[ninja26]

So I've been going on a few first dates since last year (~15-20) but most of them are ending after the first date if not the second. The way it ends is also mostly radio silence or the girl texting me she had fun but is not interested. I was hoping to get some input why this is happening since this is really messing with my head.

I'm a 29 year old male/employed/athletic and the girls I have been going out with have been in the 21-32 range. Meeting them from bars , online, tinder and meetup groups . I've read the first date bang recipe thread but it's harder to schedule dates near my apartment and also it would be nice to see the girl for more than one night.

My first/ second dates are usually low key, drinks at a restaurant/ couple of appetizers or going out to shoot pool/bowling. My conversations are pretty standard ,low key focussing on travel/shared interests etc and most of the times I can tell the girl is enjoying it too. Also no issues like bad breath/odor since I'm very particular about that.

I understand rejection is part of dating but man it's like a punch in the stomach after this is happening especially after the girl knows you a bit (Getting blown out on initial approaches doesn't really faze me). Thoughts ?

[bike0369]

My newbie take is that you aren't escalating, and not creating the push pull well enough...

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

How do your first dates typically end and what does your communication with the girl look afterwards (if there is any)? Break it down a bit more.

[ninja26]

(03-16-2014 01:19 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

How do your first dates typically end and what does your communication with the girl look afterwards (if there is any)? Break it down a bit more.

Most of the dates end in a hug,occasionally a kiss. I usually end the date seeding a second date based upon what our common interests are (restaurant we both like/ watching a movie/going biking etc) and the girl does seem to be interested/complies. My follow up after the first date is a text message to schedule a second date 2-3 days after. Occasionally I will send out a 'it was nice to meet you' text after the first date but sometimes I don't even get a reply to that. After a girl ignores any of my text messages I make it a rule not to contact her again and delete her number.

I realize that all my communications with girls is via text messaging only and I try to keep it spaced out as to not come across as needy (texting once in 2-3 days ). Maybe I need to try calling instead of texting but it seems most girls are more comfortable with texting only.

[Vaun]

I would quit texting after the dates, and wait a few days before you do. I would read Bang and learn about the concept of Bait, me thinks youre not really selling yourself, but I could be wrong. Women are so needy nowadays though that waiting a few days to text gets them all butt hurt, so I would play with response times with different girls. Latinas and black girls tend to expect a lot of texting, but you can play that off by never initiating, and taking time to text back, it drives their hamsters crazy. How do you dress? Look at the threads here about that too.

[MdWanderer]

(03-16-2014 01:18 PM)bike0369 Wrote:  

My newbie take is that you aren't escalating, and not creating the push pull well enough...

This. I have had experiences similar to the OP and they all had one thing in common..little escalation, just talking about interests and not making the conversation sexual, etc.

[kinjutsu]

These are the same problems i went through in my early player days.
I learned to overcome them. A few tips.

1. Never wait till the end of the date to kiss the girl. Always kiss her or attempt the kiss about 1-2hrs into the date. Waiting till the end of the 1st date is too much pressure for the girl to deal with.

2. If you end up sitting down to eat or chat force the seating arrangement so she's on your strong dominant side. I'm right handed so i always had the girl on my right. It's simple but powerful. Always lead with your strengths. This plays into #1. A good way to test how receptive she is for you to touch her is to move her hair behind her ear. It's small but powerful here's why: When you do it does she flinch or stare at your hand? Does she get visibly uncomfortable? If she does she's isn't ready and the kiss will most likely be denied.

3. Don't be afraid to have a daytime date walking around the mall. You can use this to show spatial dominance. Once again having her on your dominant side will allow you to lead her through doors and direct her attention to stores, people or just unusual things that you can talk about.

Texting should only be used for logistics. You build attraction and comfort in-person with your personality and charisma.
If you genuinely want to setup/plan a 2nd date with her on the 1st date go ahead but make sure you aren't coming off needy.
I think these girls are sensing your underlying scarcity with women. Maybe you're looks are getting you the 1st date but the lack of escalation is killing your chances to see them again.

[Giovonny]

I used to have the same problem.

Why?

Because my dates were boring!

Upgrade your Date Game!

You need to offer them more fun and excitement, more humor and laughter, more alcohol, more stimulating conversation, more sexually charged double entendres, more touching, more flirting, more sex!

I get the sense that you are a bit reserved and conservative..?

(03-16-2014 12:32 PM)ninja26 Wrote:  

shoot pool/bowling.

Remember the golden rule of females:

"Girls just want to have fun"

Especially, nowadays when most girls are overstimulated. We must adjust our dates to match the culture that we live in.

Bowling and shooting pool were probably a lot of fun a generation ago, but today, I think girls need more to engage their sexual imagination. They need a more intense and fast moving style of game.

