[SlickyBoy]

So I'm sitting at a hotel bar in San Francisco after a day on the road working. Just finished a meal and am polishing off a drink when this woman about fiftyish walks up and orders a fireball shot. There was a convention happening at the time so i figured she must be celebrating some big win with her business, team, etc. But still, most fifty year old professionals don't blow off steam with college girly type shots.

I say "A fireball? Well, fuck subtlety, eh?" she laughs a bit and proceeds to tell me about the bad day she had. She just found out her husband, who'd recently taken a new job in San Fran, had an affair. "Just one time?" "Yes. Been married thirty years" (starts crying). Two kids in high school, been in Seattle most of their marriage. Doing the math, that would make her about 20 when they got married, right out of college she said. They were about to move to San Fran for hubbies new role as a CEO at some startup (yeah, that's what I said - who moves for a startup?) then this all happened.

I bought her the shot. This forum probably has little sympathy for a woman like her, but bear with me. If it were some young slutty thing with the thousand cock stare, pink hair and hoop earrings, no way. I'd have gamed her right up to my room and participated in a helpful revenge fuck (maybe not - in all likelihood it would have been a put-on by some prostitute.) But when a woman who got married before the current age of debauchery and cultural rot set in and (presumably) stayed faithful for thirty years gets hit with this and none of it seems like a setup, I figured it wasn't the typical case of YOLO bullshit. I can expense the damn drink anyway, so it was worth the story and cultural perspective.

She said she knew something just wasn't right; he was acting funny - so at dinner that night at a nearby restaurant she asked him what was up. That's when he confessed. Since he was acting obviously odd it probably was his first and only time, like she believes. She left the restaurant and walked into the nearest bar, which happened to be at the hotel.

The whole thing seemed like some weird time warp - and I felt like the cop looking for a gap in the story. Try as I may, it sounded like it added up - she did all the right things and still got blindsided.

Of course there's too sides to every story (three, if you count the actual truth). But I think I just witnessed a relic from a bygone age. She probably had few if any other sexual partners in her life and stayed faithful, raising a family. I'm sure there were bumps in the road, but infidelity probably wasn't one of them till now, nor was economics - they live in the same area as Paul Allen in Seattle and are probably well off. Regardless, how many young western women nowadays are likely to fit her description in a few decades? How many are going marry as virgins or near-virgins and stay faithful for thirty years?

I'm not sure where she's going to turn for help, but I can bet it won't be the same kind of advice she would have gotten in 1983. She may have instincts to save the marriage, but the trend in advice will definitely push her towards the acrimonious divorce. Hopefully the fool husband had a prenup in place, but considering the times I doubt it. A friend of hers called and eventually came by to take her away.

EDIT: Key Takeaways:

1) Marry a virgin, or near-virgin, if at all possible.
2) Get a prenup - post-nups will be a difficult sell.
3) You probably are not as good a liar about something like an affair as you think you are. Women have a dogs nose for this stuff.
4) If getting divorced, when even the best woman seeks advice from her peers or professionals, it will more than likely be toxic to whatever you may have agreed to. Plan accordingly.

[rpg]

The only thing hurt is her pride. She found out she has sucked for years and her husband got his jollies elsewhere. Live and learn. Women have a responsibility to maintain a healthy sex life and most dont care at all. And then they get pissed.

[The Beast1]

Sounds like hurt pride on her part, she can divorce him but what good will that do? It sounds like they just let the marriage get stale. Sometimes this sort of thing will revive a boring marriage. Wife being cucked and all.

It sounds more like the husband is a workaholic and some 25 year old college slut came onto him in an effort to promote her career.

I heard my ex did this right after I broke up with her. Slept with some higher up in her company a few times. Guy was married with two kids in a finance job. Worked 50 hours a week and barely home. Easy pickings when you have young post college girls looking to up their career with their vaginas.

There's a special place in hell for succubi like that. I blame the office whore who spread her legs where she shouldn't have.

[rottenapple]

In all honesty, even with all the best will in the world, how can a 50 year old woman married to a man of the same age who kept himself fit and has financial means, compete with much younger pussy this man can still get? She can´t. That is the harsh lesson for women in our world now. The only thing she must hope for is because of her achievements as a life long partner and mother of the mans children, her man will be grateful to her and keep her honour in place. Or , if that is not the case, she must accept reality and understand that for a man it is only about physical pleasure and that she should not worry too much about it (although the line has become vague) and obviously do the best she can to still please her husband.

