[cardguy]

My boss was telling me about his long term partner. A heart condition she has had since birth has gotten worse and she will probably end up retiring early (in her 40s). And needing long term medical care.

I love hearing other people's stories so I was wondering if you guys have come across this before? My boss was telling me (in a 'I'm not annoyed about this - but I kinda' am...' way) about this and how it was only as he got longer and longer into the relationship he realised how serious his chick's medical problems were. And this has really hit home as they have worsened quite a bit over the past few months.

I should add - I am never going to have a long term relationship with a chick. But I am always interested in the psychology involved in such situations.

Since it seems to me that once you reach a certain point in a relationship it must be nearly impossible to back out of it if your partner has serious medical problems. Since it makes you look like a heartless bastard. And just having that thought in the back of your mind must keep alot of people trapped in situations that they really don't want to be in.

A similar thing happened with a war vet who came back (about 8 years ago) with terrible facial disfigurement from burns. His fiance still went ahead with the marriage (And she was clearly upset in the wedding photos). Before divorcing him a few years later.

To be honest. When you have a serious medical problem. You are no longer a person - and instead become a victim. As such - it seems difficult for peope to honeslty judge you as a person - and as such truly be honest with themselves when deciding the merits of the ongoing relationship.

This is something I wanted to hint at in the conversation with my boss. But I couldn't find a way of expressing it. And I felt pretty shitty myself for even thinking it.

This must be a common problem.

[Mike5055]

I have a cousin with a pretty serious medical condition (and the bills to go with it). She's told me she refuses to ever get married because it isn't fair to the other person. Doesn't mean she can't have a LTR with someone, just means she won't tie any guy to the financial burden.

I wish more people were like that.

[cardguy]

My boss is struggling a bit financially. Is divorced - and has a kid with special needs.

So hearing about his problems with his girlfriend just seems like one blow too many.

But he is a classic nice guy. So - I think he will struggle to do what is best for him.

[Parlay44]

I've read that it's common for old married couples to divorce to avoid passing the debt of medical care to the surving spouse or family.

I know girls with MS, Bipolar, chronic obesity etc. It's bad enough the attitude girls have these days I'd hate to have to deal with some sickness as well.

If she was healthy when you married and then got sick you're kind of obligated to be there for them. It wouldn't stop me from getting some trim on the side. A man has needs.

[lowside]

my ltr gf got fat over the years. does that count? it is fucked up health if you ask me.

[Laner]

My girlfriend right out of highschool was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. We were in the middle of planning a trip to Europe together and were making plans for longer term commitments; University, moving cities, etc.

When she found out that she didnt have long to live she backed out of the trip commitments with me in order to spend more time with her family. She nearly forced me to go without her. I remember feeling torn. On the one hand it was uncomfortable being around her family who were rightly so loosing their minds. On the other hand I could not stand the fact that I might lose out on our last days together. I wanted to drink in everything about her. I became extremely protective about her too.

Before I left to Europe we were at a club and some girl made a comment about her dress that hurt her feelings and I nearly raged. This other girl could not have known what my girlfriend was going through but it still hurt me to think that someone could be so cruel for no reason.

I left to Europe and was there for only six weeks before she died. She had been given 6 months to live and was dead in 3. To this day I still dream about her and cant believe such a beautiful girl in the prime of her life was killed so quickly.

[jamaicabound]

On the flip side a buddy of mine in high school was dating this girl cheated on him of course he and the other kid had an ongoing feud after that. My buddy wad stupid to stay with the girl but did. One night the he and the girl were sitting out front his house smoking kid drove by they got in a fight my buddy got slammed on his head broke his neck. Was in the hospital for literally a year then constantly in and out for years later. Girl stuck around for a few weeks and then went on with her life. Fast forward about 12 years later hes still paralyzed. His life badically consists of laying in bed watching tv constant pain and medical probs lung infections stuff like that. Bet hes wishing he woulda dumped the chick way back when.

[Veloce]

(04-01-2014 02:52 PM)Laner Wrote:  

My girlfriend right out of highschool was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. We were in the middle of planning a trip to Europe together and were making plans for longer term commitments; University, moving cities, etc.

