[Armada]

I say this because time and time again people have told me to just enjoy the night out and socialise with friends and go to bars and so on and enjoy the night.

The thing is no one wants to do it at a sensible hour and short of something interesting happening like a concert or a rave or a good party I'd almost certainly rather go home and sleep instead. I'd rather hit on girls when I'm out but it seems that most guys don't want to do it even when I offer to wing, so I'd have to separate myself from them. Even then because of the low success rate of doing this the enjoyment I get from it is much lower than simply reading or playing games or meditating or working out.

Am I missing something? Everyone I know just seems to "get it" and enjoy the night out. Are they doing/understanding something I'm not or are they just not as introverted as I am. I feel if I'm out, and not progressing on picking up a girl that it's just an awful night, while sitting at home doing nothing feels like a decently enjoyable night.

[Comte De St. Germain]

All I see are excuses. Mike Cernovich has written extensively on why this is completely false and personally I think this mindset is toxic and encouraged by the advent of the Internet.

See here:

http://www.dangerandplay.com/2014/06/18/...ntroverts/


http://www.dangerandplay.com/2014/02/18/...eet-women/


http://www.dangerandplay.com/2014/07/01/...ambiverts/


Those are off the top of my head, but reading Gorilla Mindset among other things like going out and being selective about who you talk too. Low energy mindsets will soon drift into other facets of your life.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Have you considered hard drugs?

No... but seriously... you're broken.

That "everyone is unique and special in their own way" stuff is a load of shit. If you're not fitting in then you need to figure out the root of the problem and unfuck yourself.

Truthful advice I wish I'd gotten in my teens rather than finding it out for myself a decade late.

[WestIndianArchie]

This is more of a newbie game question than an EE question.

You have two choices

1) Learn to like night game socializing.
2) Stop night game socializing.

The choice you don't have is to NOT learn game.

I guarantee if your game was better, you'd enjoy the fuck out of the night life. And when you enjoy the night life, your game gets better. It's a virtuous cycle.

WIA

[weambulance]

Well people do like to do different shit, maybe you just need to find stuff you actually enjoy doing.

Can introverts enjoy nights out? Sure. I'm very introverted but I've enjoyed many a night getting blitzed with friends or doing other activities (bowling, pool), often with groups of people where I don't know most of them. I just need time to recharge afterward.

Introverted is not the same as antisocial. FWIW if I'm feeling very antisocial it's a fair sign I'm having a depression flareup. Not always--sometimes it's because I'm hyperfocused on a project--but I'm starting to see that connection. Just something to think about.

[Speculation]

You do you.

Frankly I don't think anyone who is not an introvert should be commenting on how introverts should be best seeking happiness. Its a fundamental difference in brain chemistry (specifically the neurotransmitter/dopamine system) that's been identified all the way back in the cradle. Ironically, in one of the articles above Cernovich states that introverts need to use different avenues/methods to meet women.

This is about finding happiness and fulfillment in your life. You need to find a path that works for you to make that happen.

If the major issue with going to bars is 'How do I bring enough women into my life by picking up when the bar environment drains me?' then look at alternatives such as online dating, day game and the like. Personally I found myself having much greater success in bars operating without a wingman than with one, so I think the 'I don't have a wingman' is an excuse.

I used to go to bars with friends, stay in the group socialising until I saw a girl I liked and then move to approach. I did however eventually get burnt out and frazzled by the environment much quicker than my friends and would need to leave or take long breaks outside. If I didn't I would be physically uncomfortable which would hamper my game.

As for your question: Yes you can enjoy the night out. You just need control over who you're rolling with, which bar you're going to and how long you're staying out.

[chicane]

I'm an introvert. I like people and I enjoy going out. But, unlike extroverts, dealing with people uses up a lot of energy and I sometimes get to the point where I need solitude to recharge. That's all. Only my close friends who have spent a fair amount of time around me actually realize that I'm an introvert, for the rest of the world I have some excellent and somewhat charming personas.

[Brodiaga]

Im an introvert too.

As lame as it sounds, alcohol helps. However, you need to find the right "dose" and have the discipline to not exceed it.

