[Brian Shima]

So you lost your virginity at 25 and got married at 27..Good luck..

[Apollo21]

(02-09-2016 06:18 PM)armenia4ever Wrote:  

Update:
Been married for about 3 months now and I've noticed a few things.

- In my personal experience, the sex has actually increased since marriage.

We average twice a day. (Sometimes, I don't even feel like it, but I oblige. Her high sex drive has skyrocketed to new levels with the pregnancy.) I've also discovered through some research that the father's semen helps reduce pregnancy cramps, morning sickness, ect.

- Frame will always be essential and shit tests will still occur.

Me and my wife had a small fight that escalated. I'm stubborn and I don't back down, despite how much I love her. I said something that had made her mad and in order to stay mad at me - emotions for the win - she made a big deal at me stopping by the bar on my way home for work for an hour.

It was happy hour and I literally spent a dollar on two beer - 50 cents each. I like stopping by at that bar when I can as it gives me a chance to talk to people as well as to make new connections. Networking with people who are actually/become your friends is essential. (It's often who you know for a job, not necessarily what you know.)

I kept asking her why she was making a big deal about it. She got madder.

Considering she is pregnant, the notion of fighting emotions with any kind of logic is even less of an option. You can't simply can't argue against emotions, no matter how logical you are with your girl - or usually any woman for that matter that you are intimate with.

So after a few retorts back and forth, I didn't try. She ended up simply saying, "Fuck you" and running into the bathroom. I replied in kind, "Fuck you!" I hear some crying.

I decide that I'm not going to bother with it or put up with it anymore so I got dressed and got ready to go outside for a walk. Before I left, I told her I loved her, but that she she could either stay there and cry or come with me for a walk.

The result was immediate.

She asked me to wait, got dressed and came with me. As we walked and talked, she apologized to me and she said she didn't even know why she had cried and that she wasn't sure why she was even trying to stay mad at me at the time.

Apparently she says that when she gets mad at me, she wants to have sex with me, and so she tries to get madder in order to not have sex with me. Sometimes when we squable or I do something she doesn't want me to - usually watching something or spending "too much time on the computer" she will half-joke, "You aren't getting any." I'll shoot back, "No you aren't getting any and since you are pregnant, you need it."

She then backs down and concedes my point. Note, this is before the emotions rise.

I've also noticed mini-tantrums when she gets mad. We were watching the Superbowl at a friends house and she was mad I was on my phone. I gave her a look of disgust, got up, and walked to the next room. When I came back, she was even more upset. To "punish me" she kept trying to sit at the edge of the couch away from my physical touch. I simply played it off, maintained my composure - and did give her some quiet comments about how she was having a temper tantrum.

When we left, she again mentioned she didn't know why she was trying to stay mad at me and apologized.


- Always be a leader; don't abdicate your responsibility to lead as a man.

It's actually harder than I realized when I started conceptualizing it and applying it on more than just an abstract level.

Since we are on a budget, we watch netflix at home - though we have gone out to a fair share of movies - when we aren't at a friends or I'm at work. Sometimes she - and I to an extent - will be bored of watching movies. She will complain she wants to do something else.

When I challenge her to think of something, she always responds, "Well I don't know! I don't know what there is to do around here." (My wife moved in with me when we got married.)

She is expecting me to come up with the activities for the evening. I'm more of a "Do what I want at that moment" kind of person and I don't plan the evenings activities.

What this has told me is that I need to get on this. I need to make sure I come up with things to keep us busy and give her the option to follow along - which she is usually more than happy to do.

I got a stitching machine and I plan to try and do some stitching of my own clothes as well as some repairs. (Why not learn another skill?) I realize this is perfect for her as well as she has some experience with a sewing machine.

She also is willing to take walks with me at any time as she likes to try to get active when she can as she hasn't been able to do her usually running and exercise since the pregnancy. (She had abs before I got knocked her up.)

Tomorrow we are going to go to a prayer meeting/dinner at our Priests house. Again, I'm trying to get used to always having options of what to do with a determination to do them and give her the option to come if she desires. Usually she always does as she likes spending time with me.

- Diaper, diapers, diapers.

Been talking to my relatives who had/have kids and they've mentioned you go through a box a week on average of diapers. Guess it's never to early to really stockpile

- Create "you" time away from your wife/girl.

My wife always wants to spend time with me. I texted her on my way home that I was going to stop somewhere and write. I knew she wasn't going to like that as she texted she wanted to walk with me, but she will just walk anyway. I got a few, "Whatever" responses.

I texted back with my own, "Whatever" and haven't texted her since. When I get home though, I know she will be ready to go for a walk with me again regardless. Maintain frame and don't back down. (I'm not saying be some sort of tyrant either.)

Point is, if I don't create "me" time, I won't get it.

Congrats on getting married.

Setting a foundation is important. A lot of people get married and don't set any ground rules for basic things like who's going to do what and how to manage conflict, roles and responsibilities.

That being said, marriage is definitely not for everyone. It is a skill. Like a trapeze artist balancing on a wire. If you both don't have any focus or a strong sense of partnership...then it's always going to be challenging...

[John Michael Kane]

Any updates on how things are going with the wife? Inquiring minds would appreciate knowing.

[johnbozzz]

I'm still convinced that you can find these conservative minded women in public. I frequent two or three supermarkets in the LA area and I've seen two cute 8's with their moms. Both are under 21.

[John Michael Kane]

@johnbozzz, I tend to agree with you. The younger you get to them the better, less of a chance for them to be tempted, and instead pair up with a quality man from a young age and maintain a life long pair bond.