When she found out that she didnt have long to live she backed out of the trip commitments with me in order to spend more time with her family. She nearly forced me to go without her. I remember feeling torn. On the one hand it was uncomfortable being around her family who were rightly so loosing their minds. On the other hand I could not stand the fact that I might lose out on our last days together. I wanted to drink in everything about her. I became extremely protective about her too.

Before I left to Europe we were at a club and some girl made a comment about her dress that hurt her feelings and I nearly raged. This other girl could not have known what my girlfriend was going through but it still hurt me to think that someone could be so cruel for no reason.

I left to Europe and was there for only six weeks before she died. She had been given 6 months to live and was dead in 3. To this day I still dream about her and cant believe such a beautiful girl in the prime of her life was killed so quickly.

That's fucking rough man, thanks for sharing that. I can't imagine having to go through that.

My first LTR developed epilepsy about 4 years into our relationship, one of the rarest types (I can't remember the name).

The first time you see your girlfriend convulsing in a bathtub with her eyes rolled back and blood running out of her mouth is pretty shocking. Never thought I'd be in that situation before. All of her seizures were grand-mal and it took a long time for her to get properly diagnosed and treated. Then it's a cocktail of meds that turned her into a zombie. I wanted to break it off early on because I was so young and didn't know how to handle it, but I stayed with her for a full year or so. I'd go see her in the neurology center with wires sticking out of her head and shit, it was pretty rough.

You haven't lived until you've had a girl riding you, wearing a black corset, orgasm, and then promptly slip into a grand mal seizure, all with her mom in the next room.

Her mom was a total fucked up cunt and used the entire ordeal as an excuse to keep her home and had some weird passive-aggressive attitude towards my girlfriend, overprotective but also acting put upon.

I waited until she was stabilized and then broke things off. I also had a hot 17 year old coworker at the time that wanted to fuck me so that certainly didn't help matters.

[BoiBoi]

I had an LTR for about 3 years who had an auto-immune problem, asthma and all kinds of allergies. Pollen, Gluten, Spinach, Sesame ...you name it. She also had Neurodermities on her soles. So health-wise, she was an absolute mess.

Naturally,I didnt give a shit, because she was beautiful and I wanted to bang her. Also, you couldnt tell that she had some many medical issues by just looking at her and since, medical stuff is not the first thing that comes up in early stages, it took some time for me to realise, how sick she was and how that would effect me.
Basically, eating out was always a hassle and sometimes would end up with her being sick and vomiting. She got sick very quickly in general and a minor thing would cause a pneumonia.
Of course, she visited several doctors frequently and health was always an issue. At least for 5 min a day, we would talk about her health.

During the relationship, I didnt really acknowledge the impact that this had on my quality of life in the long run. She was my "Dream-Girl" and we were in love. It's not easy to be in a relationship with a girl that's constantly sick and frail. Frequent visit to hospitals, doctors, pharmacies, etc. Our thing eventually ended, but not because of physical health, it was more of a mental thing. She is still alive and kicking.

This was maybe 6 years ago. Nowadays, I wouldnt really consider entering a serious relationship with a girl that sick. The mother of your kids should have some proper genes.

[StrikeBack]

Two of my mates are in LTR with very sick girls, one married, and they've been together for around 7-8 years. Those girls are in and out of hospitals regularly, I'm not entirely sure how bad they are, but one definitely has an eating disorder. One guy also is in poor health himself.

I dated a girl who had all kinds of allergies once, and never again. I never get sick and have no health issue, so it's a bummer being with someone who's sick all the time and eating with her - in restaurants or home cook - was always an ordeal. She's also rather fucked up in the head too as I later found out.

Women selected for LTR and marriage should have good health & good genes.

[Akula]

(04-01-2014 04:10 PM)StrikeBack Wrote:  

Women selected for LTR and marriage should have good health & good genes.

Given the obesity epidemic in the Anglosphere and the constant Feminist/pop culture 'you go girl/fat is beautiful' propaganda it's sad to say that this is a very difficult goal for most western men to achieve. Besides the 'real diseases' and health afflictions that several posters have mentioned, just look at the 'gluten-free' phenomenon and fact that something like 1/3 of women over 30 are on some kind of anti-depressent drug. Probably going to see more and more of these things going forward.

