[Seanchaí]

This idea has been thrown around for quite some time. If you Google it you’ll be presented with inspirational speeches preaching the mantra and even step by step guides on how to go about doing it. The first person I heard to really drive this idea was Joe Rogan on his podcast. It’s something he will bring up from time to time applying it to both men and women. Usually he’ll talk about shitty friends who always let you down, tell you this is the last time they fuck you over only to do it again. And crazy women who you always end up arguing with but also have incredible sex with.

Most recently I've heard Mike from Danger and Play talk about this on his podcast. He discusses situations in his life where he realized he was in a toxic relationship so he cut that person off. His examples are on the extreme of this, he cut off communication to his close family, his Mother and two Brothers. Which to me shows a level of commitment to this idea that I do not possess. Personally for me I could not cut my Brothers or parents out of my life no matter the indiscretion.

However, I think this is a great frame of mind to approach life with and will lead to success more often than not. I think we've all been in those situations when we feel as though we’re carrying the weight of others, and it feels good for the most part for me at least to be the person people rely on. The problem occurs when people take advantage of this knowing that your dependable, that you’ll get it done, that they can always rely on you. That’s when this idea of cutting these people out of your life can be put to use.

My problem with this idea is that it works great for creatures dictated by logic but that is not our species. I know that the women I've had the worst relationships with I've also had the best sex with. My last relationship for example was a shit show, we were incompatible, we argued too much, I found her boring, she found me strange, but she was one of the best fucks I've ever had. My relationships with male friends is where I find it hardest to implement this idea as the most fun men I've ever met are usually complete fuck ups. I've had more laughs with what most people on this forum would consider ‘losers’ then I've ever had with friends I've looked up to.

That’s what I believe is the catch 22 with this idea, great in practice but in reality hard to implement and you might end up losing something. I think of these bad relationships with women and men to be like fast food and drugs. It’s all well and good to say cut that shit out of your life it has no benefits, its detrimental to your health, but fuck me if staying up for two days doing cocaine and MDMA with your unemployed waster friends isn't fun.

I've given this a lot of thought, because I believe there's a lot of value in this idea. My approach to the shit heads in my life is gonna be the same as my approach to fast food, drugs and alcohol which is not to cut it off it off completely, but to limit my exposure. What do the rest of you think? Can you achieve your full potential while occasionally associating with the dregs of society or are the two incompatible?

[fouryearsago]

Don't just cut the losers, cut the in-between too. Associate with winners, people better than you at something in particular. Realize many people will be winners in only some aspects of life. Some people will be winners in some aspects of life and losers in others. Use discretion in these cases - learn what you need to learn from these people and ignore what you need to ignore.

[pitt]

You probably want to ask the mods to put this on lifestyle section.

Anyway, it is not about cutting off losers out of your life, it is about cutting people who don't bring value to your life. I have one or two friends who don't have shit going on in their lives, completely losers in a success point of view, but when we are together, it is all super fun. They make me laugh, I value a lot my emotional state, so they bring value to my life in that sense, that means I won't cut them off. However, I don't hang out with these people everyday, neither I want to see them everyday.

I have no problems cutting off toxic, negative people, people who are always looking to criticize something about me, I don't care if they have 10 million in the bank, you are toxic to my life in any way, you are a loser to me, i cut you off. Watch out for emotional draining people, sometimes they tend to be fun to be around too but if they are really emotional draining people, cut them off.

If I feel the same about a family member, if they are toxic to my life, I let them go. I don't have that in my family right now because they know I don't need them in any way, I am in a position of strength, why would they be toxic to me? But if they were, I would cut them off.

[mastauser]

With some people you just have a lot of fun, a humor click. I wouldnt cut them out necessarily.

Also, 'hanging with boys' often involves sitting in front of a playstation and TV. Be careful with who you do that. If at all

[Mage]

The problem is the higher you climb and the higher your standards are - the more people become losers in your eyes. Just cannot get rid of them all.

