[realologist]

I was inspired by recent posts in the Lifter's Lounge thread some of the worst, best, funniest, weirdest Broscience stories were told.

For example here's my post

Quote:

My Worst Broscience Story

There is this skinny guy at my gym. He always carries a blender bottle with whey protein in it. Probably 5'7" maybe 150 lbs.

After each set he takes a swig of it. I always saw him but never really paid attention.

One day he came to me and asked why I was drinking water with how hard I workout and that I should be drinking whey protein. I told him I'm good that I'll eat when I get home.

I swear he said it exactly this way "No bro. After working out like a beast have to get that protein shots in your body after each set so your body is recovered for the next set. Whey all day."

I was trying not to laugh but said alright I'll try it next time.

I still laugh at it.

Sidney Crosby's post

Quote:

Had to listen to some guys arguing over broscience, the one who thought he knew everything was wearing weightlifting shoes and had his back arched like the Peach Arch in St.Louis while doing flat bench.

He was arguing that 4 reps per set is better for gains than 5.

Anabasis to Desta's post

Quote:

My worst broscience story was a couple years ago when some country kid (who was actually pretty buff) recommended that me & my lifting partner work only one body part per day because "you don't want to confuse the protein too much. It needs to know exactly where to go".

I still don't know whether he was trolling two skinny kids or was actually meaning to help us.

cubanlinx post

Quote:

I don't have horrible broscience stories. The only thing that comes close to something like that was this one time when a guy shorter than me (I'm 5'7) and smaller and flabbier kept pushing a dumbell under my ass when I was squatting, and telling me that was the depth I should go to.
Thing is, I was squatting below parallel and that made it hard as fuck to come back up since my leverages were different.
Come to think of it, that was shitty.

Hannibal's post

Quote:

One of the guys I used to lift with at work, he would train in this ridiculous plastic suit so he could "sweat out all his fat".

Yeah, he actually believed that once you sweat out all your water, your body burned fat.

He also injured himself in the past squatting 225 lbs, so he basically only hit bench and calf raises.

About every two weeks he would claim to either be on a cut or a bulk and there'd be no change to his physique or his lifts at all in this time, his beer belly was still there and he might have even gained weight by the time I quit my job.

There was also this kid, he was 19. Fat, short, and dumb as hell, he used to run around the gym to "sprint" (go outside, Usain Bolt) and he once threw out his back picking up a 5 gallon bucket. Funny shit.

The common factor I find with gym regulars who go nowhere is that they don't read or learn anything new in their spare time.

Yeah, you'll see some nerds who read a lot and still don't get very far, but this is a hick town where guys walking around at 25% bodyfat think they're big and strong as shit because their arms are big (from fat) and things break when they step on them.

So the purpose of this thread is to share some of your funniest, saddest, weirdest, best Broscience stories.

[General Stalin]

Not sure how far this thread will go with stories. As funny and recognizable a meme as it is, unsolicited tips from ignorant or mis-informed bros a generally a little rare. Most people tend to keep to themselves at the gym. Even if they see someone doing shit that is dangerous.

Back when I lifted in college I was working out with a buddy of mine and this grungy looking kid comes in with his backpack, jeans, and skateboard sneakers on. Go straight to bench and throws on 135. He proceeds to do some poor-form reps and struggle with the weight. I mean really struggle. His left side was so imbalanced that the plate (which he of course didn't lock) almost slid off the end of the bar. My buddy, myself, and the gym attendant watched him almost kill himself to make like 6 reps each one more frightening to watch than the last. None of us helped him or talked to him. He left right after.

Once he left we all kind looked at eachother and chuckled. The gym attendant (just a volunteer student who was jacked as fuck) says "man I thought I was gonna have to run over there and save him..."

[Hannibal]

I've got a couple broscience stories because I used to lift with a lot of retards.

That one retarded kid I talked about in my post (he's not really retarded but he's dumb enough to think he's smarter than everyone else) used to give me a lot of weird, unsolicited gym advice.

Picture a skinny fat guy at 5 foot 7 and 180 lbs. Chunky kid. My favorite one was when he told me that running long distances and doing pushups would make me stronger and that not eating anything for a whole day will kill your gains (I was doing intermittent fasting at this point).

He also said that you need to lift for really high reps to get toned and that my program of squats, military presses, chins and deadlift was dangerous and I could get hurt.