Young girls today want to get fucked. Some of them probably didnt want to see you again because you didn't try to fuck them. Be more aggressive, push for sex! Don't let them categorize you as a "beta nice guy"! Find a date routine that allows you to take them back to your house!

(03-16-2014 12:32 PM)ninja26 Wrote:  

I was hoping to get some input why this is happening since this is really messing with my head.

Game is a "numbers game". Some girls will like you and some girls won't.

Don't let of effect your head.

Just fix your weak spots and keep turning "numbers"

[ninja26]

Thanks for all your input guys!
In future dates Im going to work on being more aggressive, faster escalation & better planned dates. This is really going to push me out of my comfort zone since I'm more of a reserved guy and need to drink more as well to bring out my wilder side.

[Satoshi]

(03-16-2014 12:32 PM)ninja26 Wrote:  

also it would be nice to see the girl for more than one night.

Change this try to bang her ASAP and you will do better.

^^ Like you say

[Giovonny]

(03-16-2014 05:02 PM)Satoshi Wrote:  

(03-16-2014 12:32 PM)ninja26 Wrote:  

also it would be nice to see the girl for more than one night.

Change this try to bang her ASAP and you will do better.

Yes.

The best way to get a 2nd date, is to bang her on the first date!!!

Or, at least get her feeling sexual about you.

[Bacchus]

(03-16-2014 05:11 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Yes.

The best way to get a 2nd date, is to bang her on the first date!!!

Or, at least get her feeling sexual about you.

Gio has it right. The easiest way to see a girl a second time is to have sex with her the first time. She has so many other options on her radar that if you don't hit, you move to the back of the line. Fucking on the first date moves you to the front of that line, ahead of all the other guys who are just trying to fuck her.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

This:
Young girls today want to get fucked. Some of them probably didnt want to see you again because you didn't try to fuck them.
&
She has so many other options on her radar that if you don't hit, you move to the back of the line. Fucking on the first date moves you to the front of that line, ahead of all the other guys who are just trying to fuck her.

^^^Anyone else notice the irony?

Women have become just as Masculine in their social/sexual view & behavior as us men.

[RougeNoir]

I'm not so sure about first date bangs opening a door for second/third dates. I banged one on the first date and am catching hell trying to get her back out. I put the dick down like how a soldier is supposed to but can't get her to meet me out again. Yes she's an 8 and gets a lot of attention. Maybe I am un picking her up and coming off as needy. I feel used. Oh well, NEXXXT!

[Remington]

Shooting date. That is always my go to first date. I love to shoot my guns, and usually it gives me the chance to teach her something. I always make sure they fire my rifle and/or shotgun at least once because the recoil is powerful. Then, I go right after them and pop off a few shots with ease.

After I get the bang that day or the next time I see them, they always comment about how sexy it was to watch me handle my rifle or shotgun. Food for thought...

edit: I always got a second date after taking a girl shooting. It must be about them handling something dangerous and powerful that gets them revved up.

[funkyzeit]

(03-16-2014 01:18 PM)bike0369 Wrote:  

My newbie take is that you aren't escalating, and not creating the push pull well enough...

Probably this.

[Donkey_Riding]

(03-16-2014 12:32 PM)ninja26 Wrote:  

My conversations are pretty standard ,low key focussing on travel/shared interests etc and most of the times I can tell the girl is enjoying it too.

Sounds like you're treating the date too much like you're hanging out with her as a friend.

As everyone else has mentioned, physical escalation is key. Start off with a lot of brief, light incidental kino before working up to the kiss part way through the date (not at the end).

In addition, as the date goes on, your conversation should be getting less playful and more personal and intimate. Focus on building an emotional connection with her that will feed into the sexual tension.

So, especially for convo late in the date, there are basically only two topics of conversation: her and you. What each of you says in conversation should be revealing your personality to one another in order to connect on a deeper emotional level.

Emotional connection+kino will work together to move the interaction forward as lovers, not just as friends.

[MdWanderer]

(03-20-2014 05:55 PM)Donkey_Riding Wrote:  

In addition, as the date goes on, your conversation should be getting less playful and more personal and intimate. Focus on building an emotional connection with her that will feed into the sexual tension.

What type of questions/topics are helpful towards that end?

[NiceNEasy]

(03-16-2014 04:16 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Young girls today want to get fucked. Some of them probably didnt want to see you again because you didn't try to fuck them.

Great input Gio. Always look forward to reading your posts.

ABC's of game! Always Be Closing. And of course.. Assume the sale

[Crash_Bandicoot]

Bumping this thread.

This is something I've been having LOTS of trouble recently. A lot of my dates aren't getting back to me after the first date. I will note that 100% of my dates, at least now, are online from Bumble/Tinder.

