Strap in and hold fast.
This a story of how I lost my grip on the steering wheel and crashed head first into a willow tree. Metaphorically speaking.
This is half a tale of caution, half personal therapy and half a story to make you laugh and shake your head, as the late great Yogi Berra may have phrased it.
Preface: I'm a young white guy, tall, 185lbs (83kg to the Commonwealth), straight-edge haircut, fit etc. notch count of 30+ as of writing this.
I'm squared away by our standards.
She was roughly #30.
I started bartending at a moderately fancy place downtown in my city in fall. She started working with me also as a bartender a month after I started. She was under 3 years older than I.
When I first met her I was put off when I noticed tattoos and ear gauges RED FLAG #1. She had a boyfriend at the time who I met once (some pot-smoking dreadhead DJ) and through talking to her I found out she had been into girls most of her life. I later find out that from the age of 18 on, for the next 6 years she was dating a dyke who was around 20 years older than her. More on that later.
Very pretty face, thick hair, nice teeth, small tits and a great bum. She grew up as an outdoorsy kid who likes to camp etc. so I was into that given that I'm a hunter, a climber, a man of the hills.
Later, in January at our staff party, we all get drunk off the open bar and take cocaine.
Afterparty at one of the cocktail waitresses apartments and she makes out with one of our other girls PLUS this queertype gamer girlfriend of one of the cooks RED FLAG #2 before we synced up with each other for an hour. (I was in my own world being fucked up and watching 2 of our other waitresses table dance with the cute one wearing my tie on her head, so I did not know until later) We left with moderate fanfare and drama back to her place.
I had sex with 3 girls in the last few weeks and 2 of them had worked with us so I stayed over but I didn't bang her that night because I was trying to look ahead and not cause drama. This job was my sole income in a tough economy.
Fuck Bitches, Get Money.
This chick though, something about her tugged at my DNA, if you boys know what I mean. It was like my sperm was talking to my brain saying "Pump a baby into her, before someone else does!!"
Straight primal.
So I didn't bang her because I had spent the last 4 years having strictly one night stands, only seeing a handful of gals longer than 2-3 weeks. Only one LTR ever and that was the highschool sweetheart. I wasn't about to jeopardize my job for just another fuck. Girls talk and I was the only red-blooded male working there. Do the math.
I also found out she comped to her 6 month boyfriend about making out with me (After the walls came crumbling down I set myself up for many revelations, this being one of them: I found out she declined to tell him I stayed over... more on that later) and so he broke it off with her. Good for him.
I ignored what I knew to be true about game and didn't try to fuck her ASAP when I found out because I thought I needed to be different with this one. I had cut off the girl right before her cause I didn't want to just keep banging half decent sluts, and that one was a half decent, cigarette-smoking, sweatpants-wearing, stick-your-finger-in-my-asshole-first-night-yelling SLUT!. We had opposite shifts so I didn't see her much outside work but plenty of crossover on shift change, so that was more than enough contact to generate something.
The following weekend we get drinks after work with a couple regulars (dudes). She is being friendly with one of them (also a dreadhead) with her feet on his lap etc. RED FLAG #3
I pull her aside and say WTF!?, so she ostensibly decides to follow what I say, nod her head, excuses herself to the 2 guys and we leave 5 minutes after. I shake buddies hand but he goes for the hug. His handshake alone would have made me me wipe my hand on my jeans before I even touched the taxi cab handle, let alone organic flesh.
I stayed with her again that night. I fucked around with her but opted not to bang her for the above-mentioned reasons, despite the compliance she was offering me.
Another week goes by and we go over to my friends house after we close the bar down. We hot tub, me and her, my friend and her boyfriend. My chick starts talking about astrology RED FLAG #4 so I just shut her down calling bullshit. Later that morning at like 4 AM I drive us home and we bang at my place. The sex was great. She knew how to ride my cock and liked getting roughed up.
Shocker.
Well men, looks like we got another beautiful unique snowflake.
I wanted more. It was tantric. It just worked.
The next weekend I had to dog-sit and I invited her over to my friends house to hang out all weekend. We hot tub, bang, get drunk, cook food. Life is good right?
Over the next few weeks I start getting into it. Deep. I realize I'm coming up to a downhill with a trailer on the back and I don't feather the brakes.
I let her drive my '98 Cherokee XJ. That is mine.
NOT including work I'm seeing her at least 2 out of my 3 off days on average MY MISTAKE #1. I invite her out with 3 other proper LTR couples I know to see Deadpool on Valentines Day MY MISTAKE #2. We have fun.
Right after Valentines Day, the motor on my Jeep blew so I'm taking Uber's everywhere. As I live in the suburbs across town and she lived right next to downtown, I stay at her house 10 of the next 14 days or so because it's so much easier. I can't afford not to.
By now it had gotten to the certain point that we all know not to let it get to in the earl stages: Drinking too much wine, slacking off with going to the gym, seeing her too much, pissing with the door open (Her, not me!), showers together, wearing my T-shirt.
But the sex was great, I could get her to orgasm so easy and she had taken to calling me Daddy, but even when we weren't in the bedroom... And I fucking loved it! When I got a head-turner calling ME daddy in public, YOU tell ME to just "next her."
Yeah right.
Not all of us are G.
I'd never delved into the dark side of sex, that trench, that abyss...
Then a girl looks into the abyss I have let grow in me. Like when she stares in your eyes and they seems to grow bigger and bigger as she dives into the black centre... but really that's just her brain seeing stars from having it's oxygen cut off. By me. As I have her cuffed and blindfolded.
The Daddy/Baby girl dynamic is powerful.
McQueen wrote about it about it.
I seek to recreate it.
I also had found out about her past by this point and found out her dad abused her as an infant (SORRY, BUT RED FLAG #5.)I also found out that she had fucked close to 100 girls RED FLAG #6 but that didn't bother me at all really cause I figured at least it wasn't dick. I also found out her ex - that dyke -would do weird shit with her like make her fuck other girls at swinger parties, finger her till she bled and stick small gauge needles through her clit RED FLAG #7.
Her ex actually used the hotel move on her that McQueen wrote about, where the man, or dyke in this case, bangs the shit out of a waiting girl and then ghosts her and comes back
In this case she made her bleed she fingered her so hard and left her for 3 hours... The first time they had sex.
