[arcterex]

Just moved into a new apartment complex. Bumped into attractive woman (~35 years old; I'm a few years older). She's very friendly- said if you need anything let me know, very smiley. Never great at reading these things but her body language and eye contact was very positive. Not sure where to take it from here? I'm stumped as far as what to so or day next when I bump into her next??

[WestIndianArchie]

Invite her over for a glass of wine to celebrate your new place.

If she balks, don't get butt hurt. Smile. And smile and flirt with her every time you see her.

Make sure she sees the other women coming in and out of your place.

Just realize that if you bang her, she knows where you live and can make your life a living hell

WIA

[porscheguy]

Be mindful about shitting where you eat.

[kaotic]

Could use her as a pivot and expand your social circle.

[Tapestry]

Ask her to 'borrow' a cup of sugar. It's so cliche it shows you are not afraid to communicate intent yet it remains socially acceptable enough for you ascertain is she's married, has a boyfriend, or isn't interested.

[Gmac]

WIA's is the best game advice here. Don't take it too seriously... this is just one of thousands of interactions in your life. Some will pan out, some won't. But you do need to act. Throw out an invitation, see if she bites. Worse case scenario, she says no and you both move on...

Frankly, I would say don't worry about the cock-blocking aspect. Yeah she knows where you live but most girls won't care enough to "make your life a living hell." Go for it.

But don't ask for a cup of sugar, that's just fucking dumb and indirect. Go for the throat.

[el mechanico]

Chill out! Friend zone her and fuck all her friends. Maybe a good one in the mix.

[BassPlayaYo]

I would ask her what's the best place for "X" where "X" can be food, drink, climbing, running, hot babes, etc.

[Rawmeo]

I wouldn't do it... don't shit where you eat. If things turn sour, you're likely to run into trouble with you bring girls in.

[arcterex]

Nice! Thank you. This is exactly what I was looking for. I'll break the ice with (a) ask her where good stuff in the area is, then go to -> (b) hey, why don't we celebrate my ocean-facing apartment with some wine. If the vibe is not happening, I'll take that advice and pivot to get intro'd to her friends. Got me a game plan now. Dzienkuje ("jen-koo-yeh"). Will report back.

[Uhondo]

I'm curious as to how its going because I am kind of in a similar situation here. Next door neighbour, at this point presumably single, keeps saying "hi", and "good morning" if we happen to leave for work at around the same time. Of course I don't believe she's coming on to me, but in a way i feel that I could leverage on her friendliness to open her up. I would never bang a neighbour but I wouldn't mind expanding my social circle.

[WestIndianArchie]

@Uhon

You - hello
Her - hello

Then

Option A - cold read

You seem extra chipper today...am I right, or are you just faking it?

Chicks are very into how they are being perceived. So anything like a cold read can always generate a response.

Option B - springboard/assume friendship

This weekend I totally....*insert story about what you did*

Stories are some of the most powerful weapon we have.

At the communication level, you can pack a story with your humble brags and things you want to imply, or bait that you want to hook her with.

At the sub communication level, your voice, tone, volume, body language, and the mere fact that you'd tell a complete stranger something says a lot about your entitlement and your overall experience with people and women. This counts for 90+% of how everyone reacts to you. Because most communication is non verbal.

In either case you can set the tone, establish the friendship and use that to get more into her life.

There is only one difference between this and a pick-up, you're not focusing on the "I'm a man, you're a woman" aspects that is required for every pull. That's naturally a part of every encounter, but you put it on the back burner.

From there it's an exchange of information.

The next step is getting her out to an activity and getting her to bring friends. You have to offer social value to get her to chase and bring you value. If you live in an apartment complex, hosting a board game night or other millennial bait would work.

It's like a bank only loans money to people who don't really need it.

WIA

[Uhondo]

Indeed. Words, voice tone and body language. The holy grail of seduction. Assuming friendship seems to be the simpler way to proceed here. I have done so before in the apartment complex where i used to live, with positive results. I still have a couple of female friends from back there, with whom we touch base once in a while.