[Dalaran1991]

To be honest as a redpill man you should expect this is gonna be a lonely road. Your happiness should radiate from the inside and both men or women are simply the cherry on the cake. At one point you wont have to think about what people you need to cut, because you are making so good use of your time and energy that the people who don't contribute to it are automatically filtered out.

You cut people out when 1) they contribute nothing to your life while wasting your time 2) they lower the quality of your life. A guy who is fun to hang out with but keep cockblocking you is out by the window. A guy who doesnt do you any harm but keeps complaining is destroying your emotional state is also out. In your case your friends contribute to your mood, there's no need to cut them out. If you cut out all losers, you will also cut out a lot of potential wings. Lots of players are losers on papers but alpha when it comes to pussy.

[El Chinito loco]

I take a somewhat different approach in that I won't cut people out if they are just merely losers or don't have their shit together at the moment. I'm usually in another country anyways so it doesn't hurt to keep in touch via the internet. People in different places update me on things that are going on. Some people are just down and out and haven't quite figured things out yet.

I'm forgiving because i've been at a low point in the past and i'm very thankful for the people that didn't just abandon or try to kick me while i'm down. Being loyal to a friend or having a friend show this type of loyalty is worth more than anything in the world.

There's a bit more to life in my opinion than playing people as chess pieces like a sociopath would to gain money and status. I like some authenticity in my social circle.

If someone is outright toxic or is obviously harming you then by all means crush them and cut them out.

[UroboricForms]

I look at it in a similar way to a couple of others in this thread. I won't cut somebody off for being a "loser" in the traditional sense, i.e a bum, doesn't have a job currently, etc, as long as they're a good person. I don't see how anyone who's been there themselves could. What I have cut off in the past, and will cut off in the future, are fake friends, overly negative ones, people that have let me down, used me and stole from me, and so on.

[Phoenix]

I have to agree with this strongly.
Many people throw around the saying 'you are the 5 people closest to you', and I think they are right to some extent.

It can be a kind of self-sustaining system: losers attract loser friends, and when they try and move up, their friends lack the same impetus and hold them back. Your friends aren't going to change - you have to displace them with new acquaintances and friends. Having ambitions to improve, and being surrounded by lifeless, 'chilling-out' type friends, is like wading in molasses.

The same applies to family, especially since you don't choose them. If your family saps your strength, holds you back, levies backward and unhelpful beliefs, advice, or ways of living upon you, then you have a responsibility to yourself - you must cut them off. You only get one life, and you shouldn't allow feelings such as 'easiness', 'familiarity', or ideas of duty to limiting-minded family members to damage your future.

[kinjutsu]

There was a guy i knew from university and he was a decent guy but a loser at life.
He continually made poor choices in regards to women he stuck his dick in.
Refused to learn the pullout method and didn't wear a condom.

He went on a date with a skinny 4.5 and knocked her up the first night he met her. Then she's been staying with him ever since...12 years later. He marries her and they have another kid.
Keep in mind he still lives at home with his parents...
He "breaks up" with his wife and starts dating a fat 17yr old girl. she has one glass eye and is just an overall horrible person.
Back in 2009, His dad, his best friend and myself stage an intervention to get him to dump this toxic girl but he isn't ready yo leave her...A few weeks later he finally mans up and breaks up with her. She says she's gonna commit suicide so he calls 911. They hold her for observation and find out she's pregnant. If you do a little bit of math you'll realize that day we told him to break up with her is around the time she got knocked up....

He is cursed.

I don't roll with him or chill with him anymore simply because he's always asking to borrow money from me. Then it's like chasing a fugitive to get the money back from him and it's never the whole amount that was originally loaned out.

[General Mayhem]

I've learned the 5 rule the hard way.

My roommates last year and people I spent the most time with by extension were total pieces of shit. I didn't notice for about 9 months, but they were dragging me down more than I even knew. When I started using some of the same phrases they were using I knew something had to change. Their stupid shit was rubbing off on me.

