[Stirfry]

I'm relatively new here- been lurking for a while and picking up valuable bits of advice, but I haven't posted much. I have applied some of what is written in the forums to everyday life, but my current problem involves relationships with women, and I'm hoping that someone with a little experience can properly analyze it.

I have discovered that if you distill 'game' down to a few essential elements, the most important is avoiding 'oneitis.' Even more than that, it's not caring if you break up with a woman. There's a lot of ways to 'not care' I suppose, like having multiple women to fall back on, considering women to be an accessory rather than the focal point of your life, and so on, but the principle is the same- the old adage of "whoever cares less has the power" is arguably the single most important aspect of red pill.

I am recently separated, so despite my age (48) I don't have much dating experience. Since the separation I have met a few women but wound up on the losing end specifically because I cared about them (well, a few of them). This left me with no power, which led to passivity, neediness, humiliation, etc. It's something a lot of guys here probably know all too well so there's no need to get into it. The point is that I have learned and am currently in a relationship with a woman where I have all the power, specifically because I couldn't give a shit if we broke up or not.

That's the problem: If I meet someone I like, how do I maintain even a small amount of power in the relationship? I don't know how to use the 'I care less' approach with someone I really care about. If I broke up with the current gf, I'd be fine. It's not a bluff and she knows it, so she doesn't give me a hard time because I'd dump her immediately. Yet, if I were dating someone I really liked, I'm not sure I could be all nonchalant and uncaring at the thought of losing her, thus immediately reducing my power, requiring me to put up with more, listening to whining, having to agree with stupid shit she says and so on.

How do you guys bridge that gap? How do you simultaneously care about someone and want to be with them, yet not give a shit if you break up? Quite honestly this is more applicable to the next gf, as the 'I care less' thing has gotten so bad that I sincerely doubt it will last beyond the next few weeks.

Thanks.

[Dalaran1991]

Good thing you dig up a keystone, but often not properly understood aspect of game.

The quote came from uncle Wayne. Not the right clip, but more redpill in it than redit painted in red:

The whole quote is actually: whoever cares less in a relationship has more power

Green horns pretty boys noobs ploughing asshole game shorten it to "whoever cares less has more power" which gets many heads slamming the wall in frustration.

That quote only applies in a relationship of some sort, meaning the girl has to at least invested something in you.

And no, having dinner or even sex with you doesnt mean shit to women. For them it has to be emotional investment.

At the lower levels, pretending not to care only protect you from getting butthurt when dealing with rejection and bitchy behavior. Which doesn't hurt I guess.

Later on if you keep swearing by that quote you will soon hit a plateau, usually quality-wise.

The best seducers I know are still the ones smooth with words, able to make the girls feel like she is the one and only special. Then as soon as she falls in love, he switches away immediately. That exchange of power drives women crazy.

Sure you can say "if you dont care you distinguish yourself from the mass of thirsty dudes" but the thing is, in the early stages if you dont care, she probably doesnt give a rat ass either, so the interaction dies out.

Not saying you should care, but you need to pretend to care. And the chick needs to be persuaded why she should care that you care.

If you use the classic models, you need to pass the attraction + comfort stage before you can leverage your "i dont care" card in the seduction phase.

Chad Thundercock is average in this case because his looks and attitude do all the work for him.

As for how to bridge the gap, this is intermediate game and it has to mold with your style. You dont give us enough information. Are you introvert/extrovert? Are you exotic? Your life style?

Maintaining attraction and keeping a girl around extends far beyond getting one night stand through spam approaching.

[Onto]

In every relationship there is the "adorer" and the "adoree".

If you are the adoree (cares less) then you don't get to enjoy being in love. That's the rub.

Dalaran above makes a great observation about successful guys being able to keep their girl "in doubt" about whether he really does see her as "The One". That's the key. If you can make a woman believe you "might" see her as the One, but she's never quite sure, then she will always be invested in trying to make you see her as the One. You can drive a woman mad this way.

You bring up a great question though. "How can I be the adorer, but still not be too vulnerable. Still have her think she doesn't quite have me."

I'm not sure, but I think if you truly believe in something higher, something that is more important than any woman, any person really, then that can be the force that keeps you grounded. And if you have that, she will sense it about you, and you really are less vulnerable to the vicissitudes of a woman.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

On the surface, there is nothing wrong with finding a woman with whom you would like to build a life. Whether most guys here would like to admit it to themselves or not, they will likely end up with one woman, a kid or two living not in SEA or EE-but in their country of origin. Nothing flashy, nor to be ashamed of. The trouble comes in when men forget the lessons learned while they were still single.

