Bump, great answers in this thread
"The price of being a man is eternal vigilance." - Kareem-Abdul Jabar
What did you do to improve your confidence?
Quote: (07-04-2011 09:24 PM)blurb Wrote:
Roissy wrote a blog entry a while back that Game, compressed in its most simplest form, is just a trait that women lust most in a man: Unshakeable Supreme Confidence.
Think about it. It has been said that women are biologically programmed to go after "alpha traits" and "alpha behavior." Where did this come from? Well, one of my hypotheses is that thousands of years ago when most humans organized themselves into primitive tribes, the men hunted and the women gathered. However, men might not always be successful in catching their prey. Men might get mauled by a wild animal, get lost, or get killed. So, when a man comes back to the tribe and single-handedly brings back a huge wild pig, you better bet he's going to feel pretty confident. His behavior might also change. He might become cocky and think to himself, "Yeah, I just killed a wild animal for dinner. I'm the man." He might walk upright, look women straight in the eye and NOT CARE what other women think of him because he knows that he did something great that no other guy in the tribe did. He's going to walk with swagger and style. In summary, the women see the man as higher status and one distinguishing characteristic that he has that no other man in the tribe has that day is the man's confidence (a.k.a. "alpha behavior")
So, what do YOU have that gives you confidence? It can be anything. Being well-read. Playing a musical instrument. Being in a band. Winning the spelling bee. Speaking multiple languages. Being able to leg press 500 kg. Telling funny jokes. Narrating a personal experience that excites a woman's emotions.
It's easier to gain confidence when you already have something to be confident in.
No matter how lame or how stupid it sounds, find something you're good at and be proud of it. It's better to be proud of something than nothing.
Find your niche and be the best at it.
"For every male endeavor, there is a groupie--except WOW."
Too many men today (especially young men), when handed free time, idly spend their time on video games, movies, tv, and all other kinds of worthless garbage because at the end of a long work-day, they're barely able to lift a finger to pick up a book and just want to "chill."
Roosh has written that the two most important things that compose tight game is:
1) Being cool.
2) Being interesting.
How can you be cool and intersting when all you do is play video games and watch football?
Interesting thread, and a quality conversation overall. This post struck me though, because it's the complete opposite of what true confidence is.
Self-Confidence VS Situational Confidence
Every single person has had a time in their life where they've been super confident. You scored the game winning touchdown in college, you played an amazing song on your guitar, you told a funny ass joke that made everyone in the room laugh, you made an important sale, etc.
These are all examples of situational confidence. Some more examples would be wearing a rolex, getting a new hair cut, walking around in a custom suit. Situational confidence, simply because those things raise your confidence in comparison to what it is naturally. Are you more or less confident wearing a custom suit or some gym shorts? It's essentially confidence based on competition with your peers. You may be super confident with that tailored suit, but what happens when Joe Millionaire walks up with a custom Brioni suit after he steps out of his Ferrari? Situational confidence is a losers game from the get go.
True self-confidence is what everyone should be striving for. Confidence and belief in yourself that you can get any woman in the world simply because you are you. You're a completely unique person that has never been and never will be replicated ever again. You are a 10/10. The one in infinite chance that you were actually born should be more than enough to have supreme confidence. Let's say you walk up to a girl, what are even the chances of that? If you got stopped at one extra red light, or took a wrong turn somewhere that conversation never even happens. How can you be nervous to talk to someone when God put you there in that moment?
Truly confident people will never seek the validation of others. They don't waiver in their views, or change themselves to try and impress someone. Treat the 2's the same as the 9's. Hot girls can easily tell when a guy acts different with them then other people, they have thousands of experiences to understand this. If you validate a girl based on her looks, you've already lost.
G-Man's post on page 1 is excellent, boiling down to simple qualification. "You might be a cute girl, but there are countless others all around, what else besides your pussy do you have to offer?"
Final thoughts. Stop comparing yourself to other people. You will never win that game. Some guy will always be better looking, funnier, richer, taller, have more notches. Only compete with yourself. Become the best version of you that you can be.
Quote: (06-30-2017 12:54 AM)captain_shane Wrote:
Final thoughts. Stop comparing yourself to other people. You will never win that game. Some guy will always be better looking, funnier, richer, taller, have more notches. Only compete with yourself. Become the best version of you that you can be.
This
I don't think that there is anything you can do to improve your confidence other than keep going, try to overcome difficulties and then look at what you accomplished and reflect. If you've had nice conversations with girls, it tells you that you will keep having nice conversations with girls and that your doing it right. If you get a number, you know you'll get more numbers etc.
There is nothing better to boost your confidence than success. Probably the only thing.
There is nothing better to boost your confidence than success. Probably the only thing.
Actually become good at shit that matters. Learn a martial art, make more money, get in great shape, build something, write, take amazing photos, paint, etc.
