitresses are waitresses because they can't do any better. I'm not saying they are stupid and some of them are even well paid; more than some would expect. I've worked in a lot of kitchens, they certainly make more than I ever did working in one. Point still stands that it's not a prestigious career and you don't have to have a degree or any expertise to be a waitress. If they could do something better they would, most people don't like having to hustle on their feet all day.

My advice is bad, it's just the only thing I can contribute. Using money to get women is something I consider not even game and it leaves an unexperienced player open to a lot of bullshit. Take money out of that equation and you have another guy flirting with a waitress, it's not very helpful.

[Fightersword]

One of the main things you have to keep in mind is that being interesting enough to elicit the reaction you want often means standing out compared to the 'Normal guy' in her head. So how does this relate to waitresses? Whereas you'd stand out to most girls for approaching her and chatting her up during the day, a waitress gets chatted up all the time, so instead of stepping above the flock if you hit on her there's a good chance you'll get thrown into the flirty customers bin. Whether you want to take that chance depends on how much you give a fuck.

They are paid to be nice to you, so it can be hard to discern actual indicators of interest from what she is just putting up if you aren't used to seeing fake smiles and people feigning interest in your life, and so on and so forth. That's where experience matters. I wouldn't go in directly either way, instead aiming to create some sort of connection or something in our chatter to elevate myself above the flock before taking it up a notch. Gotta be more than another flirty face. Might take a little more effort than your usual approach as a result.

Generally hitting on a girl who's working is already going to be a strike against you anyway or make it harder in some other way, though it kind of depends on the job and girl. You either have to do something like what we've discussed with waitresses or deal with really small windows of opportunity with someone like a cashier that it tends to be a bit of an uphill battle.

[Snowplow]

(12-06-2016 02:19 AM)Eugenics Wrote:  

I'm one of those assholes that never tip, especially female waitresses. I'll tip the busboy sooner than i tip the waitress, and do. Any woman that's nice to men for money and doesn't even try to hide it turns me off. That's my problem however so Moving forward:

From now on I can only see you as Mr. Pink

[Tex Cruise]

Never had any success actually closing a waitress/cashier while they're working, but I think it's worth laying some groundwork such as demonstrating high value or social proof on the off chance you should happen to meet them again outside of work - where they can be completely different since they're not being paid to be nice to you.

I can think of four separate occasions where this has happened. Twice when the girl and I were later introduced by friends "Oh yeah, I know you from [her work]", and twice by chance.

One in particular that I think is worth mentioning as an example was a hot 19yo waitress with whom the only interactions I'd ever had were purely transactional. "Hi" - place order - "Thankyou", and maybe a tiny bit of banter about busy night/quiet night, but very little.
One day I happened to see her at a roadhouse while I was putting fuel in my car
"Hi" I said
"Hi" she replied
Thats it. But somehow that was enough that we now "knew each other" outside of me being just another customer at work.
Next time I was at her place of work I saw her there but did not acknowledge her, since it was a restaraunt/bar and I was not dining that night, I was just in the bar section for a couple of quiet drinks.
She came over and said "Hey, aren't you going to say hello to me?"
A few hours and a venue change later I'm banging her on my couch thinking "Well, this was unexpected!"

[Merengues]

I had an interesting situation recently.

Provincional Spain. I was driving with a colleague of mine and decided to stop in a local eatery for lunch.

Once sitted, a cute, young waitress brought us menus and told me I have a nice mustache (lol).

I talked with her for a bit when she was bringing dishes. (weektime lunch is 3 courses here)

When finished I was about to ask for her number but she gave me a piece of paper with a date written on it. 'It's my birthday' she said.

Now I'm a bit puzzled what to think about it. The place is quite close to where I live, so I guess a little birthday party never killed anybody. Especially that she's turning 20.

[General Stalin]

I'm bummed OP never came back with an update on what he did.

I'm going to assume he never went back to hit this girl up proper as he would have came racing in here to report about it.

Too bad; another missed opportunity.

[debeguiled]

You can go back to that restaurant anytime and hand her back the piece of paper and say she forgot something.

[RunsWithScissors]

There's a couple cute girls at my local coffee shop that I frequent, I'm always social with all the baristas and we usually know each other's names after a bit. Last summer there was one girl 11 years younger than me who was a bit flirty and we would chat a bit. One day I saw her at the gym, she came over to me to say hi and we chatted a bit, I asked for her number and a week or so later she came over to my place. We ended up dating for a couple months, she still works there and we've remained friendly. I used to worry about it being awkward to go back if I got rejected but I care a lot less about that now, though I still lean to not directly hitting on the waitresses in the regular places I hang.