[MikeyMikeB]

A little of a sore subject for me today. I had the girl in bed, naked, ready to go, and I couldn't get up. Its a sad state of affairs. I've researched and know what I need to work on, I think a few days off internet porn and I should be able to preform. Either way I played I'd off the best I could, saying it wasn't her, a few self deprecating jokes (my game was probably weak here) and we hung out for another hour before I left

Now for the Question. I see this girl at her place of work quite often and am wondering how I should proceed, Do I act as if we weren't in the situation and go about things as I would have. I could just next her save myself the embarrassment and move to the next and ignore her entirely. I'm out of my area of practice.

Mike

[Bilboswaggins]

You should've said it was her fault, so the blame would be on her. Now you're in the situation where you have to prove that you're a man. You should maintain your initial frame and give her the plumbing when you are ready.

[BadgerHut]

Are you lifting weights? I only ask because of N=1 anecdata where my friend had a few days of bad performance with his wife, and on someone's suggestion he hit the weights one morning and was back in the saddle that night.

[MikeyMikeB]

Weights wouldn't hurt, but I think I've pushed my porn content to a level unmanageable in the real world. Rapid fire compilation, seeing hundreds of women in 10 minutes is making a single naked women boring, time will tell. Blaming her would have been funny, but I'm not sure I could have held frame knowing it really wasn't. I'll see what her attitude is like over the next day or two and my answer will probably be obvious.

[Nomad77]

You need to quit porn period. Porn is the biggest cause of ED in young guys.

[MikeyMikeB]

That is 100% the truth. I'm 21 and this is bullshit. This is my second run in with ED but I wrote the first off as whiskey dick. Today was a real eye opener.

[Nomad77]

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

[eradicator]

if you were older I would suggest viagra. But 23 years young? keep exercising, quit porn all together, read the thread on tantra and breathing. your breath is your life force. these books will anyone immensely with their sex life.

http://www.amazon.com/28-Days-Ecstasy-Co...447&sr=8-9

http://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Tantr...447&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Urban-Tantra-Sacre...543&sr=8-4

you have got to fuck like a champ.

[WestIndianArchie]

Cut the porn entirely, and start lifting.
You'll get the testosterone back in a heart beat.

WIA

[Party Pooper]

Get your ass to the no fap thread

[UberBicep]

I have had similar problems so I can sympathise, it is the most awful feeling ever, especially if she is a stunner. A mixture of the following will hopefully fix you:

1) Quit masturbating, porn, smoking, drinking too much. A little alcohol can help in my experience
2) Increase intensity at the gym / make sure you go (you have no excuse)
3) Do not use viagra/cialis (risk dependancy problems)
4) Reduce stress - go to a sauna, steam room, beach or park. Stress related to work really effects my libido at least.
5) Build momentum, don't go 3 days without a bang, so when you do get a bang, its not a big deal.

When it does happen - for me it is usually anxiety related. I usually just say I am really stressed out with work (probably true), most girls are understanding. Kiss, cuddle, get comfortable, as soon as you're up do not waste a second and drive straight in. Otherwise, try again in the morning.

Due to the external validation mechanism of females, the majority of them will get insecure and think it was their fault, especially if they are really into you. If that is the case then you could play that card. I had one girl who tried extra hard to turn me on the next time round.

Most importantly, do not worry about it happening. In my case its purely random and it just happens. If it happens again, brush it off and go for the next bang. I have been in situations being worried if it happens again or not. That really doesn't help.

[polar]

I had an issue with a particular girl about a month back. Very cute, very sensual (a masseuse), but I didn't sense any of that sexy / slutty vibe from her that would make me want to ravage her. The sex was great, just not rough enough for me, and she didn't have a really tight pussy. I'm already not very sensitive and can pump away until I feel like coming. Plus, I had just gotten out of a LTR where I didn't have to use a condom.
1. I cut out porn, nofap. This makes the biggest difference, don't touch your dick unless you're taking a piss.
2. Got back to my old trusty condom brand (I like Trojan ecstasy, they don't feel like shrink wrap and have good lube on both sides)
3. Caught up on sleep to reduce my cortisol (which lowers testosterone, good advice on hitting the gym in this thread)
4. Fucked other chicks to make sure it wasn't me (just the wrong sexual chemistry).
4a. Think about when it happened - were you going at it too long and lost it when switching positions? Better to cut it short than miss out on the O. I gotta think less about her and more about me.

