[Sourcecode]

That's a distress difference..
I don't think any one would argue against something like that.

The anger/confusion is from dudes that know that her cheated on and stick around

[jolly_cynic]

^^^^^^

My stepfather is the most decent man I've ever met. My dad is agood guy too, but a bit wacky.

We found out about 8 months ago about all kinds of depression and substance abuse tbat ran rampant on my dad's side of the family.

Moving us away from that side of the family when I was 10 is one of the best things that my mother ever did for me and my brother.

[germanico]

(05-14-2015 09:55 AM)Bear Hands Wrote:  

My great-grandfather and great-grandmother took on 3 kids that were not theirs because his brother and his brother's wife who immigrated with them died very young.

Thats a different thing. If my brother had kids and anything happened to him I would take them in without complaining. If my friends died I would take their children in without any second thoughts.

But they are not my kids. They would know who their parents where and what happened to them.

A woman conning a man into thinking her child is his is unforgivable. A man denying his own biological directive and accepting another mans seed before his own, Ill never understand.

Quote:

If a woman (or man) lost their SO in some sort of freak accident,

Dont use "SO", this is not Reddit. Leave the gender-neutral newspeak for the rest of the internet.

[Fortis]

Chill out. I'm using short-hand because I'm typing from my phone at work. Also, don't tell me what to do.

[Captainstabbin]

I think there's a distinction between a man who WANTS to take care of a kid and a man TRICKED into it. And of those who love the child now and would never abandon it, how many would have bailed if they found out about the child's parentage in utero? Before any bond was established. Knowing ahead of time, I doubt most of these emasculated suckers would stand for it...even they would rebel.

[Samseau]

For some men, it's hard to abandon a kid even if it's not yours. You've been paying for it for years, even if it's not related to you it still feels like you're doing an adoption service. It's not without merit and the child cannot be blamed for the actions of the parents.

That said, count me in with the auto-paternity testing crowd. Not sure what I would do if I discovered my 8-year old son was not mine. The mom would be out but it's still a young boy there who is dependent on me.

[ThrustMaster]

All said, if I'd discovered either of my kids were not mine, it would affect my relationship with my partner, not the kid. It's not the kid's fault. I'd be massively pissed to have fallen in love with the product of another man's creampie in my committed partner's snatch, but the kid would not suffer for it. I'm talking about this as a guy that took the red pill when his eldest was 8. 8 years of care and love for a child, your's or not, has an effect on the hardest of motherfuckers.

I'd tell her she needed to go after the guy for child support and establish that he's the bio-dad legally. Then I'd leave her. I'd still treat the child as my own along with the others as a divorced dad.

[Fortis]

^ you're a better man than I. I would flip my shit if I raised some other man's spawn as my own without knowing. I wouldn't punish the kid but I'd be cutting all contact with both of them. She attempted to remove me from the gene pool so she will be removed from my life.

[ThrustMaster]

^ agree on the approach vis-a-vis the woman, but removing your love from a child that has known no one else is simply cruel and could have a profound effect on the life of another human being - I wouldnt want that on my soul.

Related question: are you a father?

[jayesco]

(05-15-2015 11:09 AM)Fortis Wrote:  

^ you're a better man than I. I would flip my shit if I raised some other man's spawn as my own without knowing. I wouldn't punish the kid but I'd be cutting all contact with both of them. She attempted to remove me from the gene pool so she will be removed from my life.

If that ever happened to me, I'd probably do the same. I would just cease all contact. I know it's harsh, but oh well. I'd just be real with the both of them, and tell them what Curtis Snow told me ""My heart gone right now. I got a heart, but it's gone!"

[Fortis]

(05-15-2015 11:25 AM)ThrustMaster Wrote:  

^ agree on the approach vis-a-vis the woman, but removing your love from a child that has known no one else is simply cruel and could have a profound effect on the life of another human being - I wouldnt want that on my soul.

Related question: are you a father?

No, I am not a father, so my answer might not really be what I'd do.

Still, I am a sore loser. I especially hate deception; thst is the ultimate con in my eyes: allowing a man to believe he's raising his own child When he isn't. It's cruel.

My stepfather's first son was actually NOT his son (his wife had believe it was his until he got a blood test to confirm it), but he struggled bitterly to keep custody of the kid (And still lost). He'll always have my respect for that. I wouldn't put myself through that. Call it fucked up, but I'd rather have my own kids than allow for a woman to lie to me and then act like I'm doing the manly thing by keeping the liar's kid as my own.

It's one thing If a woman has a kid and I'm with her. I know it's not mine and I'm consciously taking on responsibility, but the other scenario is too brutal for me.

