[eradicator]

I usually turn down such requests to carry their shit around. "What am I, your servant?" with a smirk should be sufficient. I actually think OP is onto something here, you were too compliant.

[RexImperator]

Quote:

you were too compliant.

Exactly. I don't think women understand that men actually like to be helpful. It's bizarre, but you have to put up some resistance (at least make a comment as above) over something you don't actually care one way or the other about.

Somehow this also ties into the "women are selfish and are attracted to selfish men" concept.

[cascadecombo]

^ Going off what the last few posts were saying about being too compliant has made me notice some things I had never paid mind to before.

I usually don't mind helping anyone out if they ask for help. But I have almost always given them shit about it. The times I haven't, with the one asking being female it was almost as if they expected to be assisted. However, when I would playfully give them shit about what I was doing they would make an effort to express their gratitude etc etc.

How much you value your time will be obvious to others. Even though helping others is no skin off our noses, if we spend an extra second making a point about how we are giving them our precious time they are far more receptive to it. As if we are doing them a favor and they recognize it vs being their momentary slave.

[blck]

(01-08-2016 05:54 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

Was out at the bar the other evening talking with a cute young redhead smoking cigarettes. She was there selling CDs for some band she was doing merchandising for. Chatted with her for about 20 minutes outside and not a hint of the smartphone. I did my best to physically escalate like a pro, and soon she was leaning her head on me and giving me hugs. Told me she was getting picked up by a family member to go back home - she was quite young and likely was still living at home nearby. I live 20 miles away. Damn.

She offered me her phone number and even double checked to make sure I had it right. Old guy in car (uncle? father? Definitely not boyfriend) rolls up. And then...and then...

"Can you grab this box of CDs and put it in the trunk for me? It's really heavy."

Me: "Well, okay, sure."

And the opening text next evening went forever unanswered.

TBM: Accept her request, be used as a heavy object handler and then watch her disappear...

[XPQ22]

I actually tried hitting her up with the restart text the other day, and she replied this time around.

Then ghosted on me again when I pitched the date.

You're right, I've wasted too much mental energy on this ho. But it's cold as fuck outside and everyone is staying inside, and all I've got at the moment is a bunch of weak ass leads.

I think I need a vacation, time to check out the Miami thread again.

[BadgerHut]

(01-13-2016 01:32 AM)cascadecombo Wrote:  

^ Going off what the last few posts were saying about being too compliant has made me notice some things I had never paid mind to before.

I usually don't mind helping anyone out if they ask for help. But I have almost always given them shit about it. The times I haven't, with the one asking being female it was almost as if they expected to be assisted. However, when I would playfully give them shit about what I was doing they would make an effort to express their gratitude etc etc.

How much you value your time will be obvious to others. Even though helping others is no skin off our noses, if we spend an extra second making a point about how we are giving them our precious time they are far more receptive to it. As if we are doing them a favor and they recognize it vs being their momentary slave.

I do the same thing - rarely say no, but always give some kind of shit for it. It's kind of like a pre-passing a shit test - you're not looking butthurt by refusing, but you're making your boundaries clear.

[OregonToSoCal]

(01-13-2016 08:20 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

(01-13-2016 01:32 AM)cascadecombo Wrote:  

^ Going off what the last few posts were saying about being too compliant has made me notice some things I had never paid mind to before.

I usually don't mind helping anyone out if they ask for help. But I have almost always given them shit about it. The times I haven't, with the one asking being female it was almost as if they expected to be assisted. However, when I would playfully give them shit about what I was doing they would make an effort to express their gratitude etc etc.

How much you value your time will be obvious to others. Even though helping others is no skin off our noses, if we spend an extra second making a point about how we are giving them our precious time they are far more receptive to it. As if we are doing them a favor and they recognize it vs being their momentary slave.

I do the same thing - rarely say no, but always give some kind of shit for it. It's kind of like a pre-passing a shit test - you're not looking butthurt by refusing, but you're making your boundaries clear.

Exactly. If what OP did had any bearing on whether she lost interest in him it was because he happily obliged to her request without question. I don't think the correct answer would have been to flat out refuse helping her but in my opinion the best response would be something like a shit test back to her.

Her: "Can you grab this box of CDs and put it in the trunk for me? It's really heavy."

Ways he could have replied to that (all said with a playful smirk)
"I see you just want me for my brute strength"
"Please, I'm not that easy. You can do better than that"
"Aren't you going to buy me dinner first?"
"Pfft, I don't work for free"

You get the idea. When these kinds of dilemmas arise I ask myself "what would Hank Moody do?" That's the character Hank from TV and not our own Hank but for the record I like his stories too

[Hazaer]

(01-13-2016 09:06 PM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(01-13-2016 08:20 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

(01-13-2016 01:32 AM)cascadecombo Wrote:  

^ Going off what the last few posts were saying about being too compliant has made me notice some things I had never paid mind to before.

I usually don't mind helping anyone out if they ask for help. But I have almost always given them shit about it. The times I haven't, with the one asking being female it was almost as if they expected to be assisted. However, when I would playfully give them shit about what I was doing they would make an effort to express their gratitude etc etc.

How much you value your time will be obvious to others. Even though helping others is no skin off our noses, if we spend an extra second making a point about how we are giving them our precious time they are far more receptive to it. As if we are doing them a favor and they recognize it vs being their momentary slave.

I do the same thing - rarely say no, but always give some kind of shit for it. It's kind of like a pre-passing a shit test - you're not looking butthurt by refusing, but you're making your boundaries clear.

Exactly. If what OP did had any bearing on whether she lost interest in him it was because he happily obliged to her request without question. I don't think the correct answer would have been to flat out refuse helping her but in my opinion the best response would be something like a shit test back to her.

Her: "Can you grab this box of CDs and put it in the trunk for me? It's really heavy."

Ways he could have replied to that (all said with a playful smirk)
"I see you just want me for my brute strength"
"Please, I'm not that easy. You can do better than that"
"Aren't you going to buy me dinner first?"
"Pfft, I don't work for free"

You get the idea. When these kinds of dilemmas arise I ask myself "what would Hank Moody do?" That's the character Hank from TV and not our own Hank but for the record I like his stories too

So one says this and then proceeds to carry her stuff?

What if she replies with 'Nevermind, I will do it myself.'?

[OregonToSoCal]

(01-15-2016 02:16 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  

So one says this and then proceeds to carry her stuff?
What if she replies with 'Nevermind, I will do it myself.'?

It depends on how she reacts. If she's playful in return then I don't mind helping out. But if she gives me the 'nevermind' comment I'd simply walk away. The attitude in that simple response alone tells me everything I need to know about her personality.