[samsamsam]

I do have sympathy for someone like this. Father Time can be cruel and women get it worse since their best asset is their beauty. She will probably be alright financially with the divorce settlement. And for some reason in this case, I am not bothered by it. She gave him her best years.


OP did she seem like she was attractive when she was younger?

[General Stalin]

The guy pulled an asshole move. Adultery is a breach of marriage contract. He should have had more self control. Too bad. Maybe she forgives him and they can move past it and still grow old together.

[kaotic]

(04-13-2016 10:45 AM)rottenapple Wrote:  

In all honesty, even with all the best will in the world, how can a 50 year old woman married to a man of the same age who kept himself fit and has financial means, compete with much younger pussy this man can still get? She can´t.

Bingo, it's easy to write her off as being a shitty lover or not being able to maintain the relationship.

But what if the man doesn't want to anymore ? Gets bored ?

What if she was putting her all in, not getting points for "just the basics" as Jariel would say.

Rotten's right, a 50 year old who had 2 kids can't compete with young tight hot pussy that at the sight of an older man in power, gets wet.

Men get bored, I know a small part of the reason I let my ex go was because she was slowly getting older, the smoking didn't help. I had just fucked a nice tight 23 year old, and I banged a ton on the side.

Quote:

That is the harsh lesson for women in our world now. The only thing she must hope for is because of her achievements as a life long partner and mother of the mans children, her man will be grateful to her and keep her honour in place. Or , if that is not the case, she must accept reality and understand that for a man it is only about physical pleasure and that she should not worry too much about it (although the line has become vague) and obviously do the best she can to still please her husband.

Even with a good women, some men won't honor that and look elsewhere.

Women will need to accept that a man might look elsewhere, but maintain the home front. Out of state out of mind and accept the fact a man might have a mistress. That's the best solution for some men.

Or don't get married, but have children with a woman. That alone in itself comes with a range of problems and issues.

[Brian Shima]

Most men cheat at least once while married.

[SlickyBoy]

(04-13-2016 10:51 AM)samsamsam Wrote:  

OP did she seem like she was attractive when she was younger?

Yes. When I told her how old I was (she asked - I'm close to her age), you should have seen the look on her face....

[samsamsam]

Not to turn into captain save a hoe - especially when I just got repped as a tier 1 shitlord - but that is the deal. If we start saying an older women will just have to accept that men are always attracted to younger and will cheat (some guys will honor their vows) then they just can't get mad at women for what they are doing these days. With the constant grab of assets, polyamory, divorce rape, Amazon wish lists, Dubai trips because they take in info from the world also.

Some lurker reading this is going to say, "she did everything right and still got screwed". Not every guy is going to be Jerry Weintraub who got an attractive woman when she is was in her prime, who then understood he had needs and let him marry (I think) a younger woman (who wasn't that attractive - why jerry why?) and yet be so cool about it because his wife understood men have needs etc.

It is the prisoner dilemma. Whoever cheats first wins, except if both stay faithful and raise a solid family. There is no point to marriage if you don't want to have kids.

[Renzy]

If this woman was a faithful and loving wife all those years, then I think it's despicable for her husband to cheat on her.

Judging by some of the other comments, maybe I'm in the minority here.

To me the whole point of marriage is that a woman who gives her youth and fidelity to her husband can, in return, expect her husband to still love her, cherish her, and stay faithful to her, long after her looks had faded.

Guys like this husband, who rewarded their wife's faithfulness by turning around and cheating on her, are probably what helped plant the seed of resentment that allowed feminism to flourish in the first place.

We only heard her side of the story, so maybe there's more to it. But if the only reason he cheated was because "younger pussy" was available, then honestly, that's bullshit and I would feel resentful too if that was the payoff I got for holding up my end of the vows.

[samsamsam]

(04-13-2016 11:21 AM)Renzy Wrote:  

If this woman was a faithful and loving wife all those years, then I think it's despicable for her husband to cheat on her.

Judging by some of the other comments, maybe I'm in the minority here.

To me the whole point of marriage is that a woman who gives her youth and fidelity to her husband can, in return, expect her husband to still love her, cherish her, and stay faithful to her, long after her looks had faded.