The need for clear and defined boundaries, learning to say 'no', doing what's best for relationship sometimes will not be necessary what's she feels is best for her in that very moment. But that's where the bit of selfishness on your behalf has to come in. If left unchecked, a woman's natural self-consumption can become the focus of the relationship which leaves you unfullfilled and unsatisfied.

Woman can be experts at eroding those boundaries and undermining the natural order of man-woman interactions. You can care about a woman deeply, but you can never sacrifice who you are at your core in order to grant her a fleeting happiness. The bond can be maintained, but usually only with the understanding that your needs and expectations are of high importance. This is all based on how she perceives your value. No need to fake that you care less, instead your actions will reflect how you view your own value and how she should in turn do the same.

In my mind it's necessary for any man to carve out this distinction with the woman he loves.

[Stirfry]

(02-16-2016 05:21 PM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

Good thing you dig up a keystone, but often not properly understood aspect of game.

The quote came from uncle Wayne. Not the right clip, but more redpill in it than redit painted in red:

The whole quote is actually: whoever cares less in a relationship has more power

Green horns pretty boys noobs ploughing asshole game shorten it to "whoever cares less has more power" which gets many heads slamming the wall in frustration.

That quote only applies in a relationship of some sort, meaning the girl has to at least invested something in you.

And no, having dinner or even sex with you doesnt mean shit to women. For them it has to be emotional investment.

At the lower levels, pretending not to care only protect you from getting butthurt when dealing with rejection and bitchy behavior. Which doesn't hurt I guess.

Later on if you keep swearing by that quote you will soon hit a plateau, usually quality-wise.

The best seducers I know are still the ones smooth with words, able to make the girls feel like she is the one and only special. Then as soon as she falls in love, he switches away immediately. That exchange of power drives women crazy.

Sure you can say "if you dont care you distinguish yourself from the mass of thirsty dudes" but the thing is, in the early stages if you dont care, she probably doesnt give a rat ass either, so the interaction dies out.

Not saying you should care, but you need to pretend to care. And the chick needs to be persuaded why she should care that you care.

If you use the classic models, you need to pass the attraction + comfort stage before you can leverage your "i dont care" card in the seduction phase.

Chad Thundercock is average in this case because his looks and attitude do all the work for him.

As for how to bridge the gap, this is intermediate game and it has to mold with your style. You dont give us enough information. Are you introvert/extrovert? Are you exotic? Your life style?

Maintaining attraction and keeping a girl around extends far beyond getting one night stand through spam approaching.

In my current relationship I (inadvertently) did what you describe- In the early stages I cared. I cared because she was cute, smart, and I wanted sex. She was invested as well. After a few weeks however, I started to realize that she was kind of a clingy, needy pain in the ass, and the sex wasn't that great. So I started to 'not care', which she picked up on and responded to with more neediness and clinginess, which made me like her less, which increased the clinginess and so on. The 'not caring' in her case is real. It's not a bluff or an act, which is why it works so well. Interestingly enough, this was the exact same type of relationship I had soon after my separation, with me playing the role of the clingy one, because I really cared and the girl didn't.

As it stands right now, the current gf is clearly in love with me, whereas I'm trying to think of ways to dump her. But that's beside the point. I'm more interested in what I do for the next one. Of course I will express initial interest, and try to impress her or express enough 'SMV' to get her interested as well, but I don't want to repeat past mistakes. I don't want to be the needy one, pursuing her. I want it to be the other way around, and to do that I assume I will need to give off the 'I don't care' vibe, even if in fact I really do care. That's the paradox, and I'm not sure I can pull it off. I can fake being interested for the purpose of getting laid, but after that can I fake not caring well enough that she buys it? Will she see that it's an act? If push comes to shove and I want to assert a little power by threatening to break up with her, will she call my bluff? And how would I react if all the while I secretly do care?

As far as my current situation: I am by no means exotic- I'm 48 years-old, separated with two kids. I could be in better shape but I'm decent looking, pretty funny, and I have a high-status job in cancer research which seems to attract women. I would consider myself introverted but can turn it up when necessary. I also have decent 'online dating' game in that whenever I join a dating site I always wind up with a lot of attention, so I can afford to be picky (though I agree with other commentators here- online dating presents it's own pitfalls and the quality of women you meet varies widely).

