[churros]

Husband establishes successful business, raises his daughters, then lets the wife go and party. The poor man then writes to an advice guru in the national paper, and the (female) columnist blames him!

PROBLEM

Quote:

At a school disco almost three decades ago, I met my life partner and the amazing mother of our two children. Three years later we welcomed our son, and 12 years ago our daughter.

Throughout our time together we have experienced bereavement, sickness and financial struggles, but in the main we have both worked hard and built what I have always thought was a decent life. Recently our small business has gone from strength to strength and we have managed to buy a really nice home.

However, about one year ago my partner started to go on frequent nights out with two of our female neighbours, both of whom were recently separated. Both these women have developed a reputation in the area and on social media for outrageous behaviour.

My partner’s friendship with this pair never bothered me, and I encouraged her to go and enjoy herself.

But two months ago she announced that she wanted to separate. She denied any affair but said that she missed out on nightclubs and romance and wanted that in her life. She rejected my pleas to give her all that. Our young daughter became distraught on hearing of the separation. I moved out of the family home, as neither of us wanted her to overhear arguments.

I am now back living in the box room in my parents’ house. I miss the life we had.

I do not feel angry towards my partner, but I blame these two friends for leading her into a life that I think may destroy our family. How can we resolve this and get back the life that we had?

ADVICE

Quote:

It sounds as though you are a successful person in that you have a business that is doing well and you have a capacity for seeing the bigger picture, for example putting your daughter’s needs before your own.

However, it might be that you have an overly simplistic approach to your break-up by putting it down to the influence of two “outrageous” neighbours. The breakdown of a serious relationship is usually complex, and the signs are often there (perhaps unseen) for quite a while before the actual event that brings the relationship to an end.

It would be good to take time to reflect on what the relationship was like before its demise; your partner seems to suggest that there was a lack of romance and excitement. She may well be trying to relive her youth where she settled down early and did not have the experiences of many relationships, and is now seeing, through her new friends, the fun side of this life.

...

It might be that you now need to look at your own life and check if development has only happened in limited directions (for example, the business) and how you might expand yourself in other ways, including intellectually, socially and emotionally. This would increase your attractiveness and might pique your partner’s interest should she be open to this at some stage in the future. This assumes that you are going to fight for the return of your relationship, but it is not a simple task.
...

It is time to re-evaluate your life and take charge of what it needs. When you are feeling in a stronger place, you might find you are in a better position to make decisions based on what is best for you rather than just going back to the status quo.

[Alsos]

"my life partner and the amazing mother of our two children"

I think I see his problem.

[BassPlayaYo]

Don't be beta, kudos to the columnist. If you fall asleep at the wheel, don't be surprised if you crash into something.

[Kid Twist]

30 years though? Throw this in the female choice/awareness of the outside (deteriorating) world and the "possibilities."

I know an alpha that had more kids than is common whose wife, after many years, defected

It was just like this from what I heard ... to "party".

While the outside society teaches dudes to be less and less manly, this case and the case above seem to have WAY more to do with what "women think they are missing". That's the real problem.

As if the women we're talking about are going to be "happier" afterward. Pssh

[AboveAverageJoe]

He definitely messed up. This can even happen to RP guys if they dont continue to use game in a marriage or LTR. A ring and a marriage certificate will not keep a modern relationship together, it takes work, leadership (by the man) and continued game. This guy made his mistake when he allowed the mother of his daughter to go clubbing instead of staying home and contributing to the household and the raising of her daughter. If my childs mother and I were in this situation and she asked "Hey, you mind if I go out with Gina and Tina, tonight?" My answer would be "No, not at all. Make sure you pack your stuff though, because your not coming back here. Clearly your priorities are not me, this family and this home." Beware of slutty, single GF's with ruined relationships. They will not be satisfied until they have destroyed yours.

