[OGNorCal707]

Thanks for all the feedback guys, I appreciate it and it's making me feel a lot better and helping provide clarity on the situation. Also thank you to Fisto especially, I was expecting a lot of guys to tear me a new one on this thread, fortunately it was mostly positive and supportive, but I know I fucked up bad in the game, and can admit when I've done wrong.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and now I really do feel like a fool, because as everyone including myself has said there were glaring redflags there that I continued to overlook throughout the relationship. I should say however, that like most women aside from her tatts and just overall vibe, she did manage to cover up a lot of her red flags and it was over time that they really started to come out, but at that point she already had her claws dug into me and I was smitten by lust.

Not that it is ever a good excuse, but most women are such masters of making themselves out to be something they really aren't, a victim of a troubled past, they try to portray themselves as changed, how they learned so much and grew so much, but in reality the old saying is true... "you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Now I need to take responsibility for my own actions and decisions, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am really realizing that I have lot's of "captain save a ho" tendencies, and often fall into this dynamic where I find a troubled woman and I unconciously without even being aware, want to help her and be there for her. I am starting to suspect that I attract women like this in my life, or they are attracted to me, since I tend to be a good bit older, more established, more stable, and have my shit together.

The old school rappers are right, "you can't make a ho a housewife", and playing "captain save a ho" is nothing but a fool's errand.

Another issue I have is I'm too damn trusting of women, especially once we've been having a bunch of sex, hanging out all the time, and they've gotten into my head and bonded with me on an emotional level. It's like I really want to believe them when they say they love me, when they say that I mean everything to them, that they've changed, and now their lives are so complete.

I know... it's all a bunch of blue pill, beta, pathetic, oneitis bullshit. I need to work on that shit, and purge it from my system. Like some guys have said, even though I'm a little upset still, it's probably a blessing in disguise. For sure I didn't want to be with her long term more than I already had, I sure as fucking shit knew there was no way in hell I was going to ever want to marry or have kids with her, so her breaking up was really the best thing for both of us. I guess I just got too caught up in the comfort of having a live in girl, who not only provided constant good sex, but also the illusion of companionship with a person who loved and cherished me.

All we can do in life is learn from our mistakes, I know I've had a couple other whack relationships in the past, so maybe I didn't learn as much from those as I should have, sometimes we got to get knocked down a few times before we can get back up and learn our lesson, it's the school of hard knocks.

A lot of guys helped put shit into perspective, even though I still feel like I got played by this shit, it could have been a million times worse, I could have gotten her pregnant, she could have stole from me, she could have done some really unsavory shit. Even though it was a painful experience and it may make me look like a simp in many of your eyes, I can really give two shits, I'm glad to share this story so that a lot of new guys on here and even old ones can learn from my mistakes, read this story and see where I fucked up. Guys like Travesty, please call me out if you feel the need to, not doing so because I have more rep points is fucking lame, I'm a big boy I can take all your harsh criticism, it will only make me stronger.

[Veloce]

It sounds like you want a good girl. Nothing wrong with this; how many times do you read guys in the travel forum praising the "good girl" qualities of foreign women? It's natural to want to forge a connection with a genuinely good woman. The problem is that, it seems like you're projecting your desire for a good girl onto someone who is about the polar opposite. So you rationalize and make up little stories, "Well, she USED to do x, y, z...she's not like that anymore." I've been there man, guilty as charged.

Take that impulse to project goodness onto women and flip it around. Start projecting badness and assume the worst. The trick is to not get jaded or resentful.

The older I get and the more I've seen from people, the greater I put them under scrutiny. ESPECIALLY women. I assume the worst of people until proven otherwise.

You SHOULD assume all women are whores.
You SHOULD assume all women are lying and manipulative.
You SHOULD assume all women have something going on the side.

But don't let these assumptions get you down. Internalize them and keep a sense of humor about it. Don't take women seriously.

Every girl you meet, every date you go on, you should assume that you are just one small feather in her cap, because chances are you are. Hopefully you can stand out in one way or another, by having tight game, or you really lay the pipe down on her, but don't assume or get caught in that ego game of how you measure up in her eyes.

How you measure up to any woman does not matter. You're only in this for your own enjoyment.

And somewhere along the path, in your future hunt, you might come across a genuinely good girl. You still need game. You'll still need to scrutinize her. You're going to have to take a serious inventory of her faults and shortcomings. You cannot project your desire for a good girl onto another girl.

Over the course of a year, you can take a girl like that, and slowly, gradually ease up on the game. Show yourself a little. Allow yourself to trust her. There's a very fine line here. There are some elements of game that you must never give up. You must never be passive or submissive. You must keep her emotionally stimulated. Throughout this process you need to establish a sense of ownership over her, so that the notion of her partying behind your back is laughable.