[Stirfry]

(02-16-2016 05:41 PM)Onto Wrote:  

In every relationship there is the "adorer" and the "adoree".

If you are the adoree (cares less) then you don't get to enjoy being in love. That's the rub.

Dalaran above makes a great observation about successful guys being able to keep their girl "in doubt" about whether he really does see her as "The One". That's the key. If you can make a woman believe you "might" see her as the One, but she's never quite sure, then she will always be invested in trying to make you see her as the One. You can drive a woman mad this way.

You bring up a great question though. "How can I be the adoree, but still not be too vulnerable. Still have her think she doesn't quite have me."

I'm not sure, but I think if you truly believe in something higher, something that is more important than any woman, any person really, then that can be the force that keeps you grounded. And if you have that, she will sense it about you, and you really are less vulnerable to the vicissitudes of a woman.

This makes a lot of sense to me. I was in love soon after my wife and I split. I cared deeply, and of course it turned into a disaster (actually, twice). I think the answer is that I don't get to enjoy being in love anymore. And not caring certainly makes me "less vulnerable to the vicissitudes of a woman." That's the trade off.

[gmoneysauce]

Stirfry, I went through the same process. I am 47 and back on the market for almost three years now. I went through a process of quitting alcohol, divorcing, finding a love again for some physical activities such as swimming, rock climbing, sailing, and frequenting coffee shops and other public places to redevelop the skill of talking to everyone you care to and being confident.

Then I have been going through the process of creating a feeling of abundance. I have dated 19 year olds, done a lot of online game, hit Seeking Arrangement way too much, and barely started doing approaches. Yes, it is hard to do at this age when you have never done it or it has been 30 years. I was in two LTRs for about 20 years total and then went out on my own philosophical platform and just found this forum because of how it dovetails with my own stoic philosophy.

(02-16-2016 04:42 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

I'm relatively new here- been lurking for a while and picking up valuable bits of advice, but I haven't posted much. I have applied some of what is written in the forums to everyday life, but my current problem involves relationships with women, and I'm hoping that someone with a little experience can properly analyze it.

If you have done the research and know your direction then then next step is action. Action is the defining factor. I myself was stuck in analysis paralysis for way to long.

(02-16-2016 04:42 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

I have discovered that if you distill 'game' down to a few essential elements, the most important is avoiding 'oneitis.' Even more than that, it's not caring if you break up with a woman. There's a lot of ways to 'not care' I suppose, like having multiple women to fall back on, considering women to be an accessory rather than the focal point of your life, and so on, but the principle is the same- the old adage of "whoever cares less has the power" is arguably the single most important aspect of red pill.

I have created missions for myself, and travelled to complete those missions. Or I do them locally. My life is the focus, not my relationship(s). I do not take trips just to game. That is my personal approach. Women are not the 100% focus. Maybe 50% ;-)

(02-16-2016 04:42 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

I am recently separated, so despite my age (48) I don't have much dating experience. Since the separation I have met a few women but wound up on the losing end specifically because I cared about them (well, a few of them). This left me with no power, which led to passivity, neediness, humiliation, etc. It's something a lot of guys here probably know all too well so there's no need to get into it. The point is that I have learned and am currently in a relationship with a woman where I have all the power, specifically because I couldn't give a shit if we broke up or not.

Good, you are acting as you want to live.

(02-16-2016 04:42 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

That's the problem: If I meet someone I like, how do I maintain even a small amount of power in the relationship? I don't know how to use the 'I care less' approach with someone I really care about. If I broke up with the current gf, I'd be fine. It's not a bluff and she knows it, so she doesn't give me a hard time because I'd dump her immediately. Yet, if I were dating someone I really liked, I'm not sure I could be all nonchalant and uncaring at the thought of losing her, thus immediately reducing my power, requiring me to put up with more, listening to whining, having to agree with stupid shit she says and so on.

How do you guys bridge that gap? How do you simultaneously care about someone and want to be with them, yet not give a shit if you break up? Quite honestly this is more applicable to the next gf, as the 'I care less' thing has gotten so bad that I sincerely doubt it will last beyond the next few weeks.