Sure seems like it's increasingly difficult in the US at least to lead a healthy life and with all these chemicals and other preservatives/GMO food etc. we seem to be the world leaders in diseases like Aspergers and cancer, not to mention obesity. So even if you start out with a healthy spouse, the potential for a very sick partner seems to be great esp in America.

[speakeasy]

Years ago I dated a girl who had lupus. I'm was really crazy about her at the time. She said when she first discovered she had it which was well into her 20s, all her hair fell out. I wondered how I would deal with that if I did happen to get in a relationship with her, which I didn't.

[RawGod]

Serious illnesses can have a bonding effect. I remember I was with a girl who to be frank was a fairly casual thing for me, then one day she had an epileptic seizure. Turning blue and passing out, I thought she was going to die for a minute, and after spending the rest of the day caring for her, I felt much closer to her.

[Comte De St. Germain]

Stated this in another thread already about crying but I blame myself for the death of my childhood friend whom was like family to me. We were at my grandfathers house and I forced her to come with me to the creek near his home. We both laid there chilling but turns out there were snakes and we were both bit. Both of us were rushed to the emergency room, but she died and I lived to this day I don't spend Valentine's day with a woman as she passed away on February 14, 2010. Technically not a health problem but the feeling of loss is all the same in the 2 days I didn't know if she was alive or dead I was at a loss.

[GoodTimer]

After years of short relationships with American woman, I'm considering a LTR with an Eastern European girl whose been here for a few years. Wow, they are different, in a great way. One major concern: she is Epileptic. Drugs help, but there is a risk with a birth disorder, when having kids. I'm at the first stage of considering rolling the dice on this. I'm confidant that she will remain in great shape and aim to please her man (me). Another implication is, she should drive only minimal amounts, this could turn to no car driving. When comparing her to American woman and their love of new restaurants, witty banter and obesity risk, it may be a good choice to be with her. If not, you will soon find me in EE looking for a LTM. After dating for only 1 month, I, for fun, reviewed my online dating account. I no longer have a desire to take out an american woman.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(04-01-2014 11:36 PM)GoodTimer Wrote:  

After years of short relationships with American woman, I'm considering a LTR with an Eastern European girl whose been here for a few years. Wow, they are different, in a great way. One major concern: she is Epileptic. Drugs help, but there is a risk with a birth disorder, when having kids. I'm at the first stage of considering rolling the dice on this. I'm confidant that she will remain in great shape and aim to please her man (me). Another implication is, she should drive only minimal amounts, this could turn to no car driving. When comparing her to American woman and their love of new restaurants, witty banter and obesity risk, it may be a good choice to be with her. If not, you will soon find me in EE looking for a LTM. After dating for only 1 month, I, for fun, reviewed my online dating account. I no longer have a desire to take out an american woman.

EE women will pray on weak men like dogs towards baby kittens make sure to maintain your frame(having grown up with a mother from the EE). I would highly suggest moving elsewhere post marriage as she may be poisoned by the culture in America.

[Carlos100]

Both of my sisters have had a series of health crises since they were teen-agers. Many of their health issues were conditions that are hard to diagnose and/or treat, like fibromyalgia. They often had chronic conditions like sinus problems that turned into pneumonia, etc. In my opinion, much of their health issues were self-inflicted/generated because of issues they had with our parents. They have declined to engage in lifestyle behaviors that might improve their health like regular exercise, drinking vegetable juice, not doing illegal drugs, quitting smoking, etc.

Since high school, I have met and sometimes dated women who, after a time, revealed that they had a history of health problems. Based on the experience with my sisters, I elected not to establish an LTR with them because I knew that their health issues would be never ending and that they likely would not take the steps necessary to mitigate their health problems. Some women, it seems, like having all the health drama in their lives.

Of course, some health issues are definitely for real like Laner's experience. One of my good friend's serious girlfriends also died from a brain tumor when she was about 23 years old.

[StrikeBack]

(04-01-2014 11:54 PM)Carlos100 Wrote:  

Since high school, I have met and sometimes dated women who, after a time, revealed that they had a history of health problems. Based on the experience with my sisters, I elected not to establish an LTR with them because I knew that their health issues would be never ending and that they likely would not take the steps necessary to mitigate their health problems. Some women, it seems, like having all the health drama in their lives.