That is where you need to be in order to keep a "good girl" around. You need a girl that would never even consider getting drunk with other men around unless her boyfriend was there.

In modern America where women consider it a god-given right to "have a few drinks" with "just a few guy friends", good luck.

[Downtown]

before the reveal of the red flags, i thought that shit could have been done by a 'regular' girl. its happened to me.

as was said in this thread, women lie to themselves and that becomes the world. they have no problems presenting themselves as complete fabrications.

truth is they never know what they really want so they just tell themselves something and go with that.

moral is, that shit can happen with a crazy one with red flags or a totally 'normal' one as well.

[ksbms]

Words aren't equal to actions. That is, a picture of a car, however well made, isn't that car.

[robreke]

(11-02-2014 03:42 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

Words aren't equal to actions. That is, a picture of a car, however well made, isn't that car.

^ This. ALWAYS judge a woman by her actions and NOT by her words.

Example: THE WORDS : "I adore you and respect you...you're the only man for me" but THE ACTION IS she starts texting you back less and less and taking longer to text back or will go on a disappearing act every once in a while.

THE WORDS: "I adore and respect you" THE ACTION : She's flaking on dates, arriving at dates late, and/or you catch her in obvious lies.

THE WORDS: "Yes, we're not exclusive yet and I've been on a few dates with other guys but you are the ONLY one I've been physical with" or "You are the only man in my life, etc" THE ACTION: She's suddenly not as enthusiastic about sex anymore. She's holding out a bit on sex. She's no where near as wet when you have like she used to be. Maybe she even requires lubrication. ( she's getting jack hammered by another dude )

If a woman is attracted to you and you are her only lover and she enjoys sex with you, she will FIND a way to be with you as much as possible. She'll be texting and calling daily. She'll be making excuses to come over so you can lay some pipe.

Actions are the truth from women. Their words to you are their fantasy construct....their own self created matrix world just for you if you will.

[poutsara]

(11-01-2014 01:15 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

Okay guys I want to forewarn you that this may be a long post that jumps around a lot, after some internal debate I have decided to write this post as a form of self-therapy, as well as a cautionary tale so others can learn from my mistakes.

I got burned by my 25 year old ex-girlfriend of the last 10 months, who was a 7.5 on the scale.
...

We were one of those couples that spent all their time together and she was with me at my house every night, so I'm just like what the fuck.

Any how here's part II of this long post. I'm a fucking idiot for even staying in that relationship with her in the first place. There were a bunch of red flags that were popping up and presenting themselves from the beginning, but I continued to ignore them because she seemed so genuinely sweet and loving, and that she was honest and true to me and professed this throughout our relationship....

She had tattoos and piercings, she had told me about a lot of coke and mdma use in her past. She told me she had turned to stripping when she moved to LA, when she was completely broke and had no other option, spinning it into a story that made her look like the victim.

I was finding out about multiple past boyfriends and everytime we were at a cafe or grocery store she would try to duck this one particular ex-bf of hers and I later found out that's because she fucked one of his business partners....

She was a bad luck bitch, with nothing going for her other than her looks and her pussy, both of those will fade over time, and nothing of substance will be left. She was troubled and had a lot of problems, and even though she was pretty and a freak in bed, I'm better off not having her in my life.

OG, you didn't get played, you got lucky. I echo everyone else here and say congrats for not getting her pregnant. Sounds like you almost lived together too. I hope she was a good cook.

So you banged a freaky 7.5 out of 10, 25 year old every day for 10 months. Good job! Given the story, I hope there were others too.

About those flags... I would say...coke, ecstasy, stripping...those are hard red flags. As in, there is no way you can rationalize them away - no matter what.I would say her "victim mindset", history of "lots of exes" , "piercings and tats" are also red flags, albeit softer than the drugs/stripping/ (I'm picking up on implied prostitution here too).

[Sebastian]

You are upset just because those kind of chicks doesn't come around easily. (puts out easily, moves in with you right way so you can bang her any time of the day)

You were like a hunter who had enough food at home. Obviously, you wouldn't feel like going out to hunt in that situation.

All of sudden, your food supply disappeared. Now you are just afraid of going out to wilderness in cold weather to hunt.

Imagine yourself bitching about her while hanging out at the bar 'fuck that bitch. If she was still with me, I don't have to do this'
Does it sound Silly to you?

[Veloce]

OG I was doing some squats at the gym while listening to this and thought of you:

I suggest you do the same sometime great post-breakup music.

[Tuthmosis]

I finally got a chance to read OG's post. At first, I was tempted to respond with a series of (mostly rap) music clips from youtube, but I think Fisto nailed--even if he was a little tough-love about it.

(11-01-2014 11:20 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

You need to get back to basics man because you went and violated everything you supposedly knew when it comes to both redpill and game.

