[thegerman]

Hey guys,

kind of a serious decision i can't get out of my head for quite some time now and I thought maybe some here has some tips for me...

I've been in a ltr for over 4 years now (1,5 years then three months apart during which i didn't sleep with anyone else and since then back together again) am 22 and my gf is the only woman i've slept with... i'm not bad looking and not a huge fool with girls (thou my game has gotten quite rusty, if ever i had any to begin with, some natural skills though)... i'm realising that i'm getting somewhat bored in the relationship, but i still feel love for my girl. But lately i don't really want to invest much more time/money in her when i'd rather be out in bars etc.. She is very into me and has realised that i'm trying to distance myself from her to some extent and has called me out on it a couple of times. Should i just get my balls together and get it over with? I feel that if I break up with her now it'll be some time before i can get my shit together and start approaching other girls. I have no moral issues with having affairs but i see her basically every day and she phones me a lot. Besides, what little time I have left from my studying she wants me to spend with her... would it be wise to break it off and start fresh or just continue to see her and try to creep on the side (though maybe my motivation to approach other girls is somewhat diminished by the regular sex and that very observant eye of hers)?

I know that this is a decision I have to make for myself! But I'm hoping someone has some insight into my situation from past experience.

Thanks in advance!

[Invictus]

tell her you need a "break"

[Dash Global]

post a picture of her and ill tell u the course of action to take.......

[thegerman]

haha she's maybe a 6/7, sweet natured, although has put on a little weight over course of time and cares very much for me which makes it all the harder.. my best female buddy told me she really likes her and i shoudnt dump her (but who listens to women anyway) but still i feel that up to this point my entire "manhood" with one woman... that's tough.. I know that if I told her I'd need a break she'd want me to break up with her or stay with her...

[SFTD]

(05-22-2011 12:41 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

haha she's maybe a 6/7, sweet natured, although has put on a little weight over course of time and cares very much for me which makes it all the harder.. my best female buddy told me she really likes her and i shoudnt dump her (but who listens to women anyway) but still i feel that up to this point my entire "manhood" with one woman... that's tough.. I know that if I told her I'd need a break she'd want me to break up with her or stay with her...

You can love her without being with her. If you're not getting what you want, leave. Staying with someone you don't want to be with is a soul killer.

[Amour Fou]

Geez... 4 years??

If you are having these doubts I am sure it is time for something different in your life. These doubts and anxieties will only get worse and worse over time, and by the time you are through her (having side affairs won't be the same thing as if you were out there completely unrestrained by any relationship) things will be much harder, as you will be lacking the worldly experiences that constitutes a greater man, and your interactions with the opposite sex will be compromised.

Women eager for men who are already experienced with... women (plural! ). Men who don't have these experiences (or aren't activelly pursuing them) come of as "lacking" something, some sort of emotional or relational intelligence, that can only be acquired by getting your ass out in the world and activelly dealing with the opposite sex in as many different situations as possible.

Over time, after several thorough and brooding "down" periods punctuated by ocassional but memorable highs, after accumulating experiences and stories and start looking back and laughing at them, you realise you are someone different, you have outgrown your old persona.

Another point- you are listening to your female acquaintance's opinion on your girl? I don't mean to be intrusive, but I think your main concern should be towards your own feelings and desires, not some external perception of a female friend, who tend to give bad advice on these topics. ---> http://www.rooshv.com/womanly-advice

That said, I just want to mention that I can relate with what is going on with you. 9 Months ago I was in a similar position. I was in my late 22y and I was in a long-term relationship for over 2 years (not my first LTR, but deafinetly my most emotionally engaging one). The need for other women was driving me crazy. Eventually, she broke up with me, realising that I wasn't fully present in our relationship, not that I seriously cheated on her or anything, but they can sense when you are "splitted", when you are divided and lacking. It has been a wild ride ever since, but I already feel I´ve acquired a good amount of experiences, and whenever a new girl shows up, things tend to be much smoother, and they can sense a deeper "maturity" of someone who has undergone this whole process, someone who knows how to interact with women.

Not saying that it is easy, but the rewards... hehe

Even if you ever land on another LTR in the future, your experiences with women will be something that will take the relationship to another level of interaction, depth and maturity.

On the whole, I can only see gains. Nevertheless, I realise it is not something easy...

hope it helps.

[hoops330]

I am in a very similar position to yours so ill let you know how I am going about it. LTR for over 5 years and im 23 years old so this is the only girl i've had an adult relationship with. I've expressed that I think we need to experience something else and it is really killing her and I cannot lie, I feel really terrible putting her through it. You have to make her understand that its going to be best for both of you because why put on a front for a relationship if you're not giving it 100%. My approach to ending the relationship is by easing into it. We live together so that makes it hard but I am leaving for SA in 2 months so when we get to that point thats giong to be the end of it. Instead of ending it "cold turkey" we are still trying to be there for each otehr and support each other but we are cutting back on physical contact and kisses and the things that boyfriends and girlfriends usually do. Hope this helps.