[BassPlayaYo]

(05-25-2016 08:54 AM)AboveAverageJoe Wrote:  

He definitely messed up. This can even happen to RP guys if they dont continue to use game in a marriage or LTR. A ring and a marriage certificate will not keep a modern relationship together, it takes work, leadership (by the man) and continued game. This guy made his mistake when he allowed the mother of his daughter to go clubbing instead of staying home and contributing to the household and the raising of her daughter. If my childs mother and I were in this situation and she asked "Hey, you mind if I go out with Gina and Tina, tonight?" My answer would be "No, not at all. Make sure you pack your stuff though, because your not coming back here. Clearly your priorities are not me, this family and this home." Beware of slutty, single GF's with ruined relationships. They will not be satisfied until they have destroyed yours.

I guarantee you this guy wasn't in top shape, in command and in control, because if he was, she wouldn't even think about running around with her pals because she'd be too busy trying to keep him occupied being where the action is. When you're "frame" is right, you don't have to have these conversations.

[R_Niko]

(05-25-2016 09:05 AM)BassPlayaYo Wrote:  

I guarantee you this guy wasn't in top shape, in command and in control, because if he was, she wouldn't even think about running around with her pals because she'd be too busy trying to keep him occupied being where the action is. When you're "frame" is right, you don't have to have these conversations.

Maintaining frame for thirty years just sounds tiresome and not worth it.

[CleanSlate]

(05-25-2016 09:27 AM)R_Niko Wrote:  

Maintaining frame for thirty years just sounds tiresome and not worth it.

It is tiresome when one man has to do it all by himself and gets no help from society, or worse, has to go against the degeneracy going on today. In that situation, I'm not even going to play that game.

Much easier when you live in a society that supports the family and helps maintain the cohesiveness of a community in which the family lives in.

[scrambled]

(05-25-2016 08:26 AM)churros Wrote:  

Establishes successful business, raises his daughters, lets the wife go and party. The poor man then writes to an advice guru in the national paper, and the (female) columnist blames him!

[Gustavus Adolphus]

The one thing I will never understand, in most of these articles about the long-time wife deciding she's done with the marriage, is the willingness of the husband to leave the home.

You think I'm going to sleep on some couch or in some make shift basement bedroom when she is the one to call it quits? Just give her my castle? No way, take what you need and get the fuck out, I've got work tomorrow and kids to raise you ungrateful wretch. I'm sleeping in my bed tonight, you should probably go to the neighbors house and see what the future holds. And go buy one of those sticky-rollers for your clothes, I don't want cat hair all over my couch when you try to come crawling back. But it will be too late, by the time you have recovered from your hangover on a Wednesday morning, I'll have my lawyer finish drafting the legal paperwork. See you on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends. Bye.

Maybe I'm missing something, but they always say it's for the kids, seems like if the dad leaves, young kids would think he is the one bailing. Fuck that.

'Kids, We're having our Cheerios in the morning, mommy is the one who loves new dick and vodka cranberries more than this family. If you guys have any questions about mommy's bad decisions, you should go ask her about it. Daddy loves you. Goodnight.'

I don't think I'm cut out for marriage, though, so this was a fun little thought experiment I hope I never find myself a part of in the future.

[R_Niko]

(05-25-2016 09:31 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(05-25-2016 09:27 AM)R_Niko Wrote:  

Maintaining frame for thirty years just sounds tiresome and not worth it.

It is tiresome when one man has to do it all by himself and gets no help from society, or worse, has to go against the degeneracy going on today. In that situation, I'm not even going to play that game.

Much easier when you live in a society that supports the family and helps maintain the cohesiveness of a community in which the family lives in.

k, makes sense and I agree, but my concept of "game" is based on contemporary societal norms and values, not traditional ones. So, game 50 years ago wasn't like game today (I'm assuming).

[Roosh]

Quote:

My partner’s friendship with this pair never bothered me, and I encouraged her to go and enjoy herself.

This was his gravest mistake. A long-term relationship is not like seducing a slut in a club where you feign indifference. You must have your rules/standards, and boundaries must be set with her behavior. For example, I wouldn't tolerate my girl getting drunk often, or spending time with men who make moves on her. While I wouldn't go the Muslim route with absolute control, I wouldn't be a cuck husband and insist she fuck other guys. There is a middle ground which preserves the relationship.