You did more than ignore red flags. You were outright blinded by good pussy, and would have seen this coming from a mile away if you'd had half your senses. This isn't the kind of bitch you can leave unattended and expect zero problems, and certainly not one that you move in with you so that walking away becomes complicated.

I'm not going to tell you to avoid a chick like this, but you have to understand that you're dealing with the equivalent of a wild animal who, sooner or later, will either turn on you or return to the wild unceremoniously. No loyalty. No memory. No respect. That shit doesn't exist in the lizard brain that runs this type of bitch.

Yes, she's moved on to the next guy she'll leech off of--financially and "emotionally"--until she grows bored again. When the carousel finally comes to its inevitable stop, some sap will put a ring on it.

This is an old story.

[OGNorCal707]

(11-03-2014 12:54 AM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

I finally got a chance to read OG's post. At first, I was tempted to respond with a series of (mostly rap) music clips from youtube, but I think Fisto nailed--even if he was a little tough-love about it.

(11-01-2014 11:20 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

You need to get back to basics man because you went and violated everything you supposedly knew when it comes to both redpill and game.

You did more than ignore red flags. You were outright blinded by good pussy, and would have seen this coming from a mile away if you'd had half your senses. This isn't the kind of bitch you can leave unattended and expect zero problems, and certainly not one that you move in with you so that walking away becomes complicated.

I'm not going to tell you to avoid a chick like this, but you have to understand that you're dealing with the equivalent of a wild animal who, sooner or later, will either turn on you or return to the wild unceremoniously. No loyalty. No memory. No respect. That shit doesn't exist in the lizard brain that runs this type of bitch.

Yes, she's moved on to the next guy she'll leech off of--financially and "emotionally"--until she grows bored again. When the carousel finally comes to its inevitable stop, some sap will put a ring on it.

This is an old story.

[kaotic]

Jesus Christ she sounded like a train wreck.

This sums up everyone's comments:

[Rawmeo]

Dodging bullets, that's what you were doing. With so many red flags, I think everybody here pretty much summarized the story. She was a wreck.

[Vronsky]

(11-01-2014 05:07 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Red flags are called red flags for a reason.

Now OG the tread title says I got played. I'm not seeing it as she told you and you knew she was a stripper, drugs etc. You didn't really get played at all.

Now if you met her at church and engaged in this all the while she's telling you about her morals, family importance etc then the second you leave for a few she's on a drug binge banging dudes out etc then yes, you got played. In reality you got lots of sex from a typical slut and she moved on.

You can do the same thing again next month if you want. Knowing the outcome will keep you from getting to emotional so don't be that guy. We all know that guy and it never works out for him.

+1 for me.

As sympathetic as I am to the OP, there were so many red flags it was a damn Communist parade.

I agree with El. You truly would have been played if she was some conservative, traditional, home-loving girl but then she wouldn't have been that great at sex and most of us here would have nexted her for not dropping her panties by the 2nd date.

Keep going after the party girls but don't get invested in them.

[Going strong]

(11-03-2014 01:24 PM)Vronsky Wrote:  

(11-01-2014 05:07 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Red flags are called red flags for a reason.

Now OG the tread title says I got played. I'm not seeing it as she told you and you knew she was a stripper, drugs etc. You didn't really get played at all.

Now if you met her at church and engaged in this all the while she's telling you about her morals, family importance etc then the second you leave for a few she's on a drug binge banging dudes out etc then yes, you got played. In reality you got lots of sex from a typical slut and she moved on.

You can do the same thing again next month if you want. Knowing the outcome will keep you from getting to emotional so don't be that guy. We all know that guy and it never works out for him.

+1 for me.

As sympathetic as I am to the OP, there were so many red flags it was a damn Communist parade.

I'll use this line with my next party-girl, when I am bored with her : Hey honey, you raise so many red flags, you look like a damn Communist parade!

By the way, OP will only know in a few weeks if he has indeed dodged all bullets from this wild promiscuous chick..... there's one bullet, can hit you weeks after being fired...

[Baldwin81]

(11-02-2014 12:25 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

All we can do in life is learn from our mistakes, I know I've had a couple other whack relationships in the past, so maybe I didn't learn as much from those as I should have, sometimes we got to get knocked down a few times before we can get back up and learn our lesson, it's the school of hard knocks.

^ You said it above.

Other posters have noted how many bullets you've dodged. As someone who got blinded by the good early 20's pussy and lived with a girl for a year, let me add one more (apologies if I missed this earlier)...

She got a moving truck, got her shit, and left... Behind only the aforementioned pregnancy and $ for 18 years or some sort of false charge, that bit about her just getting her shit and leaving is a huge blessing.

WIA mentioned something like this above, but it's worth repeating: Moving in with a girl kills the fun and removes the mystery... it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen. When it happens, cohabitation can make things hard to untangle... WATCH THOSE FLAGS OG. Best wishes to you.