She broke it off because she felt insecure about not getting me off. A shame, I really wanted to keep her around, but there's plenty of other fish in the sea with tight coochies who ARE willing to go the extra mile.

[Dhorv9]

Good advice here, I would like to add a couple things that could help. I believe lots of it is mental, and once you have a hard time getting it up you will worry about it, which will make it harder to get it up again.
Try deep breathing at certain points during the day. Search up Elliot Hulse breathing through your balls.
Get lots of sleep
Lift
Zinc, magnesium, vit D, fishoil, coconut oil, and ACV
Do cardio. This is often overlooked, but its important to keep the plumbing smooth
DO NOT make self deprecating jokes. Just say something like you didn't get sleep the night before, or you're hung over / sick etc. Just don't make it seem like a big deal. This has happened to lots of people, just get healthy and try not to stress about it

[DarkTriad]

(10-01-2014 12:27 AM)MikeyMikeB Wrote:  

Weights wouldn't hurt, but I think I've pushed my porn content to a level unmanageable in the real world. Rapid fire compilation, seeing hundreds of women in 10 minutes is making a single naked women boring, time will tell. Blaming her would have been funny, but I'm not sure I could have held frame knowing it really wasn't.

Don't blame her, blame the girl you had sex with right before you met up with her.

This is a real thing. For you young players, you know that thing you do where you fuck your girlfriend EXTRA good right before you leave the house, so she won't think you're banging that other girl...eventually you lose that. It sucks, and just leads to embarrassing situations.

Also, knowing you have viagra handy sometimes keeps you from needing viagra.

[horn]

1,2, and 3) Reduce stress
4) ' Quit masturbating, porn, smoking, drinking too much. Skip the alcohol for now.'
If you get performance anxiety then try a viagra once. Lowest mg.

[keysersoze]

(10-01-2014 12:10 PM)polar Wrote:  

I had an issue with a particular girl about a month back. Very cute, very sensual (a masseuse), but I didn't sense any of that sexy / slutty vibe from her that would make me want to ravage her. The sex was great, just not rough enough for me, and she didn't have a really tight pussy. I'm already not very sensitive and can pump away until I feel like coming. Plus, I had just gotten out of a LTR where I didn't have to use a condom.
1. I cut out porn, nofap. This makes the biggest difference, don't touch your dick unless you're taking a piss.
2. Got back to my old trusty condom brand (I like Trojan ecstasy, they don't feel like shrink wrap and have good lube on both sides)
3. Caught up on sleep to reduce my cortisol (which lowers testosterone, good advice on hitting the gym in this thread)
4. Fucked other chicks to make sure it wasn't me (just the wrong sexual chemistry).
4a. Think about when it happened - were you going at it too long and lost it when switching positions? Better to cut it short than miss out on the O. I gotta think less about her and more about me.

She broke it off because she felt insecure about not getting me off. A shame, I really wanted to keep her around, but there's plenty of other fish in the sea with tight coochies who ARE willing to go the extra mile.

This has absolutely killed me. Now, I have to push to fuck raw or its hardly worth it for me. I actually had a serious argument with a girl about it when I was drunk two weekends ago. I don't like the ecstasy's.

[Windom Earle]

If you don't have any "real" ED issues in a physical sense, and you aren't under the influence of anything (and aren't stressed/tired/deficient in testosterone), it basically comes down to two factors (as mentioned already):

1. Anxiety.
For whatever reason, you don't feel 100% comfortable with the girl. Often, the hotter the girl, the less comfortable you'll be first time around too (depending on your personality), as you feel the pressure to perform.

2. Chemistry.
A chick's hotness is not the deciding factor on chemistry. It's either there or it's not, and is not something you can invoke. It's a confidence killer when you can't perform with a hot chick, but just remind yourself that you two just weren't compatible. It's impossible to quantify at times, but accepting it will make it easier on you going forward.

Going raw probably helps to a degree, but the above two points are the biggest issues.

[Biologist]

If you do not have any other underlying issues which would cause ED, anxiety was probably the culprit.

I remember a few years ago I wanted to bang a girl in my car (at the time I could not take her anywhere else). She was actually really excited and turned on by the idea of having sex in a car. When we got to the back seat of my car I started feeling really paranoid and anxious that somebody would see us and I had a lot of trouble getting it up despite her being, in my view, a 7.5-8. The best I could achieve was a semi-boner, so I focussed mostly on deep kissing and eating her out. I ended up faking an orgasm.