[Sooth]

In "current year", you will get the most points by being an obese post 40 lesbian in a polyamorous relationship with 1x beta male provider, 1x off colour child (obviously adopted to show how caring and tolerant you are) and 1x white child (not so obviously adopted/sperm donor from the milk man, "hes ours").

There is no doubt that the biggest FUCK YOU to our now modern mindset is raising a successful family as a virtuous man. This is their main concern.
A healthy family unit is the biggest obstacle if your goal is total depravity.

"Does Neo-Masculinity and RP thinking discourage starting a family?"
No.

Does being "Notch count McQueen fuck a bitch at lunch" discourage starting a family?
Yes.

Does a man in his most dangerous years, consumed with fruitless pleasures pose a risk to the establishment?
Ha. No. Hopefully he'll have a degenerate family.

Here is how you do family.

[GeneralMacDaddy]

I have given this topic some serious thought lately, and I admire OP's effort to write about this.

I have been reading "Red Pill" sites for about 2 years now, and I have rarely seen many articles that address the pros of starting a family issue outside of a few posts on RVF which is awesome. Most RP content I have seen thought can be boiled down to "don't get married", and certainly "don't get her pregnant" which is fantastic advice for guys in their 20's. But at a certain point, and that point is different for all men, starting a family is going to start to sound like a good or even necessary idea.

Raising a family is the meaning that almost all men, regardless of socioeconomic status, can achieve in their lifetimes. And compared to banging sluts or pretty much every other activity you can think of, few have more meaning then raising a family as the patriarch of a well functioning beautiful family, however difficult that may be in today's social climate.

The bottom line is that most men, RP aware or not, are going to have a strong urge to settle down and raise a family. I think this applies to successful, masculine men, even more than most. The ones who have other areas of their life sorted will seek out meaning.

Once you have a stable income, your housing situation handled (house, condo, whatever floats your boat), and have ran through your personal number of sluts, traveled the world to your heart's content, what else is left? Most men will begin to think about their legacy, which will either be some massive creative effort such as a business, art or writing project, or a family, or ideally, both.

Sure, there are tons of risks, probably more than ever, in today's climate that making raising a strong family with proper values incredibly difficult. All you can do in this case is prepare properly. Choose your marriage partner very carefully, and do the best you can for your family.

If you read all the RP material at face value, all you get is "never marry". But, like most things in life, to get great results you must be willing to take a risk. And like most risks, the worst case scenarios can often be mitigated but at some point you either need to go for it or not, and I think most men should go for it risks be damned. The ones that succeed will raise strong, wonderful families with great values that will be a huge benefit to society long after they pass away. Now more than ever humanity needs well-adjusted people in this world, and this community has the potential to create some of the best, if you are willing to take the risk of potentially losing it all. But that is what makes us men, we gamble, we take calculated risks, and sometimes we fail and sometimes we succeed but without taking a risk you cannot create anything of value. Good luck!

[Constitution45]

Interesting topic, I am now 24 years old and starting to seriously think over this question. It is a challenge but there something powerfully natural about passing on and leading the next generation. The modern mindset absolutely despises a strong family being led by a virtuous man. I only started realising this once I lived over in the East for a while. Currently where I am staying now, people proudly talk about how they would rather a dog over having a child. There seems to be some major genetic flaw there somehow, where people are willingly to commit genetic suicide so to speak.

However there are some factors to be taken into consideration.

- Location (Finding an area or region which will be preferably away from harmful cultural influences or at least they will minimise them). Growing up in London, was incredibly difficult, a lot of erroneous ideas and people are floating around and there are no real organic social structures.

- Right woman, a woman who is seeking an alpha provider and comes from a good family herself. All women will have the ability to test you and be a challenge at times. Although it becomes clear that there are a real clear cut number of girls who simply are not family or mother material anymore. Unfortunately a lot of girls my age, already have some serious baggage. Numerous relationships with 'bad boys' or have adopted the 'liberating' idea that working for a pointless NGO is better than starting her own family.

[rw95]

(04-20-2016 12:00 PM)Constitution45 Wrote:  

Interesting topic, I am now 24 years old and starting to seriously think over this question. It is a challenge but there something powerfully natural about passing on and leading the next generation. The modern mindset absolutely despises a strong family being led by a virtuous man. I only started realising this once I lived over in the East for a while. Currently where I am staying now, people proudly talk about how they would rather a dog over having a child. There seems to be some major genetic flaw there somehow, where people are willingly to commit genetic suicide so to speak.

However there are some factors to be taken into consideration.

- Location (Finding an area or region which will be preferably away from harmful cultural influences or at least they will minimise them). Growing up in London, was incredibly difficult, a lot of erroneous ideas and people are floating around and there are no real organic social structures.

- Right woman, a woman who is seeking an alpha provider and comes from a good family herself. All women will have the ability to test you and be a challenge at times. Although it becomes clear that there are a real clear cut number of girls who simply are not family or mother material anymore. Unfortunately a lot of girls my age, already have some serious baggage. Numerous relationships with 'bad boys' or have adopted the 'liberating' idea that working for a pointless NGO is better than starting her own family.

For us, friend, families are probably not in the cards. The elites have taken that from us in the west, and they are well on track to taking it away elsewhere. I suppose you could always go the surrogate route, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms. The women of our generation are damaged beyond repair. Things are only going to get worse from here on in. I don't know what the answer is for younger guys like us, but I don't think we can realistically expect to have families and/or meaningful relationships with females.

[Constitution45]

(04-20-2016 01:26 PM)rw95 Wrote:  

(04-20-2016 12:00 PM)Constitution45 Wrote:  

Interesting topic, I am now 24 years old and starting to seriously think over this question. It is a challenge but there something powerfully natural about passing on and leading the next generation. The modern mindset absolutely despises a strong family being led by a virtuous man. I only started realising this once I lived over in the East for a while. Currently where I am staying now, people proudly talk about how they would rather a dog over having a child. There seems to be some major genetic flaw there somehow, where people are willingly to commit genetic suicide so to speak.