Pre-drink before going out, but don't drive, of course. Try having a couple of drinks of vodka or whiskey. Mix with something sugary to get more energy. I would avoid beer for pre-drinking. Wine is ok if you like it. Have one or more drinks while going out but not too much. Order water between drinks. Get some weak beer (Coors or Bud will do) if you are kind of drunk but still need alcohol.

Another option is to avoid nightlife altogether, especially if you are in a shitty city for night game and/or if your logistics are bad. Travel to a country where nightlife is better for a man (South East Asia, for example). I don't even go out much in the US anymore, only to hang out with friends. Otherwise it's a waste of money, time and health for the most part.

To me, an ideal night out would be to enter a night club (without any bullshit lines and having to bribe the bouncer), pick up a girl within the first 30 minutes and GTFO of that hell. It happened to me a couple of times, but only outside the US.

[SamuelBRoberts]

"I say this because time and time again people have told me to just enjoy the night out and socialise with friends and go to bars and so on and enjoy the night.

The thing is no one wants to do it at a sensible hour and short of something interesting happening like a concert or a rave or a good party I'd almost certainly rather go home and sleep instead. I'd rather hit on girls when I'm out but it seems that most guys don't want to do it even when I offer to wing, so I'd have to separate myself from them. Even then because of the low success rate of doing this the enjoyment I get from it is much lower than simply reading or playing games or meditating or working out.

Am I missing something? Everyone I know just seems to "get it" and enjoy the night out. Are they doing/understanding something I'm not or are they just not as introverted as I am. I feel if I'm out, and not progressing on picking up a girl that it's just an awful night, while sitting at home doing nothing feels like a decently enjoyable night."


What's not fun about it? Are your friends boring? Is the bar environment too loud to talk? Are you a non-drinker who gets shepherded into dealing with a bunch of drunks all night?
Why do you feel the need to go out to bars in the first place if you don't enjoy them?

I am extremely introverted. I go days at a time with no more than brief conversations to the girl at the fast food counter. But I can have fun at a bar, if I'm out with people I like who have cool shit to say and are fun to hang out with. Hell, I hit up a place with the RvF crew last week and had a great time. (AneroidOcean, next time I will fucking beat you at billiards. Just you wait.)

If you're not having fun, it doesn't make sense to blame it on your introversion. You need to figure out exactly what's going on.

[Armada]

(08-11-2016 12:21 AM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  

What's not fun about it? Are your friends boring? Is the bar environment too loud to talk? Are you a non-drinker who gets shepherded into dealing with a bunch of drunks all night?
Why do you feel the need to go out to bars in the first place if you don't enjoy them?

I am extremely introverted. I go days at a time with no more than brief conversations to the girl at the fast food counter. But I can have fun at a bar, if I'm out with people I like who have cool shit to say and are fun to hang out with. Hell, I hit up a place with the RvF crew last week and had a great time. (AneroidOcean, next time I will fucking beat you at billiards. Just you wait.)

If you're not having fun, it doesn't make sense to blame it on your introversion. You need to figure out exactly what's going on.

Pretty much all of the above. I just go because it's the "in" thing that people my age do. And it seems like the best way to meet hot girls, since I can't find them during the day. I actually haven't been going in ages precisely because I don't enjoy it. Yet there doesn't seem to be any other consistent way to meet hot girls.

I'd likely enjoy it with people from RVF but most people are lame.

[SamuelBRoberts]

Sounds like you need to say fuck the bars and learn day game or tinder game, or at least find some more interesting friends.

I don't think anyone likes going to loud bars with boring people, particularly if they're not a big drinker. It's not because you're introverted. It's because you don't like hanging out with boring drunks.

[The Beast1]

Come to the UK, everyone goes out and finishes by 11pm!

For real though, either buck up to late night drinking culture and learn to enjoy it or pass. Maybe do a week on week off thing and try to only go out when it won't mess you up too much.

For what it's worth, there will come a time when invitations to go out stop. If you have the opportunity, use it. Otherwise, you may never have it again.

[Phoenix]

It does sound like a friends issue. There's no reason it has to be late night stuff. Why can't you just visit some quieter bars by yourself? Then you can show up at a good time, leave at a good time, talk to other people etc. It doesn't have to be clubs.