[Vitriol]

I don't think any of the older guys on the forum will say being tied down with the same girl for years on end while you are still very young is a good thing. Most of the important and interesting stuff you will do is going to happen over the next 20 years or so. Do not be limited by these kinds of commitments early on.

Trust me when I say that between the ages of 22-23 and around 26 or 27 lots of things (where you live, your goals, your personality) will change.

[Dash Global]

I dont see how some of you young ppl go through ur 20's having never been single and being able to go out and pick up random women! lol Atleast wait till ur 25 or something! lol

Unless you found a model type chick with a dope personality...... which i highly doubt

Im 25 and never had a SERIOUS gf due to many factors (very picky/taken chicks in highschool, constantly moving, ect) I remb a few yrs ago I was talking to a grl for awhile and felt miserable when I would go to the club seeing all these hot girls and feeling like I shouldnt / cant talk to them or fuck em.

Had to end that relationship asap as I needed my freedom! lol

[Samseau]

It's hard to find women who genuinely care for you, and it would be foolish to take your girlfriend for granted. I wouldn't dump her if I were you. It sounds like you just want some variety, which seems to be a normal thing for men, so I would just cheat if I were you.

[gringochileno]

(05-22-2011 04:06 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

It's hard to find women who genuinely care for you, and it would be foolish to take your girlfriend for granted. I wouldn't dump her if I were you. It sounds like you just want some variety, which seems to be a normal thing for men, so I would just cheat if I were you.

It sounds like his gf has him on a pretty tight leash seeing him every day and phoning him a lot. How would you suggest he creep without her finding out? There's the old "I need my space" routine but I imagine it's going to be very hard (not to mention suspicious) to change a pattern that's been ingrained over 4 years.

[SFTD]

(05-22-2011 04:06 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

It's hard to find women who genuinely care for you, and it would be foolish to take your girlfriend for granted. I wouldn't dump her if I were you. It sounds like you just want some variety, which seems to be a normal thing for men, so I would just cheat if I were you.

There's caring and there's clingy. She's clingy. It hampers is ability to grow as his own person with her. She's making it so he grows on her, like a parasite.

[Tuthmosis]

@thegerman

You have at least seven good reasons to start the process of moving on. As I've told other guys on this board before: if you gone as far as creating an account on a board like this to just to ask for advice on whether to stay with your girlfriend, your decision has been made.

Reasons You Should Leave this Girl ASAP

Reason #1: Seeking Advice
First things first: just opening your mouth (or your computer, in this case) about something like this is sign that you can't contain your frustrations and doubts anymore. It likely means you've been harboring these feelings for a long-time--a tell-tale sign.

Reason #2: You're Hungry

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

I am 22 and my gf is the only woman i've slept with...

Reason #3: You Have the Potential for Better and You Know It

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

i'm not bad looking and not a huge fool with girls

Reason #4: You're Bored to Tears with this Girl

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

i'm realising that i'm getting somewhat bored in the relationship, but i still feel love for my girl.

Reason #5: You're Tired of Exhausting Your Finite Resources on Her

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

But lately i don't really want to invest much more time/money in her when i'd rather be out in bars etc..

Reason #6: You Don't Want to Stress Over Creeping

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

I have no moral issues with having affairs but i see her basically every day and she phones me a lot. Besides, what little time I have left from my studying she wants me to spend with her.

Reason #7: You're Not As Attracted to Her As You Used to Be and You're Trying to Argue with Your Softened Boner

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

she's maybe a 6/7, sweet natured, although has put on a little weight over course of time

[Samseau]

fuck it if she won't give you some free days just dump her

[Screwston]

Dump her but have a 3some before doing that.

[CJ]

I agree with Tuth and his reasons, but why don't you go out one night and see how many convos you can get started, #s you can get, and possibilities for sex that present themselves before you make the plunge. I'm not big into just trying to get #s, but you're in a different mindset here, so it's acceptable to test the water.

Make sure you go to a place you don't normally go to, so you don't run the risk of friends (or worse yet, her friends) seeing you and ratting you out. Obviously go solo, unless you have a wingman that you trust the fate of your relationship with.

Let us know how it goes!

[Pete]

Damn.. 4 years? The longest I've been in a relationship is about 7-9 months. After that I get bored of being with the same woman. I don't know, that's just who I am.

[machiavelli]

@Tuthmosis

I agree...

If you have to come up with reasons to end a relationship, it's obviously time to pull the plug (while still in good terms). You don't want to end up resenting your GF for being a burden on your future and end it badly down the road.

