[Blunt]

What I would do? Tell him. I was burned once by a girl and when I found out that friends of mine knew and didn't tell, I felt all the more humiliated that they had thought of me for a month as a guy getting played instead of giving me the opportunity to immediately salvage my dignity. Needless to say I don't trust them anymore even though our friendships recovered.

I wouldn't tell if the guy was merely acquaintance or drinking buddy level. But a close friend I would find a way.

AT, your solution of giving him the redpill is better than nothing, it may backfire all the same though if his wife catches wind. Cheaters love to project their guilt on other people and if he thinks his wife is faithful then he may mention that you are a bad influence which would turn her into your enemy.

If the friendship is important to you then you should think about the possibility of preserving it long term, being there for him during the divorce. It looks like if this girl is spreading gossip then she is not going to stop until she gets the drama storm she desires.

So the storm is coming either way probably. Whatever approach you take, it should be proactive.

[Peregrine]

(08-17-2014 05:46 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

So, their female "friend" told you about it but didn't tell the husband. Perhaps she is hoping that you'll do dirty work for her, ruin your friendship and possibly even lose access to the entire social circle. I would watch my back with her and also think twice whether or not I want to keep her in my social circle.

It's a difficult situation to be in. Honestly, I don't know what I would do. I just keep it simple and don't have any female friends.

That was my read too. She has a subconscious/conscious desire for drama, but is well aware of the likely personal ramifications if she lights the fuse herself. Solution: pass the petard off to someone else.

Is it too late to pretend that you never received the texts in the first place?

[el mechanico]

Ok I thought about it. Anti trace, those cunts will do the job for you indirectly because it's their nature. Wait and report back.

[Dr. Howard]

(08-17-2014 05:20 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 05:02 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Anti, what do you care about the debt? She ain't paying anyway more than likely and will run it up more if she has the chance.

Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

I care about the debt because the career positions he may be stepping into in the next few months would be a huge help in paying off the debt, which he is already planning on doing.

As far as the texts go, it was basically along the lines of his wife talking about how attracted she was to the other guy, but ultimately made a mistake and cut it off.

Wait, but if the dude is in a massively higher paying position later on down the line if/when he gets divorced he'll get blasted harder for alimony/differential income/spousal maintenance.

[AntiTrace]

(08-17-2014 07:18 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 05:20 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 05:02 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Anti, what do you care about the debt? She ain't paying anyway more than likely and will run it up more if she has the chance.

Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

I care about the debt because the career positions he may be stepping into in the next few months would be a huge help in paying off the debt, which he is already planning on doing.

As far as the texts go, it was basically along the lines of his wife talking about how attracted she was to the other guy, but ultimately made a mistake and cut it off.

Wait, but if the dude is in a massively higher paying position later on down the line if/when he gets divorced he'll get blasted harder for alimony/differential income/spousal maintenance.

See, this isn't a simple situation like some people are assuming it is.

However, I don't think he would get hit with alimony. I was talking to my lawyer today and he said that alimony is not as common as many people think. Given they both had decent careers prior to marriage, and that that marriage hasn't altered her career(i.e. she quit and become a stay at home wife) alimony is unlikely.

[samsamsam]

Just a general comment. This is no judgement on AntiTrace, please don't see it as judgement. I am really in no position to judge.

Just more of a discussion about friendship. It is rare for me to ever use the word friend. I think I might have 10 friends. I have a ton of acquaintances. I have learned that my acquaintances consider me their friend but I do not. I think of friends as people I care about so much that I will write a blank check. That their pain is too much for me to bear and I must act to help my friend. I care about them so much, that if not being friends with me would make their lives better than I would sadly walk away because that is how much they matter to me.

I always sort of have an internal laugh when people say they have so many friends. But I am judging it through my standard (I know I said I wasn't trying to judge) I'm not.

I just wonder if he is that kind of friend or is he more of an acquaintance, who you have some history with. Someone you hang out with, who you can count on for some things. But would he be leading a team to break you out of a Thai prison? Or at least cutting the check to do it, or rallying others to get you out?

Not trying to judge, I promise. Just curious.

Edit1: Nothing against Thai prisons, I am sure they have fabulous accommodations insert a prison of your choice.

Edit2: Total random thought. I have been going through some analysis of my friendships (not scoring/rating but trying to form a deeper understanding.) Some people give what they can give, just because you would do X for a friend doesn't mean they would the same thing for you. It may not be because they don't care about you like you do of them, but their capacity to act is less. So they still give a 100% but their measured output may not be the same as your 100% effort. I hope that makes sense.

[Engineer]

(08-17-2014 07:37 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 07:18 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 05:20 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

(08-17-2014 05:02 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Anti, what do you care about the debt? She ain't paying anyway more than likely and will run it up more if she has the chance.

Can you tell us or me what exactly transpired through those texts? I'm good ad reading into the future.