One other coworker had a lot of bad habits, but he'd still go to the gym for 2 hours a day and spend $300 a month on supplements. His routine was utter shit - it consisted of doing a bunch of random isolation exercises and machine work, then talking to everyone else in the gym and staring at all the girls with fine asses.

I remember he used to tell me to buy so-and-such supplement and that he was taking pills that soaked up all the water in your body, which would then cause you to burn fat. I have no idea where he got this information, but it was the same as my former boss.

I don't even bother correcting them or anything. I just nod politely and go back to doing whatever I was doing.

I'm not Jesus Christ. It's a waste of time to save them. I used to try to help guys out in the gym, but honestly if they don't figure it out themselves they never will. For every 9 guys who wants to get big, only 1 of them will listen, learn, and apply.

The number of guys who ask questions, then don't write anything down or ask the same questions a day or week later is just time rape.

[Anabasis to Desta]

Not personal stories of someone approaching and baptizing me with bro-juice, but these still piss me off since I see 'em everywhere online.

1) 27% bodyfat dudes that look like stuffed sausages - "Lol no need to isolate your abs brah .... your abs get plenty of work from HEAVY SKWATTS!!!!"

2) "Shrugs are a waste of time, deadlifts bro ... deadlifts will give you cobra traps"

[MiscBrah]

(05-19-2016 12:48 AM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  

1) 27% bodyfat dudes that look like stuffed sausages - "Lol no need to isolate your abs brah .... your abs get plenty of work from HEAVY SKWATTS!!!!"

27% bodyfat shot putter in high school claimed he was 7% bodyfat. Everyone believed him.

I should have claimed 3%.

[kinjutsu]

This guy i used to work with a few years ago, short and stocky 5'10 around 200lbs, would be telling how HIIT was the best thing to get you ripped and strong.
At that time i was around 190 @ 6'3, so i really didn't need to do much to lean my body out.
The was always telling me i'd be bigger if i bulked and ate everything and then did HIIT.
Every other week or so he was telling me how strong hes getting etc and that i better start training with him if i want to get big.
For around the 9 month we work together he looked the same. Never changed physically, or anything that i was able to notice.

Fun Fact: We stayed in touch after he left for another job then late last year he comes out as being a "transgendered person".
Male to female.
To say i was surprised would've been a lie. He was always a bit of a loser in life and especially with girls.
He dated a very large girl, think 5'8 240lbs, with a kid from another guy for 4yrs.
She cheated on him and he still took her back then finally breaks up with her. Then like a year and a half later hes a girl now.

[Windom Earle]

My best bro science story was hearing how whey protein helps marijuana plants grow big and tall with great big buds.

Actually, it came from a blonde woman. No bro would be dumb enough to believe that.

[Cortés]

Ive had friends who are 40 pounds lighter than me (taller than me too) who try to tell me the excersises that have worked for me the last year, which i have gained muscle muscle with, do nothing and are detrimental to my gains. For example, i only do incline bench on the smith machine. Yes maybe part of the lift is stanilizing and control of the bar path, but when youre repping out 205 on any machine, youre still gonna see gains. My friend who I started taking to the gym refused to use the smith machine and called me a pussy for using it. He canceled his gym membership within the next week. Does he really think that because some jack ass online wrote that you will only see gains with free weights, mean that my routine, that i had great success with, doesnt work?

Male feminist gym bro story: you guys will get a kick out of this one. So theres a kid who lives in my neighborhood. When i was maybe 5 or 6 we used to be good friends but we stopped hanging out. I dont hear anything about him for a few years, but then i find out hes a massive fag/male feminist/dyed hair type, one of our mutual friends told me that this fag was telling him about the time he stuck a cucmber up his ass. Fast forward to last year, when I first started seeing progress at the gym. I see this kid at the gym with his whale mother. Im thinking, well good for them, maybe theyll improve themselves. Well, after observing their workouts, i have noticed they use a two day split. Day one:calf day. They dedicate a whole fucking day to calf raises. Its bizarre, are they self conscious specifically about their calves? Theyve got a physique made of mashed potato, and they focus on calves? "Whatever, maybe the rest of their split is good" I thought to myself. I come in the next day and i see them again. This kid looks me dead in the eyes and gives me this intense look, as if he sees me as some competition. Here I am waiting to see what they'll work that day, so i patiently do my exercises while keeping them in the corner of my eye. They walk over to the dumbell rack and each pick up 15 pound dumbbells. They proceed to go over to the bench press (not even the benches dedicated to dumbbells, but the actual barbell bench press) and they start doing wrist curls. Fucking wrist curls. Hes moaning and screaming trying to bang out the last few reps and im just watching from afar, trying to get this on camera. The only other exercises he does that day are incline bench, and takes his effeminate amgst out on the punching bag. To summarize, heres his split:

Calf day:

-standing calf raises
-sitting calf raises (machine)
-calf raises (smith machine)

Forearms and chest day

-wrist curls
-A few messy reps on the incline bench
-INTENSE ATTACKING OF THE PUNCHING BAG

These are the only things i have seen them do. To this day I am still trying to figure out what the fuck their goals were, what routine they were following, and if this kid thought that his routine would get him any progress at all. I almost feel bad for him, but at the same time hes the smug, know it all type of kid so at the end of the day I couldnt care less whether or not hes wasting his time.

[RexImperator]

Quote:

1) 27% bodyfat dudes that look like stuffed sausages - "Lol no need to isolate your abs brah .... your abs get plenty of work from HEAVY SKWATTS!!!!"

2) "Shrugs are a waste of time, deadlifts bro ... deadlifts will give you cobra traps"

I think the first one is actually true even if it comes from fat guys. The second one is not - "cobra" traps and disproportionally huge delts definitely come from steroids. Those muscles have more androgen receptors.

Although, deadlifting will build up a good base of traps but the size might depend on your particular levers. My deadlift 1RM is close to 500 and I would say dem traps are not all dat big. It's hard to do a lot of volume with deadlifts. (I haven't tried this yet, but I have heard that using straps for back-off DL sets, when adding volume, helps with CNS recovery.)

[realologist]

(05-19-2016 08:10 AM)Cortés Wrote:  

Day one:calf day. They dedicate a whole fucking day to calf raises. Its bizarre, are they self conscious specifically about their calves? Theyve got a physique made of mashed potato, and they focus on calves? "Whatever, maybe the rest of their split is good"

Have you ever seen fat people's calves?

They are glorious and powerful. Majestic and magical. And cut up. Maybe that's the secret of all fat people. Calf day is every day.

[General Stalin]

(05-19-2016 01:28 AM)MiscBrah Wrote:  

(05-19-2016 12:48 AM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  

1) 27% bodyfat dudes that look like stuffed sausages - "Lol no need to isolate your abs brah .... your abs get plenty of work from HEAVY SKWATTS!!!!"

27% bodyfat shot putter in high school claimed he was 7% bodyfat. Everyone believed him.

I should have claimed 3%.

Does making BF% claims matter if you don't actually look lean? Or maybe its some kind of power of influence where if you tell people then they just think you are lean even if you look doughy?

[MiscBrah]

(05-19-2016 10:04 AM)realologist Wrote:  

Have you ever seen fat people's calves?

They are glorious and powerful. Majestic and magical. And cut up. Maybe that's the secret of all fat people. Calf day is every day.

Never forget this glorious truth. In my Junior year of high school, I had gym with this short fat guy who never did any form of exercise. He had the best calves I have seen to this day. When that dude flexed his calves, a perfectly cut and dense square appeared. If there is one benefit to being fat, calves are definitely it.

[MiscBrah]

(05-19-2016 10:12 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(05-19-2016 01:28 AM)MiscBrah Wrote:  

(05-19-2016 12:48 AM)Anabasis to Desta Wrote:  

1) 27% bodyfat dudes that look like stuffed sausages - "Lol no need to isolate your abs brah .... your abs get plenty of work from HEAVY SKWATTS!!!!"

27% bodyfat shot putter in high school claimed he was 7% bodyfat. Everyone believed him.

I should have claimed 3%.

Does making BF% claims matter if you don't actually look lean? Or maybe its some kind of power of influence where if you tell people then they just think you are lean even if you look doughy?

I don't think it matters too much but people did begin to think he was much leaner than he actually was. The power of influence can be very formidable.

[Sidney Crosby]

(05-19-2016 10:14 AM)MiscBrah Wrote:  

(05-19-2016 10:04 AM)realologist Wrote:  

Have you ever seen fat people's calves?