Guys like this husband, who rewarded their wife's faithfulness by turning around and cheating on her, are probably what helped plant the seed of resentment that allowed feminism to flourish in the first place.

We only heard her side of the story, so maybe there's more to it. But if the only reason he cheated was because "younger pussy" was available, then honestly, that's bullshit and I would feel resentful too if that was the payoff I got for holding up my end of the vows.

If I marry someone and we have kids and she is faithful and gives me her best years then I hope, I will stay faithful forever. However, if I stray and she does not forgive me, I hope I would make sure she is taken care of. She gave up her best assets to me, her youth and fertility. I hope I wouldn't leave her empty handed. It is always so hard to say anything with certainty about a future what if.

And this might sound hypocritical, but I don't believe I could forgive any infidelity. Couldn't imagine a situation where I would be cool with that.

[texas]

Props for buying her the shot. It sounds like she was probably a good woman so that was a nice display of humanity in a tough moment for her. Had she kept herself in shape and was she dressed nicely? Would her appearance or anything about her make the husband want to stray? If the guy confessed right away, he probably really had not cheated on her much and the marriage can be salvaged. Still, I would imagine that older women have got to be aware of their position and must be insecure if they have a guy who is in shape and successful since there is an infinite supply of younger, hotter women.

[kinnikinik]

Gotta say I'm surprised by many of the reactions to this story.

Given our collective belief in the inevitability of "beta-ization" (http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/f...n-process/) and the inevitable decent of LTRs to a stasis of unsatisfactory sex or lack thereof, I'm surprised there is not more sympathy for the husband. He wanted some pussy, he got some pussy. More power to him.

I'd say his mistake was confessing. What the hell good did THAT do? The only person that benefits from that confession is him. Now SHE has to deal with the knowledge that she's been cheated on. Maybe she exacts a pound of flesh from him (ala Kobe's wife) or simply never lets him forget it, or maybe she divorces him (and gets to keep 50% and the kids, at least). But, he gets relief from his guilt. Sucker, man up, if you're gonna fuck around, deal with the guilt and keep it to yourself.

As for those of you that have never been married claiming "I'll never cheat". Yeah, maybe. But, until you've done it for 20+ years and started to feel like you're nearing the end of your (sexually) active life, I'd say you have no idea what you'd really do.

The guy isn't a paragon of virtue, but all he did is get some pussy, just like all of you! How about a little understanding for him instead of all this righteousness at his expense.

[Quintus Curtius]

It's hard to draw a lot of conclusions just by reading about this incident. Seems like one of those things where you needed to be there in person to evaluate everything: appearance, demeanor, intonation, body language.

People tell you what they want to tell you. One thing I do know that people tend to leave out much of relevance in a story like this.

We know very little: who was at fault (if anyone), how much she knew, what her motivations were in telling you the story, etc.

For me, I always get a bit leery when strangers tend to reveal too much intimate detail about their lives too quickly. That usually indicates a hidden agenda, or a serious lack of social calibration, which is a problem in its own right.

[911]

(04-13-2016 11:35 AM)kinnikinik Wrote:  

Gotta say I'm surprised by many of the reactions to this story.

Given our collective belief in the inevitability of "beta-ization" (http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/f...n-process/) and the inevitable decent of LTRs to a stasis of unsatisfactory sex or lack thereof, I'm surprised there is not more sympathy for the husband. He wanted some pussy, he got some pussy. More power to him.

I'd say his mistake was confessing. What the hell good did THAT do? The only person that benefits from that confession is him. Now SHE has to deal with the knowledge that she's been cheated on. Maybe she exacts a pound of flesh from him (ala Kobe's wife) or simply never lets him forget it, or maybe she divorces him (and gets to keep 50% and the kids, at least). But, he gets relief from his guilt. Sucker, man up, if you're gonna fuck around, deal with the guilt and keep it to yourself.

As for those of you that have never been married claiming "I'll never cheat". Yeah, maybe. But, until you've done it for 20+ years and started to feel like you're nearing the end of your (sexually) active life, I'd say you have no idea what you'd really do.

The guy isn't a paragon of virtue, but all he did is get some pussy, just like all of you! How about a little understanding for him instead of all this righteousness at his expense.

