[HotMocha]

Gentlemen, I am a recent graduate from college and new to game. Have started reading Bang and am following RVF for the last month or so.

Here is how I got so close and lost it all. Your critique will be very helpful as I try to improve myself:

1. A cute girl joined my office a couple of months ago. I found her very attractive but did not make any move as I though she was out of my league.

2. About a month ago at an office party, she initiated a conversation with me. I teased and bantered. She was wowed and I got huge IOIs. I was not putting any effort but my banters and tease happened so naturally that I was myself surprised on the success. (Found out it might be a good thing I did not make a move earlier)

3. Our playful and banterous conversations continued the next week. It was fun.

4. I started getting huge interest from her. She would compliment me regularly, laugh at my not-so-funny jokes, and make eye contact every time I walked near her. Lot of other, better looking, taller and handsome guys would hit on her but anytime I joined the conversation, she would just talk to me. (Ah, it felt so goooood. This made me realize game exists.)

5. And then all of a sudden, I froze. I got nervous. My conversations with her became more monotonous and forced. She was still giving me massive IOIs but I was just not able to initiate the playful conversations I was able to do earlier.

6. I reduced the frequency of our conversations, from 1-2 times a day to 1-2 times a week as I was struggling with what to say. Her interest waned away too.

7. Had a party last week. Decided it was the make or break day. Tried talking to her a couple of times but but got a cold shoulder. Tried dancing with her, she would move onto dancing with others. She ended up dancing with one of the same "better looking, taller and handsome guy" who I used to destroy in step #4 above. That was it. I had no intentions of paying her attention any more.

I fucked up big time, starting from step #5 above. How do I avoid freezing? I was surprised by how I was naturally able to play, tease and banter in step #2-4. How do I keep doing that and not freeze (with future girls)? I was afraid to escalate. How do I be fearless? What else could I have done better?

[weambulance]

Sounds to me like you got in your own way. Things were going well when you were just acting natural, "not putting any effort" in, but once you started trying to get the girl, you fell apart. Putting pressure on yourself isn't helpful.

The way to fight it is to remove the desire to get with a particular girl. Game girls in general, don't fixate, and proceed with the girls with whom things are going well while dropping the ones that aren't. If I am gaming some chick and I'm out of things to say, I don't force it because if I do, I'm sure to screw it up. She'll provide opportunities if she's into you, and if you pull back without stepping on your dick and she doesn't make any effort to chase you, she wasn't into you anyway.

You waited way too long to escalate. I would be cautious at work, but you should've invited her to do something outside work at the first office party or the next week. Invite her into your frame, escalate from there.

Fearlessness comes in part from an abundance mentality. There are plenty of chicks out there so who cares if you blow it with the one in front of you? You'll blow it many more times than not, so you might as well get used to it.

Also, fuck that "out of your league" thinking. If a girl's smoking hot and that intimidates you, focus on a physical flaw, imagine her without makeup, whatever it takes to knock her off the pedestal. You'll get over it with more exposure.

[WestIndianArchie]

(05-31-2014 10:53 AM)HotMocha Wrote:  

1. A cute girl joined my office a couple of months ago.

{SNIP}

I fucked up big time, starting from step #1

1) Don't mess with chicks at work.
2) When a chick gives you the go ahead, GO AHEAD.

Chances of true recovery here are slim.

Best bet is to
a) ignore her
b) flex your desirability through other younger and more attractive women.

But this is one-itis. She's not special.
She's most certainly dangerous if she's at your work place.

3.5 billion other women in the world

WIA

[polymath]

Just want to reiterate: Work is work, play is play. Don't mix them unless you're familiar with the chemistry, so to speak.

I think that you never really "have" a girl until you do something sexual with her beyond flirting and kissing.

Once the girl is obviously interested in you, the key is to take the risk and make a move.

BTW, this risk is why girls from work are bad news. If you take the risk and your move gets rejected, your pride gets burned. If the same thing happens with a girl from work, your job and reputation can get burned. No bueno.