One thing professed introverts could do to bring themselves back down to earth, is to go camping by themselves for a week. After, if you actually enjoyed that, fair enough. But odds are you really dislike it and want to get back around other people.

It's the type of people, the activity, and the setting that matter. Try expanding your horizons by doing other activities where you can meet new people: classes, sports, events, etc.

One thing to note about proclaiming introversion: if you're not meeting new people, even though you want to (girls), you're actually just lazy. Digging your own grave, so to speak. There is no magical "meet people without having to meet people", so you just have to accept you're going to have to do some work, and meet new people, instead of letting current friends drag you along.

[Cattle Rustler]

Worst case scenario: You're drinking by yourself, enjoying the weather.

I was pissed a couple of weeks back so I went to this patio place. Bought a pitcher of cider, got a hookah, and ordered some appetizers. There was a group of bitches next to me (1 ugly). As I was boiling and wanting to cool down, I ignored them and was only into myself and having deep thoughts....like finding the answer to the universe and shit. The girls found it interesting that I was drinking and smoking at 130am on a Wednesday having a good time (according to them, but I was raging pissed off). They opened me and tried to chat me up, I chatted back as a courtesy. My not giving a fuck demeanor and being there alone made them talk to me more. It's not the first time that the "mystery" makes people talk to you. In the end, without or with the girls talking.....I got myself drunk, smoked some good ass hookah, and enjoyed the Houston Summer breeze. Best fucking time and that's all that matters....

....until a cop shined it's light at me as he saw me walking out of the lounge (330am) and I managed to outrun them. Why I ran? I dunno, for the lulz I guess. Found a cozy dark street to sleep inside my car and took a nap until my buzz went down.

Another time I was in some Mexican bar in Puebla, waiting for a friend.....so I was having some beers by myself. After a couple I was feeling good vibes and that happy feeling when you're drunk. Some random strangers invited me over to their table for some drinks on them. It's how you present yourself, either you're a cool dude chillin or you're the next Buffalo Bill.

[Mage]

I am an introvert too and for me the question of hanging out is a simple matter - is there any goal to that?

If I am out looking to get laid, get numbers or make some deal with business partner with any other specific goal then it is interesting - I apply game and seek to score it's an interesting game. it's like a video game where you must use the right weapon on the right enemy at right situation - go out there use different psychological tricks on different people - lot's of fun.

If it's just to kill time, "relax or chill out" and get drunk then I pass - I would rather spend time training, reading, watching movies, playing video games, learning some skill, having sex within relationship or even cleaning my house or talking to my mom.

The key to interesting life is to always have a goal, whatever you do - you must have an agenda. Orbiting other people, being pulled by other people into activities that you don't enjoy and get nothing out of except ruined health is beta and unproductive, it gives energy to people who use you as a prop to their purposes and steals energy from you.

It's your life so try to spend maximum possible time in a way that is meaningful to you.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(08-11-2016 02:15 AM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  

Worst case scenario: You're drinking by yourself, enjoying the weather.

I was pissed a couple of weeks back so I went to this patio place. Bought a pitcher of cider, got a hookah, and ordered some appetizers. There was a group of bitches next to me (1 ugly). As I was boiling and wanting to cool down, I ignored them and was only into myself and having deep thoughts....like finding the answer to the universe and shit. The girls found it interesting that I was drinking and smoking at 130am on a Wednesday having a good time (according to them, but I was raging pissed off). They opened me and tried to chat me up, I chatted back as a courtesy. My not giving a fuck demeanor and being there alone made them talk to me more. It's not the first time that the "mystery" makes people talk to you. In the end, without or with the girls talking.....I got myself drunk, smoked some good ass hookah, and enjoyed the Houston Summer breeze. Best fucking time and that's all that matters....

....until a cop shined it's light at me as he saw me walking out of the lounge (330am) and I managed to outrun them. Why I ran? I dunno, for the lulz I guess. Found a cozy dark street to sleep inside my car and took a nap until my buzz went down.

Another time I was in some Mexican bar in Puebla, waiting for a friend.....so I was having some beers by myself. After a couple I was feeling good vibes and that happy feeling when you're drunk. Some random strangers invited me over to their table for some drinks on them. It's how you present yourself, either you're a cool dude chillin or you're the next Buffalo Bill.