[Uhondo]

So yesterday in the afternoon I heard a knock on my door. I open the door and its the lady next door. She is requesting me to go over and check on her decoder because it has some isssue that's preveting it from coming on. Kind of hesitant, I tell her that's not really my skill set, but she insists saying "I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out."

And figure it out, i did.

In a few minutes i stroll over to her place and her telly is turned off. I request her to turn it on and.....the decoder kind of lets her down; there doesn't appear to be any issue. We joke around about the whole incident, and have about ten minutes of small talk. As i am getting ready to go, she asks to borrow rubbing compound....Didn't have it so gave her some advice on where to find some and left.

I'm trying not to read too much into this as I know she's a friendly type. But sometimes it appears that being laid back, or appearing to be, compels women to make the move.

[RatInTheWoods]

Archie, slaying it as usual in this thread, nothing to add after he speaks.

[jcrew247]

Don't over-think the situation. Your goal should be to just focus on being friends with her (and then figuring out if she has a boyfriend or is looking for one - she might just want you to set her up if she has no physical interest in you).

So when you see her, just ask her what her weekend plans are or what she does for fun? If she likes going running/hiking maybe you want to join her if she is interested in that activity. But don't think its an insta-date, its just 2 neighbors being friendly and getting to know each other. Its about establishing trust and comfort as friends before deciding if you are compatible for dating long-term. You don't want the quick ONS if you find out you have nothing in common and it becomes awkward always seeing her. Or maybe she's too crazy and annoying for you to even want to date.

If you end up not liking her (you might not like her personality or looks) then you can be Neighbor-friends and she can improve your social-circle game and set you up with her single friends.

Don't push a date or romantic connection without even knowing if she is single. I know it can seem kind of high-pressure because you don't want to screw it up and she lives so close. But calm the nerves, and focus on being friends-first, being friendly, and expanding your social circle. Invite her over for a barbeque or for a dinner party with low-expectations of just getting to know each other. Treat her as someone you want to impress because you want to keep your neighbors happy (instead of being angry at you). You don't want angry neighbors who would make your life miserable.

[polar]

Uhondo: sounds like she made a move and you didn't pick up.

Next time you run into her, invite her for a drink - "to good neighbors" or something. Game on.

[jcrew247]

(08-13-2016 11:02 PM)Uhondo Wrote:  

So yesterday in the afternoon I heard a knock on my door. I open the door and its the lady next door. She is requesting me to go over and check on her decoder because it has some isssue that's preveting it from coming on. Kind of hesitant, I tell her that's not really my skill set, but she insists saying "I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out."

And figure it out, i did.

In a few minutes i stroll over to her place and her telly is turned off. I request her to turn it on and.....the decoder kind of lets her down; there doesn't appear to be any issue. We joke around about the whole incident, and have about ten minutes of small talk. As i am getting ready to go, she asks to borrow rubbing compound....Didn't have it so gave her some advice on where to find some and left.

I'm trying not to read too much into this as I know she's a friendly type. But sometimes it appears that being laid back, or appearing to be, compels women to make the move.

Honestly, This sounds like she is definitely hitting on you and interested in dating you.
Is there a reason you don't want to date a neighbor?
Are you just trying to keep your options open so you can hook up with a lot of women?
Or is this neighbor just not that attractive?

If she is hot and desirable, there isn't much of a problem taking it slow and getting to know her - finding out if you 2 are compatible and if you enjoy spending time with her and her personality. There's nothing wrong with exchanging phone numbers - so she can contact you in the future for other emergencies (or booty calls).
Next time you see her, ask her what her weekend plans are and if she wants to grab some food or maybe order a pizza and see if she wants to come over and have a slice.
Ask her for suggestions on cool bars or restaurants or maybe suggestions on wine. Women love wine. Ask her to come over and share a bottle of a nice merlot you just got!