He had two options here:

1. "Sure babe. Starting tomorrow, me and my boys are going to the strip club. I'll be home late during this time."

2. "No, you can't spend time with them. Find proper friends and do respectful things with them." End of discussion.

[Rush87]

Her advice should have just been: "You're life partner? She left you because you are more than likely a SJW cuck… Or in other words a faggot".

Harsh? probably. True? Definitely. While I understand that the the wife is a silly whore, the guy has no sympathy from me. Especially considering he wrote to a "female advice columnist" in the first place and obviously lets his wife walk all over him. He's a lost cause.

[churros]

It's clear the dude slipped up. "Amazing" mother, and then leaving the home, etc.

But you really think the advice columnist is calling him beta?

Secondly, is new dick a good excuse to traumatise your 12 year old daughter?

[Mage]

(05-25-2016 08:26 AM)churros Wrote:  

The poor man then writes to an advice guru in the national paper, and the (female) columnist blames him!

Male or female I think this time the advice was spot on.

(05-25-2016 08:26 AM)churros Wrote:  

Quote:

It might be that you now need to look at your own life and check if development has only happened in limited directions (for example, the business) and how you might expand yourself in other ways, including intellectually, socially and emotionally. This would increase your attractiveness and might pique your partner’s interest should she be open to this at some stage in the future. This assumes that you are going to fight for the return of your relationship, but it is not a simple task.
...

This advice from columnist is spot on and very red pill. Couldn't have said it better.

Seriously what's up with dudes slaving away best years of their life solely for mundane materialsitic goal like a house, probably letting themselves go in other aspects, becoming fat and boring and thinking they should be respected for that?

[Matsufubu]

He messed up in not seeing the danger coming from the 2 sluts and didn't take action to prevent their mixing. It's all very well saying she wouldn't do this if he maintained frame, but you need 'frame' verging on psychological abuse to stop your wife being subverted by the prevailing culture to see you as the evil patriarchal oppressor stopping her having her fun. Remember that women don't mature like us and keep the highschool mindset pretty much forever, so the yearning to party and instinct to fuck other guys (as a reminder of sexual power if nothing else) is there, waiting to be unleashed. As a man I'd love to be balls deep in new pussy every day, but I choose not to because it would destroy my family and cause terrible damage to my children. A woman is more of a herd animal, a follower. Once she saw those 2 sluts as above her husband it was game over.

Along come a couple of broken women who offer a nostalgic reminder of youth, of sexual power and lack of responsibility...and the wife starts seeing her husband and home life in a negative light, something holding her back from the shallow but real pleasures that the 2 sluts life offers. Never mind that those same 2 sluts probably end the night crying into a glass of wine about their failed choices, but hey.

Alsos already called his oneitis, but since they were highschool sweethearts it's hardly surprising. He was naive for that same reason. Still, after all that time and children you'd expect better behaviour from the woman, especially with kids.

[C-Note]

If she was going out to clubs and bars with her friends, she was also very likely starting to wear flashy clothes and makeup. This is a clear sign of a wandering eye, because it means she's peacocking for another mate. Every time I've seen this situation, the woman ended up cheating or leaving the husband.

When that happens you've got to double-down on the dread game. Buy a new, custom-made suit and wear the hell out of it. Hit the gym harder. Start flirting a little more with her friends and other women (waitresses, etc) in front of her. Start staying out later with your bros at the strip club like Roosh mentioned. Put her in a defensive crouch by firmly criticizing her dedication to her household duties. Spin some plates if you aren't already. If that doesn't adjust her attitude, then tell her to fall in line. If that doesn't work, go ahead and start getting some of your plates ready to replace her, hide your assets, and start covering your ass, because she's going to leave or start slutting it up, or both.