This is the exact same reason I avoid those women. The actual health issues are only a minor part. It's mostly the drama whoring and not doing anything to improve their health that would drive me away.

[BoiBoi]

(04-01-2014 09:55 PM)RawGod Wrote:  

Serious illnesses can have a bonding effect. I remember I was with a girl who to be frank was a fairly casual thing for me, then one day she had an epileptic seizure. Turning blue and passing out, I thought she was going to die for a minute, and after spending the rest of the day caring for her, I felt much closer to her.

This is very true. Nothing forges the bond between you and a girl like a mutual near-death-experience. Still, fuck the bond, all that drama aint worth it.

[Akula]

(04-02-2014 07:51 AM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

(04-01-2014 09:55 PM)RawGod Wrote:  

Serious illnesses can have a bonding effect. I remember I was with a girl who to be frank was a fairly casual thing for me, then one day she had an epileptic seizure. Turning blue and passing out, I thought she was going to die for a minute, and after spending the rest of the day caring for her, I felt much closer to her.

This is very true. Nothing forges the bond between you and a girl like a mutual near-death-experience. Still, fuck the bond, all that drama aint worth it.

Truth.

I have a good friend who was getting nowhere fast with this girl he was dating for many months -- and still hadn't gotten laid. Then they were in a near-death car accident together and 'poof' they banged the next weekend and were engaged 6 months later...go figure..

[Dr. Howard]

(04-01-2014 09:47 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

Years ago I dated a girl who had lupus. I'm was really crazy about her at the time. She said when she first discovered she had it which was well into her 20s, all her hair fell out. I wondered how I would deal with that if I did happen to get in a relationship with her, which I didn't.

Did you and I know the same girl? Also lupus, also knew for a while, she had some sort of insane series of surgeries to try to preserve her uterus so she could have kids. I had no desire to have kids, and a vasectomy. She was a decent person so I refused to continue on because I could see the conflict down the road despite her being crazy about me and me about her.

[iknowexactly]

In the 48 rules of power, it says to "Avoid unfortunate people."

From a purely Machiavellian viewpoint it may be better to avoid them.
Then again we all eventually have a severe health problem leading to death-- unless we die in an accident or homicide before that.

[BoiBoi]

(04-03-2014 12:09 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

In the 48 rules of power, it says to "Avoid unfortunate people."

From a purely Machiavellian viewpoint it may be better to avoid them.
Then again we all eventually have a severe health problem leading to death-- unless we die in an accident or homicide before that.

Yeah, of course. To be in an relationship with girl who suddenly gets sick is one thing. Entering one with a girl who already is sick, is another deal.

Avoid it, because her problems will be your problems. Same goes with mental issues. No matter how hot the girl is, don't do it. I have to carry my own rucksack of shit and I'm not too keen on helping other people carry theirs.

[Benoit]

(04-03-2014 05:17 AM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

Yeah, of course. To be in an relationship with girl who suddenly gets sick is one thing. Entering one with a girl who already is sick, is another deal.

Avoid it, because her problems will be your problems. Same goes with mental issues. No matter how hot the girl is, don't do it. I have to carry my own rucksack of shit and I'm not too keen on helping other people carry theirs.

I wouldn't even consider a serious relationship with an otherwise perfect woman whose mother was fat and ugly.

There is a big element of the martyr/saviour complex in play when people get involved with someone who has serious issues.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(04-03-2014 05:46 AM)Benoit Wrote:  

(04-03-2014 05:17 AM)BoiBoi Wrote:  

Yeah, of course. To be in an relationship with girl who suddenly gets sick is one thing. Entering one with a girl who already is sick, is another deal.

Avoid it, because her problems will be your problems. Same goes with mental issues. No matter how hot the girl is, don't do it. I have to carry my own rucksack of shit and I'm not too keen on helping other people carry theirs.

I wouldn't even consider a serious relationship with an otherwise perfect woman whose mother was fat and ugly.

There is a big element of the martyr/saviour complex in play when people get involved with someone who has serious issues.

Many a man has fucked himself over by playing Captain Save-a-hoe. Do not expect to change woman who you are in a relationship with. It's the same fallacy women use to change guys like us.