[Travesty]

I have been flirting with this bartender on and off for 6 months. At first she had a boyfriend, then she got flirty with me months later and I asked for her number but she would only take mine. Nothing happens.

Fast forward a few months, I still see her about every other week, and usually have fun when I see her.

I just saw her this last week and had a great time hitting on her.

Now yesterday I am at a festival drinking a lot of beer. At the end of the festival someone comes up and spanks me and starts walking quickly away quickly. I notice it's her so I go bear hug her pick her up turn her around and tell her she can't get away with that.

She says hello and is looking cute as hell. I immediately go for the make out, kiss her neck and cheek she lightly resists before making out.

She then leaves to find her friend, 5 minutes later I am overjoyed and talking to my friend that saw the make out go down. A random number calls, it's her asking where I am. We meet up again and start making out while looking for her friend.

Bottom line her friend is gone and she agrees to come smoke out at my place. This was unreal. On the way back she told me my persistence was a major attraction. She comes back we smoke, drink wine, and make out. Her LMR is minimal. She talks to her friend one last time and is given a "free pass". She wanders into the bed room and lays back ready to be fucked.

The clothes come off fast. We are going at it. Up until this point I am so buzzed and euphoric I don't think about it that when I drink a lot of beer and am with a new hot girl I have a really hard time getting it up. I also jerked it earlier that morning.

We were naked and she was patient saying things like I don't have to get to work for a few more hours relax...

It was torture that I couldn't get my dick up. She changed her tune in about 10 minutes of trying to get me up and said she had to go.

I told her she could stay and we could relax. She wasn't biting and my frame was pretty destroyed by this point and it was visible. I was shocked at how good things got then how bad in the span of 45 minutes.

She did tell me when getting dressed that she was hurt more by this than me. She also told me not to worry I look cute naked. I told her I thought she was cool.

She left her an earring, sweatshirt, and blanket at my place.

I left her a text message hours after she left joking about her spanking me at the festival and how I couldn't let her get away with that.

We had never kissed or hung outside her bar before the festival so I felt like I was pretty bold up until my dick couldn't get up.

I am positive the ED was due to the large beer drinking mixed with some performance anxiety although I felt super confident with her the whole time.

My question is what is the next move as far as reframing this positively?

If she doesn't respond to my text from yesterday soon, I have her stuff still and I frequent the bar she works at... what is a good next move?

[Giovonny]

Don't worry, most likely she will give you another chance.

For now, just play it cool and act like you banged her. Contact her the next day, joke about the fun time you had, etc. Maybe, make one lighthearted joke about how you were too drunk to bang or whatever.

Make plans to see her again.

That's really all you can do.

Hopefully, she wants to see you again.

That sucks but at least you know in your mind that she wants to fuck you.

Obviously, don't masturbate and over drink on days when sex is possible. You might keep a viagra/cialis around just in case you need it.

She will likely text you back later today. She knows her stuff is at your place.

[HankRearden]

If this becomes a pattern check out the NoFap/NoPorn thread in the Lifestyle section. It might be connected.

[Haig]

Hey,

That sort of situation has happened to me in the past. What worked for me was limiting the amount I had to drink, especially beer which causes "brewers droop" (its a Scottish term for ED) and also take a lot more Zinc and Iron in your diet to help the blood flow to combat this.

Hope this helps

[Travesty]

Cool ok, I will text her again tomorrow hang out this week.

If she doesn't reply to that then I don't know what. I will probably go into her bar at some point stop by get a drink say hi. If she's warm stay, if she's cold bounce.

I got some Cialis today from the Doc just in case things go well with her.

Not holding my breath though gotta get back to focusing on other girls for now.

Anyone else have any different game plan as far as texting her again and timing etc?

[Days of Broken Arrows]

Stop drinking before dates. IMO this is more important than "no fap."

This ruined prom for me. My g/f used to be surprised and sometimes annoyed at how "ready" I was to have sex with her anytime anywhere.

Then came prom, when she was ready and willing to have long, marathon sex sessions since our parents both gave us no curfew. Sadly, Days of Broken Arrows had drunk just a little champagne, and could barely rise to the occasion -- a situation not helped by her laughing and saying "It's the alcohol!"

Some can drink and fuck, some can't. Oh well.

As for what to do next, from what I've heard a lot of women think it's their fault when you can't get it up. So just proceed as you normally would and know that if you can perform, she'll probably be willing to help you compensate for last time.

A (female) friend once told me a story about how her cousin was with this guy who couldn't get it up and she felt awful. A week later, she bumped into him in the supermarket and when she found he could perform, gave him a BJ right in the parking lot in his car -- as if to satisfy her own ego. May a similar fate await you.