I feel like I'll be seeing a lot of you once I'm back in town.

Cheers Rustler!

[Dalaran1991]

Heavy introvert here. While I do admit dealing with lots of people at the same time is fucking exhausting, the excuse that introvert can not have fun at night game is total hogwash.

Night game is great for people watching and sniper approach (if you are into that). Remember, you dont have to talk to hundreds of people at night to have fun. When you chat a group up you will eventually end up talking to the one girl you like, and if your game is on point you can create that privacy bubble in the middle of a bar that is magnetizing.

There was an excellent post by some senior member (was it Beyond Border?) about the advantage of the introvert who can really suck a girl into his world mentally, which is not normally evident to the extrovert who like to spread his attention out.

Whether you are intro or extro, no reason not to enjoy game.

[Easy_C]

Like it or not, you still need to be able to do it. More business than not occurs while schmoozing over drinks and/dinner so unless you can do that at least halfway decently your odds of ever being location independent and job independent are nil. You MUST be able to sell yourself and nightlife is the best training ground there is.

My advice is not to follow the same pattern everyone else does of going to loud dance clubs. They are generally horrible places to socialize unless you are a great dancer. Instead go to medium volume venues where this is a crowd but not a huge number of places. Larger sized sports bars, jazz clubs, etc are ideal.

While there get out of the mentality that you have to socialize with everyone. Instead treat it as a series of smaller interactions with one or two other people at a time. Or if you are feeling really out of it just go, have a few drinks by the bar, and observe. You can learn a lot just by watching the social dynamics in a room....often more than by actively participating.

Quote:

There was an excellent post by some senior member (was it Beyond Border?) about the advantage of the introvert who can really suck a girl into his world mentally, which is not normally evident to the extrovert who like to spread his attention out.

That is powerful, but a double edged sword. You absolutely MUST be on a high vibration to make them want to stay in that world.

[TonySandos]

Ignore the first few idiotic replies. Your friend circle is the problem. They're limiting you because they can't offer the dynamics you're looking for. Another critical detail is that you need activities you participate in to be productive. You're not "fucked up" because other people drone on about nothing or the goal of your friends on a night out is liver damage, losing sleep and nothing else.

I can speak from experience and as someone that found a solution to this.
Contrasting experiences did this for me. I found myself over drinking when socializing at night with people from the army. This pattern also appeared when I would take up offers from friends of my brother to go out. What was going on is the question. I was trying to 'play my part' while really feeling stuck around people who had no interesting conversation, nothing profound in common and weren't productive when going out at night. With my own selected circle, the experiences were a lot more memorable and didn't feel like alcohol triathlons. No matter who you are, I don't think you can enjoy yourself on a night out if the people you're with don't approach the activity with a mindset of primarily enjoying good company and trying to do something memorable. It seems a lot of people think binging harder on alcohol will create some magic that makes that happen on it's own, which is obviously not the case. Seriously, the problem is your friend circle and the poor venues they choose.

One of the best experiences I had was several months of going out at night with marine vet that worked at the same IT job as me. He had a lot of excellent conversation, our dynamic was good, he wasn't typical in mindset or activities.

Here are some defined ideas of what made our outings fun:
Firstly, we had to be a work the next day so we weren't out until 3am like we were stuck in alcohol purgatory. We would sometimes start right after work. Sometimes we'd explore new venues. Often times began at more toned down locations like TGI Fridays. Often the nights had contrasting qualities.

Here's some examples of what we did:
Start out at Folk's Folly. It's an upscale steakhouse with live piano, lounge couches/ottomans and a real wine list. We moved Flying Saucer. It's a semi-pro bar for older twenties with a cozier, yet loud atmosphere.
A few weeks before that, he and I meet some women while we're not around each other. We meet up at a very small locals bar, R.P. Tracks, to pre-game then meet our dates down the street at a loud and rowdy college bar called Double Deuce.
Another random night we go to meet our new supervisor (who turned out to be a wild old man) at a BBQ and beer location. After that he took me to an older crowd bar with a more laid back atmosphere that's mostly an older women hang out spot.
We go to my favorite pool hall I suggested and later go to another venue similar to Double Deuce.
Sometimes we'd go to roadhouses and theme bars just to play all the stupid house games most people are too embarrassed to do in front of everyone.