Just be low-pressure about it. Figure out if she is single or if she has a boyfriend. Ask her about her roomates and her job. If she is single, maybe make a sarcastic comment about setting her up with one of her friends (and that could indicate if she is looking for someone to date).

[Uhondo]

Jcrew,

Dating a neighbor sounds like it would seriously limit my options. Certainly I would be skating on thin ice in nearly everything i do while at my place. So, yes, i would rather keep my options open.

Its funny how you mentioned a hike or bike ride because we spoke yesterday about the same thing. There's a great nature trail nearby where she did mention that she runs/hikes from time to time.

Anyway, as you said, the operative words are being 'low pressure' about the whole situation. Since i wouldn't really consider dating a neighbour, i would continue to treat this as just another male-female everyday interaction. I am more interested in the other doors and opportunities (precluding the usual) this association would present.

[jcrew247]

(08-20-2016 11:49 PM)Uhondo Wrote:  

Jcrew,

Dating a neighbor sounds like it would seriously limit my options. Certainly I would be skating on thin ice in nearly everything i do while at my place. So, yes, i would rather keep my options open.

Its funny how you mentioned a hike or bike ride because we spoke yesterday about the same thing. There's a great nature trail nearby where she did mention that she runs/hikes from time to time.

Anyway, as you said, the operative words are being 'low pressure' about the whole situation. Since i wouldn't really consider dating a neighbour, i would continue to treat this as just another male-female everyday interaction. I am more interested in the other doors and opportunities (precluding the usual) this association would present.

I don't know your age or if you ever want to get married.
But for most women, its all about establishing trust and comfort with a potential boyfriend. So a lot of women actually PREFER to date someone who lives close to them (not just to keep an eye on their boyfriend cheating) but because its easier to spend time together and establish that trust. Instead of trying to date a guy who lives on the opposite side of town.

I actually know a few guys that married girls who lived in the same apartment complex or one even met a girl who was moving out of his apartment after he lease was up and they exchanged numbers, and ended up marrying.

So its a weird serendipity like that. If the neighbor is hot, has a good personality, it might be worth it to explore the friendship more and figure out if she's the type of girl for an LTR.

I know for myself, there are some regrets about passing up girls in the past due to various personal excuses and rules. You don't want to pass up a great GF or sure thing and regret it later.
OTOH, if you just want the bang, figure out when she is moving out and bang her a month before she moves out.

[Uhondo]

Jcrew,

Quote:

But for most women, its all about establishing trust and comfort with a potential boyfriend. So a lot of women actually PREFER to date someone who lives close to them (not just to keep an eye on their boyfriend cheating) but because its easier to spend time together and establish that trust.

The more i interact with this girl, the more i realise that what you've said above is true. She's been over to my place a couple of times and we've engaged in small talk. We've moved from being somewhat distant neighbours to chatting on whatsapp throughout the day, while at work. She's has an inquisitive disposition.

Quote:

So its a weird serendipity like that. If the neighbor is hot, has a good personality, it might be worth it to explore the friendship more and figure out if she's the type of girl for an LTR.

I couldn't agree more.

Quote:

OTOH, if you just want the bang, figure out when she is moving out and bang her a month before she moves out.

I'm really not going for a bang, at least I don't plan to.

BUT

She was seated on the couch, and was in shorts. Well-pedicured toes, and legs that reminded me of LL's line in the song "Hey Lover."

looking at them legs, god damn they looked so soft (so fine)

Its getting a little scary out here.

[Latan]

(09-19-2016 06:22 AM)Uhondo Wrote:  

I'm really not going for a bang, at least I don't plan to.

BUT

She was seated on the couch, and was in shorts. Well-pedicured toes, and legs that reminded me of LL's line in the song "Hey Lover."

So you want to be her asexual friend, which provides her comfort when she gets pumped and dumped by Chads, and looks at her with desire but will never make a move?
Sounds like a great idea.

[Uhondo]

The Chads invariably came calling....and it happened while we sat at her cosy apartment enjoying a drink.

