[Agastya]

I'm currently a sophomore in college, and I recently realized that the people who I considered my best friends weren't adding any value to my life. I've slowly started to phase them out of my life. This process has made me a vastly more solitary person; I'm a lot less extroverted than I used to be, and barely talk to anyone on a regular basis. I'm a member of the school rowing team and a fraternity, so I'm constantly around other people, but I don't really feel any need or desire to engage with them at all, let alone form deeper relationships.

This is probably the first time in my life that I've secluded myself in such a way. It's strange and a little discomfiting. Back home I had a group of eight or nine guys who I grew up with and consequently hung out with all the time. Before now, I had three close friends in college, who I also spent tons of time with.

Spending this much time in my own company has been simultaneously rewarding and disconcerting. I enjoy my own company a lot more, and I spend way less time socializing, meaning that my grades are a lot better. I've dispensed with the negative patterns of thinking and speaking that I picked up from my former friends. I care wholeheartedly about my sport and expend much effort on it, and, for some reason, I've been exponentially more successful with women. This is despite being far quieter and less outgoing.

At the same time, though, I miss the feelings of having great times with friends, of being extremely social, of getting smashed and adventuring with bros. I'm a little worried that I won't be able to make equally good friends throughout the rest of college; there are lot of people at my school, but I've noticed that most people make their best friends in their freshman year. I'm currently enjoying my period of solitude, but it don't want to last for an extended amount of time.

Basically I wanted to share my own thoughts on going "monk mode", and hear from forum members who have done/are doing the same thing.

[Suits]

Cardguy?

[Agastya]

(03-03-2015 11:28 PM)Suits Wrote:  

Cardguy?

Did I say I was banging hookers?

[Suits]

(03-03-2015 11:31 PM)Agastya Wrote:  

(03-03-2015 11:28 PM)Suits Wrote:  

Cardguy?

Did I say I was banging hookers?

Ya, I guess that eliminates you from the "suspected alternate Cardguy username" category.

[YossariansRight]

Taking some "alone time" to recharge, chill, whatever can be very beneficial. If you are ready to do it, do it.

“Do you hate people?

I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.”

- Charles Bukowski, Barfly

[Suits]

I'm very social and can be the life of the party, but I'm also introverted.

Recently, during Chinese NY, I had six weeks paid vacation off from work. I spent the first several days just recovering from a busy couple of weeks and then set off for south China, where I partied it up hardcore for two weeks. By the end of those two weeks, I just wanted to sleep in my own house and cook in my own kitchen.

I took a train back to Beijing and spent about three weeks barely going out.

Without work to get me out of bed each day, I got into a very lazy routine of sleeping late and rising late.

Most of my friends were out of town for the vacation period, so I couldn't meet people and I wasn't aware of any social events where I could meet new people. Aside from going to a bar and trying to make friends, my options were limited.

The three weeks were totally enjoyable, however. I was glad to go back to work three days ago, as I'd had plenty of rest by then, but I certainly enjoy just getting some time to myself.

I doubt that it's very healthy to have no friends and to never enjoy social opportunities, but I also don't think that it is very healthy to have friends that hold you back from being who you really could be.

Also, there's probably nothing wrong from retreating from certain aspects of social activity for a period.

I think life becomes pretty meaningless on a certain level if you don't have a couple good guy friends who you can have honest conversation with and enjoy some shared hobbies with.

I also believe that it's good to have females (that you are also having sex with) in your life for the same reason.

You can't really have the same conversations with women that you can with men, because of the hamster, but women do add something to your life.

It's two sides of the same coin.

In conclusion, I'd encourage you to shoot for a life with a good balance of worthwhile female sexual partners, hopefully some good male friends (who are on your level and will challenge you to be the best that you can be) and good self-time.

It's very healthy to schedule time to recharge the batteries and think through things on a regular basis.

On an added note, university is very busy. Just do what you need to to get through the next few years until you graduate and then get a job that will allow you have the things you want in life, especially on a social level.

I cut down on my socializing significantly during my last 8 months of university study, because I just couldn't keep up with my usual pace any more, but once I graduated, I was back to being myself again, because without the crushing weight of everything I had to do while in school, I had the energy for my preferred pursuits.

[HughMyron]

Going monk mode during college time isn't the smartest idea. Some relationships that you make during college times might become either lifelong friends or really good acquiantances/business contacts later on. Not saying you need to party it up every single day but if every one else in college is doing it already you might as well participate in that merry atmosphere. Reading books, learning instruments etc. you'll always have time for that later on when you enter the daily grind during a job. And later on when you're working, you'll almost automatically go into monk mode anyway.

[Ronald Reagan]

Make an effort to find valuable friends. If you felt that your old group brought no value to your life then dropping them was a smart decision. Don't become anti-social completely.

There are many members of this forum that consistently change who they hang around with every few years or so, including me. As you mature or just experience life in general what you want out of friends changes. Don't get hung up on not finding a life long friend in college, you have plenty of time to make friends as you age.