[The Beast1]

I have been dealing with a friend that is a girl in my life who claims that it is possible to be strong and cry all the time. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at 26 and has thus become an emotional wreck. Frankly I've gotten tired of dealing with the emotional push and pull of the BS in her life that i've started to distance myself from her. This is written as a part rant/observation of human behavior.

I've been dealing with so called "emotionally strong people" all of my life who claim that it is ok to deal with all of life's problems by simply crying it out. The whole phrase goes, "People cry because they've been strong for too long."

Honestly, that phrase to me is a load of BS. Emotionally strong people feel very deeply and in fact I dare say know how to manage their emotions far more effectively than people who cry it out.

Crying does nothing to solve the situation you are in. It's a release, that is for sure but a piss poor one at that that. It is nothing more than a half needy attempt to elicit sympathy from other people. Well what about going off privately to cry? Trust me, you want attention even more when you do that. Hiding it makes it even needier.

To me, there is something off about people that tear up all of the time. It wreaks of instability and a part of me questions the individual's ability to remain cool under pressure. A skill that I realize most people lack.

Not all crying is bad however, it definitely falls on a scale. I certainly cried quite a bit when my grandfather and great grandmother passed away and after I discovered some sick and twisted crap an ex-girlfriend did to me in secret.

However, going off and crying about shitty life circumstances, medical conditions you have no control over, loss of a job, etc is pointless. This is the time to do whatever it takes to clear the high amounts of cortisol levels in your brain so you can begin to take the steps to begin over at step 1.

Take solace in the fact you are at ground zero. You can only go up from there.

Discuss.

[Cr33pin]

In the past I have done some crying. You saying I'm weak?

In all seriousness I don't think crying means anything. I think it says more about you and your character if you have never cried. However I don't think that one way or the other makes you "strong" or "weak" it makes you human.

[The Beast1]

(07-26-2014 09:54 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

In the past I have done some crying. You saying I'm weak?

In all seriousness I don't think crying means anything. I think it says more about you and your character if you have never cried. However I don't think that one way or the other makes you "strong" or "weak" it makes you human.

Give some background story on what made you cry. I bet it would not be nearly as frivelous as some of the stuff i see causing it. Remember i'm talking about a girl too.

[Onto]

There are different types of crying. I've cried for others and for myself.

Ever notice how good it feels after you cry? It's kind of like a high. Interesting this feeling of renewal is born from the depths of painful suffering.

I suppose it can be argued that crying is self-indulgent, but don't we all do things that are self-indulgent from time to time?

People have different ways of coping and learning. There isn't just one path.

Keep in mind your friend is a woman. For her, emotions are the real and primary path to knowing.


Edit: I think being emotionally strong is not so much about crying but instead about not letting your emotions (anger, lust, fear, hate, love) control your actions.

[Cr33pin]

(07-26-2014 10:02 AM)frenchie Wrote:  


Give some background story on what made you cry. I bet it would not be nearly as frivelous as some of the stuff i see causing it. Remember i'm talking about a girl too.

The last time I had a good cry is when a girl promised me anal...... then flaked out on me just kidding... I always get anal.

I'm not trying to sit around and chat about times I cried with my hair in curlers eating a gallon of Ben & Jerrys icecream. Thats for women to do not men.

[Vaun]

Im glad women cry. To tell a woman not to cry is telling a tomato to not turn red. Some are outward about it, and some are more private and closer to the chest. Gone are the days of the tough proud women of the 1930's. I guess we could stand over them and demand that they dont.

[Pinocchio]

the only time i cry is when people close to me die.

[soup]

Actually emotionally strong people can make themselves cry or not whenever they want.

It's called acting, and they get paid a ton of money and top-shelf pussy for doing it.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

(07-26-2014 10:19 AM)Vaun Wrote:  

Im glad women cry. To tell a woman not to cry is telling a tomato to not turn red. Some are outward about it, and some are more private and closer to the chest. Gone are the days of the tough proud women of the 1930's. I guess we could stand over them and demand that they dont.

You mean the ones Freud and company diagnosed as "hysterical" and had to use vibrators on to calm them down?

Hate to link a Vice article, but they did have the stones to ask whether hysteria is still with us in an article about that old, supposedly outdated diagnosis.

[batboy89]

Hmmm..Frenchie-Let's see how you would respond to a cancer diagnosis..It's easy to not shed tears when you haven't discovered a lump in your balls..

[Faust]

If a woman is crying over minor business failures, someone being mean to her at school, a bad grade, or getting the wrong flavor of latte, she needs to suck it up and deal with it.
A woman getting a breast cancer diagnosis at age 26?
I'm going to cut her some slack.

[Blaster]

I've seen girls cry for frivolous things-- but I've also seen them admit flat out (sometimes even with the tears still on their face) that they're being irrational and whatever they're crying about is a stupid thing to cry about and they don't know why they're so emotional right now. Most girls are not that self-aware but some are.