They are glorious and powerful. Majestic and magical. And cut up. Maybe that's the secret of all fat people. Calf day is every day.

Never forget this glorious truth. In my Junior year of high school, I had gym with this short fat guy who never did any form of exercise. He had the best calves I have seen to this day. When that dude flexed his calves, a perfectly cut and dense square appeared. If there is one benefit to being fat, calves are definitely it.

I wonder how hard it is for fat fucks to keep calf gains after losing weight? Usually the people that were heavy/fat when they were young are thick around the ankles too.

[RexImperator]

I don't think calves hold much fat unless you are seriously fat and in cankle territory. I mean, calves and forearms usually get the most shredded. That's also where a lot of "red" muscle fiber is so they don't grow much either.

[Sidney Crosby]

(05-19-2016 11:59 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I don't think calves hold much fat unless you are seriously fat and in cankle territory. I mean, calves and forearms usually get the most shredded. That's also where a lot of "red" muscle fiber is so they don't grow much either.

Ya but I mean you see the people that are 100lbs+ overweight and they can have huge calves that are actually quite lean. But if they drop the weight their legs usually shrink back down to normal size eventually cause they aren't getting such a "work out" doing normal daily stuff like just walking.

[realologist]

(05-19-2016 07:29 PM)Sidney Crosby Wrote:  

(05-19-2016 11:59 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I don't think calves hold much fat unless you are seriously fat and in cankle territory. I mean, calves and forearms usually get the most shredded. That's also where a lot of "red" muscle fiber is so they don't grow much either.

Ya but I mean you see the people that are 100lbs+ overweight and they can have huge calves that are actually quite lean. But if they drop the weight their legs usually shrink back down to normal size eventually cause they aren't getting such a "work out" doing normal daily stuff like just walking.

Forum experiment. Somebody get fat for 6 months on mega bulk. Lose a lot of weight back and see if the valves revert back after 6 months.

[AboveAverageJoe]

You guys have probably heard of this guy, if not hilarious Broscience.

[Truth Teller]

Most of my stories involve "muscle confusion" or something like it.

Go read the tnation forums if you need a ton of broscience.

[AboveAverageJoe]

Quote:

My worst broscience story was a couple years ago when some country kid (who was actually pretty buff) recommended that me & my lifting partner work only one body part per day because "you don't want to confuse the protein too much. It needs to know exactly where to go".

That is some Einstein level broscience, and I have heard it all.

[Kid Twist]

In your view, do people work out to "get big" or to actually just look better?

Do you think the real big guy Samoan types that are actually strong but have tons of body fat over muscles just say forget it, I'll try to get as strong as I can, even though I'll never actually look good? I'll just look sorta strong but mostly fat

[Fortis]

"You're black. You don't need to train as hard because your muscles respond faster to stimulus."

I really wan't sure if the dude was trolling or serious. He was a 20 year old marine. Nice guy, so I just sorta nodded and smiled.

[AboveAverageJoe]

(05-20-2016 10:04 AM)Fortis Wrote:  

"You're black. You don't need to train as hard because your muscles respond faster to stimulus."

I really wan't sure if the dude was trolling or serious. He was a 20 year old marine. Nice guy, so I just sorta nodded and smiled.

That's the stupidest bit of Broscience I have ever heard. Everybody knows its because the melanin in your skin "tells the protein where to go" faster.

[cubanlinx]

@Kid Twist, I don't care how strong anyone is if they're a fat fuck. My squat is double bodyweight, (150kg now actually, I'm 74kg), so if someone is 315lbs and is squatting 600lbs, they're not strong.
Unless you're a professional powerlifter, there's no point in being part of the "disregard aesthetics, acquire PR's crew".
Now if they were 315 and repping 650, then that's some killer shit.

[realologist]

(05-20-2016 10:20 AM)AboveAverageJoe Wrote:  

(05-20-2016 10:04 AM)Fortis Wrote:  

"You're black. You don't need to train as hard because your muscles respond faster to stimulus."

I really wan't sure if the dude was trolling or serious. He was a 20 year old marine. Nice guy, so I just sorta nodded and smiled.

That's the stupidest bit of Broscience I have ever heard. Everybody knows its because the melanin in your skin "tells the protein where to go" faster.

Not only that. Once the protein finds the muscles it binds better to increased levels of melanin. That's why body builders on muscle beach train outside to increase their melanin levels.