For me it has to be the fact that that I am willing to 'next' that person. I have needed a rustbuster or two to get past slumps but overall it seems that if I am willing to move on they tend to come back. It just happened to me with a girl I was dating (24) last fall. She texted me after two months after not showing up for a date. I texted her once to say I felt blew off and then never again. She was back in less than two months.

I am still working through it but right now I have a pipeline in three different towns of about 4 in the big towns and 2 in the small town. Some days it comes easily and some days with great difficulty. I come back to the forum, focus on my own projects, including raising my kid, and see the women as a thing that will come and go as I travel through life.

With all of that said, I do enjoy extreme passion. But understand that it comes and goes. Or that's what I'm telling myself.

[Onto]

(02-16-2016 06:01 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

(02-16-2016 05:41 PM)Onto Wrote:  

In every relationship there is the "adorer" and the "adoree".

If you are the adoree (cares less) then you don't get to enjoy being in love. That's the rub.

Dalaran above makes a great observation about successful guys being able to keep their girl "in doubt" about whether he really does see her as "The One". That's the key. If you can make a woman believe you "might" see her as the One, but she's never quite sure, then she will always be invested in trying to make you see her as the One. You can drive a woman mad this way.

You bring up a great question though. "How can I be the adorer, but still not be too vulnerable. Still have her think she doesn't quite have me."

I'm not sure, but I think if you truly believe in something higher, something that is more important than any woman, any person really, then that can be the force that keeps you grounded. And if you have that, she will sense it about you, and you really are less vulnerable to the vicissitudes of a woman.

This makes a lot of sense to me. I was in love soon after my wife and I split. I cared deeply, and of course it turned into a disaster (actually, twice). I think the answer is that I don't get to enjoy being in love anymore. And not caring certainly makes me "less vulnerable to the vicissitudes of a woman." That's the trade off.

Just the seeing of this trade off gives you power.

[Stirfry]

Thanks everyone. Some decent advice here. Bottom line is that I probably need to find that "sweet spot" between caring but willing to let go if necessary. At the very least try to get rid of attachments, like the Buddhists.

[Phoenix]

Cart before the horse. Those with the power care less, not the other way around.

[WestIndianArchie]

1) Stop boiling game down to 1 point.

Game is complex because women are complex and life is complex.

Study one piece at a time, and bring it into your game.
Often times you learn one thing, and it smooths out other parts of the interaction. But never boil it down, you miss the nuance and intentions.

2) Who cares less about the relationship has the power in the relationship.

This is the norm for relationships, because most relationships are dysfunctional.

The typical relationship is
- man meets woman.
- Man tries very hard to please woman.
- Woman allows herself to be pleased
- then she keeps asking for more, or gets more and more.
- The man wants to give, likes to give, and keeps giving.
- The woman grows contempt for the man.

She doesn't care about him after a while, and wants someone that excites her. For whatever reason she doesn't end the relationship, but she's in charge because whatever she wants, she gets.

She cares less and has the power. That power is twofold, she can get the man to do what she wants, she also has the power to crush him emotionally by withdrawing or being indifferent. On his side, it's all give and no take.

Sometimes this reverses itself, where a man doesn't give a damn about the woman, but the woman gives her all to keep him. She does this out of desperation, not desire.

A post game/red pill relationship should not be abusive.

The woman not only wants to please the man, not only pleases the man, but she DERIVES HER OWN HAPPINESS FROM PLEASING HER MAN. She loves making him happy, like parents giving toys to children on Christmas. She keeps him happy, that's why he stays with her.

He doesn't stay with a chick because he has no options, because he's afraid of being alone, but because he likes how he is treated.

And if the King loves and honors his queen, he cares for her and takes care of her as well. He's not trying to make her feel anxious all the time.

You don't want to be the guy with "one foot out the door" all the time.

It's cool when you're young, but if you have a steady chick (or steady chicks), you want to be mentally in a place where "I know where my shoes are if I need to walk". But not always looking at the front door.

This isn't something that happens typically, because in an LTR situation, you can't depend on her socialization, upbringing, culture, society, religion...you have to teach her how to love you, teach her how to handle issues and problems.

Teaching your LTR is not newb territory.

The game is never over for the player.

WIA

[NASA Test Pilot]

Consider a modification of your internal frame from, how do I maintain power to the realization of what is my value. Take her out of the equation at first. As you understand (and accept) your inherent value (at many levels) you will unconsciously begin to radiate that value and then demonstrate it in your mannerisms. Ask yourself why do you care for them, what have they done to prove their value to you? If they have done nothing or very little, then you need to examine why you are giving them your attention (which is power) in the first place.

