[twigman]

i went through a divorce 1.5 yrs ago. In the last year of our three yr relationship she told me certain really awful things that were false, but eroded my confidence.

Including:

-- I was not good in bed and didnt know what women want
-- I had an unusually high sex drive
-- doggie style was somehow a sluttier and less respectable position
-- I was no good at what I did for a living
-- I couldnt be trusted with other women

all false, but some of the vibe was hard to shake. i have vowed never to let a woman do that to me again... but it took me a while to really climb out of that negativity, and part of my recovery was finding this board.

have any of you had that with an ex partner, and how did you get over it to a new/better self image?

[Peoloom]

(11-30-2008 04:10 AM)twigman Wrote:  

have any of you had that with an ex partner, and how did you get over it to a new/better self image?

My last girlfriend was really materialistic and derided me for not making enough money. Her family has money and her friends are all pretty similar to herself. Only in the three or so months since we broke up have I started to question whether or not money motivates me.

We broke up because I went to school in the UK, so I guess I'm in more of a wholly transitional stage than most people are after a break-up. It's ironic, too, because part of my motivation for wanting to go back to school was to get a better job (and thus make more money).

I don't blame her for thinking the way she did or consider her perspective wrongheaded, but I am realizing now that I could very easily be happy in a career that didn't pay well.

[mlucasone]

(11-30-2008 04:10 AM)twigman Wrote:  

Including:

-- I was not good in bed and didnt know what women want
-- I had an unusually high sex drive
-- doggie style was somehow a sluttier and less respectable position
-- I was no good at what I did for a living
-- I couldnt be trusted with other women

Sounds like a typical breakup. Nothing is ever the womans fault. If any of these were true, she would have tried to fix them during the marriage by telling you how to do stuff better. Looks like she questions her own value so she tries to bring your value down by inventing problems to compensate.

[Trotter]

The messiest breakup I had was with a kiwi (from New Zealand) ex. Basically, the breakup occured after I discovered she was cybering 13 year old boys. Everything was fine up until I discovered this and confronted her about it. Next thing you know she's calling me every name in the book from stalker--even though we were living together--to asshole. She ended up leaving me with a $2,000 phone bill and expected me to pay for her plane ticket to fly back to her parents' in New Zealand.

Women (just like anyone else) don't like to take the blame for anything. They always want to be the innocent and righteous ones when trouble looms overhead. The thing I've noticed is that women tend to become overly vicious especially when they're at fault. There's no logic to it at all it's just a way of trying to exhonerate themselves even if they are to blame.

Later I learn she's been cybering some guy from Ohio and apparently they had made plans for him to visit her while she's in NZ. Well the joke really was on her because she probably didn't know how bad her hygiene was. I overlooked all of her faults because I thought I was in love. Anyhow, the two did meet up and I'm guessing he banged her. The reason why I know is because I had access to her email account (don't ask how and why). It turns out the guy went out there for a few days and as soon as he came back to the states he cut off all communication with her. She was sending him frantic emails begging to know why he's not returning her calls and that she risked everything for him (ie me).

I just lawled so hard when I saw that. Karma is an ugly bitch when you get smacked by it. Later she calls me and is trying to say that we weren't over and shit. I was like that's what you think bitch. That bit of training there is why I have very little compassion for chicks that keep calling back for any guy that runs into that situation. Just keep your balls strong and move on because you know they got slapped by karma somehow.

[toebertgg]

im going through the same thing. but we've been seperated for about 1 month now (im filing for divorce now)

i had low self esteem and everything but luckily i never let go of my friends. they help me out. i got a lil swag, started dressing a lil bit nicer. getting the random eye from chicks at the bar i feel good right now......but still aint got the final touch to "seal the deal"