[Cumulonimbus]

(04-13-2016 12:36 PM)Wutang Wrote:  

(04-13-2016 03:37 AM)username Wrote:  

(04-11-2016 08:54 PM)Wutang Wrote:  

In my case, once my sister and I exited childhood we just simply never really interacted. We didn't fight but neither did we hang out or really have any sort of bond. When we are around each other during family gatherings we simply just don't communicate with each other. No exaggeration, we haven't had a full conversation for over 15 years now. It's not out of spite it's just that we're basically strangers that had nothing in common that happened to grow up in the same house and you aren't going to be talking to someone who's a stranger.

Anyone else in a similar situation? I was wondering if this sort of relationship is more common then I thought only people tend not to talk about it or if my circumstances is truly uncommon.

I am the same with my sister too. Exactly as you said.

Do you ever feel the need to reach out and try to bridge the connection before it's "too late?" I'm asking cause there's been many times when I thought the same but I just never made the move. It's getting harder and harder now that we're getting older and since we're living on the different sides of the country.

I'm in a similar situation as well. Over the years (more than 10) I've given the thing a lot of thought. I've been concluding that it takes both parts to fetch in the effort. In the past I've been the one that was bearing most of the weight of keeping it together but at some point I had to let go, emotional energy expenditure became unbearable. Given we live in different continents now, we communicate every 3/4 months (at most) or so when "I" reach out at her, but even then it's not real talk 95% of the time. She is too proud to reach out, be humble and genuinely interested in my life. I would genuinely love to be involved in hers by being present and help out if it comes to that, but her actions have shown that she doesn't want me to and keeps a distance from me. I don't see the situation changing anytime soon. I carry on with my own life in the meanwhile.

[AldoKelevra]

First off, I would like to thank Wutang for this thread. Talking about familial problems is a very sensitive issue and hard to do.

I have two brothers, of which I am the middle. We were all close growing up, but no longer speak to each other. We haven't spoken to each other for years, and I know my older brother does not talk to my younger brother. I'm not sure if there was any defining moment where our relationships ended, but was more of an evolution with multiple variants contributing to the demise of our connections. One thing I can say is I felt resentment towards my brother after he poured his life into his first relationship with a complete cunt and turning his back on the family. Now he is with a much better girl, and I actually quite like her and am very happy for him and their future.

Whenever the whole family gets together (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.), I only say, "Hey, what's up man, how have you been?" to one of my brothers when we first see each other after a long time, and that's the only communication we have the whole time the family is together for a holiday. It seems like the only thing holding our family still together is my mother. If the three of us brothers are left at the table alone without my parents, it gets extremely awkward and we don't even talk.

Another thing I can say which may have contributed to my relationship with my brothers is just the fact that we are all so different. Whenever I hang out with my old childhood friends (whom are all friends with my older brother as well), they point out how different we all are as brothers and how awkward our relationship is. To which I say, I know, it is what it is, and try to change the subject before it continues to get anymore uncomfortable for me.

I don't understand why I don't have a good relationship with my brothers anymore as we had an incredible childhood and my parents would do anything for us (not spoiled, just very supportive, also to mention my parents are still together, a rarity nowadays).

It's not that I hate my brothers, it's just that we are all so very different and continue, as we grow older, to go on completely different paths.

Sometimes I have reoccurring dreams where I'll actually have a conversation with one of my brothers, or we'll actually hang out and do something together and have a good relationship. Something that seems almost impossible to me in reality.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see friends, or random people having a very good relationship with their siblings.

I really hope I do have a good relationship with my brothers in the future and we can all be tight again one day, but I just don't know where to start.

The good news is the older I get, the closer I get to my parents and realize how great of parents they actually were to us and how lucky I am to have had that childhood and them still in my lives. I know they did their absolute best in raising us and would do anything for us.

Thanks again Wutang for staring this thread as I've never really talked about this with anyone and it's the giant pink elephant in the room at any of my family gatherings.