[XXL]

Applicable steps to have the upper hand:

Express who you are and what you like/dislike openly. Even before you even get a sense if what you're about to tell her might put her off. Doesn't matter what she thinks of that. If she likes YOU she will adapt. At least at first.

Make your girl earn your affection. Fight with entitlement issues aka that expectation that you're suppose to be this or that just because she is your girlfriend. Do not lecture her saying it out loud like "honey you have to earn my love...". That's lame. Show don't tell. She's nice, lovely and good to you then be more affectionate, caring and cool, be super good to her. When she's a bitch for no valid reason then be more cold and uncaring. Emotional distance is the hardest punishment for women, they can't function when you their emotions don't affect you. However, assess correctly WHY she acts in a certain way cause sometimes it might be your fault why she's a bitch to you.

Call her out on every bullshit that you notice. Every little thing. Point is, some of her bullshit will be so subtle that you will not even recognize so it's important that you react to things that you do notice. Even little things like.. she has that ugly demanding tone now asking you for something whereas before she was using pleasant tone. It seems small but if you don't react to that shit fast it will become a standard. It's those daily power games [shittests?]. Power corrupts. If give your girl too much power and she will abuse it for sure.

To quote fat ass Patrice: happiness happen is when she starts to think "ok is this righteous what I'm getting ready to do? Am i asking my man a righteous question?" So she goes.. "hold up, this is some bullshit manipulative girl shit, I'm not gonna ask him that cause this asshole is gonna make me suffer for asking bullshit".

Always have some other girls available to you. What you do about them while you're with her is your personal choice but let your girl feel that other pussies are circling around. Jealousy is huge attraction switch. Even little things like waitress flirting with you can trigger it hard, or her friends telling her how cool you are. That will stick in the back of her mind at all times. Nothing makes you a prize more than having other options at hand. The power then is in you CHOOSING her over them instead of sticking to her out of fear and scarcity.

Teach her how to be YOUR girlfriend. Not a gf but your gf. Basically lead her into your world. You like to eat this, live like this, fuck like this, etc. Tell her what she looks best in, what you like her to wear, how you like to her act, etc. Be the leader, her daddy, her teacher. The more she changes and invests into your way the more she yours and the less she is "herself" if you know what I mean. And don't make an excuse that you're not high status enough to do, that's bullshit, broke abusive assholes train their girls like dogs everyday. It's all about confidence and illusion of power. Read "48 Laws of Power", a lot of it is applicable in relationship too.

It's not about not caring per se. If you didn't care she would never even be open to you in the first place. It's more like you're happy on your own before you meet her for some reason that has nothing to do with her. Then she just becomes your GF and she either adds something positive to your life or not. Whatever happens you're good on your own. Your life will not end or stop just because she does something wrong or when you leaves you. Focus most of your attention on your own life goals dreams and desires and add her presence to the mix. She's in? Cool. She's out? Oh well. Your life goes on on its own.

That is the proper source of that indifference, uncaring attitude that everybody talks about. Guys just repeat "just don't care, just be cool" thinking that by being disengaged or ignoring girls they are oh so aloof and attractive. That's only a short term trick like a game routine meant to generate short burst of attraction. The proper solid way is when you're focused on bigger picture things in your life, you move toward something important TO YOU and you adjust everything else to it.

[XXL]

One thing I forgot. Take good care of her like a daddy. You gotta be smarter and have bird's view on everything. Be the person that leads the whole relationship. Do not expect her to be disciplined, well put together, rational, etc. It's your job. You as a man need to guide her more or less. I mean don't break up over silly things, when she's unbearable give her time, initiate things, do stuff that get you both grow together, be the engine. As a leader you should take responsibility for what's going on. She will not do it she will just follow her emotions and act randomly like a leaf on the wind. So be smarter and stay on course. After a while she should feel she's better when when you're happy, when she's close to you, not on her own. That's the impact you want to have on her. That's your power

[kaotic]

Jesus christ, this is a GOLD MINE of valuable information how male/female dynamics, relationship dynamics, and long term game.

Should be a sticky, this subject alone of power dynamics could talked about forever.

With most short term girls/plates/ONS - I have 0 expectations, I don't give a fuck and enjoy myself. I literally tell these girls these thing - so they know, nothing they do will phase me. I speak my mind and have no qualms.