[Constitution45]

You are human, when you get burnt it makes you form emotionally thicker skin, which can improve all aspects of your life. Its the sort of material that great leaders are made from; embrace the mistake and move on.

[jariel]

(11-03-2014 03:55 PM)Constitution45 Wrote:  

You are human, when you get burnt it makes you form emotionally thicker skin, which can improve all aspects of your life.

This is true in an ideal sense, but we don't live in an ideal existence.

Some people will get caught up with the wrong kind of people over and over again.

If they could actually do better, they would do better, they can't, so they get the results they get.

No violins here.

[DJ-Matt]

Ex-wife said the same lovey-dovey things a week before she filed for divorce. Women are fucking scum ass liars, watch what they do never what they say.

[jariel]

(11-03-2014 04:26 PM)DJ-Matt Wrote:  

Ex-wife said the same lovey-dovey things a week before she filed for divorce. Women are fucking scum ass liars, watch what they do never what they say.

Women have created a whole society of players. I think it's natural for us to want to do the traditional things, while maintaining a sense of freedom, but at this point, to preserve our manhood and sanity, we choose freedom over the traditional because not only have they've ruined the traditions, they have no respect for what we aim to preserve because they selfishly see it as it being something that's at their expense, as opposed to something that's just our nature and really doesn't have anything to do with them.

Ultimately, women hate players, although they'll never stop fucking us, because we have different perspectives on what a player is. We view being a player as being able to see the game -- life -- for what it is, get what we want out of it, and keep it moving. We don't bother to see the collateral damage, because after a certain point, we don't care. They see players as men they end up giving more to than extracting from, and then they're left with the laundry list of their sacrifices, which were our gains, and they feel jaded because they came out on the wrong end of the scoreboard.

Since they've bought into Why Men Love Bitches, Sex in the City, and Mars and Venus bullshit, we're not partners with common goals and mutual understandings, we're full-on adversaries, in a match-up that will leave one victor holding up the belt and one loser unsure of when they'll get another title shot.

That's too bad; but, since we're now in a race to see who plays whom first, she'll be eating my dust.

[heavy]

Just ready OP (as much as I could handle). Tough, sucks to go through, but this sorta thing will make you better...more pragmatic at the very least.

Below, you fell on the left side of this scale. I usually err on the right. Just like anything, best to maintain balance between the two. A real player falls near the middle.

Treat bad girl well <--------------> Treat good girl poorly

[el mechanico]

I don't know about you guys but when I know break up is imminent...

I get a little upset but it's the same upset as dropping of a buddy at the airport.

And then after a few hours..

I think about the machine. Get this bitch out of my face asap and I'm going to fire it up. It's like pulling a hot rod out of storage. Pour a little gas in and watch it breathe back to life. It's a great feeling.

Don't LTR if you dont have the machine sitting in storage.

[MtnMan]

Holy shit mech! I loved that analogy!!

[michelin]

Quote:

3)DATE MULTIPLE WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME.
There's so many easy ways to do this, join a salsa class, do Tinder, go to a museum regularly, something! (Yes I know you live in Nor Cal I used to as well so I know but still I was able to pull it off.)
When you date multiple women, you don't care if one woman leaves you. . .You've got OTHERS! . . .ANNNND usually women will come back to you if you do it right

This.

And, more importantly, do your daily approaches. You should have approached at least 10 girls and gotten a few numbers since you started this thread. THere is no better way for getting that bitch out of your head.

[el mechanico]

Break up machine

[Sebastian]

Seriously, can you expect a druggie to give you proper 30 day notice before moving out? you should be relived that the person didn't move out with your shits and made bunch of damages in your house.

In the end, you banged her anyway imaginable that might not be possible with regular chicks......I think we should be jealous at OP

(11-03-2014 02:41 PM)Baldwin81 Wrote:  

(11-02-2014 12:25 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

All we can do in life is learn from our mistakes, I know I've had a couple other whack relationships in the past, so maybe I didn't learn as much from those as I should have, sometimes we got to get knocked down a few times before we can get back up and learn our lesson, it's the school of hard knocks.

^ You said it above.

Other posters have noted how many bullets you've dodged. As someone who got blinded by the good early 20's pussy and lived with a girl for a year, let me add one more (apologies if I missed this earlier)...

She got a moving truck, got her shit, and left... Behind only the aforementioned pregnancy and $ for 18 years or some sort of false charge, that bit about her just getting her shit and leaving is a huge blessing.

WIA mentioned something like this above, but it's worth repeating: Moving in with a girl kills the fun and removes the mystery... it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen. When it happens, cohabitation can make things hard to untangle... WATCH THOSE FLAGS OG. Best wishes to you.