We had other times out that broke away from the go out to eat/drink/dance genre. That's not what you were looking for in this inquiry, but I do highly suggest trying to broaden your range of adult venues as wide as possible. Hand pick your circle and don't cave to pressure for quitting on outings that you know you won't enjoy.

We sometimes had times out to places that weren't to drink and dance/eat which is a refreshing

[not_dead_yet]

I hate night game too. Take a look at Clarey's "Curse of the High IQ" and work on day game and online dating game.

[Isaac Jordan]

I don't like night game, but that's primarily because I don't drink.

(I honestly think I missed the alcohol gene or something, because I just don't care for it. Neither of my parents drink, and I simply don't crave it like so many of my peers do.)

I'm also very goal-driven, and I'm at a point in my life where I'd rather get a good night's sleep, wake up early, get a bunch of shit done, work on my business, hit the gym, and not destroy my wallet/liver/eardrums while giving half of the next day to last night.

But I have a lifestyle that allows me to hang out with friends whenever I want, and a college campus literally across the street where I day game just about every day. So I don't really lose that much by going out at night.

If you enjoy drinking, and you enjoy hanging out with your friends, and you like gaming girls at bars/clubs, then I'm not sure what the problem is. Like others have said, being an introvert shouldn't keep you from having a good time every once in a while, as long as you give yourself time to recharge.

But if you don't like drinking, or you don't have fun going out with your current friend group, or you don't care for the trials and tribulations of night game, then try and figure out some way to achieve your goals without going out at night.

There are plenty of ways to have fun without drinking, plenty of fun things to do with friends during the day, plenty of ways to meet girls outside of bars. You just have to figure out what you yourself genuinely want and enjoy, and then go live life on your own terms.

[TonySandos]

(08-11-2016 10:47 AM)Isaac Jordan Wrote:  

I don't like night game, but that's primarily because I don't drink.

(I honestly think I missed the alcohol gene or something, because I just don't care for it. Neither of my parents drink, and I simply don't crave it like so many of my peers do.)

I'm also very goal-driven, and I'm at a point in my life where I'd rather get a good night's sleep, wake up early, get a bunch of shit done, work on my business, hit the gym, and not destroy my wallet/liver/eardrums while giving half of the next day to last night.
....

There are plenty of ways to have fun without drinking, plenty of fun things to do with friends during the day, plenty of ways to meet girls outside of bars. You just have to figure out what you yourself genuinely want and enjoy, and then go live life on your own terms.

Here, here!

I've reformed on alcohol myself. It's all poison. Now I drink wine occasionally when in the social circumstances call for it and do beer/whiskey very rarely. It would be opportune to go without altogether.

[H1N1]

A great venue, with great drinks and great live music (whatever kind you're into), and great company and where pretty girls congregate should the mood strike you - there's not a man really alive that can't love that. If you can't get excited for at least some of those things, then your problem is something other than introversion.

[nomadbrah]

I'm an introvert and I enjoy nightlife and when I was more focused on going out and gaming, then nightgame were where I was most successful. I am just going to repeat what some have already said. There's a problem with your circle of friends. You're not a 'big group' kind of person and that's fine, but that's how most people go out and socialize. Personally I enjoy it and I think you would too, but only for shorter periods of time, after a while the jostling for attention by everyone gets tiresome. My solution has been to go out with likeminded friends only and only in smaller groups like 3-4 people at tops.

It is necessary you find friends who are also interested in chasing girls (who are not in your group), and friends who can entertain themselves in groups of 1-3 persons. That way each of you can wander off and run game, then retire to a meeting location to recharge your batteries or have some banter with your friends.

Some people and some cultures are way more into the whole big cliche/group thing, which I find tiresome and doesn't fit my personality. Avoid that if you're an introvert, you will never socially dominate natural extroverts in such a setting. Small groups or 1 on 1 is where you can shine as an introvert.

As for not enjoying it, that's just because you don't do what you want to do. And drink. It's always fun to get a good buss going.

[BortimusPrime]

The only things that make a bar or nightclub "fun" are the friends you're with or the girl you're gaming. Otherwise it's just a horribly noisy room full of retarded people, and you're spending way too much money to be there.