[YoungAngel1]

I have one lil brother, and an older sister. I'm in the middle, My brother is 10 years younger, and sister is 5 years older. Ever since me an my sister were kids, we constantly clashed, fights, name calling, etc. I remember she would be so pissed that she was forced to play with me, but I really did like her, and wanted to spend a lot of time. When she went away to college, and I stayed home, she got increasingly distant from me, I don't know why. back in 2012 when we were both living in our hometown, we actually became friends again. I remember us texting multiple times a week, and having conversations on Sundays every times we saw each other. I was so happy that my sister was back.

For whatever reason, in 2014 she became very distant. Not replying to texts, acting awkward around me. Not sure what happened, I remember sending her a text saying I'm still your lil brother, and I love you, she replied back saying how much she loves me back. I thought maybe, we are back. Welp, nope! couple months later she stopped replying to texts again. I found out that she got married through my Mom, I literally had no idea. I never even met the man, but I guess they've been dating for years. I guess maybe she just got caught in a relationship

I love my Lil bro, and we text a couple times a week. I really want to have a close relationship with him, and he seems like an awesome kid, but we shall see. The age gap seems to be a little too high, but I'm glad we keep in contact.

My parents always valued family, God, and loyalty. Growing up, I can say that they weren't affectionate, but maybe they just hid it from us. I don't know what happened.

[Wutang]

(04-13-2016 07:08 PM)AldoKelevra Wrote:  

Sometimes I have reoccurring dreams where I'll actually have a conversation with one of my brothers, or we'll actually hang out and do something together and have a good relationship. Something that seems almost impossible to me in reality.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see friends, or random people having a very good relationship with their siblings.

There's been times where I'll have dreams where I'll be hanging out with my sister and we'll be interacting like a brother and sister; talking, joking, and enjoying each other's companies and I remember during these dreams I would feel genuinely happy. Then I'll wake up and then realize none of that just happened and feel tinges of sadness. It's almost like the movie trope where a character will get shown vision or dreams about what his life would have been like if he didn't make the life changing disastrous decision he did. I feel like I'm being given flashbacks to a life that never happened but could have happened cause in these dreams we're always younger then we currently are. It's painful, it's like I'm being told "see you could have had these moments but you didn't because you never reached out and you never will now have these moments".

And I hear you with it comes to seeing other siblings getting along with each other and enjoying that familial love. For most of my life it didn't really bother me and it's only in the last few years as an adult that it's really started grating on my spirit. It's even more saddening when I see little kids doing all that lovey dovey sibling stuff cause it just reminds me more of what has past and can never be recovered. Even when these kids grow up they'll still have all those memories, all the home movies, all the family photos to look back on while I'll never be able to create those memories. That time is gone forever.

[philosophical_recovery]

(04-13-2016 09:35 PM)Wutang Wrote:  

(04-13-2016 07:08 PM)AldoKelevra Wrote:  

Sometimes I have reoccurring dreams where I'll actually have a conversation with one of my brothers, or we'll actually hang out and do something together and have a good relationship. Something that seems almost impossible to me in reality.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see friends, or random people having a very good relationship with their siblings.

There's been times where I'll have dreams where I'll be hanging out with my sister and we'll be interacting like a brother and sister; talking, joking, and enjoying each other's companies and I remember during these dreams I would feel genuinely happy. Then I'll wake up and then realize none of that just happened and feel tinges of sadness. It's almost like the movie trope where a character will get shown vision or dreams about what his life would have been like if he didn't make the life changing disastrous decision he did. I feel like I'm being given flashbacks to a life that never happened but could have happened cause in these dreams we're always younger then we currently are. It's painful, it's like I'm being told "see you could have had these moments but you didn't because you never reached out and you never will now have these moments".

And I hear you with it comes to seeing other siblings getting along with each other and enjoying that familial love. For most of my life it didn't really bother me and it's only in the last few years as an adult that it's really started grating on my spirit. It's even more saddening when I see little kids doing all that lovey dovey sibling stuff cause it just reminds me more of what has past and can never be recovered. Even when these kids grow up they'll still have all those memories, all the home movies, all the family photos to look back on while I'll never be able to create those memories. That time is gone forever.

