Quote: (12-05-2013 11:43 PM)Shotgun Styles Wrote:
A woman should be nice and she should behave. Feel free to establish this early on, once your value to her has been established. Being direct and assertive, drawing lines early, will prevent future mishaps.
This was a great post just for the thoughts on being willing to walk out the door or to show her to it, but I also think this tidbit here is often overlooked and underestimated. When you first start seeing a woman you think you could really come to like, it's so easy to let little shit go because you don't want to upset the honeymoon phase or because you figure she'll come around later on or that you'll call her out eventually when you've got her more hooked.
So, you ignore bad behavior here and there in an effort to not rock the boat quite yet. Huge mistake if you really do plan to keep her around.
Because the more you let her get away with, the more her confidence grows in what she can get away with and the more she thinks she's in charge. Eventually these problems grow to the point that when you do finally address them, it's sometimes too late and you get more blowback when you throw down because you inflated her ego too much. No one likes their ego challenged. And that can lead to the whole thing falling apart.
The end result is that your permissiveness early on spoils what could have been a damn good girl had you been willing to stand up and call her shit out when it was uncomfortable.
My sweet spot is relationships, and one thing I challenge myself to do is be willing to stir shit up even early on in a relationship if a girl is out of line or if she just has certain behaviors I don't like. Often I just do this in a lightehearted manner but I'm more than willing to get serious about it as needed.
Is she acting like spoiled bitch one night because you've been treating her well and it's going to her head? Trying to boss you around or whine? Literally open the door and tell her it's time to go home - sometimes she crumples and even cries and you can accept that as a concession and agreement she'll shape up and let her stay, but sometimes you need to send her on home regardless too and tell her you'll just have to give it another go later.
Is she playing on her phone all night? Call her out on it multiple times in a joking manner and then send her a text later about how annoying it was. I have walked out of the movie theater lobby when a girl was sitting there playing on her phone the whole time across the room from me, and later she just begged for a second date - they understand when they've crossed the line, and your calling it out really puts their behavior in perspective for them.
Does she show up somewhere to meet you looking all half-assed put together? Half-jokingly tell her she looks like a bum and that it's a matter of pride for you to have an attractive, well put-together woman at your side. Does she always wear her hair up when she looks 10 times better with it down? Playfully tease her about it and pull her hair tie off every chance you get until she gets the point and always shows up with it down.
Is she rude to your friends upon meeting them? This is one of my biggest peeves and I have sent women packing for that too. If she has some other flaw like being unwilling to cook or clean or whatever, straight up tell her you don't think she's your type. If you keep mentioning it, she'll often start teaching herself to cook or make it a habit to help out more.
Or she cusses like a sailor? Explain to her how ugly it sounds, and if she doesn't stop, be willing to get up and leave. After you establish how much it bothers you, you can just give her a disgusted or slightly annoyed look every time she lets one slip; she'll often catch herself and apologize before you get the chance.
Bring these things up without being emotional when you can - it's not about throwing a fit, it's just about being 100% clear about what you want out of a woman. A key phrase I often use when she texts later is "Listen, I'm not mad at you, but [...]"
And if it's getting to the point where you're calling her out so much that it seems like an unhealthy interaction, just go silent on her for a little while and watch what happens.
But here's something I think often gets dismissed - a little bad behavior doesn't necessarily mean you have to go completely nuclear on them. That can be a mistake too and ruin a possibly good thing. Personally, I call it out, but I don't mind
giving her a chance to rise to that opportunity to change if she wants - in other words, don't hold it against her if she wants to make another effort. You have to be somewhat flexible here and reward her with affection when she improves.
If she doesn't want to walk in step, that's okay too, there are plenty of other girls out there who will, as well as many other guys that may be more suitable for her and put up with the BS.
But it's important to remember good women can misbehave also - doesn't necessarily make them bad women. Just means they've learned some bad habits from all the other guys willing to put up with their shit. And you can lead them to a better way if you're willing to risk the entire relationship by speaking your mind and calling her on her bullshit early in the beginning. Feel free to get confrontational; your call-outs win her respect and get her on board, or it weeds her out and you can move on - either way, you still win.
The kicker is that the more you ask her to shape up if she wants to stick around, the more she invests in the experience and the more hooked she becomes as a result.
And the more hooked she gets, the more she's willing to tailor her behavior to win your favor without you even asking.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
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