Sex is not the be-all and end-all in a marriage, you have to make some trade-offs, and that's part of being a real man. If you've done things right and stepped up to your role as a father and head of your household, that trade-off is very easy to make, as the investment you make in decades of a solid marriage will greatly exceed the short-term rewards from some side pussy with a homewrecker or a whore.



This chart doesn't even consider the capital you invest in raising children together. When you add that to the ledger, cheating should not even be an option. If you're too tempted to cheat, you either don't have enough self-control or just haven't done a good job of building up a solid foundation to your marriage.

I come from a stable nuclear family background though (which I understand is increasingly rare) and am a little older than most on here, so YMMV, but that's how it should be.

[TheSlayer]

Serious question...don't a lot of posters here think that even if you are married men should continue to somewhat game on the side and maybe sleep around? Obviously the key is to not get caught but there are often threads with guys talking about banging plates on the side even in LTRs (though that's not the same as being married).

I am not even sure where I personally stand on this but just curious to hear more opinions.

[kaotic]

(04-13-2016 12:50 PM)TheSlayer Wrote:  

Serious question...don't a lot of posters here think that even if you are married men should continue to somewhat game on the side and maybe sleep around? Obviously the key is to not get caught but there are often threads with guys talking about banging plates on the side even in LTRs (though that's not the same as being married).

I am not even sure where I personally stand on this but just curious to hear more opinions.

During the almost 2 years I was with my last LTR I was doing exactly this.

Constantly banging plates and new notches. I even had what amounted to 2 mini LTR's during my 2 year LTR.

Being married takes it to a whole another level. I'm not interested in kids at this point therefore not interested in marriage either.

I'm not sure what I would do if I was married and had the urge to find some strange puss - I frankly don't think I'm built for marriage and stuck with one pussy. She'd have to blow my mind and have some damn good qualities for me to stick around.

[Atheistani]

Married men have had mistresses for a long time. His role is to provide for his family. Not sure what the issue is here.

Most women dont really give a shit other than a little hurt pride ansd if this guy also worked hard and provided for her and kids a comfortable life then I dont see the issue.

[SlickyBoy]

(04-13-2016 11:56 AM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

It's hard to draw a lot of conclusions just by reading about this incident. Seems like one of those things where you needed to be there in person to evaluate everything: appearance, demeanor, intonation, body language.

People tell you what they want to tell you. One thing I do know that people tend to leave out much of relevance in a story like this.

We know very little: who was at fault (if anyone), how much she knew, what her motivations were in telling you the story, etc.

For me, I always get a bit leery when strangers tend to reveal too much intimate detail about their lives too quickly. That usually indicates a hidden agenda, or a serious lack of social calibration, which is a problem in its own right.

I agree; maybe I should have been a cop but I think I have a pretty good bullshit detector - she wasn't setting it off.

Regardless we have no clue how their marriage went the past three decades. I found it more of a living history lesson (as well as a warning) that older Western women like her - those who married young, had few if any pre-marital partners, valued family and fertility - will be about as rare as hen's teeth in a little over a decade.

[ed pluribus unum]

Here's another takeaway: deny, deny, deny. Nobody gains or wins from this 'confession'.

[debeguiled]

My key takeaways from this story have nothing to do with the details of her story and everything to do with the details of your story.

Your story is, you are in a bar, and some women comes up to you who you don't know from Eve, and that you aren't particularly attracted to, and being a good dude, you behave in a social manner, even going to the trouble of throwing a little wit in her direction.

Rather than bantering back, or introducing herself, or saying she is not in the mood to chat, or making an excuse and leaving, she uses your politeness (!) and basic sociability (!) as a cue for her to dump all her personal shit all over you.

And it's on, and you end up having to buy her a drink, and expending understanding and sympathy on someone who could not care less how your night was going, or whether or not you have some stuff to get off your chest or whatever.

I see this all the time in my own life, not just with with women in general, but even with baristas and grocery checkers, and any sort of women whose job it is to deal with the public and make other people happy.

If you show even the slightest bit of friendliness, like saying 'how's it going?', they are immediately off to the races:

"(Sighhhh), it's fine, I guess, it's been busy . . ."

"I'm tiiiired."

"My boss is being a brat today."

I was talking with one women working at a deli, and she told me she had friends staying over she hadn't seen in a while, and I said, cool, so you get to catch up and she said, mournfully:

"Yeah. It's haard. Haaaving guests."