I sympathize with your thoughts. I've run into several people, including acquaintances that I've grown up with, that have very good sibling relationships. Two of my best friends growing up both still hang out with their younger brothers. Girls I've dated have had strong sibling ties, like living with their siblings or talking to them quite frequently.

All of it, however, is very bizarre to me. I've got a few friends that I can show up just about any day (although its cross-country) and we can talk like we've talked for nearly two decades now. Others have changed too much for this to be realistic, as our paths in life are too different. Even who I thought was a strong friend, recently, seemed a lot more distant the last time I hung with him. Subtle things that I hadn't noticed in totality, such as not being really respected, started to become more apparent. Not that it isn't my own doing, but I felt like things I did a decade ago meant to him that I couldn't be taken seriously now, which is hogwash.

If I grew up with a strong sibling relationship, my life would have been completely different. I may have actually made it a priority in my life. However, not having that strong relationship has enabled me to make multiple moves to optimize my current, personal situation. It exposed how different but also how easygoing my parents are, no matter how I wish they would get out of their old habits.

But, I don't pine for a better relationship with my sister. I've accepted that we won't get along, that even though I've spent thousands to visit her at various graduations, she won't lift a damn finger to phone or even text me on my birthday any more. That's her. Fuck her.

[Fortis]

I have 3 siblings. They're all 5-15 years younger than me, so we never had much to talk about growing up and never grew close. We still don't have much to say to each other, but they're cool.

I try to talk to them once in a while, but what does a 12 year old or a 15 year old have to say to a 27 year old other than "how's it going in china?"

I imagine we may have more to speak about as they grow older.

[porscheguy]

I have a half brother and half sister who are both several years older than me. We have no relationship whatsoever. Haven't seen either in over 5 years. Half sister became estranged from our father 35 years ago. We went the better part of 20 years without speaking. She and I briefly tried to establish some kind of relationship about 14 years ago. At that point, you realize blood isn't thicker than water, and that having the same father is not as strong of a bond as you would think. She still blames my father for the fact that her mother is a psychotic cunt. And since I won't see eye to eye with her on that point, we really don't have much to talk about. Half brother is just his own person. No relationship, nor was there ever one. We're totally different people. If either of them died, the only remorse I would feel is for my father who would suffer the death of a child, but I would feel no personal loss of my own. I don't hate or dislike them. I simply don't know them.

I've got one brother who is 3 years older than me. We text almost daily. My sister is 13 months older than me. We don't speak regularly.

[doc holliday]

Some amazing and gut wrenching stories, one of the best threads ever. I have a much happier story thankfully. I have very tight relationships with both my parents and my sister. I'd have to say they're some of the most incredible people on this planet. I learned so much from how my parents parented us that I have used with my own kids. When I was younger, I had an up and down relationship with my mom and she still can be difficult as hell but we all know that and we keep her in check.

I'm really tight with my sister. I talk to her regularly and see her often even though we live in two different cities. We have a lot in common and agree on the basic principles of what's important in life. We had our ups and downs when we were younger for sure but we kept working on it, knowing our relationship was too important to let fall apart. Helps that she's very family oriented and takes her marriage seriously. She beyond pissed at my ex wife for my divorce, saying she should have worked harder on the marriage. My brother in law is a top notch dude who I also get along well with. Hearing these painful stories makes me feel blessed to no end and I intend to have my kids maintain their relationships with each other, even if they live far from each other later on. The level of dysfunction in modern day American families is unbelievable. Utterly sickening to me. In my mind, it is truly the cause of all the problems we have in this decaying society

[Not a Second Hander]

(04-12-2016 12:33 AM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

This is the bravest thread I've seen all year. Much respect to Wutang for starting it, and for the other guys who dared to bare their experiences for us.

Familial antagonisms are much more common than people think. Even those who try to put a pretty mask on for the world have their own secret torments. Scratch below the surface, and you find that everyone is carrying family burdens of one type or another.

Which one of us, if his personal or family life were revealed for the world, would not feel a sense of unease? I know I would.