Don't change the channel yet; at the end of Feb/ start of March I asked her specifics about her sexual past- PSYCHOSEXUAL CURIOSITY -and long story short, she told me she'd been in at least 10 orgies, "maybe 20." RED FLAG #6. I asked her specifics and she said she'd never had two dicks. Period. I asked if she ever fucked any dudes at these parties and she said "Obviously I've had a dick inside me at an orgy Condog." Oh great, thanks for the heads up darlin'!
As if it couldn't get worse, we work St. Patricks Day together with one of the waitresses I had fucked. My chick knew I fucked her too. The other poor girl had no idea she knew. It was sorta funny actually.
A bunch of squirrelly shit had been happening before this:
She had asked if I was banging other girls and to be exclusive.
She had been texting her ex, and when I ask her to stop: "I'll always love him though. We just cry together when I see him." OooKkkkk... Moving on.
I spent 12 hours like a fool helping her move into her new place.
She promised to come with me to the gym and then said she didn't want to when I picked her up and flat out refused to come. When I drove off she spent the rest of the day getting drunk and doing ketamine with her drug friends. Stayed out all night. Did not bang, despite it being over the line.
Went to look at rentals together MY MISTAKE #2349 just a few days after this. The money and location were fiscally responsible and we had our good times so why not.
Bad call.
She starts making a scene just browsing through Ikea getting iced cream and knick-knacks cause I said something along the lines of "Don't be making this place into some hippy den with those cactuses. I still want my space." (Sidenote: my bitch stepmother kept cacti)
She told me she made out with that waitress again when she had a small party (RED FLAG #8, more on this later) with her potential new roommates, a boy-girl couple of heavy ketamine users. RED FLAG #9. I explained that this was cheating and she didn't argue it but she still just said it was kissing and they passed out.
Totally equal and fair right? I can just have a party at my house, get fucked up on powders, and make out and sleep in the same bed as a girl we work with.
That's cool.
That waitress was a cunt from the day I met her. A tattooed, short shaved-haired, freshly bisexual political feminist harpy. The ugliest girl there but the only one that would fuck my chick... She couldn't even look at me when I called her on it. Instead, she just said some bullshit like "Yeah crazy night..."
Yet another reason why tons of the millennial left are retarded.
Zero accountability and excessive narcissism when it comes to moral relativism.
Makes me feel like my spit tastes bad just writing about it.
Days later, we went to a show and did a line of ketamine or two, first just us, then with friends from work and as I'm standing next to her dancing some brown guy I would destroy in about 4 seconds comes up to her with his contact screen and asks for her number. She takes his phone, I grab it out of her hands and shove it into his chest and tell him to fuck off cause she's seeing me, to which she turns at me and yells in my face, "I'm trying to make new friends!"
I'm kicking myself just reading my own words...
But then it really got bad. Back to the timeline.
She tells me, DURING SHIFT on St. Patricks Day, that she's almost 10 days late on getting her period, and I suppose her periods are as punctual as an 1880's railman.
Holy Fuck!
I'd been pumping live loads inside her like a goddamn bastard because I figured we'd just kill the baby if she got pregnant. She had agreed to this in post-coital talks.
I know, that is always the best time to make a stance on life-altering decisions... Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I'd never slipped one past the goalie, but whether I like it or not, she didn't take vagina pills and it's 2016 so what the hell. I ain't stopping her.
Next day after looking at that place and her freakout, she tells me she's spending a couple days with her girlfriend (non sexual) who happens to be the roommate of the ex she cheated on. He's outta town the first night and back the second so I tell her she ain't staying there the second night. Dealbreaker shit. She agrees.
Second night rolls around, I ask her whats going on, why no communication? She says she's staying there. I tell her it's unacceptable and we are done.
I don't radio silence her. I remind her she is potentially late with a kid, what the fuck does she think she's doing getting super tweaked out on ketamine... Come home. Which is exactly what happened. Well, except for the coming home part.
Anyways, I bang another girl who was in and out of our business, 2 nights in the same week. I get pissed off about it because my woman is out there being a fucking idiot with my seed potentially inside her pussy. Nice pussy too. I got photos. Not what you think. More on that right now.
But first: I punch a wall one night and fracture the long bong connecting my wrist to my pinky knuckle. Almost 2 months later and I still am fucked from it, not to mention I work in the trades, play rugby and Olympic weightlift... My ability as a man to dominate in my physical realm has been hampered.
Then, an atomic bomb for my senses.
I come across 100+ photos of her doing naked photoshoots. Judging by the setting, at least 3 or 4.
One of them is a hardcore lesbian scene with some ugly bitch. Pussy licking, full pussy and ass shots, 69-ing.
The solo shots aren't that much better. I can get hard looking at them but that ain't the point.
She has my seed in her.
She has thrown love on me and taken it away.
She can't take care of herself.
She can't take care of the baby.
But that's my baby.
I will take care of it.
Neither of us want an abortion.
But these photos make everything she told me true and real.
But I would never get involved with a slut like this so deep.
But I am.
What do I do?
What do I think?
Who can even undestand me?
Who can I talk to?
How can I make money right this second?
I need a drink and a smoke...
It was these next three weeks & over Easter Weekend that I found out what the rocks at my bottom feel like for the first time.
Started smoking half a pack a day as a non-smoker.
I Lost 17 pounds from 186 to 169, at 6'1".
I could barely make it to the gym due to lack of sleep.
I couldn't keep food from falling out of my ass.
My broken hand looks like the Elephant Man's dick.
Why did I let myself steer into the ditch?
I saw that tree from a mile away... It was blowing in the wind... I noticed it as soon as I rounded the bend.
I was taken aback just seeing how graceful it was when its branches shivered and crawled and clasped for something solid within the turbulence of an aeolian current...
But I steered into the ditch, headfirst into the damn trunk of the tree because I just HAD to get close enough to touch it's bark.
I didn't go through the windshield of my ride but I smashed my face into the dash, broke some ribs on the wheel, twisted my ankle and caught my hand between the dented door hinge and the wheel well.
I am a mess in this moment.
So what do I do?
