[CleanSlate]

Feldeinsamkeit,

You sound like a very analytical guy. That's okay, so am I. From reading your posts in this thread and others, it seems you way overthink things even after only one failed approach. I think you did fine in this approach today. Under the circumstances and her status, you did the best you could. She just didn't bite.

I'm willing to bet if you replicated this approach 20 more times, probably one girl would actually bite. But you are in danger of giving off desperate vibes, by your own admission that you're desperate to get laid.

Lower your expectations, turn off your analytical brain, and just talk to people. If you happen to be talking with a girl you like, pitch for a coffee regardless of whether she has a boyfriend or not.

[RexImperator]

This kind of thing happening during day game with married women or women with boyfriends is common in my opinion. You were attractive enough that she was just enjoying the attention.

[Feldeinsamkeit]

(12-21-2015 03:12 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

This kind of thing happening during day game with married women or women with boyfriends is common in my opinion. You were attractive enough that she was just enjoying the attention.

It would seem to be so from my own experiences, since what I described in my last post was not the first time such an encounter has occurred. I had one married woman flirt with me for a while who only admitted to being married once I asked her out for a date. This same woman actually said she was flattered by my approach, incidentally. A similar thing has also happened with some women who ultimately confided that they've already got partners.

So what's the logic to this? Just attention? Is it, perhaps, the sexually arousing thought for them that a decent-looking guy actually wanted them so badly as to be prepared to lose face in being rejected by them in a cold-approach?

It would seem that this is probably what it boils down to and I think it points to a fundamental difference between men and women in their respective sexuality. I get checked out by women quite a bit on the street since I've started feeling more confident and running daygame but it doesn't make me feel that much better, since I haven't managed to find one to bang thus far and am being constantly thrwarted by the, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend/husband" cockblock. Whereas for women, it seems to be just the opposite is the case - the attention seems to be as potent an aphrodisiac as the sexual act itself.

[Cobra]

I'm also a very analytiCal guy. Very.

I work in sales now and when I started I had to make a lot of cold calls. If I came in on a given day and thought about what I say, I would have not done well at all.

Instead, I followed the DTJD approach. Don't think just dial. Look, you can likely even take a break from approaching in general and spend time to analyze what you did well and what you didn't. However, that analysis is not best utilized before or right after an approach.

[RexImperator]

Quote:

Is it, perhaps, the sexually arousing thought for them that a decent-looking guy actually wanted them so badly as to be prepared to lose face in being rejected by them in a cold-approach?

Yes, and I think it's also an ego boost. Even if they are locked down they enjoy knowing they've still "got it" and have decent guys approaching them.

I think you should just take it as a compliment and encouragement to keep going.

[civpro]

No, save for a wedding band, there is no way to tell from the outset.

Also, know that a proportion of girls who convey that they are taken are actually not. Rather, they either do not find you physically attractive enough, or are simply not in the mood, and are lying about it to let you down easy and make you go away. This is a tough game pill to swallow but I mention it because there is a bright side: if you have fixable issues (you are over/underweight, you dress poorly) then you can handle them and turn these prospects around.

[reino341]

(12-21-2015 02:54 PM)Feldeinsamkeit Wrote:  

I approached a set in Marks & Spencer's today after spotting a cute 7, nerdy-looking, brunette with ponytail, probably in her mid-20s. Anyway, as usual I didn't have a script ready to hand, so just went full situational mode and starting commenting on the good selection of the roast potato range, proceeding with the Roosh ramble eventually onto other topics. Now, usually, the vast majority of women will exchange a word or two and move quickly away out of social awkwardness, but this girl stuck around even though she didn't ask many questions. After some circuitous small-talk about the general merits of home-cooked meals, I proceed to ask her about her plans for Christmas, play a game of guessing her job (I thought she was a librarian but she was a bank clerk) and eventually get to the topic of what she likes to do in her free time. So she mentions that she likes to travel and says that she recently visited India. When I ask, "And who did you go with?", she says - predictably enough - "my boyfriend". Unfazed by this, I proceed to game on and eventually get around to asking her out for a coffee sometime. She then replies, "Well, I do have a boyfriend" to which I reply, "I won't tell him if you don't" with a raised eyebrow. She then puts her head down and says, "Sorry, no, I can't" and slowly walks away.

Now, the puzzling thing about this encounter was that she didn't make any attempt to move away from me prior to asking her out, even though she must have known that I wanted to fuck her in earnest. She had over 5 minutes to do so, yet she didn't take any aversive action whatsoever. In fact, there were some quite pregnant pauses between our conversation while I wasn't sure what to say, yet she remained wedded to the spot and often smiling at me as she did so in a rather incongruous sort of way that I find it hard to explain. It was awkward, but in a way that I haven't quite experiened before, i.e. she wasn't averse to my very obvious sexual advances but simply couldn't find it in herself to go the whole way and sign up for a date; that's the very impression that I took away from this encounter, anyway. But maybe I'm wholly wrong in thinking this? I don't honestly know for sure and this fact greatly irks me.