I care about the debt because the career positions he may be stepping into in the next few months would be a huge help in paying off the debt, which he is already planning on doing.

As far as the texts go, it was basically along the lines of his wife talking about how attracted she was to the other guy, but ultimately made a mistake and cut it off.

Wait, but if the dude is in a massively higher paying position later on down the line if/when he gets divorced he'll get blasted harder for alimony/differential income/spousal maintenance.

See, this isn't a simple situation like some people are assuming it is.

However, I don't think he would get hit with alimony. I was talking to my lawyer today and he said that alimony is not as common as many people think. Given they both had decent careers prior to marriage, and that that marriage hasn't altered her career(i.e. she quit and become a stay at home wife) alimony is unlikely.

He is absolutely correct, she will probably get no alimony. The key then is how all the debt gets split in the eventual settlement which may depend on how it is currently held: in his or her or both names. If I were him, and knew she was cheating, I'd "consolidate" our debt, build our nest egg, blah blah blah, by paying down MY debt first with our money ("because that makes the most sense right now") and leaving hers "temporarily" unpaid. Then when the time is right BOOM show evidence for cause, immediately kick her out, change the locks, and let her suck dicks on the street if she needs more money.

The above also depends on the laws in his state, but in mine there are detailed rules on how the assets are split; for debts you let the lawyers slug it out. Your friend may have a fighting chance here.

[TheRookie]

One problem is that most forum members have a realistic, balanced view of the nature of women, so of course we would want to be told the truth.

If the friend has naive, blue-pill views of women as angelic goddesses who are led astray by bad boys, I wouldn't tell him. He could believe his princess' word over yours, or he could decide that she was manipulated by a bad boy, and forgive her. He might hate you for "trying to ruin what they have." Either way she will hate you.

Otoh, If you are really good friends with a similar outlook on women, I think you should tell him, and prepare for the fallout.

[Thoroughbred]

A lot of what has been presented and discussed in this thread is beyond the scope of my experience to comment or offer advice on.

I can say with certainty that this:

(08-17-2014 03:18 PM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

I will however start schooling him on red pill subjects.

Is a really, really bad idea.

Keep your wits and hang in there soldier. I don't envy you.

[MrXY]

(08-17-2014 06:07 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Ok I thought about it. Anti trace, those cunts will do the job for you indirectly because it's their nature. Wait and report back.

That was my thought too.

I think the wife's friend sent the texts to AT hoping that he would tell the husband and take the consequences for it. She's trying to make him the" fall guy"

Since she ratted out her friend to AT she's probably told others too or will shortly if he doesn't say anything

[SheriffBart]

Black Philip rule: It's always the man's fault.

Let's assume that husband is blue pill and wife cheated. She's cheating because he's not providing her with what she needs by being beta.

If I was counseling this man I would tell him his marriage is salvageable, but it's going to take major changes on his behalf. His wife cheating is his fault. He dropped the ball. It's more than likely that if he had been the man he should then she wouldn't have done this.

I'd look beyond the heat of the moment and use the butt hurt to inspire change. Best case scenario: he improves himself and has the marriage he should from this wakeup call. Worst case he improves himself and is single again. Just immediately divorcing is the way he stays blue pill and repeats this cycle forever.

[StrikeBack]

AntiTrace Wrote:

I will however start schooling him on red pill subjects.

This implies that your friend is currently blue-pill.

Therefore I agree with Quintus and others: do not tell him. You will lose your friend and be made a scapegoat in their drama, guaranteed.

Only tell your friend if he's also red pill with regards to women. As someone said above, the reason many people here say "tell him" because they'd want to be told if they were in the same boat, is that we're all red pill here. A blue pill guy cannot process all of this at once and the only way to resolve the internal conflict is to shoot you the messenger.

[Nick]

I'll only add that you should never have female "friends". I suppose contact is inevitable when they're wives or girlfriends of your friends, but never equate them to male friends. It makes me want to hurl when I hear a guy say about his wife/girlfriend "she's also my best friend".

[Pepini]

Tell him.

[Glaucon]

If he is blue pill, he is not going to believe you.

[DVY]

Im with QC. Keep your mouth shut.

Love and let live.

There are a few times I invoke bro code : 1) being w/boys and not fighting over randoms 2) my friend's girls makes a pass at me (usually drunk)

#1 and 2 are a guaranteed personal ethics (bro-code).
Verbal cheating or flirting I ignore. Could be bullshit or just chatter. Don't start a shit-storm especially if you haven't seen the act get out of hand w/your own eyes. Eventually shit like this gets out, let it run its course. If he ever comes to you, just hint along the lines that "girls aren't always faithful, and I've had multiple girls seem totally cool but were raging lying whores behind my back". Show some vulnerability and let him run w/that thought. If hes anybody smart, he'll figure out the message your sending...

