[YMD]

Short ver
Any advice for a guy who wants to be more sociable (or, to have more social life) but also wants to spend a lot of time in studying, reading and exercising, all of which are better to be done by himself?

Long ver
I'm a programmer. I believe that this is a great job, not only because IT industry is profitable but also this job is (relatively) easier to find abroad.
So, I like to spend most of my free time in working on my applications and teaching myself programming technologies/mathematics.

I've spent these 4-5 years mostly in studying, and I'm basically satisfied with what I've done for myself.

However, recently I often feel that I'm socially disconnected, meaning that not only I'm getting poor at flirting women, but also getting poor at socialising overall.

I see myself as introvert. I'd rather read books, do weight lifting or programming than spend time with somebody I'm not interested in.

I spent my free time in the following things
Weight training
Programming
Mathematics
English (I'm Japanese and now live in Australia. I still need to improve it)

Maybe I could do another thing which can make me somewhat more sociable.... I've been considering doing a martial art or dancing. The whole purpose of it is to have better social life than now. I don't mean to be a great fighter/dancer. Now I most often think of doing Brazilian jiu jitsu. I have zero interest in dancing, but it may be a better option for meeting a woman.

Any advice will be appreciated.

[dknightbro]

find your poosy paradise if you haven't already

which means traveling and doing your research on different countries

use your home base as a training camp

if you find your home base is your poosy paradise (in your case, doubtful...but hey maybe you satisfy more easily) then you've reached the peak of your game and can spend the remaining time focusing on reaping the fruits

the whole point of the "game" is to find your poosy paradise and reap the fruits

[YMD]

(11-16-2016 08:55 AM)dknightbro Wrote:  

find your poosy paradise if you haven't already

which means traveling and doing your research on different countries

use your home base as a training camp

Yeah I will... but travelling is not something I can do day-to-day basis!
I use my home as a training camp,but I'd like to begin something new in my daily life, which gives me a change to meet new people and help me become more sociable.

Neomasculinity - Social Life = MGTOW.
What I lack is getting more social, I guess.

[Dalaran1991]

Depends on your energy level. How much sleep do you need per day?

Join some clubs/activities afterwork. I do aikido twice per week afterwork as well as go latin dancing 2-3 per week, depending on how tired I feel.

If possible, join college clubs that propose such activities. Invite people from such social circles to go have a beer. From time to time throw a party at your place.

I continue to meet new people constantly through this. When I throw parties I ask the girls I met to bring their girl friends. Sometimes they have boyfriends which turn out to be fun guys. Any guy who is with an attractive girl might have a thing or two to teach you, so dont look at them as competition. Befriend and learn from them and you will get better much faster.

Goddamn you are in IT and you are complaining about not being able to travel!!! Get some experience and when you are solid enough work freelance while on a beach with a hot Philippino.

[the Thing]

Hi fellow programmer.

(11-16-2016 08:46 AM)YMD Wrote:  

Short ver
Any advice for a guy who wants to be more sociable (or, to have more social life) but also wants to spend a lot of time in studying, reading and exercising, all of which are better to be done by himself?

Short version is there are a finite amount of hours in a day. (I reckon 24) By this axiom it's safe to assume that any play time will cut into your work time. That being said, you can still work hard and play hard by optimizing your routine.

- Sign up for a gym on your way to/from work. Pack a gym bag before you go to sleep (hardly takes 10 minutes) and get your workout in before work in the morning.
- Work on side projects with people you'd also like to party. (You're a coder so good luck finding those people) At the very least you'll learn shit and recharge your social energy at the same time.
- Cut all entertainment especially television, from this point forward your only entertainment comes from self-improvement and interacting with other people (which I also see as self improvement)
- Reading is bullshit. If you don't make a living out of it, reading more than 1 book a month is an absolute waste of time. Read ONE book take any actionable advice, apply them and assess how they helped you THEN read another book. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks in your car or with headphones in public transport.
- Pick up a hobby that isn't what mid 30s balding accountants do. (Surfing, paragliding, martial arts, music, dancing, classic cars..)
- Spend most of your time self-improving and investing in yourself because every second you spend on yourself now is worth an hour 15 years later. That being said we're social creatures and you'd go insane if you went straight at it all the time. Go out 1 or 2 nights a week and don't drink much (avoid hangovers). I find it's easiest to meet women when I'm out by myself.
- Nootropic of honorable mention is Phenibut, buy it in 500 mg caps pop two 4-5 hours before going out, smile at and talk to everyone in the venue, and you're a Japanese guy living in Australia? That shit is GOLD. "oh is that what .... in Australia? I'm from Japan and ..."