It's as if her body-language was saying one thing - her remaining unnecessarily long talking with me as the conversation became ever more personal but her final words about her boyfriend were saying another. But I really can't help but wonder what the deal with her boyfriend was: Was she already tiring of him? Had they just had a blazing row? Was she already looking for the next branch to swing onto? I could swear that she was at least flattered by my approach, but, alas it was simply not to be.

Another possibility is that women like this secretly wish their boyfriend, who they had probably met via plain vanilla social circle, had approached them in such a brazen way in public and are impressed by the boldness of the manouevre, fulfilling as it does a common fantasy that women harbour about being swept off their feet when they least expect it. So, if this were to be the case, I could see how it might provide a reason for them momentarily to rethink their current boyfriend, especially given how women are so much more influenced by the predominant emotions that such encounters engender than they are by the facts in the cold light of day.

I'd be interested to hear the opinion of you guys on here. I'm desperate to get laid and am putting in the numbers of approaches using situational store game, but don't quite know what to do in such situtions. Maybe I should have tried to create more sexual tension prior to asking her out, e.g. by making some complimentary references to her appearance? I don't know, but it's incredibly frustrating all the same, given how attractive she was.

Over and out.

RexImperator nailed it, she was sufficiently intrigued and entertained by the conversation to stick around. Depending on where you live, guys approaching them in such way can be a very rare occurrence. Sometimes you don't even need good game or be sexually attractive, you just need to not repulse her.

Analyzing ones approaches is useful but there's also a point where you can just start reading into things too much.

[Stun]

(12-18-2015 03:42 PM)Feldeinsamkeit Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 03:36 PM)Stun Wrote:  

1. Do you want the girl, or do you want to get better (at cold approaching)?

2a. If the latter, then why do you care? The process is what matters. You can learn as much from approaching and chatting with a girl in relationship as one who is not.

2b. If the former, then I'm sorry but you want to get laid, not better. Save your money and pay a prostitute.

I say this not to be a jerk, but I want you to think about your motivations for approaching in the first place.

I don't see the two as mutually exclusive options, so why is it a reproach to say that I only want to get laid? Isn't this the whole point of running daygame? Am I missing a trick here? What use is running daygame if you don't get laid as a result of it?

You can want both, but in order to IMPROVE, you have to want to get better much, much more than you want to get laid.

Think about the differences in mindset between the two goals: If you emphasize getting laid you'll only approach women you think you can get laid with, you'll find excuses not to approach, and you'll let your emotions override the need to take action. (e.g. discouragement)

Now someone who wants to get better isn't going to care if she's got a boyfriend because he knows he will gain social experience from each interaction. He will keep the blade sharp. He knows that it is like weightlifting where you go to the gym and put in the daily reps to get stronger.

[262]

Feldeinsamkeit, do you have Asperger Syndrome? Serious question.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

[Feldeinsamkeit]

(12-24-2015 04:05 AM)262 Wrote:  

Feldeinsamkeit, do you have Asperger Syndrome? Serious question.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

I don't think so, I'm pretty good at picking up on subtle behaviour clues in order to read between the lines. What makes you think that, by the way?

[Cobra]

(12-18-2015 06:17 PM)Cobra Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 03:28 PM)Feldeinsamkeit Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 03:24 PM)Cobra Wrote:  

You're over thinking it. Approach first, figure out later. Period.

This is the approach I started with, but I quickly realised that practically every woman that is slim or even slim-ish is already in a relationship. Don't forget, the area where I live has a particularly high obesity rate and so there's a hell of a lot of thirsty dudes chasing the few slim, decent-looking girls, so that's not surprising. It's also not usual to see decently-built and reasonably well-dressed guys dating hambeasts, without seeing it the other way around. So I really need a way of making my daygame routine much more efficient if it's to work in the end - hence my original question.

I work in sales for high level consulting solutions. There's a guy at work that consistently works very hard to figure out the "trick" or "best way" to get more client meetings and hence new business. The guy will create elaborate spreadsheets and ask lots of questions. However, while there are factors in the market that cause a potential client to say no to a meeting, there is a statistical truth that says x calls get you y meetings get you z dollars. Instead of focusing on activity, he focuses on adjusting assumptions to enhance his activity. I believe it comes from a place of fear; fear that has overtaken his ability to perform action by causing his mind to think it's not ok to do b before thinking of a. My money is on that guy getting gfired in a few months. Reason : inability to conquer fear.

Your post and profile remind me of that guy. Paralysis by analysis. You have no true statistic that says that EVERY hot girl is taken. You on top of that assume they are not available. Those are, not one, but two unproven assumptions. Here is a proven assumption for you: some women will give you a chance if you approach. If you do not approach, they will not. You are just maximizing your chances by doing more approaches and proving this assumption once you succeed. Your other assumptions sound made up in your head.

Remember that there are not a lot of guys that can cold approach. It makes you stand out.

You will not be able to develop yourself to a point to screen out available girls by figuring out a trick first. The only way to get there is practice. Don't kid yourself and don't be THAT guy.

The guy I mentioned got fired a couple months after I made this post by the way. A subsequent call from a hiring manager to me for a reference resulted in me finding out he lied about his activity to her as well.

I'm always scared. However, my success is based on conquering that fear not getting rid of it.

Happy New Year!