I'm still seeing this girl 4 or 5 days a week at work mind you. I'm still splitting a bar with her. I'm seeing her phone blow up, know that she's banging that waitress who just got fired and who knows, perhaps others?...
Oh yeah, I forgot a piece. Kind of important. When I went to pick her up for an agreed-upon doctors appointment to determine her pregnancy status, she came out from her bedroom yelling at me, pushing me off her front step and yelling me off her property. She's a keeper eh?
I get a text and then a call from my chick, saying she just had a miscarriage from the stress and got a weird coloured period... I wonder why she got it that morning?
Could it be from doing so much drugs so frequently your body-mind connection keeps shutting down? Or was it becasue her caring boyfriend showed up, with warning, to pick her up for a doctors appt. that she gave me her word she would come to... Tough call, hard to say.
I then get a text from the dumb cunt , that waitress, saying that my girl is her girl now, fuck off kindly this and that blah blah bla bla ba... Ok have fun.
So what do I do after I banged that other chick since we weren't together anymore? I relish my newfound freedom by putting my game face on and storming back into Medusa's lair to take the bitch's head.
If I could find my way out of the forest I could find my wa back in so I can carve my initials into the biggest tree and piss all over the driven snow.
I'm gonna just fuck my girl like the bitch she was (I did get to put it in her ass, but with an ass that don't get fucked much and my member, it didn't work so hot and I had to fuck her pussy to finish). This time around I thought, I'm gonna fuck other girls too though and retain normalcy. Let's see how that worked out..
I decide as my shift is winding down and she is coming on to throw her a curve. I tell her that I'm supposed to be going out with this other girl tonight, but if she wanted me not to, then she can come home with me. She tells me to do whatever I want and calls out the manipulation of it all, but it allowed me to wait out the night to see if she did anything rash when she was under the impression I was on a date. She did.
Fast forward to the next night.
I go out to the bar to meet this other girl I had banged right after me and the main chick split. I'm doing a bit of texts with my main chick. She asks me to keep talking to her super caringly and shit and it rubs her the right way. Whatever.
At 6 A.M, after that second night of banging this other girl who had been hanging around our bar, I get a text from my girl at 6:15 that just says "Daddy."
It turns out, after that shift I had decided to tell her I was going to see another girl, she got riled up and ends up hanging out with some random patrons after last call. They get fucked up and she crashes with all them at this guys apartment. The text was her texting me because they pretended to drag her out of bed after she passed out and it gave her some weird rape trauma flashback. Understandable.
She never ended up getting sexual beyond a makeout with this guy. Also a fucking dreadhead to boot.
Fuck do I ever hate hippies. Especially if they're white.
Realistically at the time I would've picked her up too, even if it was just to have her warm, naked body nuzzling up on me as I let liquor's curtain call cascade upon me for the night. No sex necessary, because the good was THAT good.
The night after I fuck this other girl and my main chick gets dragged out of that bed, I go to talk to her at work before I meet my buddy for drinks next door. She explains the text and what happened and asks me who the girl was, so I tell her the name.
She flips at me because it turns out that other girl I banged twice was our house DJ's ex-girlfriend who ended up fucking his best friend and roommate after he rented her a room in his house that they were all living in. I laughed out loud when I heard the story and we all made fun of this whore. Then I unknowingly fucked her weeks later... Say hello to the bar scene.
She gets choked at me and storms inside. We talk on the phone later during her shift and I tell her to just come over and be mine for the night and forget the miscarriage, forget who we stayed with, let's just do it right. She agrees.
I pick her up at close and we go to my house. Sex is great, we all cum and smoke a joint and get in the tub. Perfect.
I decide to push it next level and tell her we are going renegade camping in the morning. Stupid given that I just wanted to fuck her but obviously when I hit those buttons that get my brain and cock fired up, the pattern is only ever going to repeat itself.
I pack all my gear up in my truck, throw my mattress in the bed with the cover and hit the bush.
All shit before and after and since aside, we had a bloody good time that Sunday, April 10th. Just sunshine, smiles, sex, ciders and we even scalped a skunk. No joke. I'm a hunter and she is a fledgling taxidermist so when we found a dead skunk I cut its head and paws off with bolt cutters and gave it to my girl as a gift.
We wake up to a Canadian Goose honking at us from 20 metres away. I load a shell into my 12 gauge and pop off a round over it's head. We go back to bed.
I fuck her in the mattress in the back on a frosty morning. Bitch always was giving me a yeast infection. I guess I won't miss that.
That day driving back to town it's business as usual but everything is going right back to shit. She leaves her phone on and I ask who is this guy texting her and why did I see her make a FB status about him? She gets pissed that I looked at her phone and starts going off about trust blah blah blah. She tells me it's just a friend of her roommates and they lay on her trampoline together in the sun one day after they had some wobbly pops. More on that in my epilogue
Not making excuses, but I knew she was leaving for the summer at the end of the month so I just wanted her all to myself until then. Her cell phone had to get repaired and she didn't have a computer so we literally ended up spending every day the next two weeks together. We went with three other couples from work to a national park for 4 nights of camping the following weekend also... Too good right?
I had to go out of town for a rugby tournament the next weekend. She was getting super anxious I was gonna fuck a girl.
Another thing I forgot: Me and a girl from a rugby club who was crushing on my main and wanting to fuck a girl for the first time almost had a threesome when we got back from camping the first weekend. I'm talking 4 AM, mattress in my basement, weed and a box of wine and me making out with both of them with this other girls hands in my girls pants. But my polyamorous sexual being of a girl said "she didn't just want to be someone else's experiment," ended it and gave me shit for trying to push for it so much despite her expressing how she wanted it t. Fuck off woman.
Anyways, after the bar at 3 am back at the hotel celebrating our victory, this rugby chick chirps up about how much she wants to fuck my girlfriend, in a room of 15 guys and girls who don't quite understand our dynamic. I tell her to not say that again or else she is going to catch one. I'm on one bed facing her sitting on the other, mirroring each other.
She looks at me in the eyes, leans in with a smile and says, "Condog, I want to fuck your girlfriend."
That's when shit got real.
As a feminist, I treat women just the same as men. So I smack this bitch literally as hard as I could with an open hand, knocking her off the bed and onto the floor. The room erupts and she starts smiling despite her being stumbly and throws some weak girly punches in my face. Knowing I may have gone overboard with the slap, I let her get a few in before shoving her away.