[Travesty]

(04-13-2014 06:15 PM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

Stop drinking before dates. IMO this is more important than "no fap."

Thank you for the perspective about what the chick may be thinking. She did say:

"Don't worry this will hurt me than it will hurt you."

I am guessing that means her ego, self-esteem, is she sexy blah blah. I think she just said it to make me feel better. We will see.

This particular instance I was at a beer festival. I was there to get drunk on beer and I had no idea this chick would be there, or spot me and run up to spank me. This came out of the blue.

This problem only happens rarely and with lots of beer for me. Liquor and wine have never been an issue.

If I see this chick again I am definitely not drinking much or at all, and I will escalate quickly to get her hand on my hard-on so she knows I am down to business.

[Travesty]

Thanks everyone your responses helped me chill out about this much faster.

[Earth]

You're making this a bigger deal than it actually is. Your worrying will only make the problem worse too.

[Travesty]

(04-13-2014 11:07 PM)Earth Wrote:  

You're making this a bigger deal than it actually is. Your worrying will only make the problem worse too.

I am for sure.

I admit the ups and down of game still get to me especially when it is something I haven't experienced before. That's why I post this stuff in the newbie forum.

It took me til about this afternoon to really chill about it. Threads like this help me get back to normal faster by venting and hearing sound advice.

[International_Casanova]

Similar situation happened to me about 4 years ago with a German girl I lusted over for weeks.
Don't worry bro I wasn't even drinking and I had this problem just means you realky like this chick and it was surreal it was actually happening. The German girl eventually became my girlfriend and she admitted that she blamed herself, which she made it a goal of hers to fuck me proper the next week we met up. So you'll be A okay!!!!

[roberto]

Keep a blue tab handy- you don't actually need it but knowing it's there may help. It did for me.

[Windom Earle]

This has happened to me a few times - it's definitely the combination of alcohol and nerves (with a new girl).

My insurance is 5gms of Cialis about 2 hours pre-bang, and no more than 1 alcoholic drink.

Regarding the drink issue, especially combined with nerves, I think it makes you piss more than you would normally and your dick has a "hard" time getting hard due to taking care of the pissing duties too much. That's my theory anyway. There's also the added annoyance of a chick insisting on condoms, that sometimes tells my dick to not bother.

Seriously though, Cialis has helped heaps, and once I've locked the girl down and she's in the rotation, I ween myself of it with her after a few times just to get comfortable.

Good Luck.

[Beyond Borders]

Sounds like you may have acted a bit insecure about it; that's probably why she changed her tune from being in no rush to ready to bounce out.

As someone with a history of heavy drinking, I've had this happen my share of times, and while it's still somewhat awkward, I just laugh it off and don't dwell on the subject. I don't keep trying either because I figure it'll just make me feel worse. It happens to every guy once in a while, especially if drinking, and for that reason, there's no reason to apologize or feel embarrassed during the moment.

When you refuse to let it make you feel like shit, things usually heat back up after a bit of time passes. If she's staying over, you can just wake up in the morning and ravage with the morning wood.

I think if you'd have just laughed and made light of it, you'd have been cool, as she sounds to have been taking it okay. But insecurity is never attractive and was too contradictory to the frame that attracted her in the first place.

Her leaving her stuff there sounds like a good sign though.

[bojangles]

Happened to me recently, I laughed about it whilst making her rest her head on my chest with my arm around her. Did some comfort talk and around 30 minutes later we banged. Time before I happened, we just slept and I banged her with morning wood.

Relaxing is key really, thinking so much about it just makes it worse.

[Earth]

(04-13-2014 11:11 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

(04-13-2014 11:07 PM)Earth Wrote:  

You're making this a bigger deal than it actually is. Your worrying will only make the problem worse too.

I am for sure.

I admit the ups and down of game still get to me especially when it is something I haven't experienced before. That's why I post this stuff in the newbie forum.

It took me til about this afternoon to really chill about it. Threads like this help me get back to normal faster by venting and hearing sound advice.

For sure man. I had this issue a few years back and it still sometimes comes up. I personally found that almost no girl really cares whether this happens. Sometimes they see it as a reflection of themselves, like, "Am I doing something wrong? Am I not hot enough for this guy?" so I had to reassure them that it wasn't their fault.

Also, quick note for you in the event that it ever happens. If a girl ever flips out on you for having ED, then she has serious issues and you need to drop her ASAP. You have to be such a cold person to flip out over something that women know guys can be sensitive about. I had a girl do this to me once, she was just a cunt.