However there are some factors to be taken into consideration.

- Location (Finding an area or region which will be preferably away from harmful cultural influences or at least they will minimise them). Growing up in London, was incredibly difficult, a lot of erroneous ideas and people are floating around and there are no real organic social structures.

- Right woman, a woman who is seeking an alpha provider and comes from a good family herself. All women will have the ability to test you and be a challenge at times. Although it becomes clear that there are a real clear cut number of girls who simply are not family or mother material anymore. Unfortunately a lot of girls my age, already have some serious baggage. Numerous relationships with 'bad boys' or have adopted the 'liberating' idea that working for a pointless NGO is better than starting her own family.

For us, friend, families are probably not in the cards. The elites have taken that from us in the west, and they are well on track to taking it away elsewhere. I suppose you could always go the surrogate route, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms. The women of our generation are damaged beyond repair. Things are only going to get worse from here on in. I don't know what the answer is for younger guys like us, but I don't think we can realistically expect to have families and/or meaningful relationships with females.

You're preaching to the choir my friend. However I was pondering this question for a while. After living in some very desirable parts of the world in regards to women, the whole 'pussy spell' so to speak was broken for me. The whole modern culture of cheap, fast, sex and getting notches just seems completely pointless and meaningless.

I think this generation and culture is an incredible test for men. Often it seem clear to me that, the best way to answer the sphinx's riddle is simply by not trying to answer it and simply encourage your own personal growth and pursuit for truth.

As for family, a positive solution is to relocate overseas however a lot of Western guys ironically enough seem to end up with very damaged women who come from the so called 'pussy paradises'. The reason for this, is because their problem is an internal one. Internal game or whatever it is often referred to as.

This is coming back to my main point. Yes certainly we are faced with some serious practical problems in the West when it comes to marriage and starting families with women who have been fed a pack of lies since birth. However it is also a metaphysical one as well. There are a ridiculous number of women out there. And it is far better improving oneself than by chasing after them.

[John Michael Kane]

Gentlemen,

We must not give in to defeatist mindsets. Do you think the enemies of good men rest? I think not!

Rather, we have to work with the same tireless vigor that the anti-marriage crowd strives for.

Lots of sluts out there? Yes Tatted up fatties? Sure. Social challenges to raising a family? Undoubtedly.

Even with all that being said, being a man is about shaping the world to a higher image, not merely standing around and being a slave to the anti-man, anti-family forces agenda.

Remember, we aren't looking for a 1,000 blue-haired feminists. We are looking for a single, decent woman. Imagine from a wholesome woman's perspective how depressing things might be. Her sluttier sisters are whoring it up on Tinder and Instagram. They are getting tons of likes on Facebook book. She isn't prone to that kind of behavior in the first place, so she is limited to the men in her social circle from work, church or school. Most of the more conservative girls that you want to target for marriage are surrounded by beta wimps. Guys that don't know how to lead themselves or a woman/children. I don't say that to be mean to the betas, but rather, they need instruction. That presents an opportunity for any alpha-leader-male type (not alpha player) to step into the vaccume and woo such a good woman.

Where do these women exist? I know of a few, and I'm assessing each one of them for marriage right now in my social circle. If one isn't highly religious now, it certainly wouldn't hurt to consider becoming more so. Traditionalist Catholics, Greek/Russian Orthodox churches and less mainstream Protestants are still into the patriarchy. Mormons too. You won't find your future wife showing off a bikini bod on Tinder. I'm currently working on compiling a list of places, ways and other information on how to seek out these girls. They are out there, in spite of the toxic culture. They too, I'm sure have been a bit despondent over the current lack of strong male leadership. The current female attention whoring is a direct consequence of male leadership that has been absent. All women want to be told "no" when they overstep boundaries, just like children. We, as men, collectively have been slacking on the job. One by one, we need to start rebuilding what was lost, because man with purpose in his life, will eventually want to pass that on to the next generation.

We will win.

[CodyB]

Judging by the world's reactions back in February, if you class yourself as RP or a Neo-Masculine you will be not only be made an outcast but also threatened and a target for doxxing and vandalism.

Many of us on this website/community live as minimalists, or even nomads regardless of wealth amassed. Personally, despite owning property, I have an innate fear of permanence in one place and I don't really own much more than I keep fit in my car. Other shit is disposable and holds no true value.

I rent my places out and sleep in a converted room in my factory bay. I live out of a suitcase, even at home.

I think this way of thinking has led many a man to become ruthless pragmatists. I only live by one ideal; improving my lot in life, be that through wealth, experience or education, and also looking after my immediate relatives. I've given up on politics, or relying on people and it's worked well.

So in regards to starting a family. With that kind of risk for many people becoming ostracized in their own community just for what they feel or think, it might be hard to live a conspicuous life with the traditional foundations of a home, family etc.

[John Michael Kane]

(04-22-2016 01:19 AM)CodyB Wrote:  

Judging by the world's reactions back in February, if you class yourself as RP or a Neo-Masculine you will be not only be made an outcast but also threatened and a target for doxxing and vandalism.

A valid point. At this juncture, a man has two choices:

1. Remove himself from social media and avoid publicly announcing his political views to others, while quietly screening women (and male friends!) for traditional mindsets. Subtlety matters here. Be discrete.
2. The other option is to go full nuclear. Think Donald Trump, but even on a smaller scale. If you build up a private business that is successful enough (doesn't have to be a billion dollars), you have enough money that you don't have to deal with asshole SJW's. Say whatever you want. Think Trump, Milo, Gavin, etc. These men are saying what they want from a position of strength and without apology. As more men get fed up with political correctness, it will become easier to be a "real talker". Just make sure you enough FU money to be insulated from traditional wage slave employment to SJW pandering businesses. If you aren't there yet, revert back to option 1 I posted above.