CONFIDENCE comes from COMPETENCE.
A confident man walks around with an airs about him because he KNOWS he can back his shit up. Weaklings aren't confident cuz they KNOW they'll get wrecked.
To get over being inferior, become superior.
CONFIDENCE comes from COMPETENCE.
A confident man walks around with an airs about him because he KNOWS he can back his shit up. Weaklings aren't confident cuz they KNOW they'll get wrecked.
To get over being inferior, become superior.
^ this.
In the meantime of becoming competent you need to have some blind faith in yourself and belief that you are on a good path.
There is nothing else
In the meantime of becoming competent you need to have some blind faith in yourself and belief that you are on a good path.
There is nothing else
Quote: (06-30-2017 03:38 PM)Darkwing Buck Wrote:
Actually become good at shit that matters. Learn a martial art, make more money, get in great shape, build something, write, take amazing photos, paint, etc.
CONFIDENCE comes from COMPETENCE.
A confident man walks around with an airs about him because he KNOWS he can back his shit up. Weaklings aren't confident cuz they KNOW they'll get wrecked.
To get over being inferior, become superior.
I would even go as far to say, in my observations and overall experience.
Your skill competence entirely determines the quality of chick(s) you attract.
The completely intangible things no amount of money can buy. Money making isn't a skill. It is result.
Whenever I see a fugly guy with a good looking chick. I automatically assume he's good at something valuable. Does he have game or not is up in the air...
Quote: (06-30-2017 04:43 PM)XXL Wrote:
^ this.
In the meantime of becoming competent you need to have some blind faith in yourself and belief that you are on a good path.
There is nothing else
Beautiful summary.
This right here was the fundamental divide on the debate to start this thread and it was really just definitional. There's situational confidence (ie. proficiency at a task, anything from Game to cooking) and then there's what Ex was getting at in his post which is a more of a belief or blind faith as you say. The fundamental belief is that no matter who you are, any human is capable of improvement and the fruits of your labour in working towards improvement are worthy. Without actually getting there you never know whether you yourself can make it out of the hell you've let yourself get into, you gotta buy in first.
With a belief that self-improvement is possible and the knowledge and humility to know you're basically like everyone else you can calmly take stock of your strengths and shortcomings and decide to work on yourself
"The price of being a man is eternal vigilance." - Kareem-Abdul Jabar
I think one can boost confidence by facing difficulties in life.
I lifted semi heavy things
I've been trying to be like old people. Most elderly men don't give a single fuck about anything negative you have to say about them. I have found that the less I care about an outcome or what people think I do better and better.
I'll give you the most important thing that can motivate you to approach women - deprivation.
Don't watch porn. Don't look at pictures of naked women either. Don't jerk off for at least a week. After a few days you're going to be a lot more motivated to approach women. Your greed is going to start overtaking your fear and that's what you want. With experience and a good underlying lifestyle your confidence will build naturally, though it will ebb and flow.
You can do stuff like watch porn every once in a while, but if you do it every day you're training yourself to satisfy your urges with pixels on a screen and you aren't going to feel greedy that way.
Deprivation works.
Don't watch porn. Don't look at pictures of naked women either. Don't jerk off for at least a week. After a few days you're going to be a lot more motivated to approach women. Your greed is going to start overtaking your fear and that's what you want. With experience and a good underlying lifestyle your confidence will build naturally, though it will ebb and flow.
You can do stuff like watch porn every once in a while, but if you do it every day you're training yourself to satisfy your urges with pixels on a screen and you aren't going to feel greedy that way.
Deprivation works.
Quote: (07-01-2011 04:27 AM)Excelsior Wrote:
...
That isn't real confidence.
True confidence will never derive simply from a man's attempts to interact with women, nevermind their consistent rejections of him. Women will never build you up-only you can do that.
If you want to build this true confidence, you'll invest in yourself. Go to the gym and forge your body into something respectable. Try to eat a little better and drink less. Build a career and set a foundation for a stable financial future for yourself. Find a hobby/passion of yours and master it for its own sake and not for a shot to get a piece of ass.
OP, listen to these pieces of advice, there is the truth!
Quote: (07-01-2011 04:17 AM)pitt Wrote:
...The more you start fucking (i dont mean sleeping with one new girl every month, i mean real sleeping around), the more your confidence will increase. You will then only set for the best girls and you will only fuck the best girls. Its a natural process, it would be good if you had someone to help you out.
Oh really? I don't think so... If a person needs another person as a trophy, e.g. if a man needs to have sex with a woman "to become more self confident", then he is a weak guy. He only pretents to be self-confident, but he isn't.