You have to surround yourself with talent, so that their good attributes can rub off on you. I have a buddy now who is a legitimate genius and just hanging around him increases my vocabulary and knowledge. I have another buddy who is obsessed with fitness, and by extension that is rubbing off on me too.

I've kept toxic girls around just to fuck, and while the sex is great it's a huge time waste overall. I gotten to the point where I don't want anything to do with girls or anyone who aren't going to bring me up. It's not worth it.

Life is too short.

[Seanchaí]

(10-03-2014 01:38 AM)pitt Wrote:  

You probably want to ask the mods to put this on lifestyle section.

Anyway, it is not about cutting off losers out of your life, it is about cutting people who don't bring value to your life. I have one or two friends who don't have shit going on in their lives, completely losers in a success point of view, but when we are together, it is all super fun. They make me laugh, I value a lot my emotional state, so they bring value to my life in that sense, that means I won't cut them off. However, I don't hang out with these people everyday, neither I want to see them everyday.

I have no problems cutting off toxic, negative people, people who are always looking to criticize something about me, I don't care if they have 10 million in the bank, you are toxic to my life in any way, you are a loser to me, i cut you off. Watch out for emotional draining people, sometimes they tend to be fun to be around too but if they are really emotional draining people, cut them off.

If I feel the same about a family member, if they are toxic to my life, I let them go. I don't have that in my family right now because they know I don't need them in any way, I am in a position of strength, why would they be toxic to me? But if they were, I would cut them off.

Pitt,

Cheers for pointing that out to me, I'm still green with my posts. How do I go about contacting the mods, do I PM Roosh and ask him to do it?

[blacknwhitespade]

I had to wind it down with 2 good friends from my twenties. It's sad because we had some great times for years! Then, few years ago when I started to move into a new chapter, I realized that we were going in different directions, and suddenly I was on a completely different frequency from them on everything: work/jobs, women/dating, lifestyle tastes, even our core values seemed to be a little different. I needed to make changes to get onto bigger and better things and they tried to buck my trend, even voicing outright disdain for my new life choices (one of them is upset that I chose to move to across the country for a new job and still subtly brings it up whenever we talk). I also realized that they were both pretty broken guys who had a lot of their own issues that I couldn't solve for them. They both seem to have moved on to better things as well and I still call/text occasionally and hang out when I'm back in their area and kick it like it's old times.

I think it's natural that we'll all have to change up at least some of our friends every few years and find fresh, new friends that are on frequency with where we're at now. Don't be afraid to cut off or wind it down with previously-great friends if you find yourself moving onto a different frequency and they're being a drag. Don't be afraid to find new friends. I'm meeting/making new friends in my new city right now; it's a bit scary, but a bit exciting and refreshing. New people for a new chapter.

[Mr. B]

I follow a policy I read about business in "Good to Great" by Jim Collins: the wrong people will get off the bus; the right people will find their way on; your job is to drive and hit the gas.

I have watched many come and go. The better I am the better folks find their way in and those that don't need to be here any longer seem to know where the door is when I don't have time for their nonsense.

[samsamsam]

While I agree one should try and keep the best people around him, one needs to be objective about it.

Yes, there are energy drainers, money drainers, troublemakers, etc. But two things come to mind.

1) Why were they in your life in the first place? Meaning, the whole birds of a feather thing, what about you made it possible to be friends with them in the first place (family aside). So as you remove them from your life, maybe you (the general you) need to do some work on yourself.

2) While it sounds great that you want to get rid of people that don't work for you, understand that people are doing that to you. So it isn't all about people having to, for the lack of a better word, "please" you. You need to "please" others also, or they will cut you off as well.

2a) as part of #2, maybe they become pains/drains to you because you became a pain/drain to them.

Hate to break the bad news to you guys, but none of us are as exceptional as our egos tell us we are, an ability to step back and look at a situation as objectively as possible is a strong quality to develop. Even if it hurts, being able to be critically honest with yourself is a gift.

