Meditation Retreats
11-05-2017, 03:23 PM
TL;DR
Attended a 10-day Vipassana Meditation retreat. Very challenging, great benefits, but also some skepticism. Onward.
This is going to be a long post, however I believe that it will give valuable information to fellow forum members who are thinking about trying something like this. If it's a potential interest take the time to read it in it's entirety.
If you do some research on meditation you'll come across a man named S.N. Goenka. There are centers located across the world where you can attend a 10-day retreat and learn vipassana meditation. The courses are taught mainly using audio and video tapes from Goenka (who passed away in 2013), along with assistant instructors.
The past few months I've been getting deeper into my meditation practice and I had a few goals going into the retreat:
1) Develop a monastic focus and concentration to help accomplish life goals.
2) Overcome some mental/emotional pain that I feel has been holding me back.
3) Gain insight into the true nature of reality without resorting to any sort of drug.
A few days into the course I added two more goals.
4) Make it through the 10-days.
5) Don't cop out and use a chair, back rest, or anything else to ease the physical pain.
To begin I'll outline how the course is set up. You need be physically and mentally prepared or else you're in for a painful experience.
The courses are taught at retreat houses. You arrive and are shown your room, I shared mine with a roommate. Men and women are completely separated and your wallet, keys, and cell phone are locked up until the course is over. You have no access to the internet, TV, or any reading material.
Around 8:00 pm of the first day you begin 'Noble Silence' which means you do not speak with any of the other students.
In addition to a vow of silence you take 5 precepts.
1) No killing any being.
2) No stealing.
3) No lying.
4) No sexual misconduct.
5) No use of any type of intoxicant.
The best way to describe the environment is that for 10 days you're a monk. I mean that in the literal sense.
The daily schedule begins at 4:00 AM with a wake up bell and looks like this:
4:00 am - Wake up bell.
4:30-6:30 am - Meditate in the hall or your residential quarters.
6:30-8:00 am - Breakfast and rest.
8:00-9:00 am - Group sitting.
9:15-11:00 am - Meditate in the hall or your residential quarters.
11:00 am-12:00 pm - Lunch and rest.
12:00 pm-1 pm - Discussion with teacher if you choose.
1:00 pm-2:30 pm - Meditate in the hall or your residential quarters.
2:30-3:30 pm - Group sitting
3:30-5:00 pm - Meditate in the hall or your residential quarters.
5:00-6:00 pm - Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm - Group sitting
7:00-8:15 pm - Goenka discourse by video.
8:15-9:00 pm - Group sitting
9:00-9:30 pm - Question time in the hall
9:30 pm - Retire.
Rinse and repeat. A few days have slightly different schedules, but that's it for the most part.
As you can see, when they mean 'serious' they aren't messing around.
The first sign of apprehension appeared as I signed in and saw several of the other students. I was the odd one out by a long shot.
As I surveyed the room, it was leftist central. I felt that if I yelled 'I voted for Donald Trump' loving kindness or not they would descend like a pack of wolves. I got strange looks from a few people that seemed to say. 'Why are you here?'
I think it was the initial apprehension of the experience that was distorting my perception a bit, because on the final day the same people seemed fine to chat with. Maybe the retreat made me more tolerant, and taking a step back from the news cycle and political landscape made a big difference.
Anyway, the first three days you learn a technique called anapana. This is focusing on natural respiration, by breathing through your nostrils. Your goal is to have full awareness and concentration on the breath. Sounds simple but you will soon realize that simple does not mean easy.
I didn't have an issue with this because I've been practicing this type of meditation for a while. What I did have an issue with was sitting in the posture for longer than I was used to, multiple times a day.
On the 4th day you begin 'sits with great determination.' That means you pick a posture and you stay in it for the full hour. Have an itch? You can't scratch it. Having insane back pain? Too bad. One of your testicles is bunched up in your underwear and in massive pain? Oh well.
They mention that these aren't supposed to be torture sessions, but to build up your discipline.
Because of these new 'rules' (They aren't really enforced) by the 5th day several guys had dropped out, and all but 4 of us (I counted) had moved to meditating in chairs.
On the 4th day vipassana is taught. It's taught in progressive stages from days 4 to 9, and on the 10th day you learn a different meditation.
Vipassana is a technique of being highly focused on body sensations and scanning the body for them. So you scan the body from head to feet and vice versa focusing on your sensations. Imagine your mind being like a slow body scanner (minus the visualization/verbalization, as we were told that would distort the perception) as you scan your body.
So how does that help you?
They theory is that every emotional state whether pleasant or unpleasant is deeply connected to our physiology.
