[XThrax]

I have approached girls and started conversations but cant seem to make the connection happen. After leaving the conversation I always thing, oh I should have said X or Y but in the moment my mind draws blanks. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I know the best thing i can do is to keep at it but do you guys know anything that might springboard my efforts. Some way I could practice.

I also tried the, watch a sitcom, idea but again still does not help for the heat of the moment.

[BBinger]

(02-11-2019 12:13 PM)XThrax Wrote:  

I have approached girls and started conversations but cant seem to make the connection happen. After leaving the conversation I always thing, oh I should have said X or Y but in the moment my mind draws blanks. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I know the best thing i can do is to keep at it but do you guys know anything that might springboard my efforts. Some way I could practice.

I also tried the, watch a sitcom, idea but again still does not help for the heat of the moment.

Call your grandparents or find some other old people to talk to. There's no substitute for live practice where you have to compose your thoughts in real time.

[Black Caesar]

Just talk to literally everyone.

You know those ridiculously chatty people that you meet sometimes that literally say something to every single person they see?

Yeah just be that guy for a bit.

Also you want to bait her into the hook point so that you can keep pushing from there. So drop some bait that makes her ask about you ("oh I just moved here, just got a new job, just got back from a trip etc etc)

Then when she asks you can make her guess a bit then go into some descriptive stack.

"Yeah I really like that first few months in a new place where you dont know anyone and it all seems like some huge adventure full of opportunity"

You want to have a general idea of the convo steps and topics in your head when you start out and then later you can go freestyle.

[XThrax]

In addition to doing approaches. I think ill do is join a group like toastmasters and take an improv class to force my way to better conversations.

I also think at a very deep subconscious level I am afraid of making new friends. There are a few bad memories, and some self rejection issues in the past. The thought me being a crowed room doing sales pitches seems normal me. The thought me be in a crowed room trying to sell myself as a friend is frightening.

[Heuristics]

You might just start talking to people about whatever crosses your mind, especially at bars, try to like weave a coherent conversation after you get started. Obviously don't say anything that's going to get you in a fight.

Also, limit your screentime... After a while you'll feel a need to be social because you're no longer getting the internet validation, etc.

You can also call up friends and talk to them for an hour. Take note of how the conversation usually flows pretty easily.

[Eddie Winslow]

The #1 problem with rambling is going into interview mode and just asking boring questions:

"What are you up to? Oh, cool"
"What do you do? Oh, cool"
"Do you like X? Oh, cool."

The lazy advice: make more comments/assumptions and ask less questions. If you want an actual exercise to do, do a few approaches and make it a strict rule not to ask ANY questions at all. Make a game out of it - see how long you can go.

If you feel the urge to ask an interview question, form it as an assumption instead.

"What do you do?" becomes "You look like you work in fashion." "What are you up to?" becomes "You look like your on your way to the gym." etc.

[XThrax]

I like that idea. I'm going to try it.

[JackinMelbourne]

(02-13-2019 01:25 PM)XThrax Wrote:  

I like that idea. I'm going to try it.

What are some other ideas that you like?

[RDF]

(02-13-2019 12:48 PM)Eddie Winslow Wrote:  

The lazy advice: make more comments/assumptions and ask less questions. If you want an actual exercise to do, do a few approaches and make it a strict rule not to ask ANY questions at all. Make a game out of it - see how long you can go.

If you feel the urge to ask an interview question, form it as an assumption instead.

"What do you do?" becomes "You look like you work in fashion." "What are you up to?" becomes "You look like your on your way to the gym." etc.

This technique was probably the most helpful advice I ever got when I was just getting into "game". Unless you overdo it, it really helps with creating a more flirty vibe and a more enjoyable conversation.

Beyond that, I would remember two things. For one, real-life conversations rarely go as smoothly as they do in the movies. While I have learned many things from watching certain TV shows (Californication and Seinfeld specifically), I understand that those are scripted shows and in real life, it just doesn't happen that way. Secondly, if you aren't a natural, it will take months of practice to really get your rambling skills down. The only way to truly learn is to go on dates and practice in a real setting.

[DonnyGately]

It helps to be an interesting person then just talk about fun shit you've done. Everyone wants to hear about a killer weekend in Vegas or Colombia or etc.

[XThrax]

(02-13-2019 05:01 PM)JackinMelbourne Wrote:  

(02-13-2019 01:25 PM)XThrax Wrote:  

I like that idea. I'm going to try it.

What are some other ideas that you like?

I really think subconsciously I am afraid to make new friends. I think that is why I have avoided having much of a social life until now. I rationalized away this desired by telling myself I need to focus more on my business and then washed over my social validation with the internet and gaming. Althoigh I still love both its clear to me I have been using it as a kind of crutch.
Any why I have been reading topic that really hit home for me https://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/ove...al-phobia/

(02-13-2019 06:55 PM)DonnyGately Wrote:  

It helps to be an interesting person then just talk about fun shit you've done. Everyone wants to hear about a killer weekend in Vegas or Colombia or etc.

I can talk about any number of my adventures abroad, but then the conversation would be too much about me. I do try and slip it in now and then.

[SpankyWoods]

(02-11-2019 12:13 PM)XThrax Wrote:  

I have approached girls and started conversations but cant seem to make the connection happen. After leaving the conversation I always thing, oh I should have said X or Y but in the moment my mind draws blanks. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I know the best thing i can do is to keep at it but do you guys know anything that might springboard my efforts. Some way I could practice.

I also tried the, watch a sitcom, idea but again still does not help for the heat of the moment.

First, I wouldn't worry about exactly what you say at this point. Just give off a confidant vibe if its your first interaction but be sure to follow up and stop her the next time you see her. If you really want to know word for word what to say there are plenty of cookie cutter conversations you can use like the ones from "the game." I know at this point that material is old and sometimes cringy but put your own twist on the material (change celebrity names or crappy palm readings for something more modern), it's better than saying nothing and standing awkwardly.

Second, learn from the pros of first interaction conversation. Im not sure how the sitcom idea was recommended but I don't think its that good of an idea. I would start by looking at talk show hosts like Craig Ferguson (not the new ones). He was a master of not only breaking through the trap of boring smalltalk and getting to unusual, but entertaining, conversations while also adding sexual undertones within SECONDS of meeting attractive girls (modern TV show hosts are too plain and asexual due to the pressures of PC culture). He's also a master of steering conversations towards topics that relate to sex or lend themselves to sexual jokes. Second source would be youtube pranksters (NOT YOUTUBE PICKUP ARTISTS). The pickup artists are too obvious with there intentions whereas the pranksters are just there to have a good time. They don't always know what to say but they know how to make an awkward moment entertaining.

Third would be practice. I know you mentioned it already but there is no shortage of girls in the world and therefor plenty of opportunities. To reduce pressure and to feel more natural with the conversation start with low interest girls. There will be less stress about blowing the situation and you can actually start playing with the conversation and learning how to steer it.

Play on playa

[XThrax]

(02-16-2019 11:12 PM)SpankyWoods Wrote:  

Second, learn from the pros of first interaction conversation. Im not sure how the sitcom idea was recommended but I don't think its that good of an idea. I would start by looking at talk show hosts like Craig Ferguson (not the new ones). He was a master of not only breaking through the trap of boring smalltalk and getting to unusual, but entertaining, conversations while also adding sexual undertones within SECONDS of meeting attractive girls (modern TV show hosts are too plain and asexual due to the pressures of PC culture). He's also a master of steering conversations towards topics that relate to sex or lend themselves to sexual jokes. Second source would be youtube pranksters (NOT YOUTUBE PICKUP ARTISTS). The pickup artists are too obvious with there intentions whereas the pranksters are just there to have a good time. They don't always know what to say but they know how to make an awkward moment entertaining.

Ok I get Ferguson, but not youtube pranksters. Maybe you could give some examples.

[SpankyWoods]

(02-17-2019 01:22 AM)XThrax Wrote:  

(02-16-2019 11:12 PM)SpankyWoods Wrote:  

Second, learn from the pros of first interaction conversation. Im not sure how the sitcom idea was recommended but I don't think its that good of an idea. I would start by looking at talk show hosts like Craig Ferguson (not the new ones). He was a master of not only breaking through the trap of boring smalltalk and getting to unusual, but entertaining, conversations while also adding sexual undertones within SECONDS of meeting attractive girls (modern TV show hosts are too plain and asexual due to the pressures of PC culture). He's also a master of steering conversations towards topics that relate to sex or lend themselves to sexual jokes. Second source would be youtube pranksters (NOT YOUTUBE PICKUP ARTISTS). The pickup artists are too obvious with there intentions whereas the pranksters are just there to have a good time. They don't always know what to say but they know how to make an awkward moment entertaining.

Ok I get Ferguson, but not youtube pranksters. Maybe you could give some examples.

Look at the channel Angrypicnic. Don't look at any of the serenading ones or parodies. Keep in mind this is a prank channel so the content is not to be taken as advice. Hitting On College Babes!! (Miami) is a good video. The only takeaway from these videos should be the importance of confidence (even if its awkward) and losing the fear of rejection. Since these guys have no ulterior motive other than to get a/any reaction (and theyre doing almost a hundred approaches per video) they don't care about rejection. "Clever way to hold girls hands" is good too.

[Azlan]

Good advice man, I'm going to do this too.

[XThrax]

(02-18-2019 05:09 PM)SpankyWoods Wrote:  

Look at the channel Angrypicnic. Don't look at any of the serenading ones or parodies. Keep in mind this is a prank channel so the content is not to be taken as advice. Hitting On College Babes!! (Miami) is a good video. The only takeaway from these videos should be the importance of confidence (even if its awkward) and losing the fear of rejection. Since these guys have no ulterior motive other than to get a/any reaction (and theyre doing almost a hundred approaches per video) they don't care about rejection. "Clever way to hold girls hands" is good too.

Yes now I see what you mean.