[YMD]

Haha you're a programmer too!

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- Work on side projects with people you'd also like to party. (You're a coder so good luck finding those people) At the very least you'll learn shit and recharge your social energy at the same time.

Umm I wish I had such buddies... I'll keep an eye on Meetup.com anyways.

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- Reading is bullshit. If you don't make a living out of it, reading more than 1 book a month is an absolute waste of time. Read ONE book take any actionable advice, apply them and assess how they helped you THEN read another book. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks in your car or with headphones in public transport.

Maybe true. One book a month might be fine...

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- Pick up a hobby that isn't what mid 30s balding accountants do. (Surfing, paragliding, martial arts, music, dancing, classic cars..)

It's no really easy to find a new hobby, actually.
By the way, I have a passion for learning another language, but it's not really a good option for meeting new people.
Learning a language is better to be done individually.

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- and you're a Japanese guy living in Australia? That shit is GOLD. "oh is that what .... in Australia? I'm from Japan and ..."

Not really sure if it's true.
There are already many Asian migrants/Japanese here, so being Japanese doesn't give me a novelty or anything like that.
Or, am I underrating being a foreigner here?

[dknightbro]

(11-18-2016 11:50 PM)YMD Wrote:  

Haha you're a programmer too!

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- Work on side projects with people you'd also like to party. (You're a coder so good luck finding those people) At the very least you'll learn shit and recharge your social energy at the same time.

Umm I wish I had such buddies... I'll keep an eye on Meetup.com anyways.

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- Reading is bullshit. If you don't make a living out of it, reading more than 1 book a month is an absolute waste of time. Read ONE book take any actionable advice, apply them and assess how they helped you THEN read another book. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks in your car or with headphones in public transport.

Maybe true. One book a month might be fine...

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- Pick up a hobby that isn't what mid 30s balding accountants do. (Surfing, paragliding, martial arts, music, dancing, classic cars..)

It's no really easy to find a new hobby, actually.
By the way, I have a passion for learning another language, but it's not really a good option for meeting new people.
Learning a language is better to be done individually.

(11-17-2016 06:43 PM)the Thing Wrote:  

- and you're a Japanese guy living in Australia? That shit is GOLD. "oh is that what .... in Australia? I'm from Japan and ..."

Not really sure if it's true.
There are already many Asian migrants/Japanese here, so being Japanese doesn't give me a novelty or anything like that.
Or, am I underrating being a foreigner here?

Lol you sound really similar to me, except instead of trying to reap your fruits in Japan you're doing it elsewhere

I'm a fellow programmer + one of my poosy paradises happens to be Japan (Shibuya 109 mall really caught my attention on the talent)

I also have weight trained for many years (it's become an asset in my game)

Thing is, I don't know a lick of Japanese (was just there for a few days so started learning on the spot lol)

Maybe we can work together to get our poosy paradise problems (location independence, language, ...) sorted out

[YMD]

(11-19-2016 12:39 AM)dknightbro Wrote:  

Lol you sound really similar to me, except instead of trying to reap your fruits in Japan you're doing it elsewhere

I'm a fellow programmer + one of my poosy paradises happens to be Japan (Shibuya 109 mall really caught my attention on the talent)

I also have weight trained for many years (it's become an asset in my game)

Thing is, I don't know a lick of Japanese (was just there for a few days so started learning on the spot lol)

Maybe we can work together to get our poosy paradise problems (location independence, language, ...) sorted out

That's very interesting.
I've heard that Japanese is possibly the toughest language for native English speakers to master, so I can imagine how challenging it is for you to learn it.

Generally speaking, Japanese women have a positive impression for Western men. Apparently you've been there, so I reckon you already know that.

