Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married
03-13-2015, 06:57 PM
Great post! And here's something I put together for the DC forums a couple years back:
What’s the Point?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this lately. esp. with my wing also picking up/closing hot, young girls but feeling the pressure to settle down with someone “more suitable” (i.e. significantly older) for marriage/kids etc. Mocked by friends and family, who are perhaps small-minded and possibly motivated by their own jealousy and/or mediocrity/misery, this is the reality we face.
Yes, images of the perfect happy family abound. And we constantly hear the phrase “growing old together”. But that’s completely unacceptable in my view. Why take oneself out of the game for something that’s going to occur thirty to forty years into the future?
Marriage is generally for unattractive people who lead boring, unfulfilling lives, with limited options. People who don’t bother working out, eating right and taking care of themselves tend to look their ages and find it necessary to ‘lock down” before it’s too late. Guided by false media images, organized religion and societal pressures, there’s a certain stability or comfort that comes from marriage. And some actually do welcome the “metal focus”.
It’s viewed as one of life’s milestones to be checked off the list as one pursues career success and “raising a family”, unencumbered by chasing after women. To a certain degree this all makes sense for those with limited options. Back in the day, most social connections were limited to friends of friends, co-workers etc. There was a greater sense of commitment, perhaps as a result, and people took their vows much more seriously. It was a slower-paced world of less instant-gratification. Airline travel wasn’t quite as inexpensive/widespread, and there was no Internet, online dating/social media, bringing us closer together...AND further apart.
Through marriage, one is staking a claim to another human being. So in our consumerist society, a spouse is merely another possession to be accumulated. Taken another way, one is just committing to a form of voluntary slavery. And while extra-marital affairs seem to be somewhat more socially-acceptable these days, for both men and women, they’re still widely shunned in the U.S. Other cultures have been much more open-minded, however.
So I would argue that barring a mutually agreed upon “open marriage” or a situation when one or both spouses are able to keep friends on the side without too much internal guilt or discovery by the other, marriage these days is a huge hoax. Our government encourages family units as it leads to greater economic productivity vs. having its business leaders and wage-earners running around every night in the hope of screwing each other. Larger, single family homes also drive the housing market. And let’s not forget about the multi-billion dollar “wedding industry” among others.
Let’s pause to consider two different images. There’s the sweet older couple holding hands on their front porch. Everyone looks at them and smiles. That’s the ideal we’re conditioned to seek from an early age. Now contrast that with the 65 or 70 year old bachelor playboy, still in decent shape, getting into his sportscar and messing around with women young enough to be his grand daughters. Most are appalled by such “inappropriate behavior” as it threatens the social order. If more people were like him, there would be fewer children and families, or certainly more single mothers. Not to mention, all the women in their 30’s/40’s perpetually abandoned and alone.
Yes, marriage clearly favors women. While men typically appreciate in value into their forties and fifties, achieving greater earning potential, female beauty is a depreciating asset. So that’s why we see successful, reasonably fit guys attracting hot, younger girls throughout the majority of their lives. Meanwhile, with many women putting on significant weight and sustaining sun-related premature aging of the skin, often they’re physically “used up” by their early thirties or mid-late twenties even.
Just think about it for a second. The typical woman has dating value for just ten years of her life, from 18-28. Quite a sobering thought. Whereas guys can expect to pull for at least thirty years. Given their vastly shorter “shelf life”, it’s no wonder that women are pushing hard for marriage. Unfortunately, for every guy that resists, there are several chumps ready to take his place. Societal pressures become too overwhelming at times, and we’re forced to either capitulate or to just walk away, exploring other options. “Growing old together” clearly favors the fairer sex, however. And let’s just pity the hard-driving career type females who delay their prospects, facing rapidly decreasing options.
Next, we’re “directed” to start having children. Oftentimes, this serves as the “glue” keeping a rapidly fading marriage together, after both parties and esp. the male realizes that it’s not at consistent with their expectations. But again, what’s really the point? It carries on the family line. Of course, there’s a certain vanity, and perhaps, some pride/satisfaction to be had in molding another human being and seeing a junior version of oneself. Parental responsibility could provide a sense of purpose in life for some. Also, there’s the hope of one’s child becoming el Presidente or more and taking care of his/her parents as they reach the “golden years”.