I shouldn't have hit her that hard but it was 3 in the morning, we had been drinking for 2 days and nights straight, and an open hand at 100% is still better than a fist in your teeth at 75%. I have no regrets.
I call my girl to check on her and tell her what happened. She doesn't get why I would do that but she also doesn't get much so it is what it is. I told her that I did it for her or some shit the day later. And if you think about it, I was really just defending her honour.
Everyone who wasn't me in that room after I slapped her, even my boys, freak the fuck out and tell me to go back to the other room. They just don't get it.
That rugby chick texts me the next day saying "You said you were going to slap me. You should follow through."
Ok bitch so why make a big deal out of it...
I hate seeing the world for what it is and being right about women all the bloody time. It gets annoying. I feel like I'm Jim Carrey in the Truman Show trying to get out of his town.
I get back to town the Sunday and see my girl for a bit because I lent her my truck for the weekend. She drops my truck off and I don't see her until Tuesday. She meets me on Tuesday and something is different. She isn't looking at me like she used to. She is talking about leaving that weekend and isn't even sad. Normally she is crying in these situations.
You know that look some girls have in their eyes when they look at you?
That look.
That look says lead and I will follow,
Sing and I will dance,
Hunt so I may cook,
Start so I may finish,
Tell me to cum so I may cum,
Tell a joke so I may laugh,
Sleep so I may sleep,
Fight so I may defend you,
The look a baby girl gives to her father that says, I need you.
Leave me and I will die
That look was gone.
There is much more to this story, but this is where it concludes.
I pick up her phone later that day from the repair shop and there is no lock on it. I delve.
Here is what drove me back to the smoke and the bottle and the fear of closing my eyes lest I think of her:
Remember that 37 year old dreadheaded customer?
She fucked him 2 or 3 times leading up to our first time, while I was still messing around with her at her place 2 times a week. She would text me, lying in his hotel bed the morning after a night where I asked her if she wanted to do something and she replied "I don't even know what I did," when asked what she got up to.
Remember that ex-boyfriend dubstep DJ?
3 days after Valentines, when my Jeep was out of commisison and I was staying at her house, we both worked on the Wednesday. I had the day shift, she had the night. I wake up before work, bang her, go to work. Her ex comes over to sell weed, breaks down crying since he was drunk, goes home. She gets off work and tells him to come back. She pulls her pants down for him after he says to her "You just need to get rammed." So she fucked him the same day she fucked me after asking to be exclusive and meeting my tribe on Valentines, 3 days later. She also fucked him the day after I got back, the Monday night, which is why come Tuesday there was something off about her. She had already left the building
Remember that cunty waitress she "kissed" at the party with her new potential roomates?
She fingerbanged her and more that night. Lied about it straight up when I asked her. Then in the week after our miscarriage she let this other one tie her up and blindfold her, then eat her out until she came. The cumming makes me doubly pissed off about it.
Remember that fellow she said she just laid with on the sun in the trampoline?
She blew him and let him fuck her the same weekend she had our miscarriage. He slept in her bed one other time too without having sex. They got brunch together the next day and took selfies.
I found out all this on Tuesday night. I get drunk off a bottle of Jim Beam and stay up all night until my 7 AM class. I puke so hard out my window on the way to school thinking about everything I learned that I had to pull over. I had the shakes so bad that when I ran a steaming hot bath, I was still convulsing. And that brings us to Wednesday.
This bitch wants her phone back and remotely locked it so I couldn't keep finding shit out. I tell her that I'm selling it and she can fuck off. Around noon, I get a distraught call saying she totaled the camper on the pickup truck she was supposed to be leaving to the Yukon with for 2 months and is freaking the fuck out. I tell her to fuck off and ask her other ex that's she's been with for the last two nights. She knows that I am much more capable of dealing with things both practically and in theory. I tell her that only if she gives me the password. She does, so I go to help.
I spend the whole fucking day fixing this fucking thing and driving it across town. I repair the damage in about 9 hours and send her on her way. Before I leave her place she tells me that she never would have told me about the infidelities, even if we had ended up having the kid and getting married.
Curious, and remembering McQueens beauty article, I ask her if she's ever been diagnosed with anything mental. She tells me she was diagnosed as bipolar and something else that she can't quite remember that sounds like "Bor something." Half sad as a duck, half aghast at my own stupidity, half morbidly entertained, I say, "borderline personality disorder?" Her eyes brighten as she turns to me, "That's it!" Fuck.
I hope this story serves as a lesson to the young and old, the rookies and the vets, the dicks and the cunts, the chavs and the blokes, the Muzzies and the Russkies... well maybe not the Muzzies, fuck those guys. Basically any male that seeks to prosper in this dream we call life, take heed young buck. Do not listen to that Vaginal Satan Music, for it will ruin you.
If you made it this far, I say thank you for listening to my story and realize this was not easy to write. It give me a much needed, very desirable catharsis.
Post below with your thoughts, feedback, comments, memories, questions & concerns, and your personal experiences with these types of women.
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How am I now? Getting there. I still bring her up in stories. I still have our sex tapes. I still have her porn photos.
I got back onto Tinder hard and fucked the shit out of this 18 year old within 2 hours of meeting her. Blinfolded, bound, choked, beaten, skullfucked, everything I had wanted to do to my girl in the second go-around we had, I did to this broad and she fucking ate up every little piece of it.
Next weekend, a busty big bootied 21 year old Filipina. Spent two hours in bed with her on a Wednesday afternoon trying to get her panties off. I ripped them off and she was oozing. She's coming over tonight.
Last weekend, a black girl probably in her late twenties with literal G-cup titties. I checked. Got pics.
I have screenshots and photos and videos to back up everything I have done or said with her. At first it was just to back myself up if she ever did have the kid so I could win the custody battle. Not a likely thing here in Canada that a man could or would ever win. My dad didn't. But now it's just fodder to express to people my sorrow, my disgust, my pure surprise at the depths of deceit and evil within us. A tale of caution.
My will is indefatigable.
My spirit is opaque.
My thoughts are transparent.
My words are truth.
Always forward. Joe Pike.
