[JonnyOxford88]

Hi folks,

I am yet to see a post in regards to this. Just wondering from anyone's experience of long term relationships what their approach to sex/insitgation is, if their girlfriend rarely instigates sex that much.

The sex is awesome (foreplay is to), the relationship is cool, and there is absolutely no doubt this girl is crazy about me. I know as males we are the more sexually aggressive gender, but sometimes as a relationship goes on you'd like more from your girlfriend...

Do you just continue to lead, be filthy/disgusting/sexually aggressive, or would you actually sit there and tell the girl she isn't instigating enough.

Cheers

[Windom Earle]

She may suggest or hint toward wanting sex in subtle ways. which maybe you're not picking up on?

Women aren't as literal / blunt as men. If they were, I think you'd find it to be a turn off (manly).

[WestIndianArchie]

This is actually a great question.

1) It's your job to initiate, it will *always* be. In everything.

She will rarely ever want to take charge. As a woman said to me recently, "I just want to show up and look pretty".

2) So it's not her job to initiate, but it is her job to *entice* you. She needs to be trying to use her feminine wiles to inspire you to do the work necessary to want to do the initiation.

Women have a lot of fun with sex, more than men, but it's not the overall consuming hunger that we have (generally speaking).

When lesbians start taking testosterone to become trans-men, their lust goes through the roof.

I'm not saying you need to get tested, that's the wrong thing to take away from this.

But wanting her to take your role as initiator means something is off.

1) maybe she doesn't inspire the lust in you that she once did

1) maybe your game has fallen off, and she's not inspired to put her best effort to keep you attracted. You're supposed to resist relationships, and she's supposed to have token resistance to sex. Even if you both know it's a game, you can't drop the pretense.

3) maybe some other stuff is going on

What guys in relationships have to realize is that the game requirement goes exponential in a relationship.

You don't want to manage her and her feelings. I've done that, don't do that.

You need to manage your own.

She just needs to show up and be pretty, and you take care of the rest.

1) Rebuild that hunger for her, and
2) get her to do things for you. Glasses, put your hair up, get a wig, keep the heels on.. Etc. Just like when you first pulled, she has to be in compliance before you can get to the bang.

The veteran player asks himself, is this girl worth all this

WIA

[JonnyOxford88]

(08-11-2016 09:32 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

This is actually a great question.

1) It's your job to initiate, it will *always* be. In everything.

She will rarely ever want to take charge. As a woman said to me recently, "I just want to show up and look pretty".

2) So it's not her job to initiate, but it is her job to *entice* you. She needs to be trying to use her feminine wiles to inspire you to do the work necessary to want to do the initiation.

Women have a lot of fun with sex, more than men, but it's not the overall consuming hunger that we have (generally speaking).

When lesbians start taking testosterone to become trans-men, their lust goes through the roof.

I'm not saying you need to get tested, that's the wrong thing to take away from this.

But wanting her to take your role as initiator means something is off.

1) maybe she doesn't inspire the lust in you that she once did

1) maybe your game has fallen off, and she's not inspired to put her best effort to keep you attracted. You're supposed to resist relationships, and she's supposed to have token resistance to sex. Even if you both know it's a game, you can't drop the pretense.

3) maybe some other stuff is going on

What guys in relationships have to realize is that the game requirement goes exponential in a relationship.

You don't want to manage her and her feelings. I've done that, don't do that.

You need to manage your own.

She just needs to show up and be pretty, and you take care of the rest.

1) Rebuild that hunger for her, and
2) get her to do things for you. Glasses, put your hair up, get a wig, keep the heels on.. Etc. Just like when you first pulled, she has to be in compliance before you can get to the bang.

The veteran player asks himself, is this girl worth all this

WIA

Excellent post, just what I needed to hear. Particularly in regards to rebuilding hunger. If you want that girl to be submissive she's got to be ravenous for you! At the same time, understanding that every response from her is directly caused by what I'm doing.

Thanks

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Sometimes within a LTR we get in a rut and the routine starts to make us want to shake things up. With my ex, I was basically always the initiator but sometimes I wanted to kick back and have her work her magic.Especially when you both get that "look" in your eyes and both people know it's about to go down. At one point it started to turn me off that she waited for me to make that first move but then I realized it was up to me to set it off. To try to counteract my diminished interest, I workarounds.

>exchanging body rubs

>having her straddle me

>taking a shower together

All these things ramped up the sexual tension and at the same time kept me interested and her involved in the seduction process.

One common thread in all these scenarios is that you are leading her

[XXL]

I get the feeling that even though you get all of it very well but you feel kind of needy by always having to go first. That's what I think reading you post but who really knows.

Never wait for the girl to do shit, never expect her to take the lead, never manipulate her into taking charge. It's your role.

I made my mistakes and learned from them. I wanted my girl to be more proactive and give her 50% too at first so that we could meet halfway and go from there together. I was soooo wrong. That's not how it works.