@QC- love your eastern/western blend of wisdom. Sometimes, I read your stuff and think to myself wow, its like my thoughts coming out (but way more flowery). Keep up the good work brother.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

[quote='AntiTrace' pid='808482' dateline='1408306735']

Creating a shit storm over this would bring a bunch of people down in the following investigations. This isn't as simple as your friend bill from accounting from a company on the other side of town in an industry completely separate from yours. We are all closely connected professionally and socially.

Combine that with the overwhelming debt they have and knowing what we all know about divorces in this country, I am not going tell him. He's a good friend, but It's not worth severally damaging his life and possibly mine in the process.

I will however start schooling him on red pill subjects. I rarely discuss red pill subjects with blue pill people because they just simply refuse to believe it. And if it does come out, my spare bedroom has his name on it.

Some people on here may think that violates the good ole "Bros before Hoes" mantra. Some like to think that it makes me less of a man not say something. Some may say it's beta not to get involved. Some agree that I'm doing the right thing.

[quote]

Generally you tell instantly, but in some cases it is advisable to move cautiously. The situation you describe looks like one of those.

You should be aware, that being intricately engaged financially in their marriage means that you are at risk even if your friend finds out sometime later.

Apart from teaching the guy Red Pill you should definitely warn him before he has a child with that woman.

Another option is talking with his wife, but trying to talk some sense into women is usually fruitless and it can easily backfire, as she might want to discredit you or even get rid of you.

Likely the best option would be to teach the guy Red Pill and advice him on extricating his wealth from the debt and the whole situation making it easier on everybody even if the shit blows up in the future. Who knows - maybe you will have a chance to tell him someday, when the circumstances have changed.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Why are you in a position that a broad and her acquaintances "have dirt on you"? That seems far more worrying to me than the rest of this trainwreck story.

[Rutting Elephant]

(08-18-2014 04:21 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Why are you in a position that a broad and her acquaintances "have dirt on you"? That seems far more worrying to me than the rest of this trainwreck story.

Maybe he assumed his dead lieutenant's identity over in Korea and she found out.

[bojangles]

If you really want to tell him and feel that it's your responsibility as a friend to tell him than the internet thankfully allows many ways for you to achieve that.

Anonymous FB messages, emails etc can help you get those screenshots to him.

In truth considering how you've got yourself in a situation where your own career maybe at stake, I'd hold back for now. That girl had no qualms in showing you the dirt about the cheating whore therefore she'll have no doubts in showing others.

It'll come out slowly, you can either initiate it or hold off and fight the fire that develops further down the line (and it will, it will be known that you knew and said nothing)

[Engineer]

(08-17-2014 06:07 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Ok I thought about it. Anti trace, those cunts will do the job for you indirectly because it's their nature. Wait and report back.

With all this new info and after reflecting on QC's advice I have to agree with mech's advice to back off and "wait and see". Besides that, the vague nature of the texts OP shared so far does not seem actionable. It could even just be twisted female drama all in the wife's head, and getting the OP's female friend to share it as part of some soap opera drama bullshit. "I'm attracted to Bob and it was a mistake so I ended it" does not warrant going full nuclear unless you know what "it" is and have corroborating independent evidence. If I were in his shoes I'd go full NSA, monitor everything including accounts and physical locations, and up my marriage game.

This sounds one of the most complicated situations possible. AntiTrace, good luck to you and your friend. What a shitstorm.

[Saweeep]

If I were you AT I would back off from the whole lot of them for a while. Get busy with work…something, anything.

The fact that someone else already knows means that this will become common knowledge very soon…my suspicion is that the wife wants people to know…wants a divorce…wants to destroy the group for her own narcissistic reasons.

Stay quiet and see what happens.

Some battles are not worth fighting on others' behalves.

[d-d-m]

It may cause some strain on your friendship at first, but you will be better friends in the long-run. When my ex-wife cheated on me, none of our mutual friends told me. I had to slowly discover it on my own.

Don't make him go through that.

[Pepini]

My grandfather used to say friends are like white crows.

Of course no one can advocate telling him without some preparation on your part.
Cover your tracks and prepare yourself because this bomb will explode either you want it or not. You have still the advantage of time.

The whore is leaving proofs...

It's not a matter of if but when.

[AneroidOcean]

I'm a big proponent of the covering your ass in this type of situation.

Why? Because there's a saying I believe has some significant truth to it. "No good deed goes unpunished" Now, the exception is when you are helping someone who really deserves it and will appreciate the help. This is not clearly one of those situations, so I say cover your ass.

If it's ongoing (that she's cheating on him) it should be pretty easy to hire a private investigator and have him dig up the proof you need and deliver it anonymously to the guy so that you don't really have to get involved directly. If it works out great, you can reveal that it was you who helped him. If not, you can just move on and not be involved in the very possibly shitstorm.

Personally if it was a brother, I'd have to tell him, but as others have said, when super strong emotions and women are involved, you never know which way it's going to go.