37yo, white woman, a massage therapist. Kind of hippy-ish, dark dyed red hair, big personality. Pretty good looking. She mentioned she used to drop acid with Ken Kesey in the late 90's.
The Approach:
It was a Wednesday and I had a date with another girl later that evening. For some reason, I feel more compelled to make approaches when I have a date lined up. I think it’s to keep me in a mindset of abundance mentality. Anyway, she was eating her lunch alone outside a grocery store I frequent. She had one of those probiotic beverages and I ask her, “Excuse me, is that a good drink?”
We ramble about probiotic drinks for a bit. She’s friendly. I get into some of the cool work I do. She seems interested in it. I sit down with her and we chat for fifteen or twenty minutes. I get her phone number, text her right after and we are both really busy so we make plans to meet the following Wednesday evening. She’s quick to respond to texts and ample smileys :-) in hers.
The Date:
Day of, I confirm the time with her of 8:30 pm. Originally I was thinking a bar, but she suggests we meet in a park nearby with a good view of the city. I agree. I figure we’ll go to a bar afterwards.
She’s sitting with a blanket held over her head. It's raining slightly. I join her under the blanket. We’re both sitting on a blanket with the other part of the blanket wrapped over our heads as we watch the sunset.
We chat, nothing too serious. I get close to her, touch a bit, but nothing much. Keeping it light and conversational. She talks about how she needs to get to bed by 11 pm.
We get in her car and head over to a restaurant around 9:30 pm for a light snack and cocktails. Luckily, the restaurant puts us at a table in the corner so we’re both sitting next to each other on a bench instead of across from each other. We get to talking. She points to the couple sitting a few tables away to ask:
Her: “What do you think, are they on their first date?”
Me: “Well they are closer than sixteen inches apart from each other, the distance of intimacy, so it must be a second or third date.” (Been forever since I've used that line).
Her: “Well, the girl wouldn’t be wearing what she’s wearing if this was a later date.”
I tell her I’m going to go up to them and find out (displaying confidence). She tells me not to. We talk about the couple, and I tell her the girl is MUCH better looking than the guy. That made her burst into laughter for some reason.
Later, we talk about her work as a massage therapist, and she demonstrates a massage technique on my arm. I run the Cube routine, and then the waiter comes back with dinner.
Once we have dinner, we begin to talk. I mentioned a woman I know here, who is in her early 40s but just got pregnant. She has really big eyes, so she appears much younger. I go into an explanation of how certain features, like big eyes are indicative of fertility, and men by evolution are attracted to younger women because they are perceived as more fertile. Then, I tell her about an 18-year old I met a week ago and how I found her to be very attractive for that reason. This all came naturally, it wasn't a routine or pre-planned. She jealously asked:
Her: “Oh, I hope you got (the 18-year old’s) cell number, are you going to take her out?”
Me: “Of course.”
We chat some more and then at some point in the conversation, I ask if she was ever sexually attracted to women:
Her: “I definitely only like men.”
Me: “Well on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like men?”
Her: “Probably a 15.”
I then ask about the last time she has had sex. She thinks for a minute and says:
Her: “January.” (seven months ago)
Me: “January??”
Her: “Yea. You probably have more sex than I do. It’s very hard to get me in bed.”
I take her last comment to be anti-slut defense, because every other signal indicates she wants to fuck. By the end of dinner she’s touching me with the back of her hand without being provoked.
She needs to go to the grocery store, so we head there. We go to the cosmetics aisle where she’s looking at a bunch of different face creams. In the cosmetics aisle, we start touching a lot. I let my hand run slowly down her arm and just slightly touch her hand. She mixes two face creams in her hands, then says, “You should try this cream.” Then she rubs her two hands up and down through my beard. HOT.
We head back to her car and she begins to drive me home. When we get near my house,
Me: “Do you want to come in for a bit?”
Her: “Sure. Let me find parking.”
Easier than I expected. I get her to take her shoes off, show her around the first floor. She plops down on the living room couch. She wants to show me a music video from the 80’s on her phone a band called “Missing Persons”. We both are commenting on how hot the lead singer is, how she has legs for miles. Out of instinct, I put my arm around her shoulder. Our legs are touching. She asks with some degree of sarcasm:
Her: “Oh we’re cuddling now aren’t we?”
Me: “Nah. We’re just hanging out.” (I kept it cool, maybe should “agree and amplify”.)
She’s curled up and her body language is positive, her legs are turned in towards mine. She looks comfortable. We watch two music videos and she wants to show me a third when I tell her I’m going to show her the rest of the house.
We pop into my room, but she pops out almost immediately after. We go back downstairs.