Women expect men to take the lead and be in control. It's 10000000% better to try some shit, initiate things, make moves first, just do anything, no matter how awkwardly and get rejected than be passive. Women don't really judge how smooth or sophisticated a guy is. As long as he's not a pussy they don't care. We got endless stories how we did something awkwardly and still got what we wanted. That's because women appreciate men who go for what they want and take control. Women just want men to wake them up. They can't do it on their own. They need an impulse from us.

Basically you should always initiate. Always. There are better and worse moments of course but still. If you don't make a move she will probably do nothing to help you. Not always but more often than not.

As for sex with a GF it's easy [to me] cause I can basically start touching her anytime I want and she either follows my lead or not. That's fine cause she won't be offended or let down by me doing that. Girls know us. Many times it was me who was surprised that my GF actually went along with sexy times as I was tried to have sex in inappropriate [to me] moments.

It's not only about sex or intimacy. It's everything. Girls love guys who are active, who do things, who come up with stuff, who provide opportunities, etc.

[RatInTheWoods]

I don't agree with the veterans on this one.

I think she should be initiating a fair bit in a stable LTR.

You should be getting the wake up blowjob, the take your hand and lead you to bed, the groping in the car etc ect.

Not out and out taking over, but pretty forward for a chick. About 20% of the time means she has an interest in you.

A passive LTR is a turn off

[Vaun]

(08-12-2016 02:36 AM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

I don't agree with the veterans on this one.

I think she should be initiating a fair bit in a stable LTR.

You should be getting the wake up blowjob, the take your hand and lead you to bed, the groping in the car etc ect.

Not out and out taking over, but pretty forward for a chick. About 20% of the time means she has an interest in you.

A passive LTR is a turn off

Yes, I agree with this too. But this is more of a temperature valve of your relationship. And women get complacent, just like men. Because a lot of this proactive sexual behavior from her typically comes in the early stages of a LTR. A fun experiment in your LTR would be to toy with her feelings to see what gets her proactively turned on again; morning BJ's, BJ's in cars, her surprising you in lingerie, etc. I think thats the challenge for us as men, in an LTR. How do we recreate this early stage magic, during the ups and downs of everyday life. Most men dont realize they hold the lever literally and figuratively, on how to drive her feelings over time.

Usually if I am naked around her, i.e. showering, changing, etc, it turns her on. She may make a comment then, then BAM, you are in. Sometimes little things as easy as this make it happen. They always want it. Pay close attention to how she reacts to you, in the most subtle ways. That will tell you everything.

[WestIndianArchie]

(08-12-2016 02:36 AM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

I don't agree with the veterans on this one.

I think she should be initiating a fair bit in a stable LTR.

You should be getting the wake up blowjob, the take your hand and lead you to bed, the groping in the car etc ect.

Not out and out taking over, but pretty forward for a chick. About 20% of the time means she has an interest in you.

A passive LTR is a turn off

I actually feel you on this having been in LTR's.

"We're both in this together, why do I still have to do everything?"

It's happened to me, and it's because I didn't set the pace, spell out expectations, or I didn't enforce what I did say.

But even before the STR became and LTR - where I've typically made a mistake, is that I didn't pay attention to her behavior when I was in the "honey moon phase".

In OP's case, if she wasn't initiating at the beginning of the LTR-

Why would she start now?
What's her incentive?

She's getting everything she wants.

Within that backdrop, how does he accomplish his goals of getting her to want to initiate?

What penalty and reward system would work here?

WIA

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

So far OP hasn't given much to go by besides that she is crazy about him and she isn't withholding sex from him.

But how else does that manifest itself day to day?

As I get older, my needs/wants within the framework of a LTR become clearer. It's no longer enough to profess her undying devotion, I'm paying closer attention to the unsaid, more subtle sub-communications.

Is my intiiation just part of what she needs to loosen up, or is she low-key selfish in the bedroom?

[JonnyOxford88]

(08-12-2016 03:04 PM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

So far OP hasn't given much to go by besides that she is crazy about him and she isn't withholding sex from him.

But how else does that manifest itself day to day?

As I get older, my needs/wants within the framework of a LTR become clearer. It's no longer enough to profess her undying devotion, I'm paying closer attention to the unsaid, more subtle sub-communications.

Is my intiiation just part of what she needs to loosen up, or is she low-key selfish in the bedroom?

To begin with, plenty of her taking the initiative to blow me, no questions asked every time we would get down. She does it sometimes now - not every time. She set the bar high early with this, and I feel the need to ram it in her mouth now as she is less frequent. She never refuses to mind you if I just face fuck her.

Other things to though...pictures less frequent, dirty texts etc etc, just little flags that she may be getting complacent with pleasing and enticing me. They've not completely stopped, just cooled right down.

I'd say she initiates about 20% of the time for sex, in a nearly 2 year old relationship. If that's a fair amount then I better be counting myself lucky or walk I guess.

I know on this thread the feeling is that a woman's behaviour is directly related to what I lead with or accept from her. When you think about things like this it really does show that you can't be truly authentic around a girl and expect to be treated like a king for it.