Edit: Sometimes I read about some crazy things happening in these RVF posts and it is rare if ever that the OP ever thinks about how he created the shit he got into. Always someone else's fault. So be objective and fuck your ego. Ok, I'll stop preaching

[pitt]

(10-03-2014 03:34 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

While I agree one should try and keep the best people around him, one needs to be objective about it.

Yes, there are energy drainers, money drainers, troublemakers, etc. But two things come to mind.

1) Why were they in your life in the first place? Meaning, the whole birds of a feather thing, what about you made it possible to be friends with them in the first place (family aside). So as you remove them from your life, maybe you (the general you) need to do some work on yourself.

2) While it sounds great that you want to get rid of people that don't work for you, understand that people are doing that to you. So it isn't all about people having to, for the lack of a better word, "please" you. You need to "please" others also, or they will cut you off as well.

2a) as part of #2, maybe they become pains/drains to you because you became a pain/drain to them.

Hate to break the bad news to you guys, but none of us are as exceptional as our egos tell us we are, an ability to step back and look at a situation as objectively as possible is a strong quality to develop. Even if it hurts, being able to be critically honest with yourself is a gift.

Edit: Sometimes I read about some crazy things happening in these RVF posts and it is rare if ever that the OP ever thinks about how he created the shit he got into. Always someone else's fault. So be objective and fuck your ego. Ok, I'll stop preaching

If your theory was right, marriages would last forever.

Of course we are not perfect and if I violate, I expect people to cut me off from their lives. Before I get value, I enjoy giving value, actually I don't like when I am just getting value from someone and not returning it.

Basically what you are saying is if a friend robs from you, it should be your fault, you always look for a way to blame yourself when it was them that violated rules.

It also takes years for you to get to know someone and during those years they will be changing their personalities and behaviour while you will be changing too. You never had a hater friend that started hating on you because you started doing way better than he was? You never had friends that smoked weed all day and did nothing else and you thought I need to stop being friends with these dudes?. As you change, your relationships will also change.

[samsamsam]

pitt,

Not necessarily saying if your friend robs you it is your fault. But if you flashed cash in front of him, told him where you hid it and then banged his gf. Maybe you played a role in you getting robbed.

Personal responsibility, I know it is not a fun topic but we need to be responsible instead of acting like victims every time something bad happens. Should he rob you, no of course not. But "shoulds" do not always apply in real life.

Plenty of people do things they shouldn't do.

Another example, you know your friend drinks and gets belligerent when drunk. You go to a bar, he starts a fight and you end up with a broken nose from a stranger. Are you going to own that? Most will blame the guy who punched you. I'd blame you for going out with a guy who gets you in trouble.

I agree it may take years to get to know someone, and if that is the case, you should only invest in it as it progresses.

Why would you stay friends with someone who hated your success?

[Brosemite]

(10-03-2014 05:04 AM)El Chinito loco Wrote:  

I take a somewhat different approach in that I won't cut people out if they are just merely losers or don't have their shit together at the moment. I'm usually in another country anyways so it doesn't hurt to keep in touch via the internet. People in different places update me on things that are going on. Some people are just down and out and haven't quite figured things out yet.

I'm forgiving because i've been at a low point in the past and i'm very thankful for the people that didn't just abandon or try to kick me while i'm down. Being loyal to a friend or having a friend show this type of loyalty is worth more than anything in the world.

There's a bit more to life in my opinion than playing people as chess pieces like a sociopath would to gain money and status. I like some authenticity in my social circle.

If someone is outright toxic or is obviously harming you then by all means crush them and cut them out.

Bingo I take this exact approach. Sometimes you can't be too quick to judge others because you have no clue what they're going through as we are all fighting our own respective battles in life.

None of us our perfect and we've all handled situations poorly at one point in our lives.

Now if there is somebody with no interest whatsoever in turning the corner while constantly negging you out of passive aggression? Then that means good riddance. The appropriate type of farewell will vary depending on the individual whether it's a slow fadeaway or GTFO.