Obviously, any man who steps up to Father another person's child has my respect as long as the truth is known.

[alexdagr81]

(05-14-2015 02:01 PM)Grange Wrote:  

Quote:

CNNFDDR 63 points 6 hours ago

Found out when my daughter was 4 that she was fathered by a guy my then wife had had an affair with. I had been a stay at home dad for her for the first 2 years of her life. I only found out after my wife left to persue a relationship with another guy she had been having an affair with, it was her parting shot to tell me that she wasn't mine and that she wasn't going to let me see her any more. I have since spent almost 3 years (and around $40k) fighting though family law court to finally have orders allowing me to see her 4 days a fortnight. She's always going to be my daughter.

Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for a beta male.

That's some textbook backwards hustlin'.

[Troll King]

(05-15-2015 11:25 AM)ThrustMaster Wrote:  

^ agree on the approach vis-a-vis the woman, but removing your love from a child that has known no one else is simply cruel and could have a profound effect on the life of another human being - I wouldnt want that on my soul.

Related question: are you a father?

I co-sign but I think I might do it a bit differently. I would cut about 90% or more of the ties with the kid but I would do my best to help the kid if I could. I would also explain to the kid why I left.

Now, this is only in a situation that I will never be in. I would insist on a paternity test at birth. But if for some reason I became stupid or something and just took a chicks word for it for a decade or so, then I would explain to the kid in the best way possible why I was leaving him.

I guess this would be harder if the kid was between 3-7 and I had developed a bond with the child, in that case I might cut it off with the mother but still try to maintain contact with the kid. If you have been paying CS during that time or treating the child as your own then you are probably fucked over as far as child support goes anyways. In that case, I would pay and I would insist on some sort of custody arrangement and I would poison the fucking well between the kid/s and their mother.

Especially if they are boys. They would grow up knowing their mom was a cheating whore and that if they ever want children then they need to understand that all women have the same ability to destroy a man as their mom destroyed me.

It might seem kinda cruel, but what is worse. Just dipping out of a kids life with no warning (assuming the kid is older than four or so) or simply being the "uncle" who takes the kid fishing, off roading, hunting, whatever, a few times a month and constantly explains why you are not their father when the kid asks.

[The Beast1]

(05-15-2015 02:40 PM)Troll King Wrote:  

Especially if they are boys. They would grow up knowing their mom was a cheating whore and that if they ever want children then they need to understand that all women have the same ability to destroy a man as their mom destroyed me.

It might seem kinda cruel, but what is worse. Just dipping out of a kids life with no warning (assuming the kid is older than four or so) or simply being the "uncle" who takes the kid fishing, off roading, hunting, whatever, a few times a month and constantly explains why you are not their father when the kid asks.

I'm all for hard red pill lessons, but this is one that takes the cake. I'd be curious to hear from children whose mothers actually did this and how they felt about their moms as they got older.

Children tend to be super forgiving of f*cked up situations. It isn't until they're adults with some life experience does the anger start to come forth.

[Troll King]

Like others have stated, it is mind boggling that these chumps would do this.

I really can't understand why a guy would marry or even cohabitate with a woman who already has kids. The only situation that makes sense to me is that she still wants more kids, is still fertile, is hot as hell, and wants to be a submissive housewife and she just happened to have a run of bad luck by losing her first husband in war or an accident. That is really the only way I would ever even think about such an arrangement and even still I think I might pass, after hitting it and quitting it.


With these guys who have years or decades of already raising a bastard, I can kinda see why they might stay.

Think of the sunk costs. If you have already run 80%+ of the race then there really isn't any reason to quit on the last leg. I just hit my 30s, so I could understand that if in 15-20 years, as I am in my mid 40's-early 50s, if I found out the kids aren't mine I might stick in for the last couple years until they leave for college before making my exit plans. At that point you are already fucked with child support and probably alimony, so might as well just find a mistress or two and keep on going through the motions.

I can also understand the resignation to a degree. It would be one thing for me, or other guys, to spend the next decade or two partying, traveling, hooking up with hot feminine girls, and stacking cash and then deciding to settle down and start a family with a girl in her mid to late 20s.

It is quite another proposition if you have spent the last decade or so already raising kids. In that case I can kinda see why guys might say fuck it and accept their genetic dead end. I still don't see why any would stay with their wife/gf though.

[jariel]

(05-14-2015 10:37 AM)VolandoVengoVolandoVoy Wrote:  

Her mom's a nice enough lady but she had some serious issues that took about twenty years to get over.

I'm over guys associating the word "nice" with women.