Me: “Okay let’s watch that other music video you wanted to show me.”
Her: “No, I’m going to go home.”
Before I know it she has her shoes back on. She's by the door. I go into kiss her and she turns her face away. I follow her outside and try to kiss her again. Rejected. I was shocked because of everything else up until that point.
Her: “You’re too young.”
Me: “You’re too old.”
Her: “I’m not really looking for that right now. I’m at the stage of my life where I’m looking for a life partner.”
It was late and I wasn’t super sharp, but maybe I should have called her out on it because it’s total bullshit. Something like, “If you thought I was too young, you wouldn’t have hung out with me in the first place. You got the drinks and the attention. You know what, I’m going to bed. I’m not going to take this.” Look hurt and take five steps away from her.
But I didn’t do that. She walks out the door, then down the stairs. I call her name and tell her to come back I'm not wearing shoes I'm not walking out to the sidewalk. She comes back. We talk a bit more, I tell her:
Me: “You know, I won’t remember what you said, but I will remember how you made me feel, which is pretty shitty.”
Her: “You choose how you feel.”
Me: “Whatever.”
Her: “I just didn’t feel that connection with you.” (ARGHH…I’ve heard 3 women in the last two weeks tell me something along these lines).
Me: “You think Prince Charming will appear tomorrow?”
We talk some more and she says,
“I’m going to bed. You can call me if you want to hang out again.”
And she left.
My thoughts:
1. Disqualify her earlier, before she will inevitably disqualify me as being "too young". I'm ten years younger than her. I even wrote it down beforehand as something to do on the date, but I forgot to do it once we were together. Something like, “I shouldn’t be doing this... You’re not my type.” My type is a 20-year old, Brazilian woman, something opposite of her.
2. When she rejected the first kiss, I was acting on instinct, which is to talk some more, then try again. In the past that’s worked, and even lead to sex. She rejects the second kiss, what do I do? Stay calm, just leave? There’s nothing in “Bang” about how to react to a second rejection.
3. Finally, how to proceed. I felt comfortable with her. I’d be down to see her again.
There’s also not much in “Bang” about how to set up a second date under such circumstances. How do I approach inviting her out again? Her desire is to be friends and my desire is to fuck first and figure out the rest later. Seems irreconcilable.
The Approach:
It was a Wednesday and I had a date with another girl later that evening. For some reason, I feel more compelled to make approaches when I have a date lined up. I think it’s to keep me in a mindset of abundance mentality. Anyway, she was eating her lunch alone outside a grocery store I frequent. She had one of those probiotic beverages and I ask her, “Excuse me, is that a good drink?”
We ramble about probiotic drinks for a bit. She’s friendly. I get into some of the cool work I do. She seems interested in it. I sit down with her and we chat for fifteen or twenty minutes. I get her phone number, text her right after and we are both really busy so we make plans to meet the following Wednesday evening. She’s quick to respond to texts and ample smileys :-) in hers.
The Date:
Day of, I confirm the time with her of 8:30 pm. Originally I was thinking a bar, but she suggests we meet in a park nearby with a good view of the city. I agree. I figure we’ll go to a bar afterwards.
She’s sitting with a blanket held over her head. It's raining slightly. I join her under the blanket. We’re both sitting on a blanket with the other part of the blanket wrapped over our heads as we watch the sunset.
We chat, nothing too serious. I get close to her, touch a bit, but nothing much. Keeping it light and conversational. She talks about how she needs to get to bed by 11 pm.
We get in her car and head over to a restaurant around 9:30 pm for a light snack and cocktails. Luckily, the restaurant puts us at a table in the corner so we’re both sitting next to each other on a bench instead of across from each other. We get to talking. She points to the couple sitting a few tables away to ask:
Her: “What do you think, are they on their first date?”
Me: “Well they are closer than sixteen inches apart from each other, the distance of intimacy, so it must be a second or third date.” (Been forever since I've used that line).
Her: “Well, the girl wouldn’t be wearing what she’s wearing if this was a later date.”
I tell her I’m going to go up to them and find out (displaying confidence). She tells me not to. We talk about the couple, and I tell her the girl is MUCH better looking than the guy. That made her burst into laughter for some reason.
Later, we talk about her work as a massage therapist, and she demonstrates a massage technique on my arm. I run the Cube routine, and then the waiter comes back with dinner.