Quote:

Many of us on this website/community live as minimalists, or even nomads regardless of wealth amassed. Personally, despite owning property, I have an innate fear of permanence in one place and I don't really own much more than I keep fit in my car. Other shit is disposable and holds no true value.

There's nothing wrong with being a minimalist, and owing only what you truly need. That being said, if a family is part of a man's future plans, he needs to have some surplus wealth ideally (or a path toward obtaining it in the future). A wife and kids aren't cheap, but the cost can be greatly minimized by screening for non-materialist women. Women that aren't afraid to cook instead of eat out. Women that can sew, etc.

Quote:

I rent my places out and sleep in a converted room in my factory bay. I live out of a suitcase, even at home.

This is a great way to live below one's means. At some point though if you desire a stable LTR with a girl possibly leading to marriage, a woman will want more of "nest" to call home. That doesn't mean you need something extravagant.

Quote:

I think this way of thinking has led many a man to become ruthless pragmatists. I only live by one ideal; improving my lot in life, be that through wealth, experience or education, and also looking after my immediate relatives. I've given up on politics, or relying on people and it's worked well.

There are no political resolutions available on the immediate horizon regarding the plight of men. Keeping this in mind, it is quite worthless to engage in reading much as it relates to politics. Instead, focusing more on stacking wealth, improving one's health and building up a man's personal tribe of friends and family are far more important. Politics in the current theater are but a distraction from personal growth. Relying on people that share your same mindset, that is certainly worth reconsidering.

Quote:

So in regards to starting a family. With that kind of risk for many people becoming ostracized in their own community just for what they feel or think, it might be hard to live a conspicuous life with the traditional foundations of a home, family etc.

This is why if you choose to start your own family, it has to be located within a larger community that supports your same vision. That may mean geographic relocation, getting involved with a church and other lifestyle choices. This is by no means an easy task, but one worth considering if your End Game is more than just being a lone wolf.

[Blobert]

"Does Neo-Masculinity and RP thinking discourage starting a family?"

Most likely YES. The way to measure this is not to try to rationalize one way or the other, but to look at the statistics. Would the average RVF poster have more, or less, kids than they do currently, had they not read on the subject (kids before said discovery don't count)? Or for an actual measurable stat, have they gotten more kids in said period than a man outside the community?
Now, I don't know the answer for sure, but I'd bet on it being a negative influence.

But - the culture's (I mean this subculture in particular) changing, and it need not stay that way. It seems to be shaping to a family-friendly direction, now we just need to proceed from words to actions. Not necessarily right at this moment, but to actively aim for that. What good is your knowledge if it doesn't produce results?

I'm appalled by all the people talking how it makes no sense to start a family or have kids in this day and age. That's a very hedonistic approach - if you have values you value, you should be ready to take risks for them. Marriage in modern time has its risks and downsides but get real - life has never been easy. Historically 60% of men that ever lived didn't reproduce! And certainly not for a lack of trying. Yet all your ancestors did. Can you really call yourself a man if you willingly lead your lineage to the slaughter?

[John Michael Kane]

Blobert,

Right on. Hedonism is certainly fun and pleasurable in the short term. In the long-term, it leaves one feeling empty and always seeking a new high. I question the man who has never attempted or been in a quality long-term relationship. There can be found much joy in stability, providing you have the right woman. The critical thing to remember for men with game and are looking to settle down is to filter, filter, FILTER! A man must come up with reasons to reject women, not easily accept them. The vast majority of women should not be suitable for the job if he lives in the United States. But as stated up-thread, there are still pockets of places which are good ponds to fish in for the marriage minded man.

[armenia4ever]

Update and Reflections


Let it be said, that marriage is hard work. It's a hell of a balancing act on a tightrope. There are rewards though, and I do believe that they outshine the fights and time sacrifices. (Children in particular are one reward as there is nothing quite as satisfying as creating a legacy and realizing that the rabid SJWs who oppose us have no intention of doing the same. )

On Monday, July 18th, my son was born. I named him Julius. I wanted to his middle name to be Caesar, but my wife doth protested, so we settled on Michael, her father's name.





We moved to a new location for a while to be closer to the hospital, but he ended up being born at a different one anyway. He was born with his lungs not fully functioning the way they should, so he's been at the NICU or ISCU - Infant Special Care Unit - for the last week, which is where I write this post from right now.

He should be out in a few days though and he's been rapidly improving. (My wife has been stressed and there has already been some breakdowns with the simple fact being that she hasn't been able to hold him since he was born - and that was only for an hour. For any new mother, this is key. Unfortunately, she's ended up targeting me a few times because of the stress, and later admitting to me she doesn't know why she takes it out on me. Alas, that's a problem to address later, but after Julius has been home for a bit.)

I realize that I should put some more context into this thread. Me and my wife were friends with benefits for a while before we started dating. It was once we started dating, that we threw caution to the win when it came to sex and thus behold barely two months into it, she was pregnant with Julius. We both weren't necessarily planning on a child, but we were willing to let it happen.

Now, I'm the type who refuses to be dragged into anything I don't want, and that includes a child. (I.E. I'd rather go to jail then pay child support.)

All that said, my wife is young - she's still 19, though she turns 20 in May. Sometimes when we fight, I ask myself, "Why is she behaving like a teenager!" Well, she still is one. Remember that when you marry someone who is younger. (In my case 7 and half years younger then me and I'm wife's first real significant relationship. She really dated anyone before me.)