You have been indoctrinated to believe that women are "nice" human beings.

What kind of "nice" woman gets impregnated by another man and then tries to pass off their offspring to the man she married as his?

That's not nice, that's the anti-thesis of nice.

Women may tend to be "socially proper", but that's because they care about appearances. They care about what other people think. They invest a lot of time in making people believe things that fit with the narrative they're trying to present. They want you to believe lies that have been framed as truth, fantasy that has been framed as reality. They lie all to the time. They lie to themselves, their friends, family, and anybody else who they are forced to share anything of substance with.

In the course of doing all that lying and pretending, they are often not nice, unless it suites them to be nice, and it only suites them to be nice when they want something, because at the end of the day, it's all about them.

There are words to describe women that have yet to be fathomed, if you can actually see the truth, you just might have an idea of which words would be synonyms to those words.

"Nice" would be an antonym.

[Kristoph]

I have a half-brother who is around 6 years older than me, from a relationship my mother had previous to marrying my father. My father raised her son, supported him, invested in him. I've often wondered about the whole situation. He confessed to me once that the reason he and my brother spent so much time arguing was because, secretly, he resented that he'd had to raise the child of another man.

I also sometimes have a quiet laugh to myself as I remember being a small child during a visit of my brother's father and, confused as to why my brother was calling this strange man 'Daddy', deciding that I should do the same, and the horrendous awkward silence it caused when I did so.

[Troll King]

(05-15-2015 02:50 PM)The Beast1 Wrote:  

(05-15-2015 02:40 PM)Troll King Wrote:  

Especially if they are boys. They would grow up knowing their mom was a cheating whore and that if they ever want children then they need to understand that all women have the same ability to destroy a man as their mom destroyed me.

It might seem kinda cruel, but what is worse. Just dipping out of a kids life with no warning (assuming the kid is older than four or so) or simply being the "uncle" who takes the kid fishing, off roading, hunting, whatever, a few times a month and constantly explains why you are not their father when the kid asks.

I'm all for hard red pill lessons, but this is one that takes the cake. I'd be curious to hear from children whose mothers actually did this and how they felt about their moms as they got older.

Children tend to be super forgiving of f*cked up situations. It isn't until they're adults with some life experience does the anger start to come forth.

Well. I really suspect that my dad isn't actually my dad. I simply haven't gotten around to getting a DNA test yet. I actually have it but haven't submitted it because I am waiting to finish my degree and have more financial security and independence from my parents.

My mom is big into genealogy. Over the holidays, partly because I have been mentioning it for the last few years to gauge her reactions, she bought some of those ancestry.com dna test for her, my dad, and my aunt and uncle. When I said I wanted one for me and my brother to add to the profile, at first she was very dodgy about it but I eventually said I would just order my own and she went ahead and got ahead of it and ordered a couple more for me and my brother and some of our great aunts. I am sure she just wants to get a full profile of our genetic legacy like I suggested.

I honestly don't know. To be clear, I am kind of afraid of what I will find.

My mom, or actually both my parents, are really controlling in many ways and like to sabotage my plans for independence. I used to think this was because they were older and were realizing they needed more help or would in the future. I spent a lot of time in my 20s taking care of my grandmother after she came down with dementia. That is one of several reason why I haven't hit the traditional adult milestones at the same rate and in the same time table that I should have. Another reason is that I am just a bit of a fuck up.

As far as why I wonder about my dad, well....where to begin.

First, I am the only person, literally, in my family who isn't overweight, doesn't have high cholesterol, and even more importantly has good eyesight. Every member of my family, my brother, mom and dad, aunt by blood and grandmother were wearing glasses by the age of ten.

Until I got a bit of an injury in my left eye a few years ago I have always had better than 20/20 vision and now my vision is still good enough that I don't need glasses.

There is also the fact that I don't look anything like my dad but my brother does. They have some of the same mannerisms and ticks and I don't seem to have anything related to either my dad or even to my mom. I know I couldn't have been switched at birth because I was born at home. So, the question becomes:

1: I got some genetics that seemed to skip a generation or two

or

2: My mom was big into the feminist community, served on the board of NOW even, in the Washington DC area during the 70's and 80's. She is a lawyer. Hell, at an early age I was even put on some play dates with one of my moms friends who later because vice president of NOW. I remember them all sitting around drinking wine while me and my brother and their kids went running around some big house or apt or something. I don't know. I wasn't even five at the time.

Anyways. Is it possible that my mom met some alpha guy and passed me off to my admittingly beta dad?