[mbare]

"1. A cute girl joined my office a couple of months ago. I found her very attractive but did not make any move as I though she was out of my league."

You have to get that attitude out of your head. I've seen too many attractive women with busted lame ass dudes to feel any girl is out of my league, and you should approach without reservation.

"2. About a month ago at an office party, she initiated a conversation with me. I teased and bantered. She was wowed and I got huge IOIs. I was not putting any effort but my banters and tease happened so naturally that I was myself surprised on the success. (Found out it might be a good thing I did not make a move earlier)"

Good job, that's game.

"4. I started getting huge interest from her. She would compliment me regularly, laugh at my not-so-funny jokes, and make eye contact every time I walked near her. Lot of other, better looking, taller and handsome guys would hit on her but anytime I joined the conversation, she would just talk to me. (Ah, it felt so goooood. This made me realize game exists.)"

Here's where you lost it. You put her on a pedestal, and got oneitis before you even banged her. A few things:

1. Strike when the iron is hot. From the point you made a good connection, why weren't you setting something up? You always have to go for the bang on the uptick of your interaction. You tried to get on a wave that had already broke.

2. Assume every girl you're hanging out with/interested in, is either already getting some dick on the side, on the regular, "wants" to be in a dry spell, or in that magical place where they're looking for some new dick. Again, it seems she was feeling you or just being nice, but it's not for you to try to figure that out. You should have invited her out for drinks and escalated as far as you could go. Take charge next time.

3. The next time you're making progress with dime, don't stop banging and/or trying to bang other girls on the side. Especially before you've had sex with her. There's something girls sense when you have a few other girls on rotation already...whatever that is, it makes them want to fuck you more.

"5. And then all of a sudden, I froze. I got nervous. My conversations with her became more monotonous and forced. She was still giving me massive IOIs but I was just not able to initiate the playful conversations I was able to do earlier."

Again, your oneitis kicking in. Personally I try not to even get into a lot of conversations with most girls until after we've banged.

"6. I reduced the frequency of our conversations, from 1-2 times a day to 1-2 times a week as I was struggling with what to say. Her interest waned away too."

Again, she was probably ready for something new...you're talking about weeks going by here.

"7. Had a party last week. Decided it was the make or break day. Tried talking to her a couple of times but but got a cold shoulder. Tried dancing with her, she would move onto dancing with others. She ended up dancing with one of the same "better looking, taller and handsome guy" who I used to destroy in step #4 above. That was it. I had no intentions of paying her attention any more."

Not a surprise.

"I fucked up big time, starting from step #5 above. How do I avoid freezing?"

Answer: Except the banter and initial interest building, pretty much the opposite of every move you made after that.

Get out there and enjoy the summer

-M'bare

[Christian McQueen]

Was going to respond, but WIA nailed it.

[Ardbeg]

The title of your post is even misleading. You never "got her." She showed some interest in you and you took that as a sign to draw out the flirting for weeks/months. It took you months to make a move? The saying "strike while the iron is hot" resonates with this case.

While there is some truth in being careful about trying to hook up with co-workers, if you are getting signals from her, you need to escalate as quickly as possible.

[Samseau]

Your "inner game" is terribly weak, you shouldn't be freezing up with women ever. Go hit on more girls until that's gone.

[saeta119]

Dating girls at work is just asking for headaches.

Even in the events that I organize, I have learned to avoid hitting on my regulars, fun for one time and then nothing but headaches, plus losing money since they stop attending the events.

To the OP, Continue meeting other girls, you'll soon forget about this one

[hoof]

Sounds like you started playing it safe because you were really worried about messing up, and this mindset killed the vibe that was initially working for you.

I agree with the other commenters that as long as you genuinely care that much about whether a certain girl likes you, it'll be hard for you to hide the fact that you care and are so needy. So the best thing to do is get enough experience with other hot girls so you start caring less.