-Condog
This a story of how I lost my grip on the steering wheel and crashed head first into a willow tree. Metaphorically speaking.
This is half a tale of caution, half personal therapy and half a story to make you laugh and shake your head, as the late great Yogi Berra may have phrased it.
Preface: I'm a young white guy, tall, 185lbs (83kg to the Commonwealth), straight-edge haircut, fit etc. notch count of 30+ as of writing this.
I'm squared away by our standards.
She was roughly #30.
I started bartending at a moderately fancy place downtown in my city in fall. She started working with me also as a bartender a month after I started. She was under 3 years older than I.
When I first met her I was put off when I noticed tattoos and ear gauges RED FLAG #1. She had a boyfriend at the time who I met once (some pot-smoking dreadhead DJ) and through talking to her I found out she had been into girls most of her life. I later find out that from the age of 18 on, for the next 6 years she was dating a dyke who was around 20 years older than her. More on that later.
Very pretty face, thick hair, nice teeth, small tits and a great bum. She grew up as an outdoorsy kid who likes to camp etc. so I was into that given that I'm a hunter, a climber, a man of the hills.
Later, in January at our staff party, we all get drunk off the open bar and take cocaine.
Afterparty at one of the cocktail waitresses apartments and she makes out with one of our other girls PLUS this queertype gamer girlfriend of one of the cooks RED FLAG #2 before we synced up with each other for an hour. (I was in my own world being fucked up and watching 2 of our other waitresses table dance with the cute one wearing my tie on her head, so I did not know until later) We left with moderate fanfare and drama back to her place.
I had sex with 3 girls in the last few weeks and 2 of them had worked with us so I stayed over but I didn't bang her that night because I was trying to look ahead and not cause drama. This job was my sole income in a tough economy.
Fuck Bitches, Get Money.
This chick though, something about her tugged at my DNA, if you boys know what I mean. It was like my sperm was talking to my brain saying "Pump a baby into her, before someone else does!!"
Straight primal.
So I didn't bang her because I had spent the last 4 years having strictly one night stands, only seeing a handful of gals longer than 2-3 weeks. Only one LTR ever and that was the highschool sweetheart. I wasn't about to jeopardize my job for just another fuck. Girls talk and I was the only red-blooded male working there. Do the math.
I also found out she comped to her 6 month boyfriend about making out with me (After the walls came crumbling down I set myself up for many revelations, this being one of them: I found out she declined to tell him I stayed over... more on that later) and so he broke it off with her. Good for him.
I ignored what I knew to be true about game and didn't try to fuck her ASAP when I found out because I thought I needed to be different with this one. I had cut off the girl right before her cause I didn't want to just keep banging half decent sluts, and that one was a half decent, cigarette-smoking, sweatpants-wearing, stick-your-finger-in-my-asshole-first-night-yelling SLUT!. We had opposite shifts so I didn't see her much outside work but plenty of crossover on shift change, so that was more than enough contact to generate something.
The following weekend we get drinks after work with a couple regulars (dudes). She is being friendly with one of them (also a dreadhead) with her feet on his lap etc. RED FLAG #3
I pull her aside and say WTF!?, so she ostensibly decides to follow what I say, nod her head, excuses herself to the 2 guys and we leave 5 minutes after. I shake buddies hand but he goes for the hug. His handshake alone would have made me me wipe my hand on my jeans before I even touched the taxi cab handle, let alone organic flesh.
I stayed with her again that night. I fucked around with her but opted not to bang her for the above-mentioned reasons, despite the compliance she was offering me.
Another week goes by and we go over to my friends house after we close the bar down. We hot tub, me and her, my friend and her boyfriend. My chick starts talking about astrology RED FLAG #4 so I just shut her down calling bullshit. Later that morning at like 4 AM I drive us home and we bang at my place. The sex was great. She knew how to ride my cock and liked getting roughed up.
Shocker.
Well men, looks like we got another beautiful unique snowflake.
I wanted more. It was tantric. It just worked.
The next weekend I had to dog-sit and I invited her over to my friends house to hang out all weekend. We hot tub, bang, get drunk, cook food. Life is good right?
Over the next few weeks I start getting into it. Deep. I realize I'm coming up to a downhill with a trailer on the back and I don't feather the brakes.
I let her drive my '98 Cherokee XJ. That is mine.
NOT including work I'm seeing her at least 2 out of my 3 off days on average MY MISTAKE #1. I invite her out with 3 other proper LTR couples I know to see Deadpool on Valentines Day MY MISTAKE #2. We have fun.
Right after Valentines Day, the motor on my Jeep blew so I'm taking Uber's everywhere. As I live in the suburbs across town and she lived right next to downtown, I stay at her house 10 of the next 14 days or so because it's so much easier. I can't afford not to.
By now it had gotten to the certain point that we all know not to let it get to in the earl stages: Drinking too much wine, slacking off with going to the gym, seeing her too much, pissing with the door open (Her, not me!), showers together, wearing my T-shirt.
But the sex was great, I could get her to orgasm so easy and she had taken to calling me Daddy, but even when we weren't in the bedroom... And I fucking loved it! When I got a head-turner calling ME daddy in public, YOU tell ME to just "next her."
Yeah right.
Not all of us are G.
I'd never delved into the dark side of sex, that trench, that abyss...
Then a girl looks into the abyss I have let grow in me. Like when she stares in your eyes and they seems to grow bigger and bigger as she dives into the black centre... but really that's just her brain seeing stars from having it's oxygen cut off. By me. As I have her cuffed and blindfolded.
The Daddy/Baby girl dynamic is powerful.
McQueen wrote about it about it.
I seek to recreate it.
I also had found out about her past by this point and found out her dad abused her as an infant (SORRY, BUT RED FLAG #5.)I also found out that she had fucked close to 100 girls RED FLAG #6 but that didn't bother me at all really cause I figured at least it wasn't dick. I also found out her ex - that dyke -would do weird shit with her like make her fuck other girls at swinger parties, finger her till she bled and stick small gauge needles through her clit RED FLAG #7.
Her ex actually used the hotel move on her that McQueen wrote about, where the man, or dyke in this case, bangs the shit out of a waiting girl and then ghosts her and comes back
In this case she made her bleed she fingered her so hard and left her for 3 hours... The first time they had sex.