Give me a PM if you want to know anything about living in Japan/Japanese women.
I wish I could work with you in Japan! lol

[H1N1]

If you can, get into luxury goods. LVMH is the kind of company you want to work for in this field. Glamourous parties, beautiful people, plenty of travel. It's one of the few fields where there is still a combination of lucrative work and play. Advertising for certain firms like Saatchi&Saatchi would also be good. Lots of pretty girls, and plenty of opportunities to earn well if you're good.

[Nater]

If you like learning languages as a hobby there are events where you can meet plenty of girls.

First, go to meetups event. I am sure there are Japanese or other language events in your city. Go to them you might meet some cute girls there.

Another event that you want to look up is mundo lingo.

Go to there website and see if they organize events in your city. I have been there twice but I prefer going out to salsa clubs as I enjoy more dancing than learning a language.

It's basically an organized event in a pub where people meet to practice a language. It's usually filled with expats and girls who are trying to learn the local idiom.

Good luck!

[redbeard]

(11-19-2016 08:18 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

If you can, get into luxury goods. LVMH is the kind of company you want to work for in this field. Glamourous parties, beautiful people, plenty of travel. It's one of the few fields where there is still a combination of lucrative work and play. Advertising for certain firms like Saatchi&Saatchi would also be good. Lots of pretty girls, and plenty of opportunities to earn well if you're good.

How would you jump ship into marketing, luxury goods, etc. with a technical degree? OP is a programmer, I'm an engineer.

[H1N1]

(11-20-2016 02:11 PM)redbeard Wrote:  

(11-19-2016 08:18 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

If you can, get into luxury goods. LVMH is the kind of company you want to work for in this field. Glamourous parties, beautiful people, plenty of travel. It's one of the few fields where there is still a combination of lucrative work and play. Advertising for certain firms like Saatchi&Saatchi would also be good. Lots of pretty girls, and plenty of opportunities to earn well if you're good.

How would you jump ship into marketing, luxury goods, etc. with a technical degree? OP is a programmer, I'm an engineer.

Nepotism.

If that's not an option, then what are you good at that is compatible? I know very little detail about the business sides of these firms - does Saatchi&Saatchi do any advertising for engineering type firms/technical stuff/tech stuff? If you're an engineer, you should be a good draftsman - if you have creative flair and can mock up ideas quickly, then can you use that to get yourself an interview?

I am not an engineer, and I've never worked in these industries. Some of my friends do, and I had the offer of some intros before I started my business. I did some research, and I lived near Saatchi headquarters in London at one point, so I was able to observe the type of life their employees lived.

I'm afraid I don't have any detailed advice on how to tailor yourself to be appealing to firms like that. If you're creative, technically competent, and bright, I imagine you have a pretty good shot if you set your mind to it. These sorts of firms like to have subject matter experts so that their adverts strike the right note with their target audience. It's no good a team of hipsters who can't wire a plug creating an ad aimed at engineers.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. I can only say with certainty that the jobs can be well paid and there is a very high concentration of pretty girls in this industry.

[redbeard]

Firms don't target engineers. Small window. If anything, they'll target men 30-50 with $75k-$150k yearly income. Dads. However as we know here...these guys are not spending any money unless it's for their wives or kids.

Thanks for the tips. I'll have to sleep on it.

[H1N1]

No problem mate. Like I say, I've no experience of working in the industry, and haven't had to look at it from an engineer's perspective. For what it's worth, I always thought it was quite a light-weight career doing luxury goods, and I never based any career decisions around social life etc.

At the end of the day though, these companies are businesses and if you have management acumen, are good with numbers etc then there are bound to be opportunities.

I would suggest you take a serious look at the kind of work they do though if you are considering it - your assertions do not match up with some of the projects I have worked with firms like S&S to produce tech for. They are involved in so much brand engagement stuff targeting all kinds of people. All the brand engagement stuff you see at festivals, sports games etc will likely have the hand of an S&S or their equivalent behind them. They'll target any age, race, demographic etc that makes them and their customers money, and they're damn good at it. Look at it without preconceptions and you may well find that there's a niche for you.