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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-13-2016, 10:31 PM
Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.
When I was in China, where I spent most of the last four years, I felt this deep drive to make money, meet girls, travel, dress well - basically live the international man of mystery lifestyle. It wasn't without its headaches, but I felt a different level of drive and excitement about life than I do at home. I loved gaming in a foreign language, meeting expats from all over, taking trains around the country, etc. It brought about a ton of personal growth.
I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.
Lately my desire to compete, to gain material wealth, to have sex, etc has declined dramatically. I don't think it's depression since I still lead an active lifestyle and socialize with people, but the root of the problem seems to be feeling trapped between two worlds: one where doing whatever the fuck I wanted was basically fine, which I found energizing, and the other where virtually everyone I know is married, having kids, and buying homes. This is no criticism of the latter, as I think those are all great things and I want them for myself eventually (I'm 30), but for whatever reason, I can't relate right now and it's killing my drive.
Anyway, I'm not really looking for a "solution" to my situation, more than anything else I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced similar things and how you dealt with it. I guess the simplest question to ask is how you stayed motivated after coming back. I'm all ears.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-13-2016, 10:54 PM
Wow, interesting perspective. What motivated you to move to China? I ask because I am about to move there too. I am 30 and about to exit the military. I don't feel like America has much to offer me at this point in time.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-14-2016, 03:55 AM
Yes, you aren't alone.
I stay motivated by focusing on my goals, the end goal which is location independence. All I need to do to constantly motivate myself is looking around at the people around me and note that while they wonder at all the money in this city, they won't be getting a piece of it due to lack of drive, excuses, 4M's(marriage, minivan, mother in laws, martial art practices for the kids), ____(insert bullshit reason).
In most places in the West, we have a huge safety net and things are comfortable. Whether people consciously or not realize comfort limits success is another story.
However my drive didn't diminish, if anything it went harder. I used to be able to relate to my home country, now I can't so I'm getting the fuck outta here until things change. In time, all things change.
Good luck.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-14-2016, 05:09 AM
Just wanted to say I relate to ya man. I'm not in China but taking trains to smaller cities if one of my favorite things to do. That feeling of being a foriegner makes you feel cool.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-14-2016, 12:31 PM
First thing that I notice when I return from the US to Serbia is how, besides a few gypsies here and there, eveyone is white and slavic (but that's quite obvious). Another thing that immediately strikes me is how tall the people are. In the US I always feel above average being 6'1'' but in Serbia I'm very average. The life over there also moves a lot slower compared to America. Nobody seems to be in a rush and city centers are filled with young people every day just strollong around, sitting on benches or in coffee shops and socializing. You don't see that in America. In the US people are nailed to their smartphones or Netflix accounts and mostly spend their time in solitude. Many girls that would feel entitled and beautiful in the US are just average in Serbia and they don't even feel pretty. Just the life there makes you relazed and not so much worrisome. There's no discussions about Trump-Hillary, white privilege, black lives matter etc. When I return to America that kind of stuff immetately starts getting on my nerves and I tend to figure out the ways how to get away from it. Also, it's very easy to express you feelings in a county where everybody looks like you and has the same culture (no political correctness). In the US you always have to worry about not offending anyone (which I don't). With people in Serbia I can openly say that gypsies are thieves, that we should build a huge wall and put sharp shooters to protect out country from Arabs coming in etc. Nobody will challange those opinions because people know the facts and are reasonable. In the US somebody would immedeatly call me a racist etc, you know the drill. So your life changes in a way that it becomes slower and more free. Kinda irronic that life is more free than in the land of the free haha.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-15-2016, 10:28 PM
When I return to Canada everything is so much easier, the service is a million times better and usually my comfort level increases dramatically, that being said, Am I having more fun? Usually not.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
08-17-2016, 11:16 AM
To the Serbian guy, I'd love to get a beer with ya man. You articulated the reasons I left my country. Smartphones, lack of interest in others, SJW's, you name it. Where I'm currently at, and maybe it's related to the Slavic nature, there's nothing like that.
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How Did Your Life Change When You Moved Back to Your Home Country?
09-11-2016, 12:08 AM
I can relate a lot with the OP. I spent the last few years traveling in exotic places all over the world, living the international man of mystery lifestyle. Then it got routine and boring so I came home because I actually missed my family more than I enjoyed the thrill of travel and adventure.
Actually if I'm being real here it's because I was doing all of this travel on a fixed income and I started to feel limited as my standards increased. No more staying in hostels for me, it's all about AirBNBs, premium gym memberships, eating at fine restaurants and mingling with the upper echelons of the society where I'm cruising to.
You could say that the identity that I was living out over the last few years died. Now I'm struggling to find a new one to replace it with. Hence why I'm back in the states. I'm taking steps to make sure that I'm the same person here as when I'm abroad. It's easy to hack the social ladder when you go abroad, not so much when you're back in the US.
Part of my feelings of disconnection with the US come from feeling that this is a mundane challenge. Everything is more exciting when you're doing it in a foreign language. Going to the gym is fun because you get to come up with new openers and have to learn new vocabulary to communicate with people. Doing it in the US just seems boring in comparison.
Maybe I'm just being a primadona. Maybe I have a lower sex drive because I'm not surrounded by sexy foreign women. Maybe I don't spend enough time around people.
I don't know what the problem is. I do know that I'm here right now and I'm going to stack that cash so that I can get out of here again.