Don't change the channel yet; at the end of Feb/ start of March I asked her specifics about her sexual past- PSYCHOSEXUAL CURIOSITY -and long story short, she told me she'd been in at least 10 orgies, "maybe 20." RED FLAG #6. I asked her specifics and she said she'd never had two dicks. Period. I asked if she ever fucked any dudes at these parties and she said "Obviously I've had a dick inside me at an orgy Condog." Oh great, thanks for the heads up darlin'!
As if it couldn't get worse, we work St. Patricks Day together with one of the waitresses I had fucked. My chick knew I fucked her too. The other poor girl had no idea she knew. It was sorta funny actually.
A bunch of squirrelly shit had been happening before this:
She had asked if I was banging other girls and to be exclusive.
She had been texting her ex, and when I ask her to stop: "I'll always love him though. We just cry together when I see him." OooKkkkk... Moving on.
I spent 12 hours like a fool helping her move into her new place.
She promised to come with me to the gym and then said she didn't want to when I picked her up and flat out refused to come. When I drove off she spent the rest of the day getting drunk and doing ketamine with her drug friends. Stayed out all night. Did not bang, despite it being over the line.
Went to look at rentals together MY MISTAKE #2349 just a few days after this. The money and location were fiscally responsible and we had our good times so why not.
Bad call.
She starts making a scene just browsing through Ikea getting iced cream and knick-knacks cause I said something along the lines of "Don't be making this place into some hippy den with those cactuses. I still want my space." (Sidenote: my bitch stepmother kept cacti)
She told me she made out with that waitress again when she had a small party (RED FLAG #8, more on this later) with her potential new roommates, a boy-girl couple of heavy ketamine users. RED FLAG #9. I explained that this was cheating and she didn't argue it but she still just said it was kissing and they passed out.
Totally equal and fair right? I can just have a party at my house, get fucked up on powders, and make out and sleep in the same bed as a girl we work with.
That's cool.
That waitress was a cunt from the day I met her. A tattooed, short shaved-haired, freshly bisexual political feminist harpy. The ugliest girl there but the only one that would fuck my chick... She couldn't even look at me when I called her on it. Instead, she just said some bullshit like "Yeah crazy night..."
Yet another reason why tons of the millennial left are retarded.
Zero accountability and excessive narcissism when it comes to moral relativism.
Makes me feel like my spit tastes bad just writing about it.
Days later, we went to a show and did a line of ketamine or two, first just us, then with friends from work and as I'm standing next to her dancing some brown guy I would destroy in about 4 seconds comes up to her with his contact screen and asks for her number. She takes his phone, I grab it out of her hands and shove it into his chest and tell him to fuck off cause she's seeing me, to which she turns at me and yells in my face, "I'm trying to make new friends!"
I'm kicking myself just reading my own words...
But then it really got bad. Back to the timeline.
She tells me, DURING SHIFT on St. Patricks Day, that she's almost 10 days late on getting her period, and I suppose her periods are as punctual as an 1880's railman.
Holy Fuck!
I'd been pumping live loads inside her like a goddamn bastard because I figured we'd just kill the baby if she got pregnant. She had agreed to this in post-coital talks.
I know, that is always the best time to make a stance on life-altering decisions... Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I'd never slipped one past the goalie, but whether I like it or not, she didn't take vagina pills and it's 2016 so what the hell. I ain't stopping her.
Next day after looking at that place and her freakout, she tells me she's spending a couple days with her girlfriend (non sexual) who happens to be the roommate of the ex she cheated on. He's outta town the first night and back the second so I tell her she ain't staying there the second night. Dealbreaker shit. She agrees.
Second night rolls around, I ask her whats going on, why no communication? She says she's staying there. I tell her it's unacceptable and we are done.
I don't radio silence her. I remind her she is potentially late with a kid, what the fuck does she think she's doing getting super tweaked out on ketamine... Come home. Which is exactly what happened. Well, except for the coming home part.
Anyways, I bang another girl who was in and out of our business, 2 nights in the same week. I get pissed off about it because my woman is out there being a fucking idiot with my seed potentially inside her pussy. Nice pussy too. I got photos. Not what you think. More on that right now.
But first: I punch a wall one night and fracture the long bong connecting my wrist to my pinky knuckle. Almost 2 months later and I still am fucked from it, not to mention I work in the trades, play rugby and Olympic weightlift... My ability as a man to dominate in my physical realm has been hampered.
Then, an atomic bomb for my senses.
I come across 100+ photos of her doing naked photoshoots. Judging by the setting, at least 3 or 4.
One of them is a hardcore lesbian scene with some ugly bitch. Pussy licking, full pussy and ass shots, 69-ing.
The solo shots aren't that much better. I can get hard looking at them but that ain't the point.
She has my seed in her.
She has thrown love on me and taken it away.
She can't take care of herself.
She can't take care of the baby.
But that's my baby.
I will take care of it.
Neither of us want an abortion.
But these photos make everything she told me true and real.
But I would never get involved with a slut like this so deep.
But I am.
What do I do?
What do I think?
Who can even undestand me?
Who can I talk to?
How can I make money right this second?
I need a drink and a smoke...
It was these next three weeks & over Easter Weekend that I found out what the rocks at my bottom feel like for the first time.
Started smoking half a pack a day as a non-smoker.
I Lost 17 pounds from 186 to 169, at 6'1".
I could barely make it to the gym due to lack of sleep.
I couldn't keep food from falling out of my ass.
My broken hand looks like the Elephant Man's dick.
Why did I let myself steer into the ditch?
I saw that tree from a mile away... It was blowing in the wind... I noticed it as soon as I rounded the bend.
I was taken aback just seeing how graceful it was when its branches shivered and crawled and clasped for something solid within the turbulence of an aeolian current...
But I steered into the ditch, headfirst into the damn trunk of the tree because I just HAD to get close enough to touch it's bark.
I didn't go through the windshield of my ride but I smashed my face into the dash, broke some ribs on the wheel, twisted my ankle and caught my hand between the dented door hinge and the wheel well.
I am a mess in this moment.
So what do I do?