The Red Pill and Pregnancy.

One thing that the RP doesn't prepare you for is the prior stages of Fatherhod, specifically your wife's pregnancy. Her emotions run rampant, and often you have no idea how exactly to handle them.

Do you run any dread game? How much should you compromise? Are you giving her the idea that she can get away with very bad behavior if you let it slide? Are you being selfish? Should you compromise and how much? You are after all married.

Pregnancy is a new and foreign element that you just quite aren't sure how to handle.

At one end of the scale, she is pregnant and I'll cut her some slack for some of the rather nasty things that have been said during arguments. (Generally, women usually fight with words, and they fight dirty - perhaps even dirtier when pregnant.) On the other end, how responsible should you hold her for the things said?

Fights, fights, fights.

Usually ours are quick, fierce, and end in sex. However, there are ones that linger. Women sometimes can't let a disagreement go and think about it throughout the day. This is exactly what happened in a disagreement over me smoking cigars. She wanted me to quit all together and kept bringing up third hand smoke.

I said hell no, though I agreed to take plenty of precautions regarding third hand smoke. This wasn't enough. Give an inch, and she takes a mile. I made this point to her and it all blew up.

"You are selfish!" "You don't love me or him!"

Comments like that. I couldn't believe that shit and it made me mad as hell. Words are a woman's weapon of war. Something I've learned is that women tend to use the nuclear option when they are upset. They see red and say all sorts of terrible things.

Just like Bill Burr said, they say whatever they think will hurt you the most at that time and so when you respond back, that's it. (My wife has literally tried to stay mad at me even when she isn't, because she feels she will lose the argument if she stops being mad at me. Emotions eh?)

I've realized that I've underestimated just how powerful a women's emotions are - specifically a pregnant woman, and how they can take over and just reign hell. You can't fight with them, you just have to ignore them until she calms down.

The Epic Fight

During one particularly bad fight - remember you can't logic with emotion - she, I told her enough was enough and there would be no more nasty shit, pregnant or not, and how I wouldn't put up with it anymore.

She was so mad, that she packed some bags, went outside, and just started crying on the stoop. She was so mad and upset, she hadn't though anything through. (Her folks live in another state.)

Now, I've made a point in not saying nasty things in return to her - upon very good advice from my dad, specifically with her being pregnant, being early in marriage, and the stress it could add. Usually, I'd go for a walk to get my anger to subside, but even then I'd still get alot of texts about how I don't love her, I'm not being there for her, etc.

I did stand my ground.

A short while later she was broken down, crying in my arms, hugging me tightly telling me through uncontrollable sobs that she didn't know why she said such terrible vicious things to me and how sorry she was.

She said that her anger would just take control of her. (This fight had started over something quite small, though I can't remember what.) In fact, she has told me sometimes she is mad at me and doesn't even know why, and tries to stay mad at me, because while she is mad at me, she really wants to have sex with me, which if she does, means she's lost the argument.

Honestly, I don't care about the argument at that point, and I've realized that sex is literally one of the best ways to end a fight. During one, where it was starting to really escalate, I just went up to her, pulled her pants down, and that was that.

In the past, she has told me to do this when she's mad and in a rage, and it definitely is one cure for this particular ailment. In fact, I've noticed that when my wife hasn't had sex, she gets crabby and often tends to tell me that I haven't spent quality time with her that day, even if I think we have.

This seems to be cured by sex. One time I was so frustrated that we had some very rough sex and the rest of the day, I didn't get any push back. So the "fuck her good" advice goes far beyond just your plates and LTRs, it extends very specifically to marriage. It will make the day that much easier.

In fact, this sometimes help to resolve time issues, which is a cause of some of our fights. I want me time, something she is starting to get, but she of course wants "quality time" between the two of us first, and sex is usually what she means by that.

Something else to drop: I gained 15 pounds during the pregnancy and I haven't been able to shed it. I've heard of this before, but I didn't think it would happen to me. Instead of my normal 142-149 fluctuation, I've gone up to 160 and haven't been able to drop it despite increased exercise. I'm five foot seven)


Now if there's one thing I can say about younger girls, is that you have to stand your ground on some issues. IF you really need to do something or want to, do it. Let her stomp around and tantrum for a bit. Eventually it subsides and she apologizes.

Takes time though.

[debeguiled]

Strap in, brother.

[EDantes]

Rollo Tomasi's book wasn't even against having a family or marrying per se; the essential jist of the book was this:

1. Lose the myth of finding "the one" and "living happily ever after"; there is no "one", just some women who are better than others

2. Focus on your own career, self-development, etc before bothering with monogamy - don't be one of those simps who rushes into a miserable relationship and sacrifices all of his personal ambitions just out of 'fear of being single'

3. Relationships really aren't anything "special" or "sacred" nor are they "work" - they're essentially just like having a roommate, lose the magical "Disney movie view" of relationships or marriage and have a real purpose in your life, rather than letting yourself be dependent on a woman or marriage to "make you happy" if you aren't happy with yourself

---

So my philosophy is essentially to have my own goals, ambitions, and transcendent purpose in life and treat marriage, kids, dating, etc as an afterthought - an asset to an already fulfilled life.

Rather than be one of those simps who is completely disaffected with his own boring life and thinks if he just "finds love" it'll make everything better, or who gives up all of his hobbies, social life, etc as soon as he 'gets married' or has kids and essentially becomes a woman (something which results in the wife losing interest in him and having an affair).