Quote: (07-01-2011 04:17 AM)pitt Wrote:
I hanged out with this guy 24/7 for one year and he was an approaching machine, he would approach without fear, sometimes i was shocked how confident he was, he would just approach anywhere. Guess what, after months of us hanging out together, who became even more confident? ME, to the point where he thought he couldnt compete against me anymore, although he also pulled tons of girls, but i became even more confident, i would even approach a girl with her all family and chat up all of them.
Wow, and now? Why would anyone with a sound self-esteem feel fear to approach a girl? IF a person is happy with himself, he may approach anyone, no matter where, no matter whom. Needless to say that this also includes women.
Quote: (07-01-2011 04:17 AM)pitt Wrote:
I advise you to try work out everyday if you can, it will reduce your anxiety and it will make you more sociable and you will have more courage to approach. Dont be scaried to be neglected, everybody gets no´s, and i mean everybody. But put it this way, in the last two months i probably approached more than 100 girls but i only remembered 2 refusing to give me their numbers. Thats an impressive record.
And I advice work on yourself, don't focus on women. Build your self-esteem by learning about yourself, get to know yourself, your character, your behaviour, your feelings, etc. Once you know yourself, you may start to learn about your environment. Well, I don't have time now to explain you everything here. It is you who have to work on yourself. Once you are really ready, you will hopefully find that ONE girl that will make you happy. But before you do not love yourself, don't expect another person to love yourself.
If you use terms like "gaming", "fucking around", etc, one can assume you have a very low self-esteem. Yes, and then you indeed need to "game" to be able to "talk to a woman".
PS: The term "self-estemm" means "a confidence and satisfaction in oneself : SELF-RESPECT) (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-esteem)
Quote: (07-02-2011 10:16 AM)Gmac Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
"Either you improve yourself"
OR
"Improve your game"
What most people are missing is these two are one and the same.
Is it?
I would say if you are a cool and self-confident guy, then you just talk to a woman (and any other person), without any fear, you be normal and nice.
As an alternative, if you are the guy with a low self-esteem, then you may try to pretend to be the cool guy, by "gaming" (i.e. manipulating the reality).
Think about it!
Through my first year of college, I was very shy.
In my second year of college, I joined a fraternity. It forced me to be around other people, men and women, in social situations. It was good practice.
I made friends with guys with similar interests and we pushed each other. Academically/professionally I met professors who challenged me to go further.
I also slowly accumulated small victories - athletic, social, romantic, etc.
So while I won't disagree with a lot of the advice in this thread, I would add that its a very long journey for some. You can hasten that journey by developing skills, practicing, and finding people to help you.
Some concrete examples.
Read the book the Magic of Thinking Big. He has a small section where he discusses what I call practice. If you go on a job interview, be friendly, but don't wait for the interview. Make small talk with your cab driver, the doorman, the security guard, the receptionist, the secretary, etc. It gets you "up." If you do this everyday, it makes you confident in social situations and calibrated.
Joining a fraternity is not for everyone but you could be a campus tour guide, orientation adviser, etc. There are a lot of roles that force you to interact with a lot of people.
Learn sales. Take a job selling.
Learn public speaking. Join toastmasters. In group projects, volunteer to do the presentation.
Look for people who seek the same thing as you. Ask for advice.
Make a list of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities. Recently, a guy who is 20 years old who attends a prestigious university in Atlanta asked me for advice. He was frustrated because he can't get into bars. What he doesn't realize is that he's on a college campus!!
Look for ways to provide value to others. When I was in college, my neighbor didn't get in so he went to the community college nearby. He started throwing keg parties every wednesday night. He'd actually pass the hat, so it didn't cost him anything except his house and having to clean his house after it got trashed. He started in january and by April these were huge parties, 500+ people. Maybe you are not ready for that, but volunteer, look for ways to give back, and eventually you come across other opportunities. Its not because of any sort of psychic scorecard that keeps track of winners and losers. Rather, its because you are spending time with your mind focussing on others, and you see things you didn't see before.
In my second year of college, I joined a fraternity. It forced me to be around other people, men and women, in social situations. It was good practice.
I made friends with guys with similar interests and we pushed each other. Academically/professionally I met professors who challenged me to go further.
I also slowly accumulated small victories - athletic, social, romantic, etc.
So while I won't disagree with a lot of the advice in this thread, I would add that its a very long journey for some. You can hasten that journey by developing skills, practicing, and finding people to help you.
Some concrete examples.
Read the book the Magic of Thinking Big. He has a small section where he discusses what I call practice. If you go on a job interview, be friendly, but don't wait for the interview. Make small talk with your cab driver, the doorman, the security guard, the receptionist, the secretary, etc. It gets you "up." If you do this everyday, it makes you confident in social situations and calibrated.
Joining a fraternity is not for everyone but you could be a campus tour guide, orientation adviser, etc. There are a lot of roles that force you to interact with a lot of people.