The main issue for me is getting past the small talk and not sexualizing and getting a deeper emotional connection later on into the date. I know I should be doing this, but when I'm on the actual date I often just forget to do so.

Any advice form any of the players out there on how to sexualize/add emotion to a conversation when she just keeps gearing the conversation towards basic shit?

[SLSlayer]

Bro, I can relate. With online game in 2018, a LOT of girls go on first dates that don't lead to subsequent dates unless you meet her ideal potential boyfriend archetype.

As a brown guy in the US, you’re not the “ideal boyfriend” archetype for the vast majority of girls outside your race here (unless she’s in the 1% brown fetish niche).

If I get an online first date, I absolutely need to knock it out of the park. There’s little room for error as the chances of a second date are slim - I’ll lose out to the taller, richer, WASPier guy swiping right and messaging her. So I try to put myself in circumstances where I can take it as far as I can physically. The best I can hope is to make somewhat of a romantic connection, then bring her home and throw it down well enough that she gets attached and wants to see me again.

[TIOT12]

(10-13-2018 10:17 PM)Crash_Bandicoot Wrote:  

Bumping this thread.

This is something I've been having LOTS of trouble recently. A lot of my dates aren't getting back to me after the first date. I will note that 100% of my dates, at least now, are online from Bumble/Tinder.

The main issue for me is getting past the small talk and not sexualizing and getting a deeper emotional connection later on into the date. I know I should be doing this, but when I'm on the actual date I often just forget to do so.

Any advice form any of the players out there on how to sexualize/add emotion to a conversation when she just keeps gearing the conversation towards basic shit?

Start meeting more women in person through daygaming or at bars. You will learn so much more from meeting a woman in person and the connection from the start will be more significant with her. This will give you a stronger impression and will help reduce the issue you are talking about. IMO, online dating for various reasons should not be your bread and butter. It attracts this time of flakiness and you are perceived as something that can be discarded easily.

Here, are a few videos that have as good ideas as any as far as making conversation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og1DZLKpJSY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEptbIHCfP0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3xHmgxikLQ

But ideally, you have already sexualized the conversation long before the first date when you approached her. You should have already established this as a man - woman relationship and not platonic. In that conversation and the texting before the date, you want to already sexualize some things. Here, is an example for texting but if you were strong on your approach, this matters less: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jfKyCF9AVw

Now, I have been on dates where women will purposely divert the conversation when it becomes sexualized. I find this means one of two things.

1. She is interested but feels she has to show some resistance because of fear that society will judge her as a slut. This is especially the case if you try to test for compliance like holding her hand, positioning for a kiss, or touching her and she pushes back on you. All you do here is just reintroduce the idea or attempt after several minutes to see if it is ok then. The point is to keep trying a few times. With practice, you will get a feel for when this is the case because her body language and other things will suggest she is into you.

2. She just isn't into you for whatever reason or she has some very rigid views on sex and dating. In this instance, there really isn't anything you can do. But you need to make the attempts and I would just try it 3 times like baseball. If over the course of an hour, you haven't seen in progress, it is perfectly ok to end the date and cut your losses. Instead, go onto the bar and approach women there. You even have a story to tell women if you like about your crazy date.

Finally, if you insist on tinder dates, I would suggest you simply meet up for coffee or drinks instead of dinner. This will allow you to screen the dates better and save you some money. You need to shift your attention to where you are screening them rather than they are screening you. These dates are typically shorter in length so if the conversation isn't working, you can bow out or if things are going well, you can always then have dinner or some other kind of venue jump.

Hope this helps. I suspect you are getting caught up trying to play the nice guy boyfriend type when you should be focusing on driving the agenda. Never forget that you are in control of the conversation and logistics and should lead.

[SLSlayer]

^ Agreed. Crash would be better offline (I speak as a fellow brown guy in Toronto and know the struggle).

Quoting another poster: Women compartmentalize their pools of eligible men, so they aren't making perfect comparisons among all the men pursuing them. Meaning, a guy who say, meets her in a bookstore isn't held to the same standard as the guy who meets her in a bar or on a dating site. Environments where men pursue her relentlessly, like a bar and online dating even more so, the men will seem more disposable, regardless of their objective status.

[Roswell87]

Definitely agree with tiot12 on cold approaches whether night or day game. It is really vibes I can’t explain when I meet a new woman through cold approaches. Cut back on the online dating sites. What if one day you went to do an errand and saw a stunning woman you would like to bang but no action will be taken to get her because you haven’t been practicing your approaches. Start the approaches now and see the effects in due time and it is easier to make a first good impression in real life than over any internet dating site.

[UniversalMen]

(03-19-2014 07:32 PM)RougeNoir Wrote:  

Maybe I am un picking her up and coming off as needy. I feel used. Oh well, NEXXXT!

I love this last sentence. So much irony and comedic value. Really speaks to me.