Once we have dinner, we begin to talk. I mentioned a woman I know here, who is in her early 40s but just got pregnant. She has really big eyes, so she appears much younger. I go into an explanation of how certain features, like big eyes are indicative of fertility, and men by evolution are attracted to younger women because they are perceived as more fertile. Then, I tell her about an 18-year old I met a week ago and how I found her to be very attractive for that reason. This all came naturally, it wasn't a routine or pre-planned. She jealously asked:
Her: “Oh, I hope you got (the 18-year old’s) cell number, are you going to take her out?”
Me: “Of course.”
We chat some more and then at some point in the conversation, I ask if she was ever sexually attracted to women:
Her: “I definitely only like men.”
Me: “Well on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like men?”
Her: “Probably a 15.”
I then ask about the last time she has had sex. She thinks for a minute and says:
Her: “January.” (seven months ago)
Me: “January??”
Her: “Yea. You probably have more sex than I do. It’s very hard to get me in bed.”
I take her last comment to be anti-slut defense, because every other signal indicates she wants to fuck. By the end of dinner she’s touching me with the back of her hand without being provoked.
She needs to go to the grocery store, so we head there. We go to the cosmetics aisle where she’s looking at a bunch of different face creams. In the cosmetics aisle, we start touching a lot. I let my hand run slowly down her arm and just slightly touch her hand. She mixes two face creams in her hands, then says, “You should try this cream.” Then she rubs her two hands up and down through my beard. HOT.
We head back to her car and she begins to drive me home. When we get near my house,
Me: “Do you want to come in for a bit?”
Her: “Sure. Let me find parking.”
Easier than I expected. I get her to take her shoes off, show her around the first floor. She plops down on the living room couch. She wants to show me a music video from the 80’s on her phone a band called “Missing Persons”. We both are commenting on how hot the lead singer is, how she has legs for miles. Out of instinct, I put my arm around her shoulder. Our legs are touching. She asks with some degree of sarcasm:
Her: “Oh we’re cuddling now aren’t we?”
Me: “Nah. We’re just hanging out.” (I kept it cool, maybe should “agree and amplify”.)
She’s curled up and her body language is positive, her legs are turned in towards mine. She looks comfortable. We watch two music videos and she wants to show me a third when I tell her I’m going to show her the rest of the house.
We pop into my room, but she pops out almost immediately after. We go back downstairs.
Me: “Okay let’s watch that other music video you wanted to show me.”
Her: “No, I’m going to go home.”
Before I know it she has her shoes back on. She's by the door. I go into kiss her and she turns her face away. I follow her outside and try to kiss her again. Rejected. I was shocked because of everything else up until that point.
Her: “You’re too young.”
Me: “You’re too old.”
Her: “I’m not really looking for that right now. I’m at the stage of my life where I’m looking for a life partner.”
It was late and I wasn’t super sharp, but maybe I should have called her out on it because it’s total bullshit. Something like, “If you thought I was too young, you wouldn’t have hung out with me in the first place. You got the drinks and the attention. You know what, I’m going to bed. I’m not going to take this.” Look hurt and take five steps away from her.
But I didn’t do that. She walks out the door, then down the stairs. I call her name and tell her to come back I'm not wearing shoes I'm not walking out to the sidewalk. She comes back. We talk a bit more, I tell her:
Me: “You know, I won’t remember what you said, but I will remember how you made me feel, which is pretty shitty.”
Her: “You choose how you feel.”
Me: “Whatever.”
Her: “I just didn’t feel that connection with you.” (ARGHH…I’ve heard 3 women in the last two weeks tell me something along these lines).
Me: “You think Prince Charming will appear tomorrow?”
We talk some more and she says,
“I’m going to bed. You can call me if you want to hang out again.”
And she left.
My thoughts:
1. Disqualify her earlier, before she will inevitably disqualify me as being "too young". I'm ten years younger than her. I even wrote it down beforehand as something to do on the date, but I forgot to do it once we were together. Something like, “I shouldn’t be doing this... You’re not my type.” My type is a 20-year old, Brazilian woman, something opposite of her.
2. When she rejected the first kiss, I was acting on instinct, which is to talk some more, then try again. In the past that’s worked, and even lead to sex. She rejects the second kiss, what do I do? Stay calm, just leave? There’s nothing in “Bang” about how to react to a second rejection.
3. Finally, how to proceed. I felt comfortable with her. I’d be down to see her again.
There’s also not much in “Bang” about how to set up a second date under such circumstances. How do I approach inviting her out again? Her desire is to be friends and my desire is to fuck first and figure out the rest later. Seems irreconcilable.
![[Image: tumblr_n9ym2zclpU1sky7ayo1_500.gif]](https://33.media.tumblr.com/354173ad800133f25816e46d1c5e83df/tumblr_n9ym2zclpU1sky7ayo1_500.gif)
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