When I first found the manosphere and started reading about the alpha/beta dynamic it really fucking pissed me off. I am talking hulk rage levels of pissed off and I went on a multiple month bender. Why?

My entire life I have seen my dad laugh about how my mom is the alpha male or alpha dog of the relationship. I never really knew what that meant and didn't have any context to put it into. I just knew that the way he would joke about it, and other things too, would make my fucking skin crawl in the same fashion as it does with all those sitcoms that constantly put down the male characters. God damn.

If I found out that option two is in fact true, I am afraid that I might actually get violent and do something that would land me in jail or prison. But on the other hand, I do need to know. I am just not sure how well I can find out with the ancestry.com dna tests. I have seen how they show where you are from, but if my mom hooked up with some one similar in genetic background to my dad then it may not be conclusive. On the other hand, there must be somewhere that I can send the data and have it analyzed that would confirm my suspicions. Even then though, what the fuck do you do with that type of information? I don't know. I gotta step away from this for a bit because just thinking about this shit puts me in a really dark mood.

[AneroidOcean]

(05-15-2015 03:14 PM)Troll King Wrote:  

If I found out that option two is in fact true, I am afraid that I might actually get violent and do something that would land me in jail or prison. But on the other hand, I do need to know. I am just not sure how well I can find out with the ancestry.com dna tests. I have seen how they show where you are from, but if my mom hooked up with some one similar in genetic background to my dad then it may not be conclusive. On the other hand, there must be somewhere that I can send the data and have it analyzed that would confirm my suspicions. Even then though, what the fuck do you do with that type of information? I don't know. I gotta step away from this for a bit because just thinking about this shit puts me in a really dark mood.

That is some heavy, heavy shit. I am not attempting to insult you when I say that I would HIGHLY recommend seeing a professional with experience on this topic.

Remember that if you decide to find out or not, you should be prepared mentally for it. Also, you should remember that focusing on the negative will not help you. Focusing on the positive and choosing to move forward is what's important. Doing something that would land you in prison would just make you regretful of your decisions. You will get upset over big things in life, it is human nature. How you choose to handle your emotions is what defines you as a man and what opens or closes doors to your success. Remember that you can't change what your mom may or may not have done. You can't change the past. What you can and should change for the better is your future.

[Fast Eddie]

I didn't have the greatest family situation growing up and I'm certain that has had a huge influence on my views towards kids/family. First off, I have always had a near-revulsion to the idea of having them and devoting so much energy to some little punks running around and interfering with my pursuits of the finer things in life.

But whatever, I can imagine myself getting older and wanting a son or two. It's not something I am currently looking forward to, but it's not entirely out of the question, either.

If I were to find out the kid is not mine, at any point? That's a wrap for both the kid and (obviously) the mother. It may sound cruel but I don't care. There are millions and millions of bastard spawns out there, and neither myself or anyone else is currently going out of their way to "save" any of them. There's a bastard born every minute, why should I all of a sudden feel responsible for the particular bastard that falls out of the vag of some skank I happened to fuck and believe was loyal? If anything, I would be more averse to that particular bastard. At least all the other bastards out there have fathers who never did me wrong. This kid's father would be one who fucked "my" woman. Out of all the bastards out there, logically speaking he's the last one I should choose to save if I were in the bastard saving business.

I'm sure a lot of you will take issue with what I just said. Remember though, the world is a fucked up place. If you're really so humanitarian then you should be sending your every last penny to Africa to save kids who are dying right now this second rather than spending it on the kid of some dude who happened to fuck your gf/wife. You'll get a far better ROI of lives saved/improved, and after all neither the bastard nor the African kids are related to you, so may as well choose the highest ROI if you're so concerned with saving people.

[germanico]

Im a dead ringer for my dad so theres no question about it for me.

But if I found out I wasnt his, I would be mad at my mother, not him.

The wife of one of my friends was pregnant when he met her. He knew she was going to have a kid, he knew it wasnt his, and he married her anyway. I dont think any less of him, or believe him superior. Hes simply a kind of man I would never be.

If I had a kid and found out it wasnt mine, I would dissapear from the mothers life. She would never hear from me again. Usually that means the kid wouldnt either, but I would tell him where to find me if he ever needed anything. I would and have done sacrifices for my friends, why not a child innocent from his mothers sins?

I would be a friend, a counselor, a guide. I would even try to provide for him to the best of my extent, but only if he asked, not the mother. But if a father was what he seeked, I would tell him to go ask his mother where to find him.

But I know that wouldnt happen for as long as he is a child and lives under his mother. She would poison him against me, a damage that would take decades to heal until he would be comfortable with calling me a friend.