[John Michael Kane]

(04-27-2016 01:49 PM)armenia4ever Wrote:  

Update and Reflections


Let it be said, that marriage is hard work. It's a hell of a balancing act on a tightrope. There are rewards though, and I do believe that they outshine the fights and time sacrifices. (Children in particular are one reward as there is nothing quite as satisfying as creating a legacy and realizing that the rabid SJWs who oppose us have no intention of doing the same. )

Yes, men build legacies in spite of, and because of, hard work. Men need a challenge to feel fulfilled. Running a woman and family is no small challenge, but that is part of what makes it rewarding when it is done right. It is a measure of how a man can influence the world around him.

Quote:

On Monday, July 18th, my son was born. I named him Julius. I wanted to his middle name to be Caesar, but my wife doth protested, so we settled on Michael, her father's name.

Congratulations to you. It is good to know another boy has been born in a world hostile to men with a father that will train him how to fight back, and learn to love, but also have honor.

Quote:

All that said, my wife is young - she's still 19, though she turns 20 in May. Sometimes when we fight, I ask myself, "Why is she behaving like a teenager!" Well, she still is one. Remember that when you marry someone who is younger. (In my case 7 and half years younger then me and I'm wife's first real significant relationship. She really dated anyone before me.)

Above all, keep in mind that when she gets emotional or immature, she's looking to you, an older man, to set her straight. That doesn't mean being a tyrant, but it does mean not capitulating to her demands when she's being uppity. It sounds like she is a bit of a spitfire. Have you ever heard of Domestic Discipline, or Taken in Hand? You can google it. It is a more traditional way of spanking a wife if she gets out of control or disrespectful. Might want to start reading takeninhand.com for a primer to see if it is a fit for you and your wife. Also, don't forget to keep a sense of humor and make her laugh. Women, especially when pregnant, are a mess of hormones. They need you to help them relax and realize that it will pass.

The Red Pill and Pregnancy.

Quote:

Do you run any dread game? How much should you compromise? Are you giving her the idea that she can get away with very bad behavior if you let it slide? Are you being selfish? Should you compromise and how much? You are after all married.

Dread game, IMO, isn't a good tactic for a marriage. Instead, you need to correct her when she is calmed down, and not in the heat of the moment. Kiss her, tell her you love her, but also remind her that as your wife, you expect her to be respectful. Consider the Domestic Discipline as an option if she continues to be feisty.

Quote:

Usually ours are quick, fierce, and end in sex. However, there are ones that linger. Women sometimes can't let a disagreement go and think about it throughout the day. This is exactly what happened in a disagreement over me smoking cigars. She wanted me to quit all together and kept bringing up third hand smoke.

I said hell no, though I agreed to take plenty of precautions regarding third hand smoke. This wasn't enough. Give an inch, and she takes a mile. I made this point to her and it all blew up.

"You are selfish!" "You don't love me or him!"

Cigars, and smoking in general, isn't a healthy activity. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. If she started taking up smoking, drinking in excess or some other activity you didn't approve of, then you'd have every right to bring the matter up with her directly. She did with you, and you didn't back down. Honestly, I think you are standing firm in an area where you compromising is in the best interest of your family unity, as well as your long-term health. This doesn't justify her emotional lashing out at you, but keep in mind that she is a woman. That's what they do when they feel they have no control over a situation.

I suggest when you and her are in a calmer moment to sit down, and let her know that you will give them up. At the same time, you need to get a compromise out of her on something she needs improving on, that way she knows you listen to her, but that you aren't a doormat. Compromise is letting the things that really don't matter in the end go, in this case, cigars. Keep some of the "good will currency" in the bank for a fight where it is really worth sticking to your guns. (Example: She can't go out and party till 2am.)

Quote:

I've realized that I've underestimated just how powerful a women's emotions are - specifically a pregnant woman, and how they can take over and just reign hell. You can't fight with them, you just have to ignore them until she calms down.

Never engage an emotional woman, pregnant or not. Simply and calmly walk away and inform her that you will continue the conversation when she will speak in normal volume and respectfully. THEN WALK AWAY.

Quote:

The Epic Fight

During one particularly bad fight - remember you can't logic with emotion - she, I told her enough was enough and there would be no more nasty shit, pregnant or not, and how I wouldn't put up with it anymore.

She was so mad, that she packed some bags, went outside, and just started crying on the stoop. She was so mad and upset, she hadn't though anything through. (Her folks live in another state.)

Now, I've made a point in not saying nasty things in return to her - upon very good advice from my dad, specifically with her being pregnant, being early in marriage, and the stress it could add. Usually, I'd go for a walk to get my anger to subside, but even then I'd still get alot of texts about how I don't love her, I'm not being there for her, etc.

You need to nip her attitude problem regarding those nasty texts in the bud. There can simply be no excuse for that kind of behavior. Remind her how much you love her, but that as a man, respect is the foundation of love for a woman. Point out that even when you are mad with her, you don't use hurtful words. Remind her that while your newborn is but a young baby, he will soon learn in time how his parents treat each other. Write her a letter with your thoughts in it. It is impossible to argue with a letter, because it doesn't scream back. Temper it with equal parts correction and love. Let her know that she is cherished, but that you will lead a calm and loving home, for the sake of the marriage and also for your growing son.

Quote:

A short while later she was broken down, crying in my arms, hugging me tightly telling me through uncontrollable sobs that she didn't know why she said such terrible vicious things to me and how sorry she was.

Accept her apology and move on. Keep in mind that there are many ways to show a woman you love her, and make a point of making sure her needs are met. Women appreciate most when they don't have to explain to you what they need. They want a man to "get it". That means surprise her and keep things interesting. Wake her up early in the morning and make passionate love to her. When the two of you are just hanging around the house together, randomly grab her by the arm drag her into the bedroom and take off her clothes. Then give her a really long massage from head to toe, complete with lots of kisses. Insist that she lay there and appreciate it. No sex, at least not right away. Enforce that you are stronger than her, but that your strength is to be used in loving ways. Let her feel consumed.