Aside from managing anxiety, other things you could do to avoid problems with ED are:
- Quit smoking and drinking.
- Eating right (having a paleo-focussed diet).
- Lifting weights and doing cardio.
- Reducing stress.

[UberBicep]

(10-01-2014 11:01 PM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

If you don't have any "real" ED issues in a physical sense, and you aren't under the influence of anything (and aren't stressed/tired/deficient in testosterone), it basically comes down to two factors (as mentioned already):

1. Anxiety.
For whatever reason, you don't feel 100% comfortable with the girl. Often, the hotter the girl, the less comfortable you'll be first time around too (depending on your personality), as you feel the pressure to perform.

2. Chemistry.
A chick's hotness is not the deciding factor on chemistry. It's either there or it's not, and is not something you can invoke. It's a confidence killer when you can't perform with a hot chick, but just remind yourself that you two just weren't compatible. It's impossible to quantify at times, but accepting it will make it easier on you going forward.

Going raw probably helps to a degree, but the above two points are the biggest issues.

You're definitely right about that. If you have no problems fapping, there is nothing physically wrong with you so it is mental. It's highly unlikely most people in this forum have physical issues, but if that is the case then a visit to the doctor is a must.

The lack of chemistry could be caused by escalating tastes in pornography or even sex. One time I was banging a 7, 3 times a day for a week, but it was incredibly awesome, wild, rough sex which was great. The next week I experienced ED with a 9, the 9 just didn't compare to the sexual energy the 7 gave off. So meh, no chemistry I guess.

[SDGuerro]

I agree with what everyone else has said. Here is what I've done as a in the moment technique that works for me.

Whenever i've had an issue- alcohol or anxiety related, or just taking time to reload for round 2; I play with her and go down on her first. That usually is enough to get me going then it builds from there. This also helps me get them off before I even start having sex, this really takes the performance anxiety off because she already got hers so who cares how your performance is. Then she is just wet and ready to go.

The more I've gotten laid the less and less I've cared. I found that when I was more worried about my performance for her sake rather than my own pleasure then I had more anxiety about performing. Now I just want to perform when I am trying to keep seeing a girl because it does help with the repeats if you get her off.

As for how to continue its up to you...I don't think it hurts to try and get laid but only you know how you feel about it, its only awkward if you make it awkward.

[Ensam]

(10-01-2014 11:01 PM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

2. Chemistry.
A chick's hotness is not the deciding factor on chemistry. It's either there or it's not, and is not something you can invoke. It's a confidence killer when you can't perform with a hot chick, but just remind yourself that you two just weren't compatible. It's impossible to quantify at times, but accepting it will make it easier on you going forward.

Going raw probably helps to a degree, but the above two points are the biggest issues.

This has become a huge deal for me. It didn't used to matter when I was younger but now how I 'click' with a girl is important. One of the problems with primarily getting SNLs is that there's usually not as much time to bond with a girl. If I get a girl back to my place or hers within an hour of meeting her I barely know her. Sometimes you do just click and it works but I've found the more time I spend with a girl prebang the better the bang is. I find 7-8 hours to be optimal but it's so hard to do that these days because girls are easily distracted and if you don't move quickly they lose interest. When I do have a girl who wants to spend time with me I've found doing stuff prebang helps a lot - especially if it's something physical. Hiking dates are great for this but sometimes even just walking around town is enough.

[Sonsowey]

It's happened to me and no negative reaction from the girl really. I think this is common even among young guys, college girls have reacted to this with a total lack of surprise.

It's happened to me two different times when a girl refuses to blow me. Like we're getting there I position the d for a bj, and normally the girls just go for it. Twice a girl just looked at me and shook her head no.

That completely killed it for me.

Honestly if that ever happens again I think I'll just leave the situation right then and there. Pull up my pants and walk out leave the girl wherever we are.

[polar]

^^ some girls talk about how much they love giving dome more than they spend doing it. I've called one out and she said "she has to be in the mood"...

I have a 2/3 policy, no more than one hole off-limits or I start playing another golf course.

[Sebastian]

Get a viagra as a back up. It will help you stay mentally comfortable and you might not even use it.

[Vaun]

The masterbation, porn and drinking alone will work wonders.

But there is a such thing as sexual chemistry. There is also a such thing as nerves. And I get that too. I can be bone sober, or drunk off my ass, and have first time jitters. Some girls take it well, others dont and get weird about it.