[Kid Twist]

In my example above I'm proud to say that the Dad didn't go anywhere and the kids knew it was the mom being crazy. I was proud of both.

[deerhunter]

C-note speaks the truth. I have been there. Most of you guys don't realize what hormonal change does to these women. mid to late 40's and shit gets screwy. Happened to my friends wife, partying non stop all of a sudden, hanging with lessbos. My wife was appalled by it. She pointed out that i wouldn't like her going out partying. My wife never wanted to go out at all.
Six months later a switch flipped in her brain. She was basically manic. Slept a couple of hours a night at best. Hit the gym more than ever. Impulse shopped like crazy. Dressed sluty. Wanted to go out every night and was angry when I refused. Sure as shit she started disappearing at night and taking strange cock.
5 years later my ex-wife is miserable and my 2 boys live with me. She rarely sees them. Has the gall to want to get back together. I am a happy man these days, marriage was awful in the end. Girlfriends treat a man way better than a wife does the majority of the time.
If I had it to do over i would have taken better care of separating assets and gotten out sooner.
I bet if the genders were flipped in the original letter the advice would have been way different. Not saying the advice is wrong I just see a lot of hypocrisy in these types of advice columns.

[doc holliday]

Sure, the guy probably needed to pay more attention to what was going on in his marriage and he should have put his foot down on her going out but I'm not sure why he seems to be getting all of the blame here. This is the problem, these women are never told that they need to hold up their end of the bargain. If a women starts straying, its because the man isn't alpha enough, didn't pay attention etc, not because she's a piece of shit who doesn't understand or care about any of her husbands sacrifices for the family and decided to get influenced by all of the negative forces around her who tell her she's getting a raw deal by staying married to her loser husband.

I was married for 19 years and I employed asshole game, dread game, leadership game etc. I kept myself in great shape, looked way better than all of her friends husbands, bought the big house etc. She had everything she could have wanted. I never put up with any of her bs. I called out all of the negative influences around her and tortured her ass during the divorce by not leaving the house and sleeping in my bed in my master bedroom throughout the majority of it, over a year and a half. You know where all of that got me? It got me to the exact same spot as this guy and everyone else- divorced and my family blown up. Guys need to understand, like Clean Slate said, that it's impossible to keep your wife in check when all the outside influences are conspiring to undermine all of your efforts. In this case, I blame the woman who wanted to party, not the guy who was sacrificing everything to keep his family together.

[AboveAverageJoe]

(05-25-2016 01:00 PM)doc holliday Wrote:  

Sure, the guy probably needed to pay more attention to what was going on in his marriage and he should have put his foot down on her going out but I'm not sure why he seems to be getting all of the blame here. This is the problem, these women are never told that they need to hold up their end of the bargain. If a women starts straying, its because the man isn't alpha enough, didn't pay attention etc, not because she's a piece of shit who doesn't understand or care about any of her husbands sacrifices for the family and decided to get influenced by all of the negative forces around her who tell her she's getting a raw deal by staying married to her loser husband.

I was married for 19 years and I employed asshole game, dread game, leadership game etc. I kept myself in great shape, looked way better than all of her friends husbands, bought the big house etc. She had everything she could have wanted. I never put up with any of her bs. I called out all of the negative influences around her and tortured her ass during the divorce by not leaving the house and sleeping in my bed in my master bedroom throughout the majority of it, over a year and a half. You know where all of that got me? It got me to the exact same spot as this guy and everyone else- divorced and my family blown up. Guys need to understand, like Clean Slate said, that it's impossible to keep your wife in check when all the outside influences are conspiring to undermine all of your efforts. In this case, I blame the woman who wanted to party, not the guy who was sacrificing everything to keep his family together.

You have proven that while one still maintains frame and game in an LTR, a woman can still on a whim, often spurred on due to external influences, leave her family, husband and children behind, to spend her last pre-wall years riding the cock-carousel. . That is how badly modern women fear the wall. Their fear causes them to lose their minds and destroy their family just to go clubbing and receive sexual attention from strangers for a few more fleeting years.