A woman's greatest enemy is context, and the context of speaking to a stranger for the first time is to keep it light and make a good impression. Women ignore this basic social rule all the time, and we let them. I have been tricked into this many times. They just slide into it, and before you know it you are being the sympathetic ear, with no idea how you got there.

This should no longer be acceptable at all. I have been shutting it down lately from the start. I say things like, "You're at work honey."
or "You should save this stuff for your friends."

And they don't like it. They can feel an avenue of self indulgence drying up before their eyes like a culvert in Santa Fe. Some argue. Some give me an enemy-for-life look. Too bad. I am not doing this stuff anymore and no other man should either.

They prey on the fact that we are naturally sympathetic, and like to problem solve. It is a punk test.

Remember when Bruce Jenner won that ESPN award? My favorite part of that was the look on Klay Thompson's face as he was sitting through it, probably not knowing he was being filmed. A stone face of disapproval. The man with the hammer.

That is what I do now if women I don't know try to dump their problems on me. Give them my Klay Thompson face:



No more.

[thoughtgypsy]

I'm torn on this topic. If you asked me a couple years ago, I would have said the husband is a worthless scumbag and wouldn't think twice about it. But I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to be exclusively intimate with the same person for over 30 years. That's longer than I've ever been alive, let alone much longer than my longest committed relationship.

From everything I've seen and heard, lifetime monogamy seems unnatural for people. Guys want to bang every attractive women they meet, and women are looking to trade out after the first few years. None of my recent committed relationships have lasted longer than a year, and even then it's been hard not to cheat when there's other juicy options out there. It's a huge ask to get people to go against their nature and it must take enormous willpower to honor over decades.

I also have no idea if his wife was sleeping with him, or how often. I've heard many stories of wives cutting off the frequency of sex to a few times a year, or in rare cases almost never. I don't think it's a man's place to complain, and it's noble to sacrifice for one's family, but at least in ages past the man had a warm meal, a warm bed, and got to be the head of the household at the end of the day. A lot of guys work long, thankless hours and have nothing to show for it, for decades. I'm sure there's many thousands of men suffering in silent desperation.

I used to think the tacit acceptance of mistresses in other cultures was unfair. As I get older, I'm beginning to think there's something to be said for it. Marriage in other cultures is usually based on the practical concerns of raising a well adjusted family in a mutually beneficial environment. It's no secret that passion wanes once the honeymoon period is over. If a guy isn't getting his needs met by his wife, he can turn to someone who will. As long as he's discrete about it, comes home at the end of the day to the woman he married, and doesn't divert his support away from his family, it seems like a win-win scenario.

Maybe unrealistic expectations are the real villain here. Then again, he did give his word when they married. I don't think I'd be able to judge fairly until I've walked in those shoes though.

[churros]

(04-13-2016 11:21 AM)Renzy Wrote:  

If this woman was a faithful and loving wife all those years, then I think it's despicable for her husband to cheat on her.

Judging by some of the other comments, maybe I'm in the minority here.

To me the whole point of marriage is that a woman who gives her youth and fidelity to her husband can, in return, expect her husband to still love her, cherish her, and stay faithful to her, long after her looks had faded.

Guys like this husband, who rewarded their wife's faithfulness by turning around and cheating on her, are probably what helped plant the seed of resentment that allowed feminism to flourish in the first place.

We only heard her side of the story, so maybe there's more to it. But if the only reason he cheated was because "younger pussy" was available, then honestly, that's bullshit and I would feel resentful too if that was the payoff I got for holding up my end of the vows.

Some serious moralizing going on in this thread. Sex is just sex, and the need for younger pussy is never going away. Sounds to me like the husband made a mistake by telling her. As long as the wife was still getting public respect from the marriage, and being treated right in all other respects, I don't see why cheating should bother her so much. Unless he was actually going to leave her, but that's not the case here. Breaking up a family for sex is a qualitatively different offence.

[rudebwoy]

Yawn!

For every one of those stories, I hear three stories of women with kids cheating on their hard working husbands.

Guess what, most guys on here will do the very same thing once you hit that age. You really think your wife is going to stay tight at 50, don't make me laugh. Most of these women are done after the first child, so you better enjoy her conversation.

There is no take away from this story, how does marrying a virgin change the end result.

This world is about fuck or be fucked.

This is from a guy who is approaching 50 real soon.