I was able to pick some information courtesy of a telephone call she had with Chad in my presence.

-She is getting seriously banged out, and even trying to get pregnant, to get back at an Ex
-There's a hoard of orbiters around her, who cater to her every whim

It may not seem as much, but considering the short duration of that conversation, I needn't hear much more to come to a conclusion.

Anyhow, after I get back to my apartment, puff away at a cigarette, and lay back on the couch, It strikes me just how guys sometimes deny themselves valuable information by going in for the kill straight away. Originally, this girl seemed to be quite reserved, and kept to herself a lot of the time. Its been more than a couple of months, and I am yet to see a dude at her place. I could go on and on. There weren't any glaring red flags.

Lift the veil, however, and the reality isn't very pretty.

[Hazaer]

(07-05-2016 05:10 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

@Uhon

You - hello
Her - hello

Then

Option A - cold read

You seem extra chipper today...am I right, or are you just faking it?

Chicks are very into how they are being perceived. So anything like a cold read can always generate a response.

Option B - springboard/assume friendship

This weekend I totally....*insert story about what you did*

Stories are some of the most powerful weapon we have.

At the communication level, you can pack a story with your humble brags and things you want to imply, or bait that you want to hook her with.

At the sub communication level, your voice, tone, volume, body language, and the mere fact that you'd tell a complete stranger something says a lot about your entitlement and your overall experience with people and women. This counts for 90+% of how everyone reacts to you. Because most communication is non verbal.

In either case you can set the tone, establish the friendship and use that to get more into her life.

There is only one difference between this and a pick-up, you're not focusing on the "I'm a man, you're a woman" aspects that is required for every pull. That's naturally a part of every encounter, but you put it on the back burner.

From there it's an exchange of information.

The next step is getting her out to an activity and getting her to bring friends. You have to offer social value to get her to chase and bring you value. If you live in an apartment complex, hosting a board game night or other millennial bait would work.

It's like a bank only loans money to people who don't really need it.

WIA

Good points. But if the sexual intent is not made clear at the beginning, wont she just classify him in the friendzone?

Also, as someone who has lived in apartments before, there are guys out there, who are really not such great friends with their neighbours though they do engage in the occasional chit chat. What can they do to show social proof and how important is social proof actually if the guy seems normal and confident around people around him?

[jcrew247]

(10-20-2016 08:06 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  

(07-05-2016 05:10 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

@Uhon

You - hello
Her - hello

Then

Option A - cold read

You seem extra chipper today...am I right, or are you just faking it?

Chicks are very into how they are being perceived. So anything like a cold read can always generate a response.

Option B - springboard/assume friendship

This weekend I totally....*insert story about what you did*

Stories are some of the most powerful weapon we have.

At the communication level, you can pack a story with your humble brags and things you want to imply, or bait that you want to hook her with.

At the sub communication level, your voice, tone, volume, body language, and the mere fact that you'd tell a complete stranger something says a lot about your entitlement and your overall experience with people and women. This counts for 90+% of how everyone reacts to you. Because most communication is non verbal.

In either case you can set the tone, establish the friendship and use that to get more into her life.

There is only one difference between this and a pick-up, you're not focusing on the "I'm a man, you're a woman" aspects that is required for every pull. That's naturally a part of every encounter, but you put it on the back burner.

From there it's an exchange of information.

The next step is getting her out to an activity and getting her to bring friends. You have to offer social value to get her to chase and bring you value. If you live in an apartment complex, hosting a board game night or other millennial bait would work.

It's like a bank only loans money to people who don't really need it.

WIA

Good points. But if the sexual intent is not made clear at the beginning, wont she just classify him in the friendzone?

Also, as someone who has lived in apartments before, there are guys out there, who are really not such great friends with their neighbours though they do engage in the occasional chit chat. What can they do to show social proof and how important is social proof actually if the guy seems normal and confident around people around him?

You can always get their phone numbers and invite them to have beer/wine/pizza at your apartment. Tell them you are having a small party or celebration or whatever.