I'd recommend checking out this book: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover (read the first chapter on amazon and see if it makes sense to read more)

And Roosh's book if your afraid of ending your relationship because of rusty/bad game.

Good luck!

[oldnemesis]

(05-22-2011 12:25 PM)thegerman Wrote:  

I've been in a ltr for over 4 years now (1,5 years then three months apart during which i didn't sleep with anyone else and since then back together again) am 22 and my gf is the only woman i've slept with...

Could you elaborate "being in LTR"? You mean you were you living together all four years, or that you were fuck buddies for last four years (in which case it is not really an LTR)?

Quote:

But lately i don't really want to invest much more time/money in her when i'd rather be out in bars etc..

What is her investment into relationship? From your description it looks pretty one-sided deal. Note that sex is not considered investment.

Quote:

Besides, what little time I have left from my studying she wants me to spend with her... would it be wise to break it off and start fresh or just continue to see her and try to creep on the side (though maybe my motivation to approach other girls is somewhat diminished by the regular sex and that very observant eye of hers)?

It would make no sense to me. So far it looks like you're not really in relationship, it is more like you were dating for last four years. And this is fucking long; the longest LTR I had before I met my wife was around six months or so.

Do you feel confident enough to approach her with the idea of open relationship? Who has more value, she or you?

[thegerman]

Thank you guys for all your answers!

@oldnemesis: 4 years in a monogamous relationship, no fb or dating. We're not sharing a flat but we sleep over at each other's place nearly every day. We've know each other since high school and I had no clue how to go about a relationship/ game a girl and just went for it.. In hindsight I was acting like a complete idiot the first year into our relationship (being way too nice doing everything for her, people warned me that she's not really in love with me and just enjoys all the attention, but i woudn't listen).
It all got out of control after that (she showed disrespect to my family, was very possessive...) so I dumped her (but more as an impulsive decision and not a calculated one, I was still madly in love with her).

I started university after that and enjoyed the distraction with new friends and parties but coudn't really get her out of my head and started seeing/having sex with her again. When she started studying at the same university we got back together again. After that it got better, I was now the one having more control and not letting her walk all over me like back then.. For several months now I've gotten the feeling that I need to experience something else. Especially in the past couple of weeks I've gone out a lot and mostly lied to her saying I was tired and going to bed when really I was getting ready for a night out with a buddy or two. It's hard though because she knows me quite well and senses that something is wrong. Besides I hate always having to look out for her friends or pictures of me on facebook etc... I feel that I really love her but then again having only this relationship as a benchmark it might just be foolish of me to think I've found the right women right from the start.

Regarding her investment: She cares for me, cooks or makes me breakfast haha, but also tries to get some gain for her as well... We've travelled to some cities lately and we get along great but only if there's something in it for her as well (I'm not saying a girl has to be completely disregarding her own needs to meet mine but she's very calculating in getting her meets met).

Approaching her with the idea of an open relationship would not work I think. After four years of having my complete attention I doubt she'll settle for less now... I'd say I have more value, she's slightly older but I am better looking + she has gained some weight over time (If she went back to her original figure she's still fly though, don't get me wrong)...


I've had this recurring feeling of missing my fun/experience out there for quite some time now. It's always gone away but sure it'll come back.. She does get quite clingy at times (prob when she realises I'm not 100% into the relationship) so I've never had the balls to go cold turkey on her... On top of that there's the beta fear of a dry spell since I've foolishly let my game meander back to zero...


I've come to realise though that I need to get this part of my life handled. It's no use being lazy and enjoying the steady sex and suddenly university is over and I'm in my fulltime job having spent my entire youth with one chick. It's going to be hard to get out of my comfort zone especially as I won't just forget about her overnight. But I think sooner rather than any later is better for me. I'm seeing her later today and plan to get my balls together and break it off with her...

Prob the best way to handle it would be to improve my game while still seeing her, to get the best of both worlds. Because if I go out there now I'll need some time to get rolling again. But on the other hand I have very limited free time anyway and having someone always looking over your shoulder (be it her or her friends or my friends) is limiting too...

[theIVth]

(05-24-2011 04:09 AM)thegerman Wrote:  

Thank you guys for all your answers!

@oldnemesis: 4 years in a monogamous relationship, no fb or dating. We're not sharing a flat but we sleep over at each other's place nearly every day. We've know each other since high school and I had no clue how to go about a relationship/ game a girl and just went for it.. In hindsight I was acting like a complete idiot the first year into our relationship (being way too nice doing everything for her, people warned me that she's not really in love with me and just enjoys all the attention, but i woudn't listen).
It all got out of control after that (she showed disrespect to my family, was very possessive...) so I dumped her (but more as an impulsive decision and not a calculated one, I was still madly in love with her).

