Quote: (04-26-2011 10:38 PM)FretDancer Wrote:
Not gonna argue there, but I don't see how a girl that just met you can confirm this in her mind with nothing other than your proof of tight game, and I think I got really good game imo. Hence why I think sometimes this shit doesn't make any sense.
This is one of the first mistakes a guy will make when it comes to women-they VASTLY underestimate female emotional instincts and intelligence.
In some ways, you need to see the female instinct as almost alien-she's got almost Superman-like see-through vision, and can read your emotions like a book just by looking at you. The average girl has a very high level of emotional intelligence and has probably been running(usually less than consciously) some form of "game" on guys since she hit puberty, especially if she is attractive.
Girls can read a man. Your slightest incongruity can send signals to them, and when I say slight I mean very slight. It could be the way you hold your glass when standing at the club, the way you speak, etc, etc, I'm talking about things you wouldn't even notice until it was too late. This, along with "shit tests" constitute a girl's main means of separating betas and other undesirables from the alpha male stock. Even your average 18-19 year old cutie fresh out of high school can read you like a book from the minute you walk into the room, and more often than not a lot of her guesses will be dead on.
I guarantee you that you too are regularly read by these women, and not always in a positive way. Even the most skilled PUA's have success rates barely hovering above the single digits in the US. Your practicing and expressing tight game is certainly visible to her, but so are many other things that, while irrelevant to you, are quite visible to her even on a subconscious level. Your body, voice, etc can tell her rationalization hamster a million things.
If you are concerned or insecure about something and it is harming your game and giving you a pretty low success rate (as well as a relatively high level of frustration), it is probably showing somewhere and can, at least to some extent, affect your future success rate. You personally are struggling a lot with flaking. It is frustrating you(as it does most men) and you admit having a difficult time adopting the mindset you'd need to counter this flaking(you quoted my earlier post as showing this "good mindset") due to a relatively low success rate. The pursuit of women is very important to you right now so I'd assume this whole situation (debating whether or not to hit her back, would it be needy, etc, etc) is putting you in a less than ideal state.
In instances like this where one's state is significantly below where he wants to be and he is not having an overabundance of success, it is very difficult to completely hide it in your body language, voice, wording, etc. You'd have to hide even the most minute signs of your discontent (difficult even in more ideal circumstances), as a decently attractive girl can probably read them quickly (consciously or subconsciously) and make a conclusion.
This doesn't mean it is impossible to fool a girl with tight game, but it is not as easy as you'd think for a guy who isn't where he wants to be sexually(and who considers that aspect of his life extremely important) to fool a chick into thinking he is. Game is not an impenetrable shield, which is why it can take an average frustrated beta(to use an example) a while to get laid, even though he'll probably luck out eventually and begin building a notch count. He'll fail early because most girls will see his inexperience and desperation quickly without any verbal exchange, even if he is a decently trained PUA (bootcamps, lots of readings, etc). You can fake it til you make it, and you'll likely make it eventually, but it can take a long time.
The only truly foolproof way around this is to actually attain the aura of confidence and aloof experience/indifference that you desire to emulate. Once you get this, it'll shine through your most subtle cues as she reads them. To actually get to this stage, however, you need to:
1. Actually get the notch count up somehow.
2. Make women peripheral and gain confidence in other things you like.
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What troubles me most is that this is the case. I go to the gym and my shape has gotten so much better, it has given my confidence a good boost. I always have my hobbies even though I feel like I have abandoned them lately, but despite that, I always find a way to slip them in to the girl and DHV.
Not to be harsh bro, but you're WAY off, at least as far as the strategy I outlined goes. You're not investing in yourself enough.
Take your hobbies for example- you've "abandoned them lately". The key to focusing on oneself is to really invest in these interests and make them central and primary to your life and your happiness(which shouldn't be hard if you pick things you really like). Instead, you're saying here that you've essentially abandoned them and only use them to casually DHV with girls and impress them. In other words, the only relevance your hobbies really have in your life now(since you say you've largely abandoned them) is to impress girls casually in conversation. That is the opposite of the strategy I'm proposing here.
Find a passion that doesn't have two tits and a vagina. Seriously invest in it-make it you. Give it all the energy you can spare and make sure its an activity in which you can spare that energy happily and gain joy out of the whole effort, while still taking it very seriously.
These activities will become more central to your life, and will hopefully aid you in making women more peripheral and yourself more content. These changes will show in your character around women-calmer, more self assured, confident, etc. And that is when the women will flock to you in larger numbers.
Also, a passionate hobby/interest or even career is the ultimate DHV. What you're doing(not actually practicing hobbies/investing in them but casually mentioning them to DHV) is not a bad play in theory and women may like to hear it to an extent.
What would work better, however, is a REAL passion. Women react differently to passive DHVs regarding things you're not really invested in and REAL DHVs, descriptions of thing that are clearly heavily invested in by you and quite central to your happiness/contentment while having nothing to do with females or their presence in your life. Women can see the difference, and the second option is FAR more effective.
Read this post from Roissy to get a better idea of what I mean:
http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/10/18/why-so-serious/
A quick quote to summarize his main point:
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Women love two things: Passionate men who pursue their mission(s) in life with single-minded focus, and easily distracted men whose interests and hobbies are capable of diverting their attention from the wiles of women...Moral of this post: Get a hobby, any hobby (except video gaming or Civil War reenacting), and throw yourself into it. Make sure she occasionally sees your brow sweating with passionate single-mindedness. You don’t even have to be that good at it. Her libido will respond right on cue.