[Trabenezer]

She always snaps me on snapchat.
She seeks attention from me.
I asked to sleep over she said no and now we only meet up in the morning/ afternoon.
She always ask me to study with her instead of doing anything else like Netflix and chill.
How do I sexualize this relationship?
We might meet up in the city for new years.

[Windom Earle]

(12-28-2015 09:24 PM)Trabenezer Wrote:  

She always snaps me on snapchat.
She seeks attention from me.
I asked to sleep over she said no and now we only meet up in the morning/ afternoon.
She always ask me to study with her instead of doing anything else like Netflix and chill.
How do I sexualize this relationship?
We might meet up in the city for new years.

You're letting her dictate the frame. As a man, that's your job.

When you start taking charge, that's when the "relationship" has the potential to take a sexual turn, but not before.

Do things on your terms, or not at all.

[Latan]

To answer your question: Yes.

[Brodiaga]

Just tell her you need your dick sucked.

Lame, but not as lame as what you are doing.

[polar]

This is a frame battle and she's winning. Are you willing to lose her? This is the only way you might come out ahead.

Either you accept being her bitch
gay best friend, or you make her an ultimatum.

Basically, go direct and say that you two can't be friends and that you want to grab a drink with her. Then fuck off and wait for her to get back to you. If she's not down, then delete her number and walk away with your balls clinking with every step. You can't look butthurt or this will fail.

She might go cold, or she might follow up. Ignore any social networking winks, conversations about the weather, etc. If she reaches back out, either she accepts your offer to grab a drink (as a date, not as an orbiter), or you block her for good. Cut off all her attempts to go shopping together, paint each other's nails, or talk about boys at the bud.

[Capitán Peligroso]

Watch these, put the principles into practice, and see if it doesn't change the dynamics:

If you're too tender, you seem impotent; if you're too aggressive...

[Highlander]

It is kinda late now at this stage, but give it one LAST trial and if it fails, cut her off and never look again in order to use your resources on deals with better odds (=on new targets where you set the frame from the beginning and where they invest a lot into you).

For the last attempt, you need to set up the details - I suggest a drinking game.
So tell here that you wanna meet her at like 09.00pm or something for a drink and a chat and look how it goes from there.
Really not much more you can do right now.

Important is that if it fails, cut any attention to her off because at this stage it is likely that she is just using you for validation, but is not into you.

[BrewDog]

Just cut bait and quit wasting your time. She's messing with you, and having had that done to me, it's a shitty thing to do to someone.

There was this girl at work I started seeing. We'll call her "Veronica." We'll call her Veronica because that was that floosie's name. So we hang out and seemingly have a thing going, and we're out in town on what I think is a date, and she says, "Oh, I'm so tired. Let's go to my apartment and take a nap." And I was like Yes!!

So we get to her house and are in her bed in our skivies and try to make out with her and she acts offended and says we're just friends. So I was like WTF? I'm in your bed at 2 in the afternoon in our underwear with my boner pressing against your butt with my arms around you, and that's ok. But lord forbid I try to kiss you? What the fuck else am I supposed to think about this situation? Do you think I go to Greg's house and sleep in my underwear in his bed and put my arms around him with my boner against his ass?

I get up and get dressed and leave. I find out the next week her and another of our co-workers are dating. He lived in the same apt complex in view of her apt, and I can only assume that I was just there to be seen by him walking into her apt. And yeah, that's some dirty shit to use someone like that. Even if I am an asshole.

So, sometimes you just have to stop being the nice guy friend that entertains her and buys her shit and just leave if she's toying with you.

[Rhyme or Reason]

(12-29-2015 03:00 PM)BrewDog Wrote:  

Just cut bait and quit wasting your time. She's messing with you, and having had that done to me, it's a shitty thing to do to someone.

There was this girl at work I started seeing. We'll call her "Veronica." We'll call her Veronica because that was that floosie's name. So we hang out and seemingly have a thing going, and we're out in town on what I think is a date, and she says, "Oh, I'm so tired. Let's go to my apartment and take a nap." And I was like Yes!!

So we get to her house and are in her bed in our skivies and try to make out with her and she acts offended and says we're just friends. So I was like WTF? I'm in your bed at 2 in the afternoon in our underwear with my boner pressing against your butt with my arms around you, and that's ok. But lord forbid I try to kiss you? What the fuck else am I supposed to think about this situation? Do you think I go to Greg's house and sleep in my underwear in his bed and put my arms around him with my boner against his ass?

I get up and get dressed and leave. I find out the next week her and another of our co-workers are dating. He lived in the same apt complex in view of her apt, and I can only assume that I was just there to be seen by him walking into her apt. And yeah, that's some dirty shit to use someone like that. Even if I am an asshole.

So, sometimes you just have to stop being the nice guy friend that entertains her and buys her shit and just leave if she's toying with you.

Although you were friendzoned, it's more like she used you as a prop to make her boyfriend jealous, so it's no better. Either way she's just using you for validation. Most women are guilty of this on some level, weather they are consciencely aware of it or not.

[pitt]

Tell her you had a dream about her last night, when she asks you what was it, you tell her you were licking her pussy so good that she was moaning like crazy. Send her porn pictures of a man licking a woman's pussy, talk about sex a lot and nothing else.

You will either get the bang or she will block you. Either way you win.

[Trabenezer]

In other words...How should I approach her without looking desperate.