I'm still seeing this girl 4 or 5 days a week at work mind you. I'm still splitting a bar with her. I'm seeing her phone blow up, know that she's banging that waitress who just got fired and who knows, perhaps others?...
Oh yeah, I forgot a piece. Kind of important. When I went to pick her up for an agreed-upon doctors appointment to determine her pregnancy status, she came out from her bedroom yelling at me, pushing me off her front step and yelling me off her property. She's a keeper eh?
I get a text and then a call from my chick, saying she just had a miscarriage from the stress and got a weird coloured period... I wonder why she got it that morning?
Could it be from doing so much drugs so frequently your body-mind connection keeps shutting down? Or was it becasue her caring boyfriend showed up, with warning, to pick her up for a doctors appt. that she gave me her word she would come to... Tough call, hard to say.
I then get a text from the dumb cunt , that waitress, saying that my girl is her girl now, fuck off kindly this and that blah blah bla bla ba... Ok have fun.
So what do I do after I banged that other chick since we weren't together anymore? I relish my newfound freedom by putting my game face on and storming back into Medusa's lair to take the bitch's head.
If I could find my way out of the forest I could find my wa back in so I can carve my initials into the biggest tree and piss all over the driven snow.
I'm gonna just fuck my girl like the bitch she was (I did get to put it in her ass, but with an ass that don't get fucked much and my member, it didn't work so hot and I had to fuck her pussy to finish). This time around I thought, I'm gonna fuck other girls too though and retain normalcy. Let's see how that worked out..
I decide as my shift is winding down and she is coming on to throw her a curve. I tell her that I'm supposed to be going out with this other girl tonight, but if she wanted me not to, then she can come home with me. She tells me to do whatever I want and calls out the manipulation of it all, but it allowed me to wait out the night to see if she did anything rash when she was under the impression I was on a date. She did.
Fast forward to the next night.
I go out to the bar to meet this other girl I had banged right after me and the main chick split. I'm doing a bit of texts with my main chick. She asks me to keep talking to her super caringly and shit and it rubs her the right way. Whatever.
At 6 A.M, after that second night of banging this other girl who had been hanging around our bar, I get a text from my girl at 6:15 that just says "Daddy."
It turns out, after that shift I had decided to tell her I was going to see another girl, she got riled up and ends up hanging out with some random patrons after last call. They get fucked up and she crashes with all them at this guys apartment. The text was her texting me because they pretended to drag her out of bed after she passed out and it gave her some weird rape trauma flashback. Understandable.
She never ended up getting sexual beyond a makeout with this guy. Also a fucking dreadhead to boot.
Fuck do I ever hate hippies. Especially if they're white.
Realistically at the time I would've picked her up too, even if it was just to have her warm, naked body nuzzling up on me as I let liquor's curtain call cascade upon me for the night. No sex necessary, because the good was THAT good.
The night after I fuck this other girl and my main chick gets dragged out of that bed, I go to talk to her at work before I meet my buddy for drinks next door. She explains the text and what happened and asks me who the girl was, so I tell her the name.
She flips at me because it turns out that other girl I banged twice was our house DJ's ex-girlfriend who ended up fucking his best friend and roommate after he rented her a room in his house that they were all living in. I laughed out loud when I heard the story and we all made fun of this whore. Then I unknowingly fucked her weeks later... Say hello to the bar scene.
She gets choked at me and storms inside. We talk on the phone later during her shift and I tell her to just come over and be mine for the night and forget the miscarriage, forget who we stayed with, let's just do it right. She agrees.
I pick her up at close and we go to my house. Sex is great, we all cum and smoke a joint and get in the tub. Perfect.
I decide to push it next level and tell her we are going renegade camping in the morning. Stupid given that I just wanted to fuck her but obviously when I hit those buttons that get my brain and cock fired up, the pattern is only ever going to repeat itself.
I pack all my gear up in my truck, throw my mattress in the bed with the cover and hit the bush.
All shit before and after and since aside, we had a bloody good time that Sunday, April 10th. Just sunshine, smiles, sex, ciders and we even scalped a skunk. No joke. I'm a hunter and she is a fledgling taxidermist so when we found a dead skunk I cut its head and paws off with bolt cutters and gave it to my girl as a gift.
We wake up to a Canadian Goose honking at us from 20 metres away. I load a shell into my 12 gauge and pop off a round over it's head. We go back to bed.
I fuck her in the mattress in the back on a frosty morning. Bitch always was giving me a yeast infection. I guess I won't miss that.
That day driving back to town it's business as usual but everything is going right back to shit. She leaves her phone on and I ask who is this guy texting her and why did I see her make a FB status about him? She gets pissed that I looked at her phone and starts going off about trust blah blah blah. She tells me it's just a friend of her roommates and they lay on her trampoline together in the sun one day after they had some wobbly pops. More on that in my epilogue
Not making excuses, but I knew she was leaving for the summer at the end of the month so I just wanted her all to myself until then. Her cell phone had to get repaired and she didn't have a computer so we literally ended up spending every day the next two weeks together. We went with three other couples from work to a national park for 4 nights of camping the following weekend also... Too good right?
I had to go out of town for a rugby tournament the next weekend. She was getting super anxious I was gonna fuck a girl.
Another thing I forgot: Me and a girl from a rugby club who was crushing on my main and wanting to fuck a girl for the first time almost had a threesome when we got back from camping the first weekend. I'm talking 4 AM, mattress in my basement, weed and a box of wine and me making out with both of them with this other girls hands in my girls pants. But my polyamorous sexual being of a girl said "she didn't just want to be someone else's experiment," ended it and gave me shit for trying to push for it so much despite her expressing how she wanted it t. Fuck off woman.
Anyways, after the bar at 3 am back at the hotel celebrating our victory, this rugby chick chirps up about how much she wants to fuck my girlfriend, in a room of 15 guys and girls who don't quite understand our dynamic. I tell her to not say that again or else she is going to catch one. I'm on one bed facing her sitting on the other, mirroring each other.
She looks at me in the eyes, leans in with a smile and says, "Condog, I want to fuck your girlfriend."
That's when shit got real.
As a feminist, I treat women just the same as men. So I smack this bitch literally as hard as I could with an open hand, knocking her off the bed and onto the floor. The room erupts and she starts smiling despite her being stumbly and throws some weak girly punches in my face. Knowing I may have gone overboard with the slap, I let her get a few in before shoving her away.