Quote:

She said that her anger would just take control of her. (This fight had started over something quite small, though I can't remember what.) In fact, she has told me sometimes she is mad at me and doesn't even know why, and tries to stay mad at me, because while she is mad at me, she really wants to have sex with me, which if she does, means she's lost the argument.

Honestly, I don't care about the argument at that point, and I've realized that sex is literally one of the best ways to end a fight. During one, where it was starting to really escalate, I just went up to her, pulled her pants down, and that was that.

In the past, she has told me to do this when she's mad and in a rage, and it definitely is one cure for this particular ailment. In fact, I've noticed that when my wife hasn't had sex, she gets crabby and often tends to tell me that I haven't spent quality time with her that day, even if I think we have.

This seems to be cured by sex. One time I was so frustrated that we had some very rough sex and the rest of the day, I didn't get any push back. So the "fuck her good" advice goes far beyond just your plates and LTRs, it extends very specifically to marriage. It will make the day that much easier.

Make a point of lifting weights if you aren't already doing so. Build up your physical strength. She wants to be overtaken by a wild animal. Yes, the tempest that is a woman's emotion certainly spoils for a fight from time to time. That being said, they want to "lose". Meaning, that they don't really want to win the argument in most cases, especially if it is over something petty. Yes, she'll want you to listen in some more serious circumstances (see the cigars). But in matters petty nonsense, just physically grab her, pin her against the wall, floor, bed, furniture, etc. Then have a go. Physically remind her that she is the submissive partner.

Pound her till she is tired, sweaty and screaming. Then pound her some more. God gave women more padding for a reason. Sex is something that women desire and need greatly for multiple reasons. One, it reminds her of her desirability, something that all women want to be reminded of. Secondly, the healthy endorphins that sex releases in the female brain help her from going crazy. Consider regular injections of your seed like a natural female anti-depressant.

Quote:

In fact, this sometimes help to resolve time issues, which is a cause of some of our fights. I want me time, something she is starting to get, but she of course wants "quality time" between the two of us first, and sex is usually what she means by that.

We highlighted the importance of sex above. Still, don't ever underestimate the value of non-sexual touch as well. Previously I mentioned massage. That's something very valuable to learn how to do, and do well. Also, just touching your wife throughout the day will help put her in a better mood. Women that are touched frequently are calmer. We men sometimes forget how sensual women are. Feel up her body gently, kiss her, hug her, stare into her eyes. Let her feel safe and owned at the same time. Do enough of this and I guarantee your fights will drop.

Quote:

Something else to drop: I gained 15 pounds during the pregnancy and I haven't been able to shed it. I've heard of this before, but I didn't think it would happen to me. Instead of my normal 142-149 fluctuation, I've gone up to 160 and haven't been able to drop it despite increased exercise. I'm five foot seven)

As mentioned above, you need to drop the weight. Nothing speeds up the metabolism like weight lifting. Pound those weights. If you can afford a gym membership, get one. If not, start doing pushups, pullups and so forth from home. Make makeshift weights. Get rid of any flab and you'll have better stamina in bed, and your wife will be more respectful. Women are an interesting dichotomy. If you look a bit scary, they'll love it you all that much more. The better build up your body, the more you accentuate the differences between your masculinity and her femininity.

Quote:

Now if there's one thing I can say about younger girls, is that you have to stand your ground on some issues. IF you really need to do something or want to, do it. Let her stomp around and tantrum for a bit. Eventually it subsides and she apologizes.

Takes time though.

Good footnote. Weather the storm, and never engage the fight! You win (and her for that matter) by diffusing a woman's emotions, not ignoring them. Re-read all of the above of what I posted to remind yourself how to up your paternalistic dominance quotient and watch her respect for you grow.

Keep up the good work, and never stop striving to improve.

(04-28-2016 04:05 PM)EDantes Wrote:  

Rollo Tomasi's book wasn't even against having a family or marrying per se; the essential jist of the book was this:

1. Lose the myth of finding "the one" and "living happily ever after"; there is no "one", just some women who are better than others

I disagree. There are two groups of women only: Ones that meet your standards for a wife, and ones that don't. Could there be more than one woman out there who could make you happy? Sure! But remember, if you plan on being a loyal husband, it is your job to screen for the "right" woman or "the one" as it is more traditionally called. Many bad marriages happen because men don't have standards or forget to screen in LTR's. Or they become unattractive wimps in marriage.

Quote:

2. Focus on your own career, self-development, etc before bothering with monogamy - don't be one of those simps who rushes into a miserable relationship and sacrifices all of his personal ambitions just out of 'fear of being single'

Yes, a man needs to work on improving his own lot in life before being ready for marriage. Keep in mind that there is never a perfect time for getting hitched. If a man (or woman) waits for the perfect time, it will never happen.

Quote:

3. Relationships really aren't anything "special" or "sacred" nor are they "work" - they're essentially just like having a roommate, lose the magical "Disney movie view" of relationships or marriage and have a real purpose in your life, rather than letting yourself be dependent on a woman or marriage to "make you happy" if you aren't happy with yourself

Yes and no. Yes, relationships can be work at times. Ideally, you've screened well such that it isn't more work than necessary, and when it is work, you have a woman pulling together with you, not against you. Once again, this gets back to filtering. A man's happiness shouldn't solely depend upon a woman, but men are deep romantics at heart, so it is impossible not to care about a LTR or wife unless you are a complete sociopath. The key is to maintain male friendships outside of your marriage who can keep you balanced in case you are getting a bit too much of the estrogen at home.