With my last LTR - I absolutely had the power in the relationship - and I ended it on my decision. Not because "love", but because different goals in our lives in the short future.

I like XXL's breakdown of having the upper hand.

Dig WIA's points on dynamics isn't as simple as we think, hammering home the "who cares less has the power", and how to teach a women to love you and take care of you.

Dalaran's Uncle Wayne video is a great simple summary of a complex subject.

[Apollo21]

That "whoever cares less has all the power" line comes from emotional insecurity.

If you are emotionally secure you can love your girl and also be willing to let her go if necessary.
Granted it might not always be easy and you might suffer some heartbreak, however that is life...C'est la via...
you get back up and do it again...

I think of relationships like a forest...they can be strong and stand for decades...however if there is a raging fire
then you have to be willing to let the forest burn so it can grow again. That is called having emotional resiliency.

Apart from an LTR imploding though, every relationship has to fit your individual needs. It's less about power and control
and more about harmony. Having an iron will only works if the other person is willing to tolerate you...and usually there's
a breaking point.

The same is true if you are indecisive or constantly seeking approval...there's only so much a woman can usually take
before your relationship becomes dsyfunctional and breaks down.

These are extremes though...keeping your relationship on track takes a sure and steady hand that you have to get
from practice and making mistakes.

[BassPlayaYo]

Lots of great advice in this thread and they key thing that has been mentioned is that you the man must be solid with yourself and your own life, this is where the real power comes from. If you're living a life that has meaning on your own it enables you to deal with others especially women with more clarity which means not groveling to get some pussy. At 47 one needs to do a lot more work to get their physical "game" together (has to be a priority) which helps your mental "game". Having your shit together physically may be the single most important thing for an "older" man and has wide reaching consequences both mentally and physically.

[Stirfry]

All very valuable advice- thanks so much everyone! The gist seems to be what I already knew: I need to be happy about myself, and work on myself, with the woman being a supplement to that. While I certainly am willing to walk away from the current relationship, I'm afraid that I took the "I don't care" attitude a little too far to the point where I'd rather be alone than with her most nights. I can't go back to caring like I did when we first started dating and I wanted to get laid. In retrospect that was the wrong approach. For the next girl, I'll need to focus more on me and just let the chips fall where they may.

It's difficult juggling the power dynamic, but I also know I shouldn't have to be thinking about it all the time. It should be more natural. In my defense, I am still pretty new at this.

[Stirfry]

(02-16-2016 10:27 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

The typical relationship is
- man meets woman.
- Man tries very hard to please woman.
- Woman allows herself to be pleased
- then she keeps asking for more, or gets more and more.
- The man wants to give, likes to give, and keeps giving.
- The woman grows contempt for the man.

She doesn't care about him after a while, and wants someone that excites her. For whatever reason she doesn't end the relationship, but she's in charge because whatever she wants, she gets.

She cares less and has the power. That power is twofold, she can get the man to do what she wants, she also has the power to crush him emotionally by withdrawing or being indifferent. On his side, it's all give and no take.

Oh, and by the way this is one of the best descriptions of a relationship I have ever seen, and describes my post-separation relationships perfectly, or at least the ones that ended in disaster. When I was in love I tried to please. My head was filled with so many romantic notions and I had so much fun giving my time and resources to my woman, which only made her hate me. I didn't know this at the time but know it now. Even if I don't have the ultimate power, at the very least I hope to avoid that pattern again.

[WestIndianArchie]

Men are the true romantics.
And if you'd rather be alone than be with the chick, that's what you need to do.

Some other dude will be more than happy to take your spot. She won't be lonely long.

[Stirfry]

(02-17-2016 03:32 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Men are the true romantics.
And if you'd rather be alone than be with the chick, that's what you need to do.

Some other dude will be more than happy to take your spot. She won't be lonely long.

Agreed. She's a nice girl quite honestly, but not the one for me. I've been walking on egg shells around her, concealing the real me. I can't do that anymore. With anyone.

[AneroidOcean]

(02-17-2016 03:36 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

(02-17-2016 03:32 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Men are the true romantics.
And if you'd rather be alone than be with the chick, that's what you need to do.

Some other dude will be more than happy to take your spot. She won't be lonely long.

Agreed. She's a nice girl quite honestly, but not the one for me. I've been walking on egg shells around her, concealing the real me. I can't do that anymore. With anyone.