I started university after that and enjoyed the distraction with new friends and parties but coudn't really get her out of my head and started seeing/having sex with her again. When she started studying at the same university we got back together again. After that it got better, I was now the one having more control and not letting her walk all over me like back then.. For several months now I've gotten the feeling that I need to experience something else. Especially in the past couple of weeks I've gone out a lot and mostly lied to her saying I was tired and going to bed when really I was getting ready for a night out with a buddy or two. It's hard though because she knows me quite well and senses that something is wrong. Besides I hate always having to look out for her friends or pictures of me on facebook etc... I feel that I really love her but then again having only this relationship as a benchmark it might just be foolish of me to think I've found the right women right from the start.

Regarding her investment: She cares for me, cooks or makes me breakfast haha, but also tries to get some gain for her as well... We've travelled to some cities lately and we get along great but only if there's something in it for her as well (I'm not saying a girl has to be completely disregarding her own needs to meet mine but she's very calculating in getting her meets met).

Approaching her with the idea of an open relationship would not work I think. After four years of having my complete attention I doubt she'll settle for less now... I'd say I have more value, she's slightly older but I am better looking + she has gained some weight over time (If she went back to her original figure she's still fly though, don't get me wrong)...


I've had this recurring feeling of missing my fun/experience out there for quite some time now. It's always gone away but sure it'll come back.. She does get quite clingy at times (prob when she realises I'm not 100% into the relationship) so I've never had the balls to go cold turkey on her... On top of that there's the beta fear of a dry spell since I've foolishly let my game meander back to zero...


I've come to realise though that I need to get this part of my life handled. It's no use being lazy and enjoying the steady sex and suddenly university is over and I'm in my fulltime job having spent my entire youth with one chick. It's going to be hard to get out of my comfort zone especially as I won't just forget about her overnight. But I think sooner rather than any later is better for me. I'm seeing her later today and plan to get my balls together and break it off with her...

Prob the best way to handle it would be to improve my game while still seeing her, to get the best of both worlds. Because if I go out there now I'll need some time to get rolling again. But on the other hand I have very limited free time anyway and having someone always looking over your shoulder (be it her or her friends or my friends) is limiting too...

I wouldnt break up with her until I had somebody else on deck. Cause all your going to do is get out there, get frustrated that pussy doesnt just fall in your lap, and run back to her for some type of companionship.

Cause trust, the grass is always greener on the other side. Get at least 1 or 2 chicks on your team before you just dump her. Use her as social proof to get other girls interested in you first. When you have about 3 or 4 prospects that you can work on, or 1 or 2 that your actually fucking....then break up with her

[Rah]

Your story sounds pretty similar to mine, only I'm 4 years farther into it. Met the girl when I was 19, stayed together for 8 years, 4 living together.

After probably a year of feeling like I could never do it, I just dropped the bomb Sunday night. It was about as hard as I thought it would be and feels as bad as I thought it would. Her reaction was also as bad as I thought it would be. Feels like somebody died. But I did it, and now I'm free. And remember, even though you're hurting her now, you're really acting in her best interest since she can go on to lock someone else down while she's still young and high value.

So now I'm 27 and single for the first time in my adult life. I have zero game and not much confidence, but I'm willing to work at it. Nothing like 8 years of pent up sexual angst to get over approach anxiety. I'm going to take a month or two to decompress before I start approaching girls -- don't need to be crying on some girl's shoulder midway into an approach due to lingering emotional baggage. Meanwhile I'll be studying Bang and this forum, which so far have been really inspiring for someone in my position.

[thegmanifesto]

Rah -

Your situation sounds heavy, it is amazing (for someone like me) to even comprehend a situation like yours.

"I'm going to take a month or two to decompress before I start approaching girls"

I wouldn't wait. It will only get harder.

Start saying "hello" today. No pressure, just be smooth.

It will make it easier later on.

[Samseau]

(05-24-2011 03:46 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

Rah -

Your situation sounds heavy, it is amazing (for someone like me) to even comprehend a situation like yours.

"I'm going to take a month or two to decompress before I start approaching girls"

I wouldn't wait. It will only get harder.

Start saying "hello" today. No pressure, just be smooth.

It will make it easier later on.

Rah you should take it easy. Go out maybe one night per week at first. I would approach girls, but I wouldn't try to worry about banging them. Baby steps.

[oldnemesis]

(05-24-2011 04:09 AM)thegerman Wrote:  

Approaching her with the idea of an open relationship would not work I think. After four years of having my complete attention I doubt she'll settle for less now...

But if you indeed have more value, then she has to settle anyway. She just need to choose whether to settle for less, or settle for nothing at all. If you decide to dump her anyway, at least try it. You'll get some experience in setting up open LTRs.