[polar]

To answer your last question - you don't. You have a scarcity mindset (aka oneitis), and your odds of success are single-digit.

You're already friend zoned. Anything you try will be a Hail Mary play.

If you don't have friends in common and are ok with the risk of fallout with her, try one of the strategies suggested (just for you!) above just for the learning experience.

A better thing to do - stop wasting time on her and go hit on other women. Ten first dates from now, you won't even remember this happened.

[BadgerHut]

(12-28-2015 09:24 PM)Trabenezer Wrote:  

She always snaps me on snapchat.
She seeks attention from me.
I asked to sleep over she said no and now we only meet up in the morning/ afternoon.
She always ask me to study with her instead of doing anything else like Netflix and chill.
How do I sexualize this relationship?
We might meet up in the city for new years.

Like many friend zone cases, it doesn't sound like you've presented yourself sexually, so she hasn't been made to decide if she wants to reciprocate. People get into the friend zone when they do too much talking about the relationship instead of doing stuff that makes relationships happen.

Look at the post your wrote - she's got all the initiative here, making all the plans. I'd smack her ass the next time you see her and give her a shit-eating grin. You've spent enough time with her for her to know if she wants your body...make a serious move and you'll get your answer, until then you are allowing her to get things from you without you getting things you want.

Instead of asking her if you can sleep over, just go to sleep in her bed when you're at her place.

If you do spend NYE with her, flirt with other women.

[BadgerHut]

(12-30-2015 04:14 PM)polar Wrote:  

To answer your last question - you don't. You have a scarcity mindset (aka oneitis), and your odds of success are single-digit.

You're already friend zoned. Anything you try will be a Hail Mary play.

If you don't have friends in common and are ok with the risk of fallout with her, try one of the strategies suggested (just for you!) above just for the learning experience.

A better thing to do - stop wasting time on her and go hit on other women. Ten first dates from now, you won't even remember this happened.

To add to this, try the Roosh approach technique of imagining that you've already failed. IOW internalize that you probably won't get anywhere with this woman. Thus you've nothing to lose making a serious last-ditch move, and you know you're gonna game other women at the same time, so you can train yourself to have very low loss aversion here.

BTW, I've found and so have many other guys that making a move on a woman who turns out to be not interested and then acting nonchalant about the rejection has positive benefits - occasionally, it will flip the girl's feelings, but in general, it ends the (non)romance on good terms, and she won't call you a creeper around town, and she might tell other girls you're the kind of guy who knows what he wants even if she doesn't dig you.

[Trabenezer]

Update: I demanded her to pay me a visit to my town which is an hour commute from where she lives. She accepted my offer and said we should plan on somthing to do before winter break is over. To get out of her frame I told her I will make some plans. Then she sent a kissy face photo. Is she playin games or am I making progress?

[Gmac]

(12-30-2015 06:24 PM)Trabenezer Wrote:  

Update: I demanded her to pay me a visit to my town which is an hour commute from where she lives. She accepted my offer and said we should plan on somthing to do before winter break is over. To get out of her frame I told her I will make some plans. Then she sent a kissy face photo. Is she playin games or am I making progress?

You're over-thinking it. Who cares what she is doing, make plans with her. There doesn't have to be any meaning behind all the dumb shit girls do (like sending you stupid pictures). Accept that girls do dumb stuff like this and move on. Either commit to the decision to put X amount of hours into this girl before you move on or don't attempt it at all.

[PapayaTapper]

(12-30-2015 03:57 PM)Trabenezer Wrote:  

In other words...How should I approach her without looking desperate.

Like this

[Trabenezer]

Would it be beta if I take her out to eat? Any suggestions for a first date?

[Gmac]

Invite her over to watch a movie. Or happy hour. Both can be tricky to get her to agree though. If she thinks of you as a friend you shouldn't think of it as a first date.

[polar]

Drinks are good. Sit at the bar side by side so you can kino. Sitting across the table from each other kills sexual vibes before they even begin. Across the table is for interviews, not dates.

One plus you do have is that your known this girl for a bit. You have comfort. All you need to do is cook the frog slowly. You can't escalate from 0-60 in four seconds, but if you do things smoothly, you do have a chance.

To steal an idea from someone on this board (can't remember the original source), a good option would be
1. For you to drive and pick her up.
2. Go to a bar and order a pitcher of sangria.
3. Vaguely seed some reason for you to show you something at yours before you drop her off (a sweet new music album, you forgot something, etc.). Something without a long time commitment (the Lord of the Rings movie marathon will have to wait).
4. Only have one or so drinks - you're driving. Ask her for help with the rest of the sangria. Kino but don't kiss.
5. Go back to yours to show her whatever you seeded earlier. Once you're inside, maybe another drink, then kiss and etc.
6. If she doesn't want to drop by yours, drive her to hers. No goodbye kiss at the door, because...
7. At this point, the sangria you drank will have your bladder at near bursting, so you'll have no choice but be insistent about using her bathroom before you drive home. Then have a drink, etc.

And remember, consent is enthusiastic, consent is sexy.

[reino341]

Building sexual tension over table on a coffee date works just fine for me. Verbals aside, one gimmick I do is I take her hand and feel it out. Sometimes she wants to do the same for me. From there it can develop into mutual hand caressing which 60 years of challenge (a moniker) talks about in his escalation book. What I like to do is go for a coffee first and then take her to another more bar/lounge style venue. Changing venues has many benefits.

[reino341]

oops