I don't even know where to start. I'll just lay it all out.
I'm 27 years old. In a couple months I'll be 6 years out of college. I graduated with a philosophy degree, which many like to call a "bullshit degree". What can I say? I was an idealistic kid and the field attracted me. After graduating college I had no idea what to do with myself. At first I applied to jobs that sounded interesting to me but I had no qualifications. Eventually I had to settle on basic labor jobs just to pay the bills. I considered law school, but decided against it. It didn't feel right. Instead, I found myself wandering from menial job to menial job, barely making ends meet and unable to pay my hefty student loans.
I lived alone in a shitty apartment in a shitty town. I had no opportunities to meet women and the people I was hanging out with didn't seem all that interested in me. I was living a miserable life. Eventually I fell into the darkest episode of depression I've ever had and later had a complete breakdown.
After 4 years of this I could take no more. I decided I just had to do something. So I packed my bags, quit my job, and drove across the country alone to start a new life. I knew no one. I had no job and no money. I was flirting with homelessness when I suddenly got lucky. I found a job working overnight in a 24-hour grocery store.
After the years of financial struggle and emotional turmoil I had finally been able to break out. I had traveled thousands of miles, faced enormous doubts and fears, and was now living in a nicer town near a college with a job that brought in enough money to live. Later, I moved into an even nicer apartment and made some cool friends. And after living sexless since college, I even managed to bag a good-looking girl after only 2 months! After that, I began making it a point to approach chicks constantly.
I was so proud of myself. I was excited to see what this new life had to offer. The feeling didn't last long however.
It's been a year and a half since I arrived here and I've fallen into a terrible rut. Things are sure a lot better than they used to be but I feel stranded. I still work overnight in the store and it's ruining my mind and hurting my self-esteem. My ability to approach women and hold their interest is hurting because of it. I've managed to overcome approach anxiety but my scorecard with women is just getting weaker. In fact, after a recent nasty episode with a chick I was pretty interested in forming a relationship with, my desire to approach women has never been lower. Financially, I'm barely making it on my retail wages, which are now being garnished because of my defaulted student loans.
I've been battling with some depression on and off for several months and my motivation is piss-poor. I'm stuck. I have no idea where to go from here.
Every year on my college graduation anniversary I ask myself: "What that hell are you doing with your life?" And I never have an answer. I look around at all the sad people who have been doing this retail gig for years (some decades!) and I am terrified of becoming one of them. In fact, I've seen those people in every crap job that I've been in: miserable people bitching about the boss, alcoholics, gamblers, the socially and sexually inept. I feel so bad for them all and at the same time I fear becoming one of them. I know the path I am on will only lead me to where they are now.
I also look back at some of the people I left at home, the successful 20-somethings that either knew their path early on or decided to "pay their dues" in a shit job and eventually come to make decent money after climbing the ladder. I wouldn't trade my life for theirs, but I envy the physical and financial comforts their lives have afforded them.
And people from every job have always been telling me: "Get out while you still can." I don't hesitate to agree with them that I should. But the question remains: where do I go? I struggled with this for years until finally I realized the source of the problem: I have no strategy. I am in what many call "analysis paralysis". I can't decide where to begin.
Some people tell me to do what I love. Some people tell me to do what makes the most money. Some people tell me to follow the market and find something secure. I have no idea who to believe. These days the world is changing so fast and I think most people don't realize what that means. It seems to me that the traditional ways of career, family, and lifestyle are all over. As much as I envy people who are following the traditional paths I don't feel comfortable following them.
I wake up every day wondering what I'm doing with myself, asking myself how I'm going to survive and do well in a world in flux without having to sacrifice my soul to menial jobs or corporate ass-kissing. I want to live. I'm sick of wasting my youth. I want my work to be a by-product of my life. I don't want my life to be my job. I want to be successful with women. I refuse to work for peanuts and hope for a good retirement. I want to live my life now and I want to enjoy it. I want something to look back on with pride.
This is how I think and feel right now. I just want to see what some of you have to say about all of this. Right now I'm just stuck.
