Why matches on The Bachelorette are usually doomed
I'm not sure if the husband who wrote this piece qualifies as alpha or beta based on his expressed views, but to me, his written seems to make a lot of sense, without being expressly red-pill in it's stance.
From a red-pill perspective, it's worth noting that a lot of women crazy a Bachelorette style dating experience and romances, but obviously marriage isn't a good fit with those expectation. If a man actually manages to deliver on a woman's expectations during courtship, there is no way to keep that up when married.
The other take away, is that if you want to give a woman an emotional experience, watch a few later episodes of a season of the show and then base your dates on them.
Of course, we all know that investing too much in a woman is just going to inflate her ego and turn her off, so do this cautiously.
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During an episode of The Bachelorette this season, in which some of the guys learned how to strip during a “group date,” I turned to my wife and asked if she’d like me to perform an exotic dance after the kids were asleep.
She rolled her eyes. I kept my clothes on.
It’s a shame none of the guys from the show were in my living room that night. I would’ve handed out juice boxes, passed around my Visa bill, showed them pictures from when I was their age and then led a tour of the house, letting them take in the sights and sounds of something they were never exposed to on the reality show, which is the reality of marriage.
A relationship, even a new one, is hard work. There are creeping fears and endless decisions. You try your best to do the right thing knowing that, on occasion, you’ll get it wrong. You get a job to help run a household and, over time, that household becomes a second job. There are good times. There are great times. And there are moments of sudden heartbreak, when the bad news seems to fall out of the sky like a bunker buster, laying waste to your best-laid plans.
This is why married people fall into routines. It’s the only way to keep the plans on track, to keep your life from going off the rails. Tedium can be vastly underrated; the strongest relationships involve two people who are comfortable with routine.
Unfortunately for contestants on The Bachelorette, which ends its 10th season on Monday (8 p.m. on City and ABC), the show is designed to entertain viewers. I suspect this is why the combined success rate of The Bachelor and Bachelorette is about 15 per cent.
Consider what 27-year-old Andi Dorfman and her aspiring soul mates did this season. They jetted across Europe. They stayed in swank hotels. They went on lavish dates. They traveled by limo. They made out in pools. They dined in castles. They lounged in saunas. They changed their outfits about seven times a day. They talked about their feelings until the tears flowed as freely as the champagne.
When is the last time you and your partner had time to do any of that?
This is the biggest problem with The Bachelorette. It’s trying to stage-manage “true love” in a funhouse full of fake storylines and wild editing. This is like trying to roast marshmallows over a light bulb in a freezer.
Andi stayed in fantasy suites with both Josh Murray and Nick Viall, the last two men standing. She would’ve learned much more if producers had locked them inside a cramped apartment for a week with a colicky newborn.
The one-on-one dates — from riding a steam train to scaling down the outside of a glass skyscraper — were typically ridiculous. Who wouldn’t seem intriguing against an extraordinary backdrop? You could develop feelings for Mussolini during a walk on the moon. You could fall in love with a Roomba on the Mediterranean at sunset.
But only a couple destined for long-term happiness can master the ordinary, the mundane building blocks of any good relationship: waiting in a doctor’s office, stuck in traffic, at an H&R Block, inside a grocery store, arguing about dog names, compromising on patio furniture, entertaining dull colleagues, hanging out a family reunion, checking one another’s hair for nits after an outbreak of lice at your child’s school.
Now that is true love.
This season the men took a lie detector test in Italy. The truth is, you don’t need to hook up your life partner to a polygraph machine — you’ll know when they are lying. But there’s no time for trust when you’re only with a person for a few hours. This is why caricature prevails on The Bachelorette. This is why Andi’s male harem included a guy devoted to cookies, a guy who offered weird advice on how to pronounce his name — “It’s ‘Anal’ with an M” — and a guy whose occupation was listed as “pantsapreneur.”
Let’s hope this is more fulfilling than chief sockative or shirtapresario.
Searching for a soul mate on national television is a bit like searching for cubic zirconia inside one of Oprah’s mansions. So after the final rose is handed out, the odds Andi will still be with Josh or Nick before Season 11 starts are not great.
This is why I force myself to watch The Bachelorette. It’s a great way to be grateful for the virtues of a boring life. It’s a great way to really appreciate what you have.
“I think you have a fever — because you look pretty hot,” I told my wife, lifting a line from this season.
She smiled and then rolled her eyes.
I'm not sure if the husband who wrote this piece qualifies as alpha or beta based on his expressed views, but to me, his written seems to make a lot of sense, without being expressly red-pill in it's stance.
From a red-pill perspective, it's worth noting that a lot of women crazy a Bachelorette style dating experience and romances, but obviously marriage isn't a good fit with those expectation. If a man actually manages to deliver on a woman's expectations during courtship, there is no way to keep that up when married.
The other take away, is that if you want to give a woman an emotional experience, watch a few later episodes of a season of the show and then base your dates on them.
Of course, we all know that investing too much in a woman is just going to inflate her ego and turn her off, so do this cautiously.
I'm the King of Beijing!