I shouldn't have hit her that hard but it was 3 in the morning, we had been drinking for 2 days and nights straight, and an open hand at 100% is still better than a fist in your teeth at 75%. I have no regrets.
I call my girl to check on her and tell her what happened. She doesn't get why I would do that but she also doesn't get much so it is what it is. I told her that I did it for her or some shit the day later. And if you think about it, I was really just defending her honour.
Everyone who wasn't me in that room after I slapped her, even my boys, freak the fuck out and tell me to go back to the other room. They just don't get it.
That rugby chick texts me the next day saying "You said you were going to slap me. You should follow through."
Ok bitch so why make a big deal out of it...
I hate seeing the world for what it is and being right about women all the bloody time. It gets annoying. I feel like I'm Jim Carrey in the Truman Show trying to get out of his town.
I get back to town the Sunday and see my girl for a bit because I lent her my truck for the weekend. She drops my truck off and I don't see her until Tuesday. She meets me on Tuesday and something is different. She isn't looking at me like she used to. She is talking about leaving that weekend and isn't even sad. Normally she is crying in these situations.
You know that look some girls have in their eyes when they look at you?
That look.
That look says lead and I will follow,
Sing and I will dance,
Hunt so I may cook,
Start so I may finish,
Tell me to cum so I may cum,
Tell a joke so I may laugh,
Sleep so I may sleep,
Fight so I may defend you,
The look a baby girl gives to her father that says, I need you.
Leave me and I will die
That look was gone.
There is much more to this story, but this is where it concludes.
I pick up her phone later that day from the repair shop and there is no lock on it. I delve.
Here is what drove me back to the smoke and the bottle and the fear of closing my eyes lest I think of her:
Remember that 37 year old dreadheaded customer?
She fucked him 2 or 3 times leading up to our first time, while I was still messing around with her at her place 2 times a week. She would text me, lying in his hotel bed the morning after a night where I asked her if she wanted to do something and she replied "I don't even know what I did," when asked what she got up to.
Remember that ex-boyfriend dubstep DJ?
3 days after Valentines, when my Jeep was out of commisison and I was staying at her house, we both worked on the Wednesday. I had the day shift, she had the night. I wake up before work, bang her, go to work. Her ex comes over to sell weed, breaks down crying since he was drunk, goes home. She gets off work and tells him to come back. She pulls her pants down for him after he says to her "You just need to get rammed." So she fucked him the same day she fucked me after asking to be exclusive and meeting my tribe on Valentines, 3 days later. She also fucked him the day after I got back, the Monday night, which is why come Tuesday there was something off about her. She had already left the building
Remember that cunty waitress she "kissed" at the party with her new potential roomates?
She fingerbanged her and more that night. Lied about it straight up when I asked her. Then in the week after our miscarriage she let this other one tie her up and blindfold her, then eat her out until she came. The cumming makes me doubly pissed off about it.
Remember that fellow she said she just laid with on the sun in the trampoline?
She blew him and let him fuck her the same weekend she had our miscarriage. He slept in her bed one other time too without having sex. They got brunch together the next day and took selfies.
I found out all this on Tuesday night. I get drunk off a bottle of Jim Beam and stay up all night until my 7 AM class. I puke so hard out my window on the way to school thinking about everything I learned that I had to pull over. I had the shakes so bad that when I ran a steaming hot bath, I was still convulsing. And that brings us to Wednesday.
This bitch wants her phone back and remotely locked it so I couldn't keep finding shit out. I tell her that I'm selling it and she can fuck off. Around noon, I get a distraught call saying she totaled the camper on the pickup truck she was supposed to be leaving to the Yukon with for 2 months and is freaking the fuck out. I tell her to fuck off and ask her other ex that's she's been with for the last two nights. She knows that I am much more capable of dealing with things both practically and in theory. I tell her that only if she gives me the password. She does, so I go to help.
I spend the whole fucking day fixing this fucking thing and driving it across town. I repair the damage in about 9 hours and send her on her way. Before I leave her place she tells me that she never would have told me about the infidelities, even if we had ended up having the kid and getting married.
Curious, and remembering McQueens beauty article, I ask her if she's ever been diagnosed with anything mental. She tells me she was diagnosed as bipolar and something else that she can't quite remember that sounds like "Bor something." Half sad as a duck, half aghast at my own stupidity, half morbidly entertained, I say, "borderline personality disorder?" Her eyes brighten as she turns to me, "That's it!" Fuck.
I hope this story serves as a lesson to the young and old, the rookies and the vets, the dicks and the cunts, the chavs and the blokes, the Muzzies and the Russkies... well maybe not the Muzzies, fuck those guys. Basically any male that seeks to prosper in this dream we call life, take heed young buck. Do not listen to that Vaginal Satan Music, for it will ruin you.
If you made it this far, I say thank you for listening to my story and realize this was not easy to write. It give me a much needed, very desirable catharsis.
Post below with your thoughts, feedback, comments, memories, questions & concerns, and your personal experiences with these types of women.
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How am I now? Getting there. I still bring her up in stories. I still have our sex tapes. I still have her porn photos.
I got back onto Tinder hard and fucked the shit out of this 18 year old within 2 hours of meeting her. Blinfolded, bound, choked, beaten, skullfucked, everything I had wanted to do to my girl in the second go-around we had, I did to this broad and she fucking ate up every little piece of it.
Next weekend, a busty big bootied 21 year old Filipina. Spent two hours in bed with her on a Wednesday afternoon trying to get her panties off. I ripped them off and she was oozing. She's coming over tonight.
Last weekend, a black girl probably in her late twenties with literal G-cup titties. I checked. Got pics.
I have screenshots and photos and videos to back up everything I have done or said with her. At first it was just to back myself up if she ever did have the kid so I could win the custody battle. Not a likely thing here in Canada that a man could or would ever win. My dad didn't. But now it's just fodder to express to people my sorrow, my disgust, my pure surprise at the depths of deceit and evil within us. A tale of caution.
My will is indefatigable.
My spirit is opaque.
My thoughts are transparent.
My words are truth.
Always forward. Joe Pike.
-Condog