This is a lot simpler than guys want to make it.

YOU are the priority in the relationship.

YOU consider yourself more important than her.

You can still care for someone, but if you put them before yourself regularly, you're doing yourself a disservice and they will eventually take advantage of that.

Fuck that. I am more important to me.

[Stirfry]

yes, exactly this. In some of my post-separation relationships I put my partner first, before me, which led to contempt as it always does. In this current relationship I feel like I'm in charge. I'm the one that comes first and in the future if I meet someone and they can't handle this I will find it much easier to move on .

[birthday cat]

(02-16-2016 04:42 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

How do you guys bridge that gap? How do you simultaneously care about someone and want to be with them, yet not give a shit if you break up?

Practice.

A lot of great advice in this thread but none of it matters unless you put it to use with many women. You are 48 and I don't think you will unlearn all of your incorrect thoughts and bad habits unless you date a large quantity of women.

As you date more women and apply the principles outlined in this thread - you will fail a lot, you will learn a lot from your failures, and you will realize that your views on women and relationships are incorrect.

You need more practice to internalize basic game concepts such as understanding that all relationships are temporary and understanding that women can be very immature in relationships hence you should focus on leading and let her focus on the "caring".

As you internalize these concepts you will see the huge difference between actually caring less and your current tactic of pretending to care less which is a temporary and flawed solution.

I don't think that "caring less" is precisely correct anyway. I think the correct approach is to understand that as a man it is your job to be a leader and focus on the longer term big picture of the relationship while she is going to focus more on the here and now. This may give the illusion of caring less because you won't get so caught up in the women's games, tests, or drama. For example, you will understand that your "putting up with more, listening to whining, having to agree with stupid shit she says and so on" is bad for both of you so you will ignore all of that. She might interpret that as caring less but you are actually caring more and caring in a more mature way.

If you truly care for a woman then give her the thing that all women want which is a confident and secure man who doesn't allow a woman to manipulate or control him.

I think all the problems you have described are with your inner game, women are exposing those problems because that is precisely what their brains have evolved to do, and you are trying to fix things with one simple tactic but the solution is more complex than one simple tactic. The solution will come with a little learning of women and game followed up by a lot of practice.

[Stirfry]

(02-18-2016 11:31 AM)birthday cat Wrote:  

(02-16-2016 04:42 PM)Stirfry Wrote:  

How do you guys bridge that gap? How do you simultaneously care about someone and want to be with them, yet not give a shit if you break up?

Practice.

A lot of great advice in this thread but none of it matters unless you put it to use with many women. You are 48 and I don't think you will unlearn all of your incorrect thoughts and bad habits unless you date a large quantity of women.

As you date more women and apply the principles outlined in this thread - you will fail a lot, you will learn a lot from your failures, and you will realize that your views on women and relationships are incorrect.

You need more practice to internalize basic game concepts such as understanding that all relationships are temporary and understanding that women can be very immature in relationships hence you should focus on leading and let her focus on the "caring".

As you internalize these concepts you will see the huge difference between actually caring less and your current tactic of pretending to care less which is a temporary and flawed solution.

I don't think that "caring less" is precisely correct anyway. I think the correct approach is to understand that as a man it is your job to be a leader and focus on the longer term big picture of the relationship while she is going to focus more on the here and now. This may give the illusion of caring less because you won't get so caught up in the women's games, tests, or drama. For example, you will understand that your "putting up with more, listening to whining, having to agree with stupid shit she says and so on" is bad for both of you so you will ignore all of that. She might interpret that as caring less but you are actually caring more and caring in a more mature way.

If you truly care for a woman then give her the thing that all women want which is a confident and secure man who doesn't allow a woman to manipulate or control him.

I think all the problems you have described are with your inner game, women are exposing those problems because that is precisely what their brains have evolved to do, and you are trying to fix things with one simple tactic but the solution is more complex than one simple tactic. The solution will come with a little learning of women and game followed up by a lot of practice.

I agree with you, particularly this last paragraph. I think the reason why I have distilled game down to this one concept (the "not caring") is because that's the one that I have used successfully (though, to be honest, quite inadvertently). "Game" is obviously much more than that, and I have been slowly applying it to the women I date, as well as everyday life. In fact, I have found that game principles are very applicable in the workplace as well.

This site has been an amazing resource for me, even at this late stage in life.