The sad thing about becoming distant from a brother or sister is that there seems to be no precise place (at least for me) where you can point to where things began to unravel. There seems to be (from our perspective) no real reason for it.

You just get older, and people go their own way. And if you talk to one of them years later, you feel like you're talking to a stranger.

Maybe the problem lies with our own expectations. I think that's the source for a lot of our disillusionment. We tend to believe that just because we share some genetics and environment with someone, that they will always behave in predictable ways. But they don't. Sharing the same genes is no guarantee of future intimacy. I wish it were. But my own experience tells me it is not.

Our brothers and sisters are also products of their choices and their environments. And as we get older, some of them adopt different worldviews. They become different people. In some ways it's inevitable. It happens in every society, all across the globe.

In the end, we're lucky in life if we can even have a few people to be very close to.

And family wounds can cut deep. It's very hard to get past the real, actual hurts. But the imaginary hurts, the ones that fester in your brother or sister's minds for years?

Those are nearly impossible to heal.

Poetic!

I will need a few days to process that.

[Nonpareil]

I have a sister a few years younger than I am.

When we were kids we pushed eachother's buttons but since our teen years we've gotten along pretty consistently well. I love my sister, she's my second favorite family member (like many men who set out on the path of game, much of my familial tension is with my mother, I could fill a book).

She's an impressive person. Like many girls her age she rode the carousel; unlike many, she got off it well before the wall, and is now happily married with two beautiful kids. She married just the type of guy you want your sister to end up with; a good-looking beta with a sense of humor and a good work ethic.

She's acutely aware of lots of game and red pill concepts, these can be discussed with her without worrying about offending...although having kids has blue pilled her a bit, and as a woman naturally she's to a degree provincial in thought and obsessed with trivial things and slights real or perceived, I can still have a good chat with her.

She works a job that I admittedly think is bullshit but she makes good money and she's happy with it.

I don't see her often but we're always happy when we get to meet up.

I fucked three of her friends when I was younger, she made no attempt to stop that.

...But sadly, she's currently in the middle of hitting the wall (she's two years younger but looks about 4 years older than I do - bear in mind even with kids she still drinks 1-2 nights a week, smokes occasionally, lives in a sunny place and doesn't even lift) but at least she locked down a good man and had a family before it was too late.

[The Alpha Virgin]

I have two older siblings who I'm not in touch with anymore unless I have to because I'm home visiting my parents for holidays while they happen to be there too. They have tremendously bad temper which just makes me sort of anxious just being around them. I almost never have any anger in my own life but as soon as I have to spend a few days with them and they freak out over just the pettiest stuff, I realize how I become more like them. It's destructive to me to have them in my life.

I used to be really close to my brother in my early teenage years but he changed dramatically at around 16 when he started to become bullied in school. That pretty much made him an incel for life and even though I've tried to help him, he has such anger problems and is so egoistic and even violent that I've given up on him. I know I've tried to be there for him and help him through life and tried to talk through our issues but I finally realized that there's no point of giving my energy and attention who don't give a fuck about me anyway and will even use violence against me. He's a loser degenerate today who's past 30 and it's likely that he's a virgin because I have never seen him with a girl.

I used to be even closer to my sister and we would be best friends until she humilated me over something very personal in life. I just ignored her after that but whenever we would have to interact with each other again she would start some argument. She is super status obsessed and will judge me on the most stupid stuff because she wants the family to put up a nice front so she can look good for other people. Her boyfriend is a beta cuck too who was her best friend from teenage years until late 20's and just watched her be with a bunch of other more alpha dudes.

Just these anger issues they have is one of the biggest reason I don't want to be around them. Another is that they haven't apologized ever for how bad they've treated me and I've invested more in the relationship with them than they have when they both have acted like assholes so I finally said "fuck it!".

This is the way I see it. If my siblings wants us to have a better relationship, they can come to me and we can try to figure out how we can have a better relationship, but I will focus my attention on the people in my life who I actually enjoy being around and put about the same effort into the relationship as I do.