I'm 27 years old. In a couple months I'll be 6 years out of college. I graduated with a philosophy degree, which many like to call a "bullshit degree". What can I say? I was an idealistic kid and the field attracted me. After graduating college I had no idea what to do with myself. At first I applied to jobs that sounded interesting to me but I had no qualifications. Eventually I had to settle on basic labor jobs just to pay the bills. I considered law school, but decided against it. It didn't feel right. Instead, I found myself wandering from menial job to menial job, barely making ends meet and unable to pay my hefty student loans.
I lived alone in a shitty apartment in a shitty town. I had no opportunities to meet women and the people I was hanging out with didn't seem all that interested in me. I was living a miserable life. Eventually I fell into the darkest episode of depression I've ever had and later had a complete breakdown.
After 4 years of this I could take no more. I decided I just had to do something. So I packed my bags, quit my job, and drove across the country alone to start a new life. I knew no one. I had no job and no money. I was flirting with homelessness when I suddenly got lucky. I found a job working overnight in a 24-hour grocery store.
After the years of financial struggle and emotional turmoil I had finally been able to break out. I had traveled thousands of miles, faced enormous doubts and fears, and was now living in a nicer town near a college with a job that brought in enough money to live. Later, I moved into an even nicer apartment and made some cool friends. And after living sexless since college, I even managed to bag a good-looking girl after only 2 months! After that, I began making it a point to approach chicks constantly.
I was so proud of myself. I was excited to see what this new life had to offer. The feeling didn't last long however.
It's been a year and a half since I arrived here and I've fallen into a terrible rut. Things are sure a lot better than they used to be but I feel stranded. I still work overnight in the store and it's ruining my mind and hurting my self-esteem. My ability to approach women and hold their interest is hurting because of it. I've managed to overcome approach anxiety but my scorecard with women is just getting weaker. In fact, after a recent nasty episode with a chick I was pretty interested in forming a relationship with, my desire to approach women has never been lower. Financially, I'm barely making it on my retail wages, which are now being garnished because of my defaulted student loans.
I've been battling with some depression on and off for several months and my motivation is piss-poor. I'm stuck. I have no idea where to go from here.
Every year on my college graduation anniversary I ask myself: "What that hell are you doing with your life?" And I never have an answer. I look around at all the sad people who have been doing this retail gig for years (some decades!) and I am terrified of becoming one of them. In fact, I've seen those people in every crap job that I've been in: miserable people bitching about the boss, alcoholics, gamblers, the socially and sexually inept. I feel so bad for them all and at the same time I fear becoming one of them. I know the path I am on will only lead me to where they are now.
I also look back at some of the people I left at home, the successful 20-somethings that either knew their path early on or decided to "pay their dues" in a shit job and eventually come to make decent money after climbing the ladder. I wouldn't trade my life for theirs, but I envy the physical and financial comforts their lives have afforded them.
And people from every job have always been telling me: "Get out while you still can." I don't hesitate to agree with them that I should. But the question remains: where do I go? I struggled with this for years until finally I realized the source of the problem: I have no strategy. I am in what many call "analysis paralysis". I can't decide where to begin.
Some people tell me to do what I love. Some people tell me to do what makes the most money. Some people tell me to follow the market and find something secure. I have no idea who to believe. These days the world is changing so fast and I think most people don't realize what that means. It seems to me that the traditional ways of career, family, and lifestyle are all over. As much as I envy people who are following the traditional paths I don't feel comfortable following them.
I wake up every day wondering what I'm doing with myself, asking myself how I'm going to survive and do well in a world in flux without having to sacrifice my soul to menial jobs or corporate ass-kissing. I want to live. I'm sick of wasting my youth. I want my work to be a by-product of my life. I don't want my life to be my job. I want to be successful with women. I refuse to work for peanuts and hope for a good retirement. I want to live my life now and I want to enjoy it. I want something to look back on with pride.
This is how I think and feel right now. I just want to see what some of you have to say about all of this. Right now I'm just stuck.