[Neo]

Chances are at one point in your life you were exactly like the people you want to cut off. That's what made you bond in the first place.

The difficultly occurs when you start on a path to change and they stay stuck in their ways. Fast forward 5 or 10 years and you're an entirely different person, while they are the same.

There is also a dynamic between friends and family where they don't want you to rise above their level. They try to keep you down and influence your actions with their words.

You present an idea: "That will never work."

You think about relocating and switching jobs and your girlfriend tells you: "But my family is here..." You then give up a chance to make more money to please her. Month's later you'll probably be broken up anyway.

Your boss tells you "Just keep working hard and you will be rewarded." 6 months go by and your pay has not increased.

"I was at my friends and her grandkids are so cute!" Your mom tells you because she wants you to settle down and get married.

I can go on and on.

While the examples above are not necessarily from 'losers' they have a similar effect. They affect your decision making process, you feel guilty and you stop going after what you want.

It takes a strong man to go against all these influences, but it's possible. I rarely tell anyone my true goals anymore. I just keep them inside. It's not like I'm doing it for them, I'm doing them for myself.

I say if you have a strong mind and are firm in your resolve, you don't have to cut people out of your life. If they're truly toxic and blatantly sabotaging your efforts sure. Otherwise, keep that vision in your mind, push on, and fuck everybody else. They're criticism will turn to praise once you succeed.

[jamaicabound]

This is an interesting topic to me. I kind of went overboard and wound up cutting all my friends out of my life. I think there's a balance betwee cutting truly toxic people out of your life vs taking some people for what they are. I always kind of wished I had one of those friends who have your back no matter what would drive out to pick you up at 4am without a quesiton asked, etc. I felt like I had drinking buddies and poker friends but no true friendships. My friends were all kind of selfish in my mind as well, I felt like I put a lot more into the friendships than I got back. I really kind of pride myself on being a loyal always there friend and never really felt that returned. I think I've given this exaple before but after a DUI called a good buddy of mine to help me pick my car up from impound and he was busy playing call of duty and couldn't come get me. This after I've driven him to get his car from teh shop and done him all types of favors in the past. It was at that point I was like fuckit, anyone who's not totally down for me is just getting cut out. I went from having a phonebook with dozens of friends to now basically my business partner and a buddy who is more of a phone friend than anything.

One of my friends had a lot of trouble with the same thing putting more effort into friendshisp than others and getting screwed over by friends he loaned money to. He has recently reconnected with some of these friends and he said his attitude is this, if you cut out everyone that annoys you you''ll have nobody left so he basically takes people for what they are. Me and him are friends and would probably go out on a limb for each other or loan each other money but some of these other guys he sayd they're cool, they are fun to grab a beer with but I know I can't count on them for anything important and I know know I can't loan them money so I'll be friends with them to an extent.

[Redwood]

Toxic people do nothing but bring you down to their level. It's easier said than done, but truly cutting them out of your life will do wonders for yours.

[YossariansRight]

One of the most valuable, if not the most valuable thing in life I've learned is the value of having good people in your life. And getting rid of the losers, leaches, phonies and general "born with a permanent black cloud over them" types helps you understand and appreciate good people even more.

I'm blessed to have a core of great friends, confidants and mentors. Actually, one of them died this past Tuesday and I'm still in a complete state of shock, as his death was sudden and unexpected. But what's helping me attempt to get over my grief is reflecting on the wisdom he taught me. That's a tribute to him.

I've cut out family, aquaintances and pseudo-friends with impunity. It's easy for me. Why? I ask myself a very basic question: "Does this person add value to my life?"

If the answer is "no", then they're gone. And by "value", I'm not talking in terms of financial worth, but in terms of everyday life events that come up. And I'm sure that my core group of friends would answer my question above about me in the affirmative; that's why we've been there for each other for decades in many cases.

Identify who the assholes are and avoid them; you will live a much better and rewarding life.