When I was younger, I would get frustrated and even contemptuous of female crying. I've since learned to just take it in stride. Virtually every girl I've ever gotten to know well has turned out to cry a lot (by male standards). Whether this is a generational thing or not I don't know.

Women seem to cry a lot when they get frustrated, where the more productive response is typically determination, resolve, or even anger; which is what you see more often in men. Meanwhile, both men and women may cry due to sadness (over loss of life, for example) and sentimentality, just women seem to be more overt and expressive about it.

I think it's reasonable to assume by default that Men who cry over minor frustrations are emotionally weaker than men who don't.

[Private Man]

(07-26-2014 09:45 AM)frenchie Wrote:  

However, going off and crying about shitty life circumstances, medical conditions you have no control over, loss of a job, etc is pointless.

Hehehehe

Crying is fucking pointless.

[Texas_Tryhard]

Crying is useless.

Crying is human.

Men should cry less than women.

Men who cry as often as women are emotionally weak.

[spook]

Are you surprised at my tears, sir? Strong men also cry. Strong men...also...cry.

[No Habit]

It's not pointless. Like Soup said, it's acting.

We all know that women learn to use their tears for means of manipulation since early childhood.

[___]

(07-26-2014 12:36 PM)Texas_Tryhard Wrote:  

Crying is useless.

Crying is human.

Men should cry less than women.

Men who cry as often as women are emotionally weak.

^^ This right here.

(07-26-2014 01:09 PM)Bad-Habit Wrote:  

We all know that women learn to use their tears for means of manipulation since early childhood.

Which is why I've built up a strong immunity to the average broad's lacrimation.

[soup]

Women tend to have more of a masochistic streak built into them.

They like to be dominated, and also like drama and bittersweet feelings. Crying is natural for them.

While it can be painful, I think they get some kind of serotonin release from it.

It's natures plan for them to have them like pain and bad feelings.. and that has been very successful survival strategy. A lot of their tactics stem from this masochistic quality This is a dark secret about humanity that few want to openly admit in our times.

They are the submissive sex, they like to have their pussys stretched even when it hurts. "A good cry " is like a good fuck for them. It's like being fucked emotionally. That want to be fucked on all levels. That's why they like guys who take them on emotional rollercoasters.

[Veloce]

[Kdog]

What a useless thread.

[Parlay44]

It's an emotional release. Kids cry. Women cry. Men that don't cry are emotionally numb.

Look at Michael Corleone in the Godfather. You have to be somewhat emotionally numb to be a man.

[AnonymousBosch]

(07-26-2014 02:59 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

It's an emotional release. Kids cry. Women cry. Men that don't cry are emotionally numb.

Men that don't cry have control over their emotional state.

Experience and maturity gives you control.

I don't need to cry over death any more because I've lived through enough of it to bear the sadness of loss on my shoulders without buckling under the weight of it. I know I'm strong enough to carry that weight.

This means I know exactly who I am.

I still feel the pain of it. It's just that I've learnt to tolerate the pain, and the idea I'm 'repressing something' and it would be better for me to 'break down' is rubbish.

I don't need to weep and wail like a child, because I've learnt to skip the stages of grief straight to acceptance. Death is immutable. Regret, entertaining 'what if' scenarios, anger and wailing won't change that.

All else is the 'weakness is strength' bollocks beloved of women, and they cultivate it in each other, due to their love of indulging their emotional hysteria.

I recognise we're in such a Neo-Victorian Sensible Age that excessive emotional reactivity is the dominant expected behaviour, and Sensibles will find me suspicious and inhuman for not being reactive. Put me back in World War II, and I'm the guy not going to pieces as the bullets fly during a mission.

That being said, I am the guy people always turn to in a crisis because they know I'm strong and don't go to pieces. Cultivate it in yourself, and you'll take your natural dominant role in your circle.

[soup]

I say if you feel like crying, cry unless it's going to go against something more important that you are trying to achieve.

Suppressing emotions because you want to prove that you are more manly or whatever is try hard.

With that said, if you are a man who is crying a lot, then your interpretation of reality might be emotionally immature.

When you get older and people you know or love start to pass away, then it changes your perspective on life in an inveterate way.

Maybe when you were younger, the thought of your grandparents or parents dying was idea, but when something like that actually happens, there isn't a way to prepare for it. Then when other people start dying, you aren't as shocked.

In general, life is limited and there is a lot of loss involved. You accept this reality when you mature.

Things that used to scare you or make you sad don't have the same effect as they used to.

I might get choked up once in a while, but I can't remember the last time I had one of these:

[game_ethic]

Crying can be good, but only when it's truly warranted.

It's perfectly fine to cry for the death of a loved one, for example. There are studies that show people who suppress their tears have higher stress levels, high blood pressure, and more likely to have heart problems.

I think instead of saying "Emotionally strong people don't cry," you should say "Emotionally strong people know when to cry."

[Truth Tiger]

Frenchie, I recommend watching the movie 'Only Angels Have Wings' by Howard Hawks. Twice. Then I'd welcome engaging in a discussion on when crying is appropriate.