[N°6]

As Rollo T said, there is no such thing as relationship equity.

[Matsufubu]

(05-25-2016 01:00 PM)doc holliday Wrote:  

Sure, the guy probably needed to pay more attention to what was going on in his marriage and he should have put his foot down on her going out but I'm not sure why he seems to be getting all of the blame here. This is the problem, these women are never told that they need to hold up their end of the bargain. If a women starts straying, its because the man isn't alpha enough, didn't pay attention etc, not because she's a piece of shit who doesn't understand or care about any of her husbands sacrifices for the family and decided to get influenced by all of the negative forces around her who tell her she's getting a raw deal by staying married to her loser husband.

I was married for 19 years and I employed asshole game, dread game, leadership game etc. I kept myself in great shape, looked way better than all of her friends husbands, bought the big house etc. She had everything she could have wanted. I never put up with any of her bs. I called out all of the negative influences around her and tortured her ass during the divorce by not leaving the house and sleeping in my bed in my master bedroom throughout the majority of it, over a year and a half. You know where all of that got me? It got me to the exact same spot as this guy and everyone else- divorced and my family blown up. Guys need to understand, like Clean Slate said, that it's impossible to keep your wife in check when all the outside influences are conspiring to undermine all of your efforts. In this case, I blame the woman who wanted to party, not the guy who was sacrificing everything to keep his family together.

Yes, this is very important: by just blaming the guy, by saying he's a loser husband who let himself go (not what I took from the story) so no wonder, he got what he deserved, etc, we are simply absolving the woman of any responsibility whatsoever. This is not right. Just because a woman is more inclined to certain behaviours it doesn't mean she's entitled to act on them willy-nilly as a child would, and if daddy doesn't stop her then he's a shitty parent.

Other posters have said things along the lines of "I'd keep her in line by maintaining frame", that hitting the gym would solve the problems, that you "wouldn't let her go out with her friends"...you have to understand that the entire culture, the law and everyone around her is encouraging this behaviour in her. The guy was pissing into the wind. At the end of the day, you say to your wife "No, you can't do that", and she says "Yes, I can", what are you going to do about it? In the West in 2016 she can do anything she wants without (immediate) consequence! Yes, in the long run you could run dread game (yes), but how is this guy going to know that?

At the end of the day we have to hold women responsible for their own actions. As long as they demand to be treated like adults then we must hold them to this standard, and to hold her responsible for fucking up her family, regardless whether the man could do with some game tips. This is not his fault. When you get married you sign a contract, and if you're grown up enough to sign a contract you're grown up enough to be held to it.

[TravelerKai]

(05-25-2016 09:31 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

(05-25-2016 09:27 AM)R_Niko Wrote:  

Maintaining frame for thirty years just sounds tiresome and not worth it.

It is tiresome when one man has to do it all by himself and gets no help from society, or worse, has to go against the degeneracy going on today. In that situation, I'm not even going to play that game.

Much easier when you live in a society that supports the family and helps maintain the cohesiveness of a community in which the family lives in.

That's what HER family is for. Society cannot raise your children or control your wife. Living in Saudi Arabia won't fix a bitch with a bad attitude. An intact family that raised a good daughter with the proper values makes all the difference in the world. I almost never have to jump on my wife over anything. Her parents will kick her ass before I can. If anything I have to keep a balanced eye on all of them. You cannot buy this and my best friends and their wives cannot shame my wife into any kind of behavior. No man in his right mind should choose a woman that has a dysfunctional/sheepish family over one that comes from a strong top-down disciplined one.

Again, family is responsible for raising, guiding, and teaching the next generation. Not society at large. Destroy the family and you destroy society. It does not work the other way around. This is not some chicken and the eqq question.

[EDantes]

Just a typical sugar daddy; had money but no "game" or self respect, invited a gold-digger into his house who was married to his wallet, didn't know how to lay down the laws so had no choice but to let his wife do whatever she wants to on his dime or he gets no pussy.