Learn sales. Take a job selling.
Learn public speaking. Join toastmasters. In group projects, volunteer to do the presentation.
Look for people who seek the same thing as you. Ask for advice.
Make a list of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities. Recently, a guy who is 20 years old who attends a prestigious university in Atlanta asked me for advice. He was frustrated because he can't get into bars. What he doesn't realize is that he's on a college campus!!
Look for ways to provide value to others. When I was in college, my neighbor didn't get in so he went to the community college nearby. He started throwing keg parties every wednesday night. He'd actually pass the hat, so it didn't cost him anything except his house and having to clean his house after it got trashed. He started in january and by April these were huge parties, 500+ people. Maybe you are not ready for that, but volunteer, look for ways to give back, and eventually you come across other opportunities. Its not because of any sort of psychic scorecard that keeps track of winners and losers. Rather, its because you are spending time with your mind focussing on others, and you see things you didn't see before.
Do you know why people with a lot of money always say " money do not matter? I rather be happy than rich"? Because they have lots of it. I think it is the same for the man who says "women do not matter", they have lots of them. One dont just become confident by improving themselves.
It is like staying in your basement, building the best product ever, not knowing if it is ready for market, will it sell? Does it solve a problem?
You need to do testing, through your testing, you adjust, when you find your winning point, you scale.
I tried the work on yourself thing, workout, better clothes and jobs, women will not approach you. It just sounds good because it seems easier! But you tremble when it comes to approaching.
After listening to the latest book of Game by roosh, yesterday I started to approach, and before doing the single approach I did, I had to make it, I was so scared that I felt pathetic.
So for me, going through that a 100 times, I believe I will become more confident, because I take on something that challenges me to the core of my being
It is like staying in your basement, building the best product ever, not knowing if it is ready for market, will it sell? Does it solve a problem?
You need to do testing, through your testing, you adjust, when you find your winning point, you scale.
I tried the work on yourself thing, workout, better clothes and jobs, women will not approach you. It just sounds good because it seems easier! But you tremble when it comes to approaching.
After listening to the latest book of Game by roosh, yesterday I started to approach, and before doing the single approach I did, I had to make it, I was so scared that I felt pathetic.
So for me, going through that a 100 times, I believe I will become more confident, because I take on something that challenges me to the core of my being
Quote: (07-01-2011 04:27 AM)Excelsior Wrote:Thanks for that post.
Quote: (07-01-2011 03:28 AM)Jersey Wrote:
Just go out and do it. Fail miserably. There's a million girls out there, so use the first 1,000 to fail on - and then you'll be ready for the other 999,000. And the truth is, once you become numb to failure, confidence is pretty much what's left.
That isn't real confidence.
True confidence will never derive simply from a man's attempts to interact with women, nevermind their consistent rejections of him. Women will never build you up-only you can do that.
If you want to build this true confidence, you'll invest in yourself. Go to the gym and forge your body into something respectable. Try to eat a little better and drink less. Build a career and set a foundation for a stable financial future for yourself. Find a hobby/passion of yours and master it for its own sake and not for a shot to get a piece of ass.
And, most importantly of all, get it into your head that women aren't really intrinsically worth the effort that so many guys are willing to put in for them.
Take them off of the pedestal.
Hi,
I would say you need not panic that you can't talk to girls or loose confidence to approach girls. It is not rocket science, you just start with normal conversation, that you help you build a friendly relation...day by day your confidence will increase gradually.
I would say you need not panic that you can't talk to girls or loose confidence to approach girls. It is not rocket science, you just start with normal conversation, that you help you build a friendly relation...day by day your confidence will increase gradually.
Increase your notch count
Experience and knowing that I can fuck women made me confident around women
No reading, no Youtube, no meditation, no podcasts, etc.
No reading, no Youtube, no meditation, no podcasts, etc.
New Post:
Men’s Style Guide: For Guys Who Want to Get Laid
You aren't getting laid because you still believe in "game".
Here's how I went from being a 21-year-old, videogame-addicted, Asian virgin to banging too many girls to count (no PUA bs):
https://whiteknightrises.com/start-here
BTC: 1A5WUGDNGnsxGJ62CXadV6T2oapKfFu4T3
ETH: 0x9019d135dD1FFA06f0CC53C5942cBce806a943dd
(If I miss your reply PM me)
no oneitis
no pedestalization
self-improvement
boldness (daring)
accepting failure and treating women as cold numbers/ products / before you actually enjoy the presence of one in a relationship
no pedestalization
self-improvement
boldness (daring)
accepting failure and treating women as cold numbers/ products / before you actually enjoy the presence of one in a relationship
As the years pass, the answers don't change. Hit the gym, improve yourself inside and out, and dont put women on a pedastal.
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