---

Quote:

So my philosophy is essentially to have my own goals, ambitions, and transcendent purpose in life and treat marriage, kids, dating, etc as an afterthought - an asset to an already fulfilled life.

Rather than be one of those simps who is completely disaffected with his own boring life and thinks if he just "finds love" it'll make everything better, or who gives up all of his hobbies, social life, etc as soon as he 'gets married' or has kids and essentially becomes a woman (something which results in the wife losing interest in him and having an affair).

All good points. I have nothing more to add.

[armenia4ever]

UPDATE October 2016

My son is now 6 months old and I have another son on the way. I must admit, I greatly underestimated how fertile a woman is after birth. We had sex about 2 and a half weeks after she gave birth - there were no stitches or tearing - and about 6 weeks later, I knocked her up again.

Financially, its somewhat of a struggle. I work at a call center atm, and while I made decent commission, the stress and pressure is there every pay period. I have no choice but to pick up the skill of "Sales" and to learn the particular game of the system at this call center. (Which essentially means bending the rules, misleading customers to get sales, etc.)

With another son on the way, I am assured of a legacy, something that after I realized was my primary mission in life. However, there is more sacrifice involved than I realized.

Pregnancy

They say women suffer in pregnancy. So do men - specifically whichever man they are dating or married too.

Game is a lot different when your girl - or in my case wife - is pregnant. Often, I found out I have to swallow my pride and really pick my battles.

Sometimes I feel downright disrespected, if not slightly emasculated. Because she is pregnant and the amount of support she needs is quite demanding, I stomach it for now. It's a real exercise in taking hits to your pride, which is multiplied by the fact I work in a call center. (You take calls from terrible nasty people.)

Sometimes, I do believe I'm guilty of underestimating how much stress pregnancy puts on a girl. My wife is now dealing with back to back pregnancies, and since they are so close, this second one is high risk.

Fights

We actually fight a bit less than we did during the first few months of marriage. I'm stubborn and so is she. With her being 20, already having one son and another on the way, I can see her stress sometimes and she unloads all her stress on me.

Until recently, we both worked at the same call center - a huge mistake as fights would start there or at home and carry on throughout the day, plus I never got any time away. She has quit the call center from the stress, and we are already doing a lot better, though I'm now more stressed to make commission and will have to put in a lot of extra hours. (Ultimately I'm planning on getting 6 months of experience here and then transferring elsewhere. )

I've even had her tell me to "Be a man" when shes really mad and controlled by her emotions when fighting over a particular issue. I've discovered that actually means, "Grab me and fuck me." IT does still irritate me as there is an irony in her saying that, which I've let her know when I say something like, "A real man wouldn't put up with your shit."

I guess, I'm just learning which battles to pick - something I'm learning on the fly. It's just so different. With girls when they gave me shit, I would simply leave them. This however is my wife and the mother of my children. The game needed is very different, and dread game which I used a lot on girls before I met my wife, isn't good for a pregnant woman who constantly needs reassurance and throws comfort tests at you.

The Call Center environment.

In case you don't know, a call center is a lot like a highschool. My wife grew very jealous sometimes if I chatted with any girls for any reason - as long as she didn't think the girls were attractive or my type.

She almost got into a fight a few times. I've never seen her get so territorial. If a girl looked at me - which several would do during the day - she would try to kiss me or some form of PDA. (This place is filled with veiled mating displays, dating competitions, and sex romps that co-workers talk about daily.)

Sometimes after we got home, she'd be plagued by insecurity. I've had her cry in my arms numerous times recently about how she wishes she was prettier like other girls. I must admit, its does make me feel bad for her and tug at my heart strings. She is constantly afraid I'll leave her. (This is a case where she needs a lot of the comfort game, despite some shit tests I've noticed.)

Sex as a weapon.

Sex. I have a lot of it. ME and the wife average twice a day if not more. I've used it to end fights, but even after the sex, they will still sometimes start back up.

It's in a bizarre way, I've seen my wife use sex as a weapon. Instead of the refusal most men think of, she works herself into rages when I don't wake her up in the morning to have sex or I'm too tired at 3am. Even though my wife is pregnant, she's likely still a nympho.

So to pacify my wife, I have to have sex with her as much as possible. I believe my sex drive has gone down a bit with my son's birth, so I might have to look into ways to increase it.

Current

In a curious way, my wife's constant bitching about me playing video games has forced me to be more productive with my time. Considering I have a son and another one on the way, it is something ill have to do in the longrun.

[262]

Thanks for the updates!

Not that many guys (at least not on this forum) who post about these experiences, nevermind have them, and nevermind share our views.

[LordMayorMuffSniff]

As a young dude in my 20's I appreciate the insights- keep us posted man, you've got a long road ahead of you but fuck if you can raise non retarded kids and hold a marriage down in this day and age I take my cap off to you

[Alb92]

armenia4ever thank you for sharing your story. I think it is a path everyone of us wishing to stop the current degeneracy should embark upon. So, my congratulations to you, although we all know that this is a costant battle and this is just the beginning. Keep us updated.
Also wondering if you're really Armenian and if your wife is Armanian too.

[armenia4ever]

Alb92, I'm half Armenian and my wife is "white", as in mixed parts of Europe for her heritage. Suffice to say my son looks more like his mother and didn't get many of my darker features. Perhaps my next son will.

In some ways, its ironic because I look a lot more like my mom than my dad, and its my mom who is Armenian and has the darker features.

[Tytalus]

I highly suggest picking up Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life Primer book at . At the time in 2010/2011 when the book was written, Athol was the only guy talking Married Man Red Pill.

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-P...1460981731

He has a website, http://www.atholkay.com where you can get his newer material in video format.

Just to be clear, is your wife working at the call centre as well?