Much more likely, however, these offspring fail to achieve such lofty heights. Instead, for twenty to thirty years or more, they’re just creating further stress on the marriage and for those who sired them. All the while, they’re sucking up financial resources to the tune of at least a quarter million dollars each. Often showing little gratitude in return.
With HALF of all marriages statistically doomed to fail, financially, it’s a losing proposition any way you look at it. Even without children, the pressures are immense. And despite the increased earning power of women, antiquated laws over-protect them to the severe detriment of their soon to be ex-husbands. Factoring in alimony, perhaps, child support and the prospect of financial ruin, could this be yet another social construct designed to preserve this “sacred institution”? Voluntary slavery, indeed!
Nevertheless, societal pressures are hard to overcome for many. And people, usually men, are unaware of their options. So lured by feelings of love and lust, media messages, stability, the promise of regular sex, and possibly unplanned parenthood, they decide to settle down. However, those who “play by the rules” and remain faithful suffer the most. Sex usually becomes far less regular and much less exciting/fulfilling as familiarity leads to discontent. Both parties tend to stop caring as much about staying fit and maintaining their appearance. After all, they’re already “hitched”. And as they begin their gradual descent into mediocrity, the normalcy of this sad fate is just reinforced by co-workers, neighbors and their new family-centered social circle.
In looking around my own suburban neighborhood, nobody seems all that happy or loving. Instead, there’s just a general feeling of duty and resignation as people are merely going about their lives. Meanwhile, there seems to be a general sense of disapproval over the playboy lifestyle I’ve chosen to pursue. Far less judgmental and more accepting are friends and family who have a vicarious fascination, and good-natured jealousy, always interested in seeing pictures and hearing my tales.
But this all just further reinforces the notion of marriage as an elaborate trap. Lacking better judgment and life experiences, I had bought into the social programming and did it too. While there were some fun times, especially the beginning and it was nice to share a commitment with the woman I loved, in some ways our voluntary union prior to marriage felt even better.
Although we both made good money and enjoyed a fairly comfortable lifestyle, we gradually lost sight of what really mattered, becoming trapped by the materialism. It was comforting having that “safety net” and a life partner. But at the same time, there was a certain loss of independence and being able to think for oneself. And ours was a VERY independent marriage as compared to many others. Despite the shared incomes, there were even more financial pressures and demands as she was always striving for bigger and better. Meanwhile, she was always asking for favors, or “nagging”, as you will. Which again, is to be expected in a marriage. For better or worse, I remained faithful to the core and just accepted my chosen fate.
As is typical, the sex went from semi-decent and somewhat frequent to almost non-existent. Fortunately, however, no kids were involved. Or that would have made everything much worse for everyone. Although she was just eighteen when we started dating, over our fourteen years together, there was definitely a physical decline. Meanwhile, I managed to stay in shape, and actually improved over the years. While being out on my own did require some mental adjustment at first, overall, it’s quite liberating and now approaching the five year anniversary of the divorce I’m grateful that I escaped before it was too late.
Interestingly-enough, coming out of a long-term relationship and driven by decades of such social programming, I spent the first few years looking to replace just that. Again, like most, I simply didn’t know any better. Discovering PUA, however, I’ve since come to realize that life is full of options. So why settle for years of boredom and mediocrity with just one person? There are tons of young, hot women to be loved. And many of them harbor “daddy complexes” due to their parents’ own broken marriages. Now there’s a whole world of possibilities available to me with new friendships and connections just waiting to be made.
Perhaps one day I will settle down again. But now I’ve realized that time is definitely on my side, and there’s certainly no need to rush into anything. Not to mention, having sampled A LOT over the past few years, these days, I’m not too easily impressed. Maybe when I’m reaching my late fifties/early sixties, if the available options begin dwindling, and I feel the need to essentially give up on life to start growing old with someone, I’ll commit once again.
Until then, unless I’m meeting someone who’s absolutely perfect in every way and a “reach” in terms of physical beauty, making it worthwhile to “take myself off the market”, I’ll instead, gladly remain a “free agent” for the foreseeable future.
Instead, it makes a lot more sense to keep one’s options open, play the field, enjoy the variety and then trade them in for a younger upgrade every few years. And to all those younger PUAs searching for “the One”, please be VERY careful what you wish for. Unless, of course, you’re the type who craves stability, has limited options and/or wants kids. Under those circumstances monogamy could make some sense.
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