Imagine for example you begin to get extremely angry. When the initial feeling hits, a change in your respiration occurs. Maybe you start breathing a bit harder, maybe there are more breaths. Then you get a sensation somewhere in your body...maybe it's a burning feeling in your chest.
The problem is most people are not aware of what is going on, so the emotional state quickly overpowers them and they suffer greatly for it.
As the days went on, I began to feel subtler and subtler sensations all over my body. Sensations are always there, yet our minds have become so scattered that we fail to notice them.
The goal of the meditation is to keep your mind completely balanced whether the sensations are pleasant or unpleasant. You may be feeling blissful tingling all over, however you don't get overpowered and start craving it.
In contrast you may be feeling unbearable lower back pain, yet you don't develop an attitude of aversion to it. Between expression and suppression there lies another option...just observe. So you just observe the sensations without reacting.
What's happening is that you're training the mind to remain balanced in ALL situations. I was thinking of the mediation as a microcosm of life, where we have so many things swaying us emotionally one way or another.
So what were my results after the ten days? I have to say that so far the technique has worked for me. I went in skeptically, but I decided that I would work very hard when I was there, and I seem to have gotten solid results.
Benefits:
1) My first goal of developing great focus was attained. My concentration and focus are insane right now. The long drive home was the most focused drive I've ever had, I felt aware of everything and everyone on the road.
In addition, my memory and clarity have increased. I actually tested myself with some IQ test like puzzles before and after. I'd say this result is because of increased concentration/willpower and emotional balance.
2) I have a deeper understanding of some of the reasons for some past issues. I can't claim that they have gone away entirely, but I am facing them more calmly. See the next point.
3) Related to memory, I was remembering things from when I was a toddler. Events that I thought I'd forgotten. Some were minor, and others were major events that shaped personality characteristics I still carry today.
For some reason my mind wanted to replay nearly every event were I mistreated someone. I even had dreams related to this topic. This can be troubling for some people, but I just observed what was happening remaining calm. I didn't feel as if I was replaying some past trauma, I was just observing. I'm not sure if this was part of the meditation, or was even supposed to happen.
4) I feel much more emotionally calm. On the drive home, as usual in this part of the country there are reckless drivers. I still tend to have a slight case of road rage at times, however this drive was different. I remained much more relaxed.
5) My sense of time has been distorted. Time seems to go by much much more slowly. I keep looking at the clock and thinking how little time has gone by when it felt like an hour. Moments are more full if that makes any sense.
6) I gained more discipline from living in a monastic setting. There's that psychological boost of doing something out of character and hard.
7) I can read people's emotional states much more clearly. I've always been a good reader of people, and have even studied body language books. This seems to have taken things to another level.
8) Goenka is funny dude.
Drawbacks:
1) The course is advertised as 'non-sectarian, and non-religious' however it's clearly Buddhist. I was annoyed the first day, when they wanted us to repeat aloud saying 'I take refuge in Buddha.' I just didn't say anything aloud.
It's explained in a later video that he means you're taking refuge in the qualities of a person, not the person itself. Goenka even gives the example that if you're a devotee of Jesus Christ, to adopt the qualities of Jesus Christ. If you're not doing that you are just fooling around and not a true devotee. I believe this should have been explained earlier because I can see how someone like myself who is not Buddhist would have an issue with saying that I'm taking refuge in someone or something I don't believe in.
2) The chanting is weird. The group sits begin and end with Goenka chanting strange words in a language I don't understand. He makes guttural sounds that are just downright strange.
3) There's unneeded mysticism, esoteric explanations, and pseudoscience. Goenka totally lost me in one talk when he started talking about past and future lives and how the mind springs up in another location depending on karma. It's clear that the prevailing culture and religion at the time (Hinduism) had a large effect on Buddhism.
Goenka also goes on to state that the eventual goal is to 'attain total body and ego dissolution.' This sort of talk is too new-agey for me.
I actually questioned the teacher in private and called BS on some material, and I found something else: It's nearly impossible to argue with a trained Buddhist. All my points were met with logic and smiling which I have to admit was very disarming.
He did nothing to try to convince me, he just deflected my energy by saying things like: 'You don't have to take anything on faith.' and 'Your truth is your truth, not the Buddha's truth or my truth.'
It was interesting to see myself actually calming down, when a few minutes before I was planning to go in there to 'totally call bullshit.'
4) I lost 7 pounds. I guess that's what only eating two small vegetarian meals a day and not lifting does to you.
5) The type of guys who tend to take these courses would probably not like an RVF forum member archetype, so it doesn't seem like a great place to make friends.
So that's pretty much